💥 Trainwreck Gloria Tesch / Sofia Nova - Author of the Maradonia series turned Republithot

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"Who'da known that Goldilocks would turn out to be Russian?"

Considering that it's an English fairy tale, not many people. But also considering that the video seems to confuse Goldilocks with Little Red Riding Hood, which is French, I think we can safely say that Gloria fails literature. Again.

And yeah, why are the three bears kids? That's just creepy.
 
Slowboat to China said:
And yeah, why are the three bears kids? That's just creepy.
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Yeah, I assumed at first (I wasn't watching too closely) that they were going to be grown men, and that this would be another case of Gloria's "I'm totes not slutty or sexual or anything u gaiz!!!!" hypocrisy. Then I noticed that it was a bunch of kids, and it became so much worse.

Also, Gloria cannot rap.
 
Random Gloria thought: It seems like she in fact has in her life what many other lolcows would like to have - getting everything she wants with minimum personal effort. E.g. CWC thought that he should become the rich and famous owner of a vast Sonichu multimedia empire without leaving his room and girls should talk to him and become his sweethearts without him doing anything. Elliot Rodger thought girls owed him hankypanky because he was some sort of natural born Übermensch. Many lolcows demand instant gratification without personal effort. For Gloria, this is a reality. Her rich dad seems to make his darling's wishes true instantly - she wants to be a published author? Bam, a few thousand bucks go into vanity publishing and an embarrassing advertising campaign. She wants to be a movie director? But of course, sweetie, you can be anything... another few thousand bucks, and she's prancing around in front of the camera without knowing a thing about acting. Same goes for being a model or a rapper. This spoiled princess is living the life Elliot Rodger demanded from the universe - scream: "I WANT THIS AND THAT RIGHT NOW!" and daddy will make it possible,

Now, imagine Chris had parents like Gloria's... by now we'd have a Sonichu Adventure Land, a (shoddily produced) Sonichu TV show, TRUE and HONEST Sonichu merchandize, and maybe a lawsuit or two from Sega and Nintendo.
 
DykesDykesChina said:
Now, imagine Chris had parents like Gloria's... by now we'd have a Sonichu Adventure Land, a (shoddily produced) Sonichu TV show, TRUE and HONEST Sonichu merchandize, and maybe a lawsuit or two from Sega and Nintendo.
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Come to think of it, Chris might be more successful than Gloria. Gloria's daddy-sponsored vanity radio/TV stuff were broadcast when no one was looking. Chris appeared in real TV news! (barely.) Gloria has been published by a daddy-owned vanity press. Chris got Nintendo's attention and was subject to magazine articles! (kinda.)
 
Slowboat to China said:
"Who'da known that Goldilocks would turn out to be Russian?"

Considering that it's an English fairy tale, not many people. But also considering that the video seems to confuse Goldilocks with Little Red Riding Hood, which is French, I think we can safely say that Gloria fails literature. Again.
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Is anyone surprised? I'm not surprised.
 
Gloria has come from the future with important news as to the clothing value of sheet metal.

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DykesDykesChina said:
Random Gloria thought: It seems like she in fact has in her life what many other lolcows would like to have - getting everything she wants with minimum personal effort. E.g. CWC thought that he should become the rich and famous owner of a vast Sonichu multimedia empire without leaving his room and girls should talk to him and become his sweethearts without him doing anything. Elliot Rodger thought girls owed him hankypanky because he was some sort of natural born Übermensch. Many lolcows demand instant gratification without personal effort. For Gloria, this is a reality. Her rich dad seems to make his darling's wishes true instantly - she wants to be a published author? Bam, a few thousand bucks go into vanity publishing and an embarrassing advertising campaign. She wants to be a movie director? But of course, sweetie, you can be anything... another few thousand bucks, and she's prancing around in front of the camera without knowing a thing about acting. Same goes for being a model or a rapper. This spoiled princess is living the life Elliot Rodger demanded from the universe - scream: "I WANT THIS AND THAT RIGHT NOW!" and daddy will make it possible,

Now, imagine Chris had parents like Gloria's... by now we'd have a Sonichu Adventure Land, a (shoddily produced) Sonichu TV show, TRUE and HONEST Sonichu merchandize, and maybe a lawsuit or two from Sega and Nintendo.
Click to expand...
Part of me is disappointed that the Tesch's haven't bought enough used fair rides and hired an airbrush artist to slap together the Maradonia Theme Park yet. I guess they wanted to wait until they had their movie made and get a billion more fans first. Or maybe they heard about Pirate's World. Either way I want to see them slap together the sleaziest "theme park" in the country and get pissy when only weens and misguided locals/friends/church members show up.
 
Nah, Gloria's mother can just paint them. After all, she did all those lovely illustrations.
 
MysticMisty said:
Part of me is disappointed that the Tesch's haven't bought enough used fair rides and hired an airbrush artist to slap together the Maradonia Theme Park yet. I guess they wanted to wait until they had their movie made and get a billion more fans first. Or maybe they heard about Pirate's World. Either way I want to see them slap together the sleaziest "theme park" in the country and get pissy when only weens and misguided locals/friends/church members show up.
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As much as I'd like to see this happen too, I strongly suspect that the Tesch's know rather well that they'd get sued to the moon and back as soon as in one of the used rides a rusty bolt became loose, resulting in an elderly lady from Las Vegas tumbling out of the ride into a nearby sewage canal.
 
DykesDykesChina said:
[youtube]q6oa9ifwLmU[/youtube]
"I believe everything happens for a reason"

...is there a reason Gloria's parents decided to fuel a narcissistic personality disorder the size of the Moon? This is downright child abuse.
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Yeah, that seems legit. God, the special effects in that were hilariously bad. As well as the ending, with Fanservice Secretary and Cigar Chomping CEO. "This kid's a billion dollar industry!"
I'm pretty sure they paid a bunch of random people $50 bucks to stand in line and get free books/kindling.

God said:
That is the most (un)fortunately placed lens flare.
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It's not lens flare, her cooter is just a portal to R'lyeh.
 
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