Opinion Everyone in “Seinfeld” is Queer, Actually

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Everyone in “Seinfeld” is Queer, Actually​

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Did you ever notice how every sitcom in the 90s ended up grappling with gay panic?

From Ross’s paranoia around his lesbian ex-wife in the early years of friends to the way that Frasier made sexuality farcical in episodes like ‘The Matchmaker’ and ‘The Ski Lodge’. The 90s were the decade of both the explosion of shows that would essentially create the modern American sitcom, and the spectre of gay panic that would periodically rear its head.

But of all the major shows to come out during that decade, the one that approached gay panic the most—and in the most interesting ways—was “Seinfeld.” While it’s tempting to assume that this queerness begins and ends with the iconic Season 4 episode “The Outing” (which won a GLAAD award), “Seinfeld” is, surprisingly, much queerer than that. It’s not just because of the ways in which it (continually) approaches gay panic, but by seeming to create a meaningfully queer, somewhat fluid space for its characters. The final punchline of “The Outing” is a guy coming over to Kramer’s apartment to fix the phone, and everyone across the hall briefly thinking that Kramer’s gone cruising, before he reappears to say “he’s the phone man,” pausing, then adding “not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

What’s interesting about this scene—along with the many outings in “The Outing”—is that they’re treated as non-events. When Kramer first reads about “the comedian and his longtime companion” in the paper, his response is to say to Jerry “I thought we were friends,” sad about not being told, as opposed to being angry about what he thinks of as the truth.

The 90s were the decade of both the explosion of shows that would essentially create the modern American sitcom, and the spectre of gay panic that would periodically rear its head.​

But it isn’t Jerry being written about as gay in “The Outing” that shows him at his most queer; that honor belongs to the friendship he strikes up with baseball player Keith Hernandez during the two-part episode (one of the few in “Seinfeld’s” run), “The Boyfriend.” These episodes capture what it is about Seinfeld that made it uniquely able to create a strange space for its characters to be queer: the ability to not name anything, and simply allowing the show’s obsessive look at the minutiae of social conduct to reveal the queerness beneath this relationship. When Jerry talks about waiting for Keith to call – saying things like “and here I meet this great guy, this ball player, and he doesn’t call” – or worrying about the shirt he chooses to wear for their definitely-not-date, the show allows him to do so without calling it, or him, queer. Elaine undercuts his anxiety by saying “Jerry, he’s a guy.” But rather than undermining the idea of Jerry being queer, it ends up reinforcing it; nothing about the way Jerry approaches his courtship with Keith changes because of the reminder that he’s a guy. And when Elaine enters the fray, things get messier, queerer, and more fluid.

Keith asks Elaine out on a date, and Jerry doesn’t seem too comfortable with it. But nobody knows why that is; Elaine even asks “are you jealous of him or are you jealous of me?” The answer ends up being the latter, but the fact that the question needs to be asked reveals an innate queerness in Jerry – he is, after all, single, thin, and neat. The end-of-the-night scenes for both Jerry and Elaine with Keith play out in the same way. Where he wants a handshake, she wants a kiss, but the anxiety is the same: the fear of coming on too strong, of not knowing what Keith wants or how to ask for it. And for Jerry, this isn’t a platonic handshake; all of his anxiety about the shirt and the call, frame it as something romantic.

It becomes a kind of queer romcom with Jerry as the Disaster Bi at the heart of it: the new guy, the old girlfriend, all in one messy triangle of desire that none of them can articulate.
This inability to describe—or even understand—desire is also what makes George Costanza so wildly queer. In “The Note,” the first episode of season three, some kids call George a Mary. He explains that, while jumping over a puddle, he struck a feminine, balletic pose, and as a result, got called a Mary. Kramer’s response? “Yeah, you know, kids can be very perceptive.”

“The Note” is the first of many times that George grapples with the idea that he might be queer. There’s a tense back and forth with Elaine when George discovers the massage he’s waiting for will be given to him by a man; a tension of both whether or not he might like it, and if he’s “supposed to like it.” Raoul, the masseuse, with his white shirt, blonde hair, and tan, feels like he’s been airdropped into a New York health club from Fire Island. When George gets the massage, he’s tense throughout – insisting the leg injury came from “Korea” – and tells Jerry after the fact: “I think it moved.” George, frantic, insists that this is “the test; if a man makes it move,” although Jerry reassures him that it has to be contact, citing a surprising source: “that’s what a gym teacher once told me.”

The conversation between George and Jerry about what constitutes “the test” for queerness isn’t treated as anything other than a normal conversation in the world of “Seinfeld,” something that echoes through a lot of the ways that the show approaches queerness; like the way Jerry frets over Keith just like he would a woman during “The Boyfriend.” The same thing happens in ‘The Outing,’ when an NYU student reporter profiles Jerry and George, thinking that the two of them are a couple. The conversations that the two men have – about George’s shirt, about whether or not Jerry washed a pear – don’t change in tone, or lean into anything about the two of them to somehow make it more queer. Instead, the way that the context of their relationship changes – from something platonic to something queer and romantic – reveals an undercurrent that was always there. Through the show’s focus on the granular details of social life—where loving or hating someone can change with any new pieces of information, from someone’s politics to the size of someone’s hands—”Seinfeld” becomes a space that’s inherently fluid and, by extension, inherently queer.

These ideas come crashing together in “The Beard,” when Elaine goes on dates with her gay friend Robert to conceal his sexuality from a conservative boss, only to find herself falling for him and trying to get him to “change teams.” In classic Seinfeld style, this is an idea discussed in agonizing detail exclusively through idiom: Jerry calls it “conversion,” Elaine tells Robert that her team “really needs a shortstop.” She’s even initially successful; she runs into Jerry on the street and says “I turned him, he defected,” and in a moment that showcases the fluidity of these characters, Jerry briefly adopts a classic Elaine-ism: saying “get OUT” while shoving her backwards. And even if the conversion/defection/team-switching doesn’t stick and Robert returns to homosexuality by the end of the episode, it never feels like it undermines all of the fluidity that’s come before it.

It’s tempting to assume that a lot of the queerness in “Seinfeld” is – as it is in a lot of the show’s contemporaries – rooted in a kind of panic, or (un)spoken homophobia; when Elaine says to George that “just admitting another man is handsome doesn’t necessarily make you a homosexual,” his response is “it doesn’t help.” But when the show focuses on queerness, it treats it with the same offhand “not that there’s anything wrong with that” energy as befits a show about nothing. When Jerry says “I’ve been outed… I WASN’T EVEN IN,” it reads as both the ways in which he’s straight-passing, but also about a potential, unspoken queerness that exists between him and all of his friends

By treating queerness as just another element of the social contract to be scrutinized to death, the show allows its characters to explore, however temporarily, the realities of queerness, and the parts of their identity that they keep lingering below the surface.
 
either this is a parody, or the writer is the biggest retard. not only is it clear they do not understand any of the jokes, but they insist on forcing their weird queer worldview onto a show where it doesn't fit.
I've noticed that 90s sitcoms and romcoms seem to be getting more mentions by these types of people. has this become their new big thing, to binge 90s media all day? wait, considering that they are either 90s kids or LARP as 90s kids i think i have my answer.
 
Rowling started it, or "sensitive" fans who were pre-pubescent when the first book came out going through puberty while reading about same-age peers and projecting their feelings and anxieties onto the characters started it? And this coupled with the rise of the internet led to "Harry and Draco are canonically buttfucking and you can't show me where in the text they aren't" level tard takes?

Pretty sure I have some contemporary Salon articles about this.
I just remember her randomly making characters gay and black after the fact for no reason. People viewed it as pandering back then and she got backlash, but now everything needs to be interpreted with some kind of retarded head canon to attribute qualities that didn't exist at the time.
 
The thing about Friends/Ross is that it falls under several categories of making Ross look pathetic and unmanly and a loser of the highest caliber....

1. His wife left him and she's pregnant with his kid and rather than just aborting the kid as far as "clean slating" things since she doesn't love Ross anymore and won't stay with him purely for the kid's sake, she's keeping the kid purely out of spite, damn the child's well being. Which leads to.....

2. The very fact that Ross's wife has gone dyke and was cheating on him with another woman while married to him and implied that she waited until she got pregnant so she'd have an instant family with her lesbian lover when she left him.

3. The fact that Ross's ex's lesbian lover is a passive-aggressive asshole, someone who despises Ross and treats him like crap from the moment they meet, and in general, and is such a dick to Ross whenever he tries to have anything to do with his son that Ross eventually gives up and abandons the kid to a selfish cunt of a biological mom and a lesbian mommy who is the type that probably abuses him emotionally and probably physically while his bio mommy says nothing, because she only cares about keeping her lesbian lover happy and probably gets beaten up too whenever she does something to anger her lover.

That being said, for all of the talk about how they were used for homophobic jokes about how pathetic Ross is, the writers DID try and do a bullshit "justification" for their adultery in one of the flashback episodes on the show. In the episode in question, when Ross and Phoebe first met, they started hanging out together and becoming close friends which made Ross's wife become jealous. One night, when Ross basically realized he was falling for Phoebe and needed to put boundaries on himself and his friendship with her, his wife calls and states that since Ross was hanging out with Phoebe that night, she wanted permission to head out and hang out with a friend of her's: her future lesbian lover. Ross gives his wife permission, not knowing until far too late that he basically was unknowingly giving his wife permission to cheat on her and the implication that she only cheated on Ross because she couldn't stand the idea of him having a female friend (which undercuts their attempt to blame Ross for his marriage collapsing).
 
Frasier Sperging - EVERYONE on that show, actors, producers, writers, were gay except for Kelsey Grammer. Even the sports radio host. Even the old man. When an old gay man plays a straight character pretending to be gay, it's hilarious. The joke in "The Ski Lodge" is that it's a farce where no one, gay or straight, ends up in the bedroom of the person they want to fuck because they keep switching rooms to try to make it happen. It's not "gay panic" to be straight and not want to fuck a man. Jesus.
 
It is my belief that all these young journalists who do the “____ is _____ now, actually” should be shot in the face.
 
Jerry seinfeld is a real person and the characters take inspiration from people him and Larry david knew IRL. This is like the journalist version of those twitter/tumblr artists that draw images of their favorite lets players fucking each other and claim they're totally gay for reals.
 
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either this is a parody, or the writer is the biggest retard. not only is it clear they do not understand any of the jokes, but they insist on forcing their weird queer worldview onto a show where it doesn't fit.
I've noticed that 90s sitcoms and romcoms seem to be getting more mentions by these types of people. has this become their new big thing, to binge 90s media all day? wait, considering that they are either 90s kids or LARP as 90s kids i think i have my answer.
They keep on both writing articles about how problematic older popular TV shows, movies, games etc were, and how secretly gay they were.

Either way the authors probably rarely know much about the thing they write about. Like this guy. It's all about spewing out the articles.
 
Is modern gay media so uniformly shit that queers have to headcanon characters from 20+ year old sitcoms as LGBT to cope? It's more likely than you think.
 
They keep on both writing articles about how problematic older popular TV shows, movies, games etc were, and how secretly gay they were.

Either way the authors probably rarely know much about the thing they write about. Like this guy. It's all about spewing out the articles.
Like Larry said above, this clown didn't even exist when Seinfeld was on the air. I feel like they are just so politics-brained they can't get humor.

A situation where a straight character is mistakenly thought to be gay is comical because it is a misunderstanding leading to funny situations, not because being gay is wrong or gross or inferior. It can be just as funny when a gay character winds up in a stereotypically straight situation. Same deal with racial stereotypes.

I'd love to see them try this shit with another classic 90's sitcom, Frasier, considering how many cast members were openly gay.
 
Jerry seinfeld is a real person and the characters take inspiration from people him and Larry david knew IRL. This is like the journalist version of those twitter/tumblr artists that draw images of their favorite lets players fucking each other and claim they're torally gay for reals.
And the types who mail razors to show staff
 
Anybody who puts out this kind of projection is somebody I immediately flag as a pedo. The 'everyone is gay' projection is the same mentality and reasoning pedos use for kids - adults have a sexuality and want sex! I want sex! therefore kids must have a sexuality and want sex too!
 
Anybody who puts out this kind of projection is somebody I immediately flag as a pedo. The 'everyone is gay' projection is the same mentality and reasoning pedos use for kids - adults have a sexuality and want sex! I want sex! therefore kids must have a sexuality and want sex too!
I worked with this gay guy once who was like that. Constantly jabbering that so and so must be secretly gay, and that guy walking by must be gay even though he was holding hands with a woman- you can tell because of the way he turned his head 5 degrees to the right, bla bla bla. And how he loved to "turn" guys and that "married guys are the best in bed." He didn't stop at the big blaring red line of "age of consent" either- he'd make these remarks about 14 year old boys who would come into the building with their parents, too. Nothing is sacred to this type.
 
And how he loved to "turn" guys and that "married guys are the best in bed."
God, I hate those people. I’ve had more than one tell me that I just “haven’t realized I’m gay yet” when I tell them I don’t want to fuck them.

And then they scream bloody murder that someone would say that gays/lesbians just haven’t found the right straight partner yet.
 
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