🐮 Lolcow Evangelist Dr. Robert McKim, Sr. - Carrollton, Ohio: crazy preacher, "doxing is illegal!!!" Apocalypse bacon. BISEXUAL. Downs Syndrome, wears PAJAMAS to church

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Bitch I Might Be said:
Assemblies of God are Pentecostal churches. This means a sermon frequently involves people talking in tongues and being very vocal, evangelical, and (imo) a bit pushy with their beliefs. These are the churches that have historically had people handle venomous snakes to prove their faith. Of course, not all Assemblies of God are like this and Bob's might be very mellow. But I think it's interesting that he chose a more... vocal... denomination over something more subdued like Methodism or Lutheranism.

Basically, Bob's going one of the insaner denominations of church out of all of them. How is this not surprising in the least?
Click to expand...

One of their core beliefs (that Assembly of God churches are required to adhere to if they're going to be Assemblies of God) is the belief in divine healing and that it is available to all believers. (http://ag.org/top/Beliefs/Statement_of_Fundamental_Truths/sft_full.cfm#12) (https://web.archive.org/web/2016042.../Statement_of_Fundamental_Truths/sft_full.cfm)

However, Pastor Bob and his "wife" are stricken with all sorts of maladies from the 'beetus to their teeth falling out to mental retardation to chronic diarrhea to "cellyitus" to obesity.

Setting aside "lol it's all bullshit" and viewing this through the lens of Bob's own faith, one is left with a variety of scenarios as to why this is:
  1. Bob is not actually sincere in is faith and all attempts to jesus away his illness has been for naught because of it.
  2. Bob is sincere, but is such an annoying tard that his own church isn't praying for his well-being.
  3. God, jokester that he is, is simply playing America's (and Heaven's) favorite game: Kick the Toothless, 'beetus Stricken, (probably) Autistic due to Bob's state of perpetually living in sin with his non-wife.
Assuming Bob really believes this shit, I wonder how he's accounted for the incongruity between his sincere faith that God will heal him and the obvious reality that he is an utter wreck for a man in his early 50's.
 
My theory is that, after failing at everything he tried and alienating (pissing off) everyone in the process, Pastor Slob saw Jesus as an opportunity to make money. Just like the preachers on TV! Cha-ching! He had visions of a large following, donating to his ministry. Unfortunately, since Pastor is an obnoxious asshole, he has no followers, no ministry and hence, no donations.

Welfare became his Plan B, for life.

Bitching, complaining and moaning about everything became his purpose for living.

If you think about it, without the internet, this would be a McKim-free world. He's be sitting in the dark in his trailer, muttering about the government.

If you follow the path of his numerous failures, there is a common denominator. Pastor Slob. He is a simpleton that thinks he's better than everyone.

He's run afoul with law enforcement, his parents, current and ex-relatives, church members, welfare agencies, food banks, internet providers, FedX, phone companies, doctors, hospitals, post office, pharmacists, software companies and computer manufacturers. McKim has a problem with everyone he deals with.

Everything he touches becomes a problem or, that everyone is 'out to get him.' (The latter was observation made by the psychologists that examined him.)

Excluding Jim Bakker, his food bucket buddy and equally vile and repulsive individual. McKim and Bakker have one thing in common. They've both been behind bars.

McKim will never change. He is retarded and can not become more intelligent. He can not alter his attitude. He has been diagnosed with mental illness. He will always be destitute, because he is profoundly selfish.

And gullible.

He will buy buckets of dehydrated food for the end of the world instead of fixing (and complaining about) the leak in the roof of his trailer/garbage heap. He will continue to buy gadgets for Rene by continuing to go more in to debt with payday loans.

Because Pastor Slob (the chosen one that Jesus spoke to directly) can not financially sustain himself without Rene's welfare check and benefits.

If Rene bolts, Pastor Slob is homeless.

He will always take advantage of every welfare and aid program he can think of. That includes Rene.

He will always be an asshole.
 
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PTNR 2.0 said:
One of their core beliefs (that Assembly of God churches are required to adhere to if they're going to be Assemblies of God) is the belief in divine healing and that it is available to all believers. (http://ag.org/top/Beliefs/Statement_of_Fundamental_Truths/sft_full.cfm#12) (https://web.archive.org/web/2016042.../Statement_of_Fundamental_Truths/sft_full.cfm)

However, Pastor Bob and his "wife" are stricken with all sorts of maladies from the 'beetus to their teeth falling out to mental retardation to chronic diarrhea to "cellyitus" to obesity.

Setting aside "lol it's all bullshit" and viewing this through the lens of Bob's own faith, one is left with a variety of scenarios as to why this is:
  1. Bob is not actually sincere in is faith and all attempts to jesus away his illness has been for naught because of it.
  2. Bob is sincere, but is such an annoying tard that his own church isn't praying for his well-being.
  3. God, jokester that he is, is simply playing America's (and Heaven's) favorite game: Kick the Toothless, 'beetus Stricken, (probably) Autistic due to Bob's state of perpetually living in sin with his non-wife.
Assuming Bob really believes this shit, I wonder how he's accounted for the incongruity between his sincere faith that God will heal him and the obvious reality that he is an utter wreck for a man in his early 50's.
Click to expand...
There is another option:
- he doesn't adhere to the AoG beliefs, but his preferred church kicked him out, and that's the only one left that will have him.
bondgirl said:
My theory is that, after failing at everything he tried and alienating (pissing off) everyone in the process, Pastor Slob saw Jesus as an opportunity to make money. Just like the preachers on TV! Cha-ching! He had visions of a large following, donating to his ministry. Unfortunately, since Pastor is an obnoxious asshole, he has no followers, no ministry and hence, no donations.

Welfare became his Plan B, for life.

Bitching, complaining and moaning about everything became his purpose for living.

If you think about it, without the internet, this would be a McKim-free world. He's be sitting in the dark in his trailer, muttering about the government.

If you follow the path of his numerous failures, there is a common denominator. Pastor Slob. He is a simpleton that thinks he's better than everyone.

He's run afoul with law enforcement, his parents, current and ex-relatives, church members, welfare agencies, food banks, internet providers, FedX, phone companies, doctors, hospitals, post office, pharmacists, software companies and computer manufacturers. McKim has a problem with everyone he deals with.

Everything he touches becomes a problem or, that everyone is 'out to get him.' (The latter was observation made by the psychologists that examined him.)

Excluding Jim Bakker, his food bucket buddy and equally vile and repulsive individual. McKim and Bakker have one thing in common. They've both been behind bars.

McKim will never change. He is retarded and can not become more intelligent. He can not alter his attitude. He has been diagnosed with mental illness. He will always be destitute, because he is profoundly selfish.

And gullible.

He will buy buckets of dehydrated food for the end of the world instead of fixing (and complaining about) the leak in the roof of his trailer/garbage heap. He will continue to buy gadgets for Rene by continuing to go more in to debt with payday loans.

Because Pastor Slob (the chosen one that Jesus spoke to directly) can not financially sustain himself without Rene's welfare check and benefits.

If Rene bolts, Pastor Slob is homeless.

He will always take advantage of every welfare and aid program he can think of. That includes Rene.

He will always be an asshole.
Click to expand...
It's not just the dehydrated food. He would rather have high speed internet and a big cable TV package (with the large bill that comes with), than he would spend "his" money on Rene's medications.

He claims he budgets - his idea of which is to make sure he pays all the bills he's signed up for: Cable, Internet, Van refinance (living above his means?), Pay Day loans. Then he claims he has no money for food, gas and meds. Where true budgeting would be setting money aside for necessities: food, meds, the van (unfortunately), and cutting out what you can't afford until you've paid off all your debts. I have no idea how much money he's hemorrhaging in interest payments each and every month - but if he'd address that, he'd have less to moan about. (oh never mind - he lives to moan, thus why he won't fix it).
 
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So, since Bob has been busy doing.. idk Bob stuff, I thought I'd share something I accidentally found today!

Beacon Light Truth Newsletter: https://www.facebook.com/groups/276294509147134/
https://archive.is/4y0Xu
McKim Beacon Light Ministry Group Page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/291071064327956/
https://archive.is/USkMT

Most of the people part of the groups are in fact Rene accounts, but I found this very interesting:
ss+(2016-04-28+at+10.05.36).png
 
Yaks said:
So, since Bob has been busy doing.. idk Bob stuff, I thought I'd share something I accidentally found today!

Beacon Light Truth Newsletter: https://www.facebook.com/groups/276294509147134/
https://archive.is/4y0Xu
McKim Beacon Light Ministry Group Page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/291071064327956/
https://archive.is/USkMT

Most of the people part of the groups are in fact Rene accounts, but I found this very interesting:
View attachment 89280
Click to expand...
I was one of those people who told him that he couldn't afford satellite TV. I don't recall him ever asking if I'd ever tried to sit around my home with no TV - the answer would have been YES, for 3 years now. There's libraries, there's books, and there's internets - TV is not the be all and end all of life that Pastor Slob believes it to be. What's really amazing is that you can watch Jim Bakker AND Paul Begeley on line without a TV (though I'm at a loss why anyone would bother to waste their time, when there's far more entertainment in a Pastor Slob video).
 
lier ,lier your pants on fire in god's eyes

he real get super piss off in this one

Mod edit: Video was taken down by Bob.
 
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Bob's level of self-centeredness is really off the charts. If your wife creature calls a suicide hotline and ends up getting Baker-acted as a result, and the only thing you can think is "MUH BILLS!", I don't know what to tell you, man. I don't even think he loves her. He really is just using her for the tugboat, and guilt-tripping actual Christians along the way for bothering to feed the hungry and poor instead of him.

At this point even God's probably deliberately fucking up Bob's shit for being such a fuckhole to God's own people.
 
Let's hope Pastor Slob gets a package of these in the mail soon. So he won't have to bitch and moan about Rene shitting herself again in her recliner.

Mod edit: This was not a Bob video, but a clip from Saturday Night Live.

Replace 'Matt Foley' with Robert McKim and replace 'motivational speaker' with any of the following:
a.) pastor/evangelist
b.) radio patrol boy
c.) paperboy
d.) home health aide
e.) welfare recipient
f.) obnoxious asshole

Mod edit: There was also a blank embed above that was also a clip from Saturday Night Live, but the Hulu embed feature is broken.

This is a reason Pastor Slob tells everyone he has a PhD.

However, Pastor Slob lacks a recognized academic degree and a 'phd.'

Mod edit: This was also not a Bob video.
 
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PTNR 2.0 said:
Assuming Bob really believes this shit, I wonder how he's accounted for the incongruity between his sincere faith that God will heal him and the obvious reality that he is an utter wreck for a man in his early 50's.
Click to expand...
So, I saw a video about this if you're curious. It's one of many I've seen, but haven't posted because it's not that noteworthy on its own. Now that it's come up organically...
The first three minutes are him talking about Pentecostals, and glossologia specifically.
11 February 2016 – Matthew 5:3-12 Acts 2:4

-this one's pretty boring-

Some people think we should be peace-makers. Pentecostals want to speak in tongues. RLM scoffs at that. Talks about biblical languages, seems to have surprisingly reasonable (realistic) interpretation of “speaking in tongues.” 3:20- films a FB post. 5:30- Bible analysis regarding prophecy, sermon on the mount- “Beatitudes,” 7m-9m bib read. 11:20- Everybody's going to different churches. Bob explains why going to Bible School or Seminary isn't a big deal. 13:10- NOW he's getting angry. 13:46, voice cracks “THAT'S WHO I STAND FOR!” Stop calling me names! 14:40- I'm a prophet! He's been praying to God to take care of his enemies! 15:40- I'll get the last laugh. 16:20 Bib-17:40- “Just because I don't speak in tongues, doesn't mean that I'm not a prophet!” 18:15- Bob's Apocalypse Dream.
Long Story Short- Bob thinks speaking in tongues is a little over-hyped, and takes a surprisingly historical view of the matter. Blah, blah blah. Bob is a prophet, and just because he doesn't speak in tongues, doesn't mean that he's not prophet.
Kangaroo said:
There is another option:
- he doesn't adhere to the AoG beliefs, but his preferred church kicked him out, and that's the only one left that will have him.
Click to expand...
Not a bad theory. But you also have to keep in mind he's in the middle of nowhere, and he's on a pretty tight budget. I'm not sure how many churches there are, in his area, or how far he's willing to drive. So it's probably a balance of the two.
rlmside.jpg RLMthinking.jpg
Here's a shot of Bob looking off to the side, with a sort of thoughtful/annoyed look on his face. And then, I did a little fancy footwork to sort of complete the image- I kinda like how it looks like he's wearing a toupe.
tkc2.jpg
Here's a cleaned up image of TK, if anyone wants to do anything with it.
Anyway, this stuff is all part of another one of those fake movie poster deals, which I'll be rolling out pretty soon.
 
some info on the rene bank robbery, pic of john on bob's roof since no one ever helps bob, family pic from happier times (technical issues)

Lets try again

I'm working with my cellphone, i put the images on my ig, having technical difficulties here. I also have a lovely new vid from john, but my abilities have failed me.
 
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Toasty said:
BEw2Jd7tmF2

some info on the rene bank robbery, pic of john on bob's roof since no one ever helps bob, family pic from happier times (technical issues)
Click to expand...
@Toasty, I wasn't sure if you wanted to disclose your ig account - I think the embed automatically displays usernames - so I just re-uploaded the relevant images here. This is great stuff.
1.png
2.png
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4.png
 
Toasty said:
I'm working with my cellphone, i put the images on my ig, having technical difficulties here. I also have a lovely new vid from john, but my abilities have failed me.
Click to expand...
No problem, but in the future, you can edit your previous posts to insert stuff- no need to spam/alert the thread.
-EDIT- Great stuff, BTW!
 
So you don't need to go to bible college or seminary to be a prophet or preacher.... But it helps to have a Doctor of Divinity from the Universal Life Church?
I completely fail to see any logic here at all.

I've been told that if you want to see what Bob looked like in his younger days - take a shot of Ed Grimley (SNL) and put Bob's head on him. (Sorry my photoshop skills are lacking).
 
is it worse to be mistaken for a man while robbing a bank, robbing a pathetically small amount of money from the bank and getting busted in less than half an hour, or to be fake-married to bob mckim?
 
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