E3 2016 - Where all your hopes and dreams explode and die

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Your Thoughts on E3?

  • E3 is where all my gaming hopes come true

    Votes: 16 17.6%

  • E3 continues to disappoint me

    Votes: 32 35.2%

  • E3 is fake, gay, and unrealistic

    Votes: 32 35.2%

  • Shut up asshole. New Zelda game!

    Votes: 19 20.9%

  • E3 got me teenage pregnant and will not return my phone calls.

    Votes: 34 37.4%

  • I just watch for the inevitable Gamergate/SJW shitshow

    Votes: 34 37.4%
  • Total voters
    91
_blank_

_blank_

The Charles Dickens of Disco
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
May 25, 2013
Well folks, we were just days away from one of the cornerstones of the gaming hype machine - the Electronic Entertainment Expo. The one event held (usually) every year where gamers come together to watch people hired by game companies try to feed us with hope and desire for more games to deplete our expendable income.

My predictions for this year's big showcases:

EA: Will make brief mention of Mirror's Edge Catalyst and then will quickly move on to dry humping Titanfall 2, and Battlefield 1. Will either cap off or lead in their show with Mass Effect Andromeda where we find out the main character is a pansexual furry Asari because Bioware likes to hit all the bases.

Bethesda: Will show off Dishonored 2 and a remastered Skyrim. Elder Scroll fans with bitch about not having Oblivion remastered. Also hoping for a Wolfenstein sequel that follows The New Order. Annnd.... I have really no fucking idea why they decided to have another conference. Just kind of hoping they kill E3 just like they did last year.

Microsoft: Will be showing off Dead Rising 4 - the return of Frank West, albeit not the Frank West we know and love. Will be showing off Gears of War 4, although not the Gears of War we know and love. I also have a sinking suspicion they will be the one to announce XCOM2 for consoles... an announcement we already know but whatever, Will be showing off some upgrades to the X1, if not an entirely new model. They will continue to rattle on about Indie games and show off Cuphead for the third year in a row. Phil Spencer will look constipated throughout.

Ubisoft: More hullabaloo about Open World games that you've already played to hell and back, went back to hell and left the game there. Watch Dogs 2 - Lulz Internet Culture has been confirmed and will probably be their crown jewel for the show. Will probably also announce the latest AC game which won't be out until 2017. More hype for Ghost Recon: Wetlands and a push for somebody, anybody to give a damn for For Honor. Oh and the Division, lulz, you get a 90 second sizzle reel to buy the season pass to play more of the same goddamn missions. Oh and if Aisha Tyler is back, she'll make everything uncomfortable again.

Sony: More sizzle reels, more hype for games that you aren't going to play for another year or two... and most of these games will either be remaster of older games or games like the Last Guardian which have been in development for forever. But that's okay because that's all Sony fans want... just more of the same shit just with new shininess to help them compensate that they should've just got a fucking PC. Only possible big news will come from the Kojima/Sony partnership, but the rest will be people jizzing over themselves because of some Final Fantasy bullshit.

Nintendo: Please understand. Zelda has been delayed until we release the Nintendo NX sometime in 2017. Please understand. here is another filler Mario game and some 3DS shit. Please understand. No, we won't mention anything about the Nintendo NX right now because we're fucking Nintendo and we roll that way. Please understand. Here, have some Zelda- that's all you little sons of bitches want away. Obligatory Reggie's-Body-Is-Ready joke. Please understand.
 
Rou said:
I'd expect a new TES game over remastered anything from Bethesda.
Click to expand...
Not gonna happen, Fallout 4 hasn't even been out for a year and there was a four year gap between Skyrim and Fallout 4.

As for this year's E3, I'm expecting it to be fairly hardware centric and I'm not expecting quite so many attention grabbing reveals.
So it'll actually be fairly important, just not in a way your average hyperbolic fanboy forum warrior will recognise.
 
Gym Leader Elesa said:
> implying that true Elder Scrolls fans approve of any ES game after the Second Coming of Jesus Christ, Morrowind.
Click to expand...

wat did u say u lil punk?

mNF8r44h.jpg
 
Do they still have that sideshow of freak Korean/HK/Whateverstan stuff?
 
_blank_ said:
Well folks, we were just days away from one of the cornerstones of the gaming hype machine - the Electronic Entertainment Expo. The one event held (usually) every year where gamers come together to watch people hired by game companies try to feed us with hope and desire for more games to deplete our expendable income.

My predictions for this year's big showcases:

EA: Will make brief mention of Mirror's Edge Catalyst and then will quickly move on to dry humping Titanfall 2, and Battlefield 1. Will either cap off or lead in their show with Mass Effect Andromeda where we find out the main character is a pansexual furry Asari because Bioware likes to hit all the bases.

Bethesda: Will show off Dishonored 2 and a remastered Skyrim. Elder Scroll fans with bitch about not having Oblivion remastered. Also hoping for a Wolfenstein sequel that follows The New Order. Annnd.... I have really no fucking idea why they decided to have another conference. Just kind of hoping they kill E3 just like they did last year.

Microsoft: Will be showing off Dead Rising 4 - the return of Frank West, albeit not the Frank West we know and love. Will be showing off Gears of War 4, although not the Gears of War we know and love. I also have a sinking suspicion they will be the one to announce XCOM2 for consoles... an announcement we already know but whatever, Will be showing off some upgrades to the X1, if not an entirely new model. They will continue to rattle on about Indie games and show off Cuphead for the third year in a row. Phil Spencer will look constipated throughout.

Ubisoft: More hullabaloo about Open World games that you've already played to hell and back, went back to hell and left the game there. Watch Dogs 2 - Lulz Internet Culture has been confirmed and will probably be their crown jewel for the show. Will probably also announce the latest AC game which won't be out until 2017. More hype for Ghost Recon: Wetlands and a push for somebody, anybody to give a damn for For Honor. Oh and the Division, lulz, you get a 90 second sizzle reel to buy the season pass to play more of the same goddamn missions. Oh and if Aisha Tyler is back, she'll make everything uncomfortable again.

Sony: More sizzle reels, more hype for games that you aren't going to play for another year or two... and most of these games will either be remaster of older games or games like the Last Guardian which have been in development for forever. But that's okay because that's all Sony fans want... just more of the same shit just with new shininess to help them compensate that they should've just got a fucking PC. Only possible big news will come from the Kojima/Sony partnership, but the rest will be people jizzing over themselves because of some Final Fantasy bullshit.

Nintendo: Please understand. Zelda has been delayed until we release the Nintendo NX sometime in 2017. Please understand. here is another filler Mario game and some 3DS shit. Please understand. No, we won't mention anything about the Nintendo NX right now because we're fucking Nintendo and we roll that way. Please understand. Here, have some Zelda- that's all you little sons of bitches want away. Obligatory Reggie's-Body-Is-Ready joke. Please understand.
Click to expand...

There's a rumor going around that Sony might announce & reveal some details on the DLC for Dark Souls III. Also you forgot Activation, which will probably proceed to be an asshole to its consumer base somehow. EA, Ubisoft, and Nintendo will miss the point and give the audience what they don't want.
 
I don't know what it is about Nintendo's E3 conferences. They knocked it out of the park with the 2014 Direct, the 2015 one had its moments, but was overall really underwhelming, and I'm hearing they don't even have a proper Direct this year? Just the Treehouse stream?

I WANT Nintendo to get me excited, but given how needlessly secretive they're being over the NX, to the point we still don't know for sure whether it's a home console, a handheld or a hybrid of the two, and the number of incoming games stagnating, I really can't tell whether they're doing it on purpose to make anything good they're doing seem more impressive or Iwata's untimely death fucked with their rhythm.
 
Zelda Wii U is literally the only game that Nintendo is gonna talk about. That and the new Pokemon game.

I wouldn't even call it a conference; at all.
 
Maybe John Flynt has been holding out on us and he backchanneled his way into E3 and he'll show off Revolution 60 in all its lensflare glory.
 
_blank_ said:
Microsoft: Will be showing off Dead Rising 4 - the return of Frank West, albeit not the Frank West we know and love. Will be showing off Gears of War 4, although not the Gears of War we know and love. I also have a sinking suspicion they will be the one to announce XCOM2 for consoles... an announcement we already know but whatever, Will be showing off some upgrades to the X1, if not an entirely new model. They will continue to rattle on about Indie games and show off Cuphead for the third year in a row. Phil Spencer will look constipated throughout.
Click to expand...

Expect their announcement about uniting all their services with one OS, transforming the XBoner in the most cheapest Steam machine in the market

_blank_ said:
Ubisoft: More hullabaloo about Open World games that you've already played to hell and back, went back to hell and left the game there. Watch Dogs 2 - Lulz Internet Culture has been confirmed and will probably be their crown jewel for the show. Will probably also announce the latest AC game which won't be out until 2017. More hype for Ghost Recon: Wetlands and a push for somebody, anybody to give a damn for For Honor. Oh and the Division, lulz, you get a 90 second sizzle reel to buy the season pass to play more of the same goddamn missions. Oh and if Aisha Tyler is back, she'll make everything uncomfortable again.
Click to expand...

Ubisoft already ruined all the surprises, we know about the new Ghost Recon, they announced today Watch Dog 2 (enjoy jokes comparing dedsec with kiwi farms), they already announced For Honor, and don't expect another Assassin creed this year, only another Splinter Cell could save the day but i doubt it, people in /v/ want sequels of Child of light and Valiant Hearts lol

Don't forget the LEGENDARY MEMEMAN of last year

_blank_ said:
EA: Will make brief mention of Mirror's Edge Catalyst and then will quickly move on to dry humping Titanfall 2, and Battlefield 1. Will either cap off or lead in their show with Mass Effect Andromeda where we find out the main character is a pansexual furry Asari because Bioware likes to hit all the bases.
Click to expand...

Almost 90% of EA conferences are Sport Games, new FIFA,NBA,MADDEN,etc etc, Expect wanking about Battlefag 1, Expansions for SW Battlefront, Titanfall 2 and more Sims because is not enough

_blank_ said:
Nintendo: Please understand. Zelda has been delayed until we release the Nintendo NX sometime in 2017. Please understand. here is another filler Mario game and some 3DS shit. Please understand. No, we won't mention anything about the Nintendo NX right now because we're fucking Nintendo and we roll that way. Please understand. Here, have some Zelda- that's all you little sons of bitches want away. Obligatory Reggie's-Body-Is-Ready joke. Please understand.
Click to expand...

I bet 20 bucks that they are going to try to not talk about Metroid Prime Federation Force and show how the Wii U is still death in the water

>Lfw no one mention the PC Master race panel

plebs
 
EA: I'll be looking forward to Battlefield 1. I collect WWI era rifles and look to collect other such things of the conflict, so this really speaks to me. Other than, the same shit that gets the investors happy, like sports games.

Bethesda: Disappointment. Nothing short of.

Microsoft: No clue.

Ubisoft: Something about that new Ghost Recon that's going to be boring like all of the ones after Island Thunder.

Sony: Sony renewed a copyright for G-Police. Maybe something neat? I doubt it. :(

Nintendo: More first party wanking, obviously. But hey, it gets them paid.
 
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