DSP's Hair Mega-Hyper-Ultra Thread - Patchy goatee talk included

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Pargon said:
A custom hairstyle on that head of hair, worn by a man who views showering as work and is actively balding, is like getting a $20 car wash for your 1982 Dodge Omni. It's either hubris or vanity and either way it's exceptional.
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I'm not even saying this because I don't like him, but his "hairdo" is absolutely shitty. Who the fuck gets their haircut like that?
 
ReentryPhantom said:
I'm not even saying this because I don't like him, but his "hairdo" is absolutely shitty. Who the fuck gets their haircut like that?
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I believe the deep lore on that is Phil adopted the tight grease slick during the same era he chose the goatee - which was also at the height of CM Punk's career and Phil's adoration of him. That was the look CM Punk had at the time, and the look immortalized on the expensive signed plaque that Phil still treasures.

I think the look still exists for a combination of signature Phil reasons: His opposition to any and all change, the fact that he doesn't use product so it actually gets easier to slick it back the longer he goes without washing it, and he has discovered that it is probably the most effective combover to hide the balding. It does nothing to help the receding Vegeta-esque hairline, but that is less of a ding to his virility than what we suspect is going on at the back.

He seems to hate when he showers and it is 'poofy', and while it does look stupid, it's also the only time his hair looks 'normal' and clean. No surprise, it upsets Phil. Probably another reason he seems to typically shower once a week.
 
Surly Muppet said:
I believe the deep lore on that is Phil adopted the tight grease slick during the same era he chose the goatee - which was also at the height of CM Punk's career and Phil's adoration of him. That was the look CM Punk had at the time, and the look immortalized on the expensive signed plaque that Phil still treasures.

I think the look still exists for a combination of signature Phil reasons: His opposition to any and all change, the fact that he doesn't use product so it actually gets easier to slick it back the longer he goes without washing it, and he has discovered that it is probably the most effective combover to hide the balding. It does nothing to help the receding Vegeta-esque hairline, but that is less of a ding to his virility than what we suspect is going on at the back.

He seems to hate when he showers and it is 'poofy', and while it does look stupid, it's also the only time his hair looks 'normal' and clean. No surprise, it upsets Phil. Probably another reason he seems to typically shower once a week.
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Slicking back the hair or hating it “poofy” is peak dsp stupidity. When he aggressively combs it back and gives it that greesy look that looks like it’s just painted onto his scalp it’s much easier to see how thin his hair is getting. Adding some volume can help obscure most of his hair issues outside of receding hairline, but even with enough length he could’ve maybe brushed it forward a little more or something. Slicking your thinning hair back as hard as possible is quite literally one of the worst hairstyles he could have
 
Phil's hair looks fine to me when he's not a greasy slimeball. He's like Norwood 2, big deal, that's probably better than average for a 37 year old. People only mock his hairline because he makes a huge deal out of it, but that's like Phil's entire miserable existence.
 
darkwingosonichugorl said:
Phil's hair looks fine to me when he's not a greasy slimeball. He's like Norwood 2, big deal, that's probably better than average for a 37 year old. People only mock his hairline because he makes a huge deal out of it, but that's like Phil's entire miserable existence.
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It's certainly not any more or less embarrassing than his greying, patchy facial hair; his paizuri-quality mantits; his wild bugging eyes; his grating voice; his bingo wings; his eight-months-pregnant gut or his freakish chicken legs.
 
Pargon said:
It's certainly not any more or less embarrassing than his greying, patchy facial hair; his paizuri-quality mantits; his wild bugging eyes; his grating voice; his bingo wings; his eight-months-pregnant gut or his freakish chicken legs.
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He has the physique of an orangutan.
 
darkwingosonichugorl said:
Phil's hair looks fine to me when he's not a greasy slimeball. He's like Norwood 2, big deal, that's probably better than average for a 37 year old. People only mock his hairline because he makes a huge deal out of it, but that's like Phil's entire miserable existence.
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It's worse than 2. Its just not apparent because he grows his hair long and combs it back to hide the thinning on the top of his head
 
Pargon said:
It's certainly not any more or less embarrassing than his greying, patchy facial hair; his paizuri-quality mantits; his wild bugging eyes; his grating voice; his bingo wings; his eight-months-pregnant gut or his freakish chicken legs.
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I must not have been on this earth for long enough but holy shit, I've never seen anyone combine such a nasal accept with a grating, gravelly voice. I thought I could stand most things but I can't fucking STAND his voice.
 
Genie The Hedgehog said:
Don't insult orangutans like that.
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DSP.png
 
Pargon said:
It's certainly not any more or less embarrassing than his greying, patchy facial hair; his paizuri-quality mantits; his wild bugging eyes; his grating voice; his bingo wings; his eight-months-pregnant gut or his freakish chicken legs.
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He's also got that weird palsy-kinda look when he's talking normally (well, relative to Phil, anyway) and his mouth barely moves as he stumbles his way through his enunciation. It's only when he goes full blown clown-shoes mode that his mouth resembles that of a non-worthless human.

Edit: So as to not double-post...

I have been sitting here uploading a metric crap-ton of files for my real adult jahb, and Mrhuth Stuff's latest upload came up in my recommended feed, so I thought I'd give it a look. And this, being the grease-trap thread, I put it on 2x speed and marveled at just how many times Phil sniffs his fingers, runs his grubby dick-beaters through his hair, and plays with his patchy goat.

Over the course of around 30 minutes, Phil:
  1. Ran his hands through his hair 6 times, with about 24 strokes (each hand counting as 1) necessary to keep it in place. One can only imagine the amount of grime on all of his shtreeming equipment.
  2. Played with the holey goat 3 times.
  3. Sniffed his fingers 8 times, with at least 3 of them being stealth-sniffs.
Fucking gross for a 30 minute stretch.
 
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Freshtodeath said:
he doesn't have any social obligations so why doesn't he just go to supercuts? its cheap and they do a good enough job. His autism about chasing the hair dresser is so lol.
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I always assumed his ego was allowing him to get scammed by paying out a ton of money to get some sort of special magical serious big boy haircut to prevent his ever expanding bald spot from showing.

You know, because he's an idiot and really believes he's fooling people who were born with the correct amount of chromosomes.
 
EmperorGoutatine said:
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I recently saw a still of DSP while he was looking straight down at his phone, and my god, I have never seen anyone have such an unflattering angle. And that's putting it mildly. From his fucking gnarly nose to his eyebrows that seem to disappear.

Vintage Project 7 DSP looks like he's wearing some weird textured latex cap. It's that gross that it doesn't even have the semblance of hair to me.
 
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