DSP's Hair Mega-Hyper-Ultra Thread - Patchy goatee talk included

[AbraCadaver]

Real talk my best mate did the same thing for years as his balding got worse...oil hair and slick back to try and hide a round, typical crown bald spot. Not one bite on his online dating profiles. Shaved that rubbish off finally and now he’s married with a kid and happy as hell. He’s embarrassed he held onto his hair that long. He looks so much better.

Also here’s the thing about the “parting damage” of Phil. First off, pull the other one, idiot. People tend to part their hair in the same place for YEARS and it doesn’t damage your hair to the point of baldness. Even if your mom caused breakage there somehow, it can’t kill your hair follicles. For God’s sake even ripping hair out at the root with hot wax once a month for years doesn’t destroy most follicles.

Second and most importantly, as a woman I can tell you exactly what’s happening here: Phil is balding like a woman. When women start to lose hair (around age 35 or so, with one in three women losing a significant amount by age fifty), it begins thinning in a less crown-oriented pattern than men. It’s sort of suffused through the top of the head, concentrating a bit more just behind the fringe. And the most notable aspect is that their middle part starts to widen to a jagged balding stripe, creating a streak going up the middle of the scalp towards the back, where it may also create a secondary balding patch at the crown sometimes. But mostly it’s the widened middle part and grouped thinning at the front of the head, just behind the beginning of the hairline.

Phil is balding like a girl. I wonder how his powerful Y chromosome feels about that.

 

[SkippyLongbottom]

Imagine being his barber and having to handle that grease pit.

I don't even think any respectable barbers would accept that. Imagine even trying to clip hair full of grease. Fuck it doesn't even look like he showers.

Edit:

Phil is balding like a girl. I wonder how his powerful Y chromosome feels about that.

I wouldn't be surprised. He is almost the exact opposite of what you would call a man.

 

[bearsintrees]

Phil is balding like a girl. I wonder how his powerful Y chromosome feels about that.

Between his growing droopy tits, his arms and legs shriveling into nothing, and his grandmotherly posture, he's aging in totality like a woman.

Maybe the behind-the-scenes medical issue is low testosterone, or testicular cancer.
Symptoms include a mix of hair loss including facial hair, fatigue, enlarged breasts, back pain, loss of muscle mass, depression, poor memory...

 

[((CH3)2Hg)]

Maybe the behind-the-scenes medical issue is low testosterone, or testicular cancer.

Hopefully not cancer since that would mean he'd need one or both of his testicles removed. But he doesn't want kids so I guess it'd be okay.

 

[Genkoda]

Real talk my best mate did the same thing for years as his balding got worse...oil hair and slick back to try and hide a round, typical crown bald spot. Not one bite on his online dating profiles. Shaved that rubbish off finally and now he’s married with a kid and happy as hell. He’s embarrassed he held onto his hair that long. He looks so much better.

See that is the thing I do not understand. Even as a guy, I would just say to shave the hair off and save your dignity if you are balding.

 

[Immortal Technique]

I've found a temporary solution for him until that San Andreas fault line spreads further apart.

Spoiler: New hair style

 

[obliviousbeard]

Imagine Phil starting to wear a wig.

 

[SkippyLongbottom]

Imagine Phil starting to wear a wig.

He's gonna rock that combover until the day he dies. That's the little of manhood he has left. Even his facial hair wants nothing to do with him.

 

[bearsintrees]

Piggybacking off a post Comma made in the main thread, I think this vlog about a week after Phil moved to Seattle is the most healthy he's ever looked.

I mean, he's still chubby and greasy, but his skin isn't hanging off his bones and splashing around, he has shoulders that fill out the shirt, his hairline was arguably about the same as the buzzcut days, and he almost has the beginning of a tan from running around Seattle all week building that credit card debt. Living with Panda must have just broken this dude, body and spirit, and after watching the Leanna vlog endure, I can understand it.

Or maybe he just has that glow of a manchild who spent a week splashing money around and showing off how great his new life was going to be with his things and his thot.

 

[millais]

Imagine Phil starting to wear a wig.

He already wore the Bob Ross costume wig for the Halloween stream. Maybe by the time he goes bald, he will not be able to afford a proper wig and he will have to wear that Bob Ross wig on the regular

 

[MoonRocker]

Piggybacking off a post Comma made in the main thread, I think this vlog about a week after Phil moved to Seattle is the most healthy he's ever looked.
View attachment 799013
I mean, he's still chubby and greasy, but his skin isn't hanging off his bones and splashing around, he has shoulders that fill out the shirt, his hairline was arguably about the same as the buzzcut days, and he almost has the beginning of a tan from running around Seattle all week building that credit card debt. Living with Panda must have just broken this dude, body and spirit, and after watching the Leanna vlog endure, I can understand it.

Or maybe he just has that glow of a manchild who spent a week splashing money around and showing off how great his new life was going to be with his things and his thot.

We talk about it a lot on these forums but Phil's pale ass skin, lack of muscles, low-hanging skin, double-chin, and gouty feet are all due to a lack of exercise.

I'm getting close to two months back with my personal trainer (5 session a week) and the difference is night and day: my skin looks healthier, my face looks better (overall shape and texture of my skin); my posture is much better looking; lost weight; and the muscle definition has changed my overall body shape. And that's just on the physical side. The gym has a huge impact on mental health and it would do wonders to the goutlord but don't ask him to exercise since his scheduled is incredibly busy and has not time to do even do 20 push-ups, sit-ups, and pull-ups a day.

Phil hasn't exercised since maybe his high school days. That's 20 years of no exercising, eating like shit, and spending most of his days getting extremely low levels of electromagnetic radiation from his TV set. People underestimate what a lack of direct exposure to sunlight and exercise really does to the body. Phil is the prime example that a sedentary lifestyle coupled with a shitty diet and a stressful ass life (completely brought upon by himself) will make you look like you're in your late 40s, early 50s at the age of 37.

 

[That Hedonist Nerd]

We talk about it a lot on these forums but Phil's pale ass skin, lack of muscles, low-hanging skin, double-chin, and gouty feet are all due to a lack of exercise.

I'm getting close to two months back with my personal trainer (5 session a week) and the difference is night and day: my skin looks healthier, my face looks better (overall shape and texture of my skin); my posture is much better looking; lost weight; and the muscle definition has changed my overall body shape. And that's just on the physical side. The gym has a huge impact on mental health and it would do wonders to the goutlord but don't ask him to exercise since his scheduled is incredibly busy and has not time to do even do 20 push-ups, sit-ups, and pull-ups a day.

Phil hasn't exercised since maybe his high school days. That's 20 years of no exercising, eating like shit, and spending most of his days getting extremely low levels of electromagnetic radiation from his TV set. People underestimate what a lack of direct exposure to sunlight and exercise really does to the body. Phil is the prime example that a sedentary lifestyle coupled with a shitty diet and a stressful ass life (completely brought upon by himself) will make you look like you're in your late 40s, early 50s at the age of 37.

Yeah I've been getting in shape too - bought my first house a couple years ago as a 40th birthday present. I don't recommend buying the house your buddy had as a rental and had to get rid of because he's divorcing. Also don't recommend getting a fixer upper @40.
I'm getting there but fuck the pain. Recently realized I got my first ever broken bone ;stress fracture on my wrist because I was filling holes in a tree stump to help it decompose faster. Well it was a power drill, not cordless, with a 1 inch bit. Hit some heartwood and while the bit immediately stopped, the drill went around hard enough to give me a reminder of its presence.

Still, overall, I feel a helluva lot healthier. Resting heartbeat has gone down by a lot, sleep a little better. Kind of addicting.

 

[Sparkletor 2.0]

Thanks for giving Phil health tips but you nudniks forgot a few things

1. Phil is not balding so he doesn't have to worry about that
2. Phil can't exercise because he has no time during the day, and he can't exercise at night because his home owner's association has strict noise policies
3. Phil is allergic to the sun and can't go outside
4. Phil can't eat healthy food because healthy food is too expensive and he doesn't have money to do it

Please keep these facts in mind before you go spouting nonsense you know nothing about. Grow up morons.

Also tipping helps Phil the most right now. Please consider tipping.

 

[Funko Pops NFT collector]

Thanks for giving Phil health tips but you nudniks forgot a few things

1. Phil is not balding so he doesn't have to worry about that
2. Phil can't exercise because he has no time during the day, and he can't exercise at night because his home owner's association has strict noise policies
3. Phil is allergic to the sun and can't go outside
4. Phil can't eat healthy food because healthy food is too expensive and he doesn't have money to do it

Please keep these facts in mind before you go spouting nonsense you know nothing about. Grow up morons.

Also tipping helps Phil the most right now. Please consider tipping.

I hate Phil excuse of "Im so busy,I dont have time to work out" and everyone that says that aswell. Nigga Jeff Bezos has time to get buffed and the guys works all day,Phil are you saying you are more important than Jeff Bezos? If you dont want to work out fine,but at least say its because you dont want to rather than some nonsense excuse.

Also about the diet excuse that Phil and a lot of people have,fat people spend a lot of money of fatty food but then complain that they cant buy healthy food because its too expensive,as a co-worker I had said "fat people say they cant buy herbalife products but then they go and spend their money on fast food". I dont know how Phil doesnt hate himself when he looks in the mirror and sees that skinny-fat,pale body.

 

[Sparkletor 2.0]

I hate Phil excuse of "Im so busy,I dont have time to work out" and everyone that says that aswell. Nigga Jeff Bezos has time to get buffed and the guys works all day,Phil are you saying you are more important than Jeff Bezos? If you dont want to work out fine,but at least say its because you dont want to rather than some nonsense excuse.

Also about the diet excuse that Phil and a lot of people have,fat people spend a lot of money of fatty food but then complain that they cant buy healthy food because its too expensive,as a co-worker I had said "fat people say they cant buy herbalife products but then they go and spend their money on fast food". I dont know how Phil doesnt hate himself when he looks in the mirror and sees that skinny-fat,pale body.

In the girlfriend reveal video, one of the first questions is about why doesn't Phil exercise. Kat excitedly exclaims, "He has no time!", as Phil nods in agreement.

Phil has no time... there are multiple videos where Phil stops everything to take a 20 minute bathroom break. Tevin (allegedly since there is no face cam) sometimes streams while on an exercise bike. Phil's claim that he can't exercise at night because it's too loud brings up the interesting question, "Is Phil doing sit ups or push ups louder than Phil and Kat having sex?"

Carrying in groceries once a week from the garage to the kitchen is his idea of a work out. Keep in mind there is probable evidence that Phil only buys one weeks worth of food at a time. The heaviest thing he gets is a 24 pack of water. He cannot physically lift 50lbs.

Also his hair is bad.

 

[Eugene Drizzledick]

In the girlfriend reveal video, one of the first questions is about why doesn't Phil exercise. Kat excitedly exclaims, "He has no time!", as Phil nods in agreement.

That remains the most excited sentence we've seen Kat ever say. Phil drilled that one in her head hard.

 

[This comment matters]

Doesn't this dumbfuck say he has to babysit YouTube uploads for an hour every night? Sounds like a great time to do push-ups, situps, lunges and squats, all bodyweight, no noise exercises. And he can make sure stoopid YouTube isn't messing up the uploads in between sets. It's almost like he just wants to sit and drink gin.

 

[Nigel of Ukip]

"Is Phil doing sit ups or push ups louder than Phil and Kat having sex?"

Right off the bat, that thought alone is utterly horrifying.
Two things however, if we are to trust Panda Lee she was a nympho in her early twenties and claimed they didn't have much sex because of Dave not wanting it.
Also, and this is more stupid imho. That dipshit yells at his screen when he streams, how is that not pissing off his neighbours?

He really downgrades from his amazing house to a condo when it suits his bullshit.

But also, back to DSPBalding. Took the ideas from @NeckyTheThumb and @ZehnBoat respectively.

 

[SocietyLiver1488]

I agree this has to be true. His hair looks unnaturally black these days in contrast with how thin it is, his beard, and aging skin. How would he not have a single gray, Its like Asian hair.

 

[Salubrious]

Phil's claim that he can't exercise at night because it's too loud

Wait, what? Why the hell did he move all the way across the country into a condo where he has neighbors that close where he can't make too much noise at night like a shitty apartment complex?