DSP's Hair Mega-Hyper-Ultra Thread - Patchy goatee talk included

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Khet's hair in Phil's eyes



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Khet's hair in real life




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Phil's hair in his own eyes




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Phil's hair in real life




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March 28, 2019, during his last Ask The Pig stream, he answered a question about the crusty old beanies that he used to wear.
He dug out an old sweat-stained beanie from the dust covered mess that is his Full Time Streamer office, and took off his dumb cowboy hat in order to model the beanie. He put on and took off his beanie and cowboy hat multiple times, each time showing his shame more and more.
Since this was towards the end of the stream, and Darksydephil is a sweaty pig, his hair was flat and matted, which gave the viewers good clear shots of his evergrowing bald spot.

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To me, it looks like he's just rocking a combover at this point. He grows out the quiff of greasy hair that he has at the front of his hairline and uses that to cover up his balding pate.
I would also like to throw out at the theory, that the greasy quiff of hair he has up front are hairplugs. And the reason he takes a full day off to get his haircut, is because he's getting expensive bald guy treatments instead of a regular haircut.
 
flatsoda said:
March 28, 2019, during his last Ask The Pig stream, he answered a question about the crusty old beanies that he used to wear.
He dug out an old sweat-stained beanie from the dust covered mess that is his Full Time Streamer office, and took off his dumb cowboy hat in order to model the beanie. He put on and took off his beanie and cowboy hat multiple times, each time showing his shame more and more.
Since this was towards the end of the stream, and Darksydephil is a sweaty pig, his hair was flat and matted, which gave the viewers good clear shots of his evergrowing bald spot.

View attachment 718877

To me, it looks like he's just rocking a combover at this point. He grows out the quiff of greasy hair that he has at the front of his hairline and uses that to cover up his balding pate.
I would also like to throw out at the theory, that the greasy quiff of hair he has up front are hairplugs. And the reason he takes a full day off to get his haircut, is because he's getting expensive bald guy treatments instead of a regular haircut.
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These pictures are really good especially the last one because it shows just how much he is using that little patch in the front to hide the giant balding spot behind it.

And I like your idea of him getting hair plugs or some other kind of treatment on that front spot. Its exactly the kind of thing I would expect Phil to do, waste a lot of money on some vanity bullshit for something that really hurts his ego.

It also explains why he is not willing to cut it short, he knows he needs that long patch in the front to comb back over the spot. The question is, at what point will it not work anymore? when t he front is just too thin?
 
The previous 12 hour stREEam (not the birthday one) he essentially admitted he combs it over without realizing it. He took off his headset for the IRL begging session and you could see the bald spot and people brought it up. So Dave has to prove it was just the headset by going to comb his hair to show that it totally isn’t his hair thinning. Also before he combed it he was running his hand through his hair and you could see just how thin the hair is getting, I was in awe let me try to find the pertinent clip.

Edit: of course it’s not recorded on his YouTube and I tried checking the DarkDave restream and can’t find it so maybe some kind soul has it clipped.
 
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Genie The Hedgehog said:
So, on the subject of pig hair, what's with Dave pulling at and fondling his goddamn goatee? He just sits there and like obsessively rubs it. It looks so patchy that I've decided he must be accelerating the destruction of that hair.
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he acts like he has some long handle bar mustache the way he tries to twist his pigtee.
 
Was it just project 7 where he was absolutely drenched in hair gel? Or was it just the reflection of natural lighting causing that sheen? He says he just gets out of the shower and combs his hair back and it sticks because he's a naturally greasy Italian. To me it does look like he still uses some hair product but not quite the amount that he has in the attached shots. At the same time it is safe to assume he doesn't shower prior to getting on stream and putting hair gel into dirty hair is something that seems inordinately gross to me even by Phil's standards.
 

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Phil is right. I used the same uranium enriched comb in my youth and now I not only get bald but also yell one non-sequitur after another, my claims are a mess made of random words without any logical conclusion, I verbally attack everyone who asks a simple question, I moved to Seattle, spent a shitload of money without thinking, invested in a career that has no future, provoked people to doxx my girlfriend, my tax guy fucked me over and I got gout. Damn. But the comb shined in the dark, which was cool.
 
Phil's mom had to comb his hair until he was in high school. How much further does that story go? Did she pick out his clothes? Phil admitted that he was 35 before learning how to do laundry, are we to assume his mom washed his gouty X-Man underoos until he moved? We see that Phil doesn't shave or shower daily. Did Phil's mom need to tell him to take a bath everyday? Phil said he started growing facial hair in 8th grade. Did she shave him?
 
leChinkyRaccoon said:
Was it just project 7 where he was absolutely drenched in hair gel? Or was it just the reflection of natural lighting causing that sheen? He says he just gets out of the shower and combs his hair back and it sticks because he's a naturally greasy Italian. To me it does look like he still uses some hair product but not quite the amount that he has in the attached shots. At the same time it is safe to assume he doesn't shower prior to getting on stream and putting hair gel into dirty hair is something that seems inordinately gross to me even by Phil's standards.
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As far as I know, all he uses is water. I think it was an Axe the Pig question or something.
Genie The Hedgehog said:
So, on the subject of pig hair, what's with Dave pulling at and fondling his goddamn goatee? He just sits there and like obsessively rubs it. It looks so patchy that I've decided he must be accelerating the destruction of that hair.
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During one of the vlahgs with Khet, he got asked if his goatee is patchy. He said it's a well known "detractor meme" (so apparently that makes it false?) and asked Khet if it's patchy.
She said no, ahbviously, but you have to be (super)blind(man) not to see how fucking awful his goatee is
 
Philip will defend the patchy goatee until he dies because he grew it to try and hide the vile wart on the side of his mouth.
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He is very aware of how unattractive he is hence the 480p face cam to try and hide some of these "features".
 
The hair thing's too much work for a busy entrepreneur like Dave. Really, he should just go full Lucha Libre as El Gordito and oil his moobs before every pre-stream.

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KangarooPissSpray said:
The previous 12 hour stREEam (not the birthday one) he essentially admitted he combs it over without realizing it. He took off his headset for the IRL begging session and you could see the bald spot and people brought it up. So Dave has to prove it was just the headset by going to comb his hair to show that it totally isn’t his hair thinning. Also before he combed it he was running his hand through his hair and you could see just how thin the hair is getting, I was in awe let me try to find the pertinent clip.

Edit: of course it’s not recorded on his YouTube and I tried checking the DarkDave restream and can’t find it so maybe some kind soul has it clipped.
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Here it is with Soma Julius Cruz making fun of him for being bald during it (3h08m50s if timestamp doesn't work on your device)
Edit: (Mild volume warning as Soma's volume is louder than Phil by a bit)

also @Haunter you are a gentleman and a scholar and I will dance at your funeral. . .hmm, I'm just now realizing that may not be how the phrase is supposed to go. . .that's what my friends in high school would always say to me, though they never said that to each other. . .well anyways, thanks for the phenomenal OP dood:lol:
 
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Prince Lotor said:
Here it is with Soma Julius Cruz making fun of him for being bald during it (3h08m50s if timestamp doesn't work on your device)
Edit: (Mild volume warning as Soma's volume is louder than Phil by a bit)
https://youtube.com/watch?v=b-ON1N4pzG8:11330
also @Haunter you are a gentleman and a scholar and I will dance at your funeral. . .hmm, I'm just now realizing that may not be how the phrase is supposed to go. . .that's what my friends in high school would always say to me, though they never said that to each other. . .well anyways, thanks for the phenomenal OP dood:lol:
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Lord I didn't realize how bad it was. I don't see why he has to lie about this... Does he plan to not be on the internet in a couple years?
 
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