Eight years later... I don't know why I came on here today... Maybe just because I wanted to remind myself of what a piece of shit I was. I don't care either that this is necroposting/blogposting. it's my thread, i'll post in it if I want. That being said...
I've lived with regret most every day after I did what I did. It haunts me, not because anyone reminds me, or that people are still talking about it, but because it was a defining moment in my life. I truly became something I didn't want to become. I "grew up" more or less from that experience. Pathetically already at 21 years old. I Learned that actions have consequences, and that I could seriously hurt people with my ego, my stupidity and my recklessness. That scared me. I really don't even know why I'm posting this. For myself, on the record of my life, or for anyone who still even cares to know that I am genuinely sorry for what I did. Maybe this is just a confessional, and my coping with these residule feelings. I'm a sad pathetic man. I've accomplished little, and lived little. Karma hit me hard, and I welcomed it, as I deserved all of it. My parents both just died this year, my mom 4 days ago. Maybe i'm just taking inventory on who I am in this emotionally vulnerable state. but most importantly I'm sorry to Interna. I'm sorry to Jai. I'm sorry to Tuna. I'm sorry to Ewk. I'm sorry to Yippy. All faded memories now, but I still remember the palpable hurt I caused. I have no delusion that my actions weren't my own responsibility, but I must also admit I was still then taken in under Sean's malignant narcissism. I have realized how much I need to watch out for narcissitic individuals as I was very vulnerable to their influence. I have since learned of my various mental illnesses that influenced my reactions, and am trying to better myself, but overall I just want to say sorry to anyone who cares to listen, even if it's just myself. I make NO excuses for my previous behavior. I was simply a shit human being.
In a way, I must thank you Kiwi Farms users, as you truly woke me up at a moment of my life when I needed to learn that crucial lesson. I would have become a much worse individual if people had not held me accountable for my actions. That's all I have to say.
