Do you ever think about killing your "self"? - Like liquidate everything and be done with most of real life as you built it?

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Sometimes I feel like this is the way to go.

Too often, its been s in the back of my head. Nothing is stopping me really. That's what I wanted decades ago after all. Now I am just misreable anyway and getting dopamine from things I don't actually care about. Pretty much just chasing a high.

I am reaching a stage where I am starting to really wonder if what I am doing even makes sense and why I do it. And it scares me to realize I probably shout not.
 
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I've had intrusive self destructive thoughts since early puberty. They have consistently gotten worse, every year that I'm alive. A slow progression from the occasional "I hate myself and I want to die," to the modern day version of "I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF!" on a permanent loop. I'm fifty. But life and its joys still outweigh those thoughts. Because my thoughts do not have to become my actions.

My point is that life is worth it. It will always be worth it. Even when it's not.
 
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Oh... I think death of the "self" is something you can find in Jung, if you're really looking, then.

Or, are you talking about retiring from the world and living on a small bit of land with a few ducks? Because that's totally possible, too.
 
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You need to stop drinking alcohol.

If you don't know about its effects (you probably do, but if you don't you should inform yourself more), it isn't helping, it's making it much worse. So you're drinking poison that sinks you faster towards that path.

Perspective matters, a slightly different production of biochemicals by your brain could be the difference between heaven and hell, so if you actively go against it, you're punishing yourself, psyhically and mentally.

This is the difference between a healthy and optimistic mind vs a doomer one, even if in the same circumstances, which they're often not (but this is why you build towards life, as in trying to find happiness and enjoy your existence).

But if they were, as a metaphor: the boy with the optimistic mind (optimistic in himself and his dreams, despite the cruel world he lives in) enjoys his day even with the broken toy he was given, perhaps he can find new ways to build a world around it, maybe find a friend that would play as well, or toss the toy away and go onto an adventure; the boy with the doomer mind will instead focus on the toy being broken, maybe he'll resent the other kids having better stuff, and so instead of pushing forward, he stagnates, his day is ruined by not being willing to find or build another path.
 
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OrionBalls said:
Oh... I think death of the "self" is something you can find in Jung, if you're really looking, then.

Or, are you talking about retiring from the world and living on a small bit of land with a few ducks? Because that's totally possible, too.
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I am not really looking.

I am reaching a point where I am thinking I am alive enough and I have been kind of complaisant in a way for so long and if I don't get out of it, I am doomed to just be that for the rest of my life. If you choose your KPIs right, you always win.

I think stopping with keeping up here is probably a good step; There is nothing but doom here, no matter how distracting.
 
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We Are The Witches said:
But if they were, as a metaphor: the boy with the optimistic mind (optimistic in himself and his dreams, despite the cruel world he lives in) enjoys his day even with the broken toy he was given, perhaps he can find new ways to build a world around it, maybe find a friend that would play as well, or toss the toy away and go onto an adventure; the boy with the doomer mind will instead focus on the toy being broken, maybe he'll resent the other kids having better stuff, and so instead of pushing forward, he stagnates, his day is ruined by not being willing to find or build another path.
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Sometimes, you also need to recognize that people are built differently. And it does not matter what you say, they won't ever have the same story your boy goes through, never see things in his eyes.

I don't think it has much to do with anything, but people are built different. Give me a broken toy, I'll be happy until I know it's broken, then I'll figure out how to get one that is not. Hell if it's hard, I'll sell unbroken ones. I'll take pleasure in it. I'll chase it more an more, I'll index my own self worth on my ability to do it better than the next guy.

Then 20 years later I am still a toy seller and doing great. Yet, I hate everything about it. And I wonder, what the fuck have I been doing?

Was there ever a scenario where I was just that boy playing with the toy and it never went any further than this? I don't know if that's true.

I'd be selling you ants if there was a market.
 
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Oh my god, dude, oh my god. Fuck my life, I'm going to kill my elf. I'm going to twist his pointy-eared head clean off his body, dude. I'm going to kill my elf, hell or high water. Gonna kill my elf.

Am I doing it right? Can I win LOTY?
 
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oopsie doodle said:
Oh my god, dude, oh my god. Fuck my life, I'm going to kill my elf. I'm going to twist his pointy-eared head clean off his body, dude. I'm going to kill my elf, hell or high water. Gonna kill my elf.

Am I doing it right? Can I win LOTY?
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Now Now Now
 
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I've been thinking about it for a few decades but have reached a point where it's a very real option due to health and failing job prospects. If the thread's about killing yourself well fuck yeah, I'll probably just tie a noose and swing from a tree in the backyard once I finally finish tidying the house and cleaning out the garage. I'm not worried about my browsing history or anyone being sad, I just don't want to leave too much of a mess for anyone else to clean up. That's option 1

If it's about killing my "self": I bought an old 70's caravan and have been slowly fixing it up the last few years with solar and batteries etc when the prospects of suicide started becoming real. Option 2 is just throwing my phone in the river and driving away from all my problems for as long as whatever money I have lasts, becoming an actual wizard for a few years surviving off lentils and hunted wildlife before torching it in the forest and going full Return To Monke

rel=alternate said:
I am reaching a stage where I am starting to really wonder if what I am doing even makes sense and why I do it. And it scares me to realize I probably shout not
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This is a good thing. Questioning why you do things can lead to either affirmation that you're doing just fine, or no, you need to make positive life changes. Change can be scary but good

Where would you rather be and what would you rather be doing right now? What's got you down?
 
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Skelboen said:
I've been thinking about it for a few decades but have reached a point where it's a very real option due to health and failing job prospects. If the thread's about killing yourself well fuck yeah, I'll probably just tie a noose and swing from a tree in the backyard once I finally finish tidying the house and cleaning out the garage. I'm not worried about my browsing history or anyone being sad, I just don't want to leave too much of a mess for anyone else to clean up. That's option 1

If it's about killing my "self": I bought an old 70's caravan and have been slowly fixing it up the last few years with solar and batteries etc when the prospects of suicide started becoming real. Option 2 is just throwing my phone in the river and driving away from all my problems for as long as whatever money I have lasts, becoming an actual wizard for a few years surviving off lentils and hunted wildlife before torching it in the forest and going full Return To Monke


This is a good thing. Questioning why you do things can lead to either affirmation that you're doing just fine, or no, you need to make positive life changes. Change can be scary but good

Where would you rather be and what would you rather be doing right now? What's got you down?
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I'd never kill myself as in end my life. I can find endless motivations not to do so.

What it amounts to sometimes make me wish I did. A whole lot of something that I don't anything with. I am not better than a Pokemon collector but I make money.

I am really drunk, so probably I am not explaining myself right. But it makes sense to me right now.
 
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If I am clear enough mentally tomorrow, I guess I'll just quit here to begin with.

It's just to easy to look at others and do nothing. I love it, but it's just conducive to me being confortable doing nothing.

I have been here 4 years with an account and I don't know how long without. Safe to say chances I'll be back tomorrow and the day after that.
 
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WE'RE ALL GONNA said:
Sounds like you don't have kids
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I like to think I would be stronger mentally if I had them, because at least it would make sense.

But it's wishful thinking. If I had a kid, you can trust they would not seem me often. Week ends, maybe. Holidays, sometimes. Evenings.

WE'RE ALL GONNA said:
Alcohol is poison nigga and only for gay ppl
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I'll take all justified abuse, but I am no faggot. Not on any substance.
 
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WE'RE ALL GONNA said:
Boo hoo, my hypothetical kids won't visit me boo hoo. Ffs this is why people who drink should off themselves
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Now you brought the topic, do you have any?

I was nowhere near what you're implying. More so that people who lack direction and structure in their life think that having kids will magically change everything. Turns out it does not.

You're kind of a fag yourself I think.
 
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