- Joined
- Apr 28, 2022
So, I'm pretty sure most you know this (because I'm chatty and my opsec is shit) but aside from making fun of crap books, I also write on them myself. I also really like superheroes, so a bunch of my projects fall into that genre. This is a fucking awful creative decision on my part for a few reasons:
Normally in these posts I try to talk about the cultural context of the work or stuff about the author, but in this case, I don't really have much to say. Battlecry doesn't seem to have been riding any particular YA trend besides "superheroes" and even when they were the uncontested kings and queens of popular culture, they weren't actually that prominent in YA lit, because again, plain prose is kind of the worst medium for them. Emerald Dodge herself is a Navy housewife with two children. I naturally assumed that was a pseudonym, but she dedicates to this book her husband "Alexander Dodge" so maybe they are in fact superheroes? That aside, she's probably the most "normal" author we've covered in these threads. Just a housewife who lucked into a low level YA career. It's almost disconcerting. At least Orson Scott Card is clearly a closet case and part of the Jefferson Starship to Christianity's Airplane.
It's probably for the best. Discussing why Battlecry is so bizarre before we start would just spoil it. Let's begin:
Huh. I didn't realise we'd done so many threads.
Bahahhaha, yeah, sure. I think it's time to remember some wise words:
Like fuck this rule would ever be honoured. In fact, why would superheroes wear colourful outfits if they were uncomfortable with being photographed? It's not like this is a small scale where there's just one superhero who only works at night and shit. This isn't Cybersix.
Wow. It's like Mrs Dodge heard me calling out all the other Cringe Heroes for being unlikeable, and decided to head me off at the pass. I haven't actually read much of this book in advance, so I have no idea if Jill here will be part of the trend. I'm almost in suspense.
I do find it amusing that Jill's like "Civilains are dead and burned, and also, it might rain."
I'm pretty sure St. Catherine is fictional. As made up superhero city names go, it's not bad. Certainly better than say, "Commerce City." I swear to God, I didn't make that up. Sounds like what Andrew Ryan would've called his city if he was born with Downs syndrome. Oh, and we're in Georgia.
Why wouldn't they? If anything, wouldn't supervillains have more reason to hide their true identities? Also, trust me, this team has no place making fun of other people's supernyms.
I find Jill's powers interesting. Not because they're particularly novel, but rather the exact opposite. In these sort of books, the main characters usually have really singular, OP powersets (like in Dreadnought) or deliberately "weak" or otherwise quirky powers they have to work hard to leverage. For instance, in the web-serial Worm, a lot of characters (and readers) spend way too long pretending that fine control over all insects and athropods within a city block isn't clearly badass and useful. The Legion of Substitute Heroes is built on that kind of thing. Jill meanwhile kind of falls into neither catagory. She just has basic-bitch physical enhancements. At this juncture, I'm not sure if Dodge was being lazy, or wanted her main character to be the superhuman equivelant of an average woman. I hope it's the latter.
And then Incrediboy showed up and ruined everything.
Jill doesn't seem to have gotten the hang of super-banter yet.
Somewhere, Calamity is getting wet, and she doesn't know why.
Figures. Between this and Dreadnought, Battlecry is probably the best superhero name we've encountered so far (even if I would've given it to someone with sound powers) so of course the owner hates it. Also, notice she apparently didn't get to pick hers.
I don't think Jillian understands the point of codenames. Also, this is a general gripe with the genre at the moment, but I hate how it's almost become the default for members of superhero teams to use given names in the field, and for everyone to seemingly be told everyone else's secret identities as soon as they join. And I'm not talking like, the Fantastic Four or the X-Men, none of whom have had secret identities for decades (though, there was a weird period where the FF were all public figures and celebrities... but nobody knew Johnny Storm was the Human Torch. Somehow) I'm talking about groups like the Avengers or the Justice League, who're basically ever-rotating groups of strangers and loose aquaintences.
He learned its secrets.
Okay, this is actually pretty good foreshadowing, at least by the standards we're used to. But we'll get to that.
Wow, not only is the city government way more sensible than Newport's, but Marco is way more based than Danny.
You'd think they'd have had all this drilled into them. Possibly literally.
Okay, not to jump too far ahead, but I find it really hard to believe Patrick would be okay with being named after a female divinity. And even if he was, Atropos is a fucking shit name. It doesn't even sound like a superhero. It sounds more like a Souls boss if anything. So, Atropos was one of the three Fates of Greek mythology, divine sisters who measured out the lives of mortals with a spool of string. It was Atropos' job to decide when and how mortals died by cutting the string of their lives with a pair of gold sheers. So, you'd expect a super named after her to have powers related to time, death, or fate, right? Maybe precognition? Nah, Patrick's telekinetic. And no, as far as I can tell, he doesn't visualise his power as invisible strings connecting him to distant objects, he's just early 60s Jean Grey.
Marco's power is basically being a living solar battery, absorbing and rereleasing heat and light from the sun. Which would be really useful here, except he's already tapped out most of his reserves. The two are contacted by Ember, the team's telepath:
I'm guessing he wants a Krabby Patty.
It's almost as though keeping the team coordinated is her job. Also, this kind of attitude from Jill is kind of weird with what we learn later.
The Patrick Starfish jokes make themselves.
I'm kind of curious how this works. Is Patrick projecting some kind of invisible energy barrier, or is he somehow "grabbing" and snuffing out the fireballs as they come like they were physical objects?
...You have super-strength. Why shouldn't he? This is like Storm bitching that people keep asking for wind and lightning, or to give a speech like she's Black Galadrial. No duh, that's what you're here for!
Because that's always going to be an appropriate weapon for an urban setting.
And also runs on triple A batteries.
That sounds more like one power with a bunch of uses, honestly. Regardless, I don't see any rhinoceroses around for her to use. Unless she can control human minds, in which case, why is this fight still going? Also, why is she called Ember? That's a firestarter name!
Now I'm imagining The Surface Breaks, but the Sea King had a fetish for MMA.
Danny Tozer doesn't recognise this emotion.
Ah, there we go, familar ground.
Are the energy glands located in the hands?
Did we just speedrun Sovereign?
Purely a personal thing, but somehow capitalising "super" seems wrong.
He's just seen The Incredibles like, four times.
Is Jillian Valkyja now?
Remember this.
If this is reminding you a bit of The Boys, don't be shocked. Be confused.
So sayeth the Sea King!
Turn this record over, you ain't seen nothin' yet!
- Superheroes are for babies and babymen.
- Everyone in the world with taste is sick of superhero shit right now, and for good reason.
- I'm a prose author, and superheroes are best suited to visual mediums.
Normally in these posts I try to talk about the cultural context of the work or stuff about the author, but in this case, I don't really have much to say. Battlecry doesn't seem to have been riding any particular YA trend besides "superheroes" and even when they were the uncontested kings and queens of popular culture, they weren't actually that prominent in YA lit, because again, plain prose is kind of the worst medium for them. Emerald Dodge herself is a Navy housewife with two children. I naturally assumed that was a pseudonym, but she dedicates to this book her husband "Alexander Dodge" so maybe they are in fact superheroes? That aside, she's probably the most "normal" author we've covered in these threads. Just a housewife who lucked into a low level YA career. It's almost disconcerting. At least Orson Scott Card is clearly a closet case and part of the Jefferson Starship to Christianity's Airplane.
It's probably for the best. Discussing why Battlecry is so bizarre before we start would just spoil it. Let's begin:
The eighteenth bomb exploded.
Huh. I didn't realise we'd done so many threads.
Flattened against a wall beside a stinking dumpster, I crouched and maneuvered my finger beneath the fabric of my mask to remove a piece of shrapnel caught there. I was so grateful the media couldn’t photograph superheroes.
Bahahhaha, yeah, sure. I think it's time to remember some wise words:
Never forget, the press is the enemy.
Like fuck this rule would ever be honoured. In fact, why would superheroes wear colourful outfits if they were uncomfortable with being photographed? It's not like this is a small scale where there's just one superhero who only works at night and shit. This isn't Cybersix.
My quick glances towards the armored car revealed that I stood the closest to the masked bomber, since I couldn’t see anyone else. It was up to me to do something, even though I was just as vulnerable to fireballs as the rest of my teammates. I didn’t mind the death-inviting responsibility. My teammates were, with one exception, far more likable than me. My death wouldn’t make that much of an impact.
Wow. It's like Mrs Dodge heard me calling out all the other Cringe Heroes for being unlikeable, and decided to head me off at the pass. I haven't actually read much of this book in advance, so I have no idea if Jill here will be part of the trend. I'm almost in suspense.
I’d already counted four burned bodies. If the gathering clouds overhead emptied themselves on us, we’d have storm damage to deal with on top of bombs and mangled people pinned under rock and twisted steel.
I do find it amusing that Jill's like "Civilains are dead and burned, and also, it might rain."
I crouched as low as I could and surveyed the scene. Craters and broken cars covered the wide downtown avenue. Large enough to accommodate traffic for Saint Catherine’s population of a quarter million, it was now a daunting battlefield.
I'm pretty sure St. Catherine is fictional. As made up superhero city names go, it's not bad. Certainly better than say, "Commerce City." I swear to God, I didn't make that up. Sounds like what Andrew Ryan would've called his city if he was born with Downs syndrome. Oh, and we're in Georgia.
I’d been smart to change locations, because I could now see three of my teammates, busy climbing over wreckage. My fourth teammate, our leader Patrick, was nowhere in sight, but I knew that he’d never be far from the Destructor. At least, I thought that was the name the bomber had shouted at us over the screaming of civilians when Patrick had ordered him to identify himself.
I’d had to suppress the urge to laugh; since when did supervillains have codenames like us?
Why wouldn't they? If anything, wouldn't supervillains have more reason to hide their true identities? Also, trust me, this team has no place making fun of other people's supernyms.
The Destructor lobbed another explosive at an unseen person in the distance. Not risking a melee, I picked up a tennis ball-sized rock and waited for the right moment. A rock thrown at just the right spot would knock him down long enough for me to take him out. Between my enhanced strength, speed, and agility, I wouldn’t miss my target.
I find Jill's powers interesting. Not because they're particularly novel, but rather the exact opposite. In these sort of books, the main characters usually have really singular, OP powersets (like in Dreadnought) or deliberately "weak" or otherwise quirky powers they have to work hard to leverage. For instance, in the web-serial Worm, a lot of characters (and readers) spend way too long pretending that fine control over all insects and athropods within a city block isn't clearly badass and useful. The Legion of Substitute Heroes is built on that kind of thing. Jill meanwhile kind of falls into neither catagory. She just has basic-bitch physical enhancements. At this juncture, I'm not sure if Dodge was being lazy, or wanted her main character to be the superhuman equivelant of an average woman. I hope it's the latter.
He whipped around and looked directly at me. “Did you think I wouldn’t notice you?” he shouted as another blazing orb appeared in his hand.
And then Incrediboy showed up and ruined everything.
Beneath his red-and-black mask, his eyes gleamed with the anticipation of my death. For a fraction of a second I felt both insulted that he was trying to kill me and invigorated that something was finally happening, though both were stupid reactions at a time like this, or any other time.
“Come out and fight,” he said with a snarl, another glowing ball already in his hand. “A dead little girl would brighten my day.”
I pursed my lips, since I knew better than to correct him. If he thought a twenty-year-old was a “little girl,” then he’d already underestimated me.
Jill doesn't seem to have gotten the hang of super-banter yet.
The Destructor jumped off the armored car and sauntered towards me, bandying his fireball about as if it were a beach ball. I slowly unsheathed the knife on my belt. Just a few yards closer, and I could throw it into his shoulder with such accuracy that I could sever the nerves without damaging an artery. He’d have quite a time hurling fireballs if he couldn’t move his shoulder.
Somewhere, Calamity is getting wet, and she doesn't know why.
He stopped and tossed a fireball from halfway across the street. Once more, I ran for cover.
I was fifteen yards from the car when it exploded.
The blast threw me into a crumbling brick wall that promptly collapsed, unable to withstand both the shockwave and my weight. I tumbled a few times and the knife sliced my leg. I lay face down on the ground for a moment. A ringing sounded in my ears. Adding insult to injury, it started to rain.
“Battlecry, you okay?”
I heard the words from somewhere but the flashing lights in my vision distracted me from figuring out who said them. Weirdly, my dislike of my codename was the first thing I thought of while my vision cleared.
Figures. Between this and Dreadnought, Battlecry is probably the best superhero name we've encountered so far (even if I would've given it to someone with sound powers) so of course the owner hates it. Also, notice she apparently didn't get to pick hers.
I much preferred to be called Jillian.
I don't think Jillian understands the point of codenames. Also, this is a general gripe with the genre at the moment, but I hate how it's almost become the default for members of superhero teams to use given names in the field, and for everyone to seemingly be told everyone else's secret identities as soon as they join. And I'm not talking like, the Fantastic Four or the X-Men, none of whom have had secret identities for decades (though, there was a weird period where the FF were all public figures and celebrities... but nobody knew Johnny Storm was the Human Torch. Somehow) I'm talking about groups like the Avengers or the Justice League, who're basically ever-rotating groups of strangers and loose aquaintences.
Screams filled the air again. Around the earthen wall, the Destructor bore down on a group of three injured businessmen huddled against the side of an overturned hot-dog cart. Cursing, I unsheathed another of my knives and prepared to charge him.
The Destructor threw his fireball. It sailed through the air in a perfect arc with a horrific hissing noise. The businessmen closed their eyes.
The fireball hit an invisible wall and disintegrated into thousands of sparks.
Patrick was here.
He learned its secrets.
He emerged from behind a pile of rubble, his inhuman fury visible even from a distance. I swallowed the lump in my throat and returned behind the dirt wall, listening to Patrick and the Destructor trade curses. Every time the Destructor attacked, Patrick shot back an enraged response and I held my breath, my whole body tensed and ready to run far, far away. But I didn’t run—I stood in my little enclave, clawing at my brain for a plan.
Okay, this is actually pretty good foreshadowing, at least by the standards we're used to. But we'll get to that.
Marco rushed in. “Hiding, B? I’ll join you,” he said, panting. “That guy nearly turned me into pudding and now Patrick is working on him.”
An ugly gash marred his face, and blood dripped onto his ripped tunic. One of his sleeves had been completely torn off. He looked every inch the hardened fighter the public expected us to be, instead of what he really was: a seventeen-year-old who’d lied about his age to the police when he’d registered with the city.
Wow, not only is the city government way more sensible than Newport's, but Marco is way more based than Danny.
“I’m not hiding,” I snapped. “I’m planning. And don’t call him his real name right now.”
You'd think they'd have had all this drilled into them. Possibly literally.
“Planning,” I repeated, more to myself than Marco. You’re a superhero, Jillian. Do something.
“Plan something fast. Atropos is furious that this is taking so long.”
I couldn’t help but smile at Marco’s tone when he said our leader’s goddess-themed codename.
Okay, not to jump too far ahead, but I find it really hard to believe Patrick would be okay with being named after a female divinity. And even if he was, Atropos is a fucking shit name. It doesn't even sound like a superhero. It sounds more like a Souls boss if anything. So, Atropos was one of the three Fates of Greek mythology, divine sisters who measured out the lives of mortals with a spool of string. It was Atropos' job to decide when and how mortals died by cutting the string of their lives with a pair of gold sheers. So, you'd expect a super named after her to have powers related to time, death, or fate, right? Maybe precognition? Nah, Patrick's telekinetic. And no, as far as I can tell, he doesn't visualise his power as invisible strings connecting him to distant objects, he's just early 60s Jean Grey.
Marco's power is basically being a living solar battery, absorbing and rereleasing heat and light from the sun. Which would be really useful here, except he's already tapped out most of his reserves. The two are contacted by Ember, the team's telepath:
And now that I have your attention, Patrick’s got some orders for you.
I'm guessing he wants a Krabby Patty.
Of course he does. The rain started falling harder, which didn’t help my mood. Have you been eavesdropping on me? I hate that.
Not now, Jill. Please. And I was in Marco’s mind and heard your question.
Fine. What does Patrick want me to do? I crossed my arms, hoping the attitude came across.
It's almost as though keeping the team coordinated is her job. Also, this kind of attitude from Jill is kind of weird with what we learn later.
He says go to the top of the Bell Building and signal when you’re up there. I’ll give you the rest of the orders when you’re on the roof.
No! No more open-ended orders. Remember last time? I got shot because he didn’t tell me a gang meeting would be going on.
Stop being an idiot! This kind of crap from you is why he’s the way he is. And besides, the bullet only grazed you.
The Patrick Starfish jokes make themselves.
I arrived on the roof, panting and wincing from the burning pain in my shoulder. I stumbled to the edge and located Patrick below, a dark little figure surrounded by tiny floating items. He had moved to the top of the armored car. The Destructor was desperately trying to land a hit on him, but Patrick’s telekinesis wasn’t allowing it. Dozens of fireballs sailed through the air and dissolved into steaming, fizzling sparks when they hit Patrick’s shield.
I'm kind of curious how this works. Is Patrick projecting some kind of invisible energy barrier, or is he somehow "grabbing" and snuffing out the fireballs as they come like they were physical objects?
The ground rumbled and shook. A small patch of earth sprang up under the Destructor, six feet wide but soaring hundreds of feet into the air—far too quickly for the Destructor to jump to the ground. My team hurried from their locations to the base of the tower to watch.
Ember’s presence tickled the back of my mind once again. I picked up from him that he’s afraid of heights when he was standing on the armored car, so we’re lifting him up to throw him out of his comfort zone. Patrick wants you to give him a beat down.
The mental image of me kicking the Destructor in the stomach over and over again while he begged for mercy flitted across my mind. That wasn’t my fantasy but Patrick’s, relayed by Ember.
Of course. How many times had Patrick used me as the team’s muscle?
...You have super-strength. Why shouldn't he? This is like Storm bitching that people keep asking for wind and lightning, or to give a speech like she's Black Galadrial. No duh, that's what you're here for!
Sure, Reid could control lava
Because that's always going to be an appropriate weapon for an urban setting.
Marco could harness the sun
And also runs on triple A batteries.
Heck, even Ember was one of the few superhumans lucky enough to have two powers, telepathy and control over animals.
That sounds more like one power with a bunch of uses, honestly. Regardless, I don't see any rhinoceroses around for her to use. Unless she can control human minds, in which case, why is this fight still going? Also, why is she called Ember? That's a firestarter name!
Our leader had made it clear to me that I was useful for my fists and nothing more.
Now I'm imagining The Surface Breaks, but the Sea King had a fetish for MMA.
The earthen tower reached the roof and stopped. The Destructor huddled on it in the fetal position. Ember had downplayed his feelings about heights. He wasn’t just afraid, he had a phobia. Beneath my surging adrenaline lurked something almost like pity, because a trembling, sniveling adversary just wasn’t respectable.
Danny Tozer doesn't recognise this emotion.
Still, I’d rather have jumped off the Bell Building than reveal my true feelings to a supervillain. I stuffed down my pity and worked my face into a steely glare.
I jumped from the roof onto the muddy tower, my boots skidding on the wet pavement and only stopping an inch from his head. He yelped.
“Scared?” I sneered. I lifted him by his shirt with my one working arm, the blood pounding in my ears. “Good.”
Ah, there we go, familar ground.
I threw him off the tower onto the roof and then jumped after him. He scrambled backwards and held up a hand. “Don’t come any closer! I’ll—I’ll blow us up!”
“You’d have done it already,” I said coolly. Energy manipulation like bomb-making virtually always required the Super to have working hands, so without a word I stomped on the hand clutching the ground with my steel-soled boot while simultaneously crushing the hand he was holding up with my own vise grip. Despite my pity, the crunches and his cry of anguish were highly satisfying.
Are the energy glands located in the hands?
I mentally reviewed the steps I was supposed to take next. Punch, kick, maim, the usual. But this pathetic man was down, and doing anything else just seemed…mean. I looked at him while he cradled his useless fingers and marveled at the irony of someone so powerful being so weak at the same time.
“You disgust me.” I put my hands on my hips, ignoring his sobs. “I’ve been told to kick your head in, but I think you’ve learned your lesson. The police will be here in a few minutes. Have fun in prison.”
Did we just speedrun Sovereign?
I turned to go to the edge and signal the all-clear. The moment my back was to him, he swiped a leg under my own and I fell.
My injured shoulder took the brunt of the fall, and my head bounced against the ground. He awkwardly ran towards the edge. My groan turned into a growl of anger. That had been a rookie mistake.
“Get back here!” I yelled, jumping up and blinking away white spots in my vision.
He glanced back at me, eyes wide, his fear of heights battling his fear of me. I bridged the gap between us and grabbed his wrist just as he went over the side of the building.
“Let me go,” he pleaded, crying again. “I can’t spend the rest of my life in the Supers’ prison! Have some mercy on a fellow Super.”
Purely a personal thing, but somehow capitalising "super" seems wrong.
“You didn’t show any mercy to the people down there,” I replied with some difficulty, as he wriggled and pulled against me. Normally pulling a man up with one arm wouldn’t have been a problem, but the pain in my shoulder compromised my strength. A deafening crash of thunder preceded even more sheets of rain. Rivulets of water ran down my arm onto his, making my grasp slippery. A few more minutes of this tug-of-war and the Destructor would get his wish.
Patrick says drop him.
“Shut up, Ember!” I yelled into the storm.
Patrick will catch him.
Yeah, right. Powerful as Patrick was, he struggled to catch falling people—as we’d witnessed during a suicide two months earlier.
He's just seen The Incredibles like, four times.
Gritting my teeth and cursing the Destructor’s ancestors, I ignored Ember’s further protests and with a burst of effort pulled the Destructor back over the edge. A quick punch to the temple knocked him out cold.
Is Jillian Valkyja now?
He’s down.
Adrenaline drained out of my system and left a cold creep in my veins, the same creep I felt after every mistake and poor judgment call. Though I could feel Ember in my mind, she said nothing. When the police arrived on the roof, I didn’t leave the scene until they asked me to.
Back on the street, Patrick was surrounded by soaked teenage girls holding umbrellas and a copy of a tabloid that had done a feature on “Saint Catherine’s Heroic Heartthrob.” After signing autographs, he fielded questions from reporters. Their ability to converge at a scene just minutes after an incident never failed to amaze me.
Remember this.
ne particularly aggressive woman pushed her way to the front and stuck a microphone in his face. “Atropos, how did you feel when you were fighting the Destructor?”
He ducked his head, grinning sheepishly. “Well, every fight is a thrill and a challenge. I didn’t have any time to be scared for myself, though. I’m always one hundred percent concerned about the safety of my team and the citizens of Saint Catherine.”
If this is reminding you a bit of The Boys, don't be shocked. Be confused.
The reporter referred to her notes. “Our viewers voted on our final question: any tips for prospective superhero leaders out there?”
What a stupid question. You were born into our life or you weren’t, and leadership was for men in elder families only.
So sayeth the Sea King!
He laughed. “Sure. Lead with a firm hand, and you’ll have the respect of your team and your city.”
The rest of us looked on in the rain while Patrick fed the crowd his smooth replies. We made sure to never stop smiling for the public in case they looked our way, just as we’d been told for years.
After all, if we didn’t smile, people might guess the truth about us.
Turn this record over, you ain't seen nothin' yet!
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