Cringe Side-Quest #4: Battlecry, by Emerald Dodge - White-Kettle-Shufflepunk and the Transhuman Earth Guardians read another capeshit series

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White-Kettle Shufflepunk

Nepo Babies
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Apr 28, 2022
So, I'm pretty sure most you know this (because I'm chatty and my opsec is shit) but aside from making fun of crap books, I also write on them myself. I also really like superheroes, so a bunch of my projects fall into that genre. This is a fucking awful creative decision on my part for a few reasons:
  1. Superheroes are for babies and babymen.
  2. Everyone in the world with taste is sick of superhero shit right now, and for good reason.
  3. I'm a prose author, and superheroes are best suited to visual mediums.
As proof of the third reason, I offered you all the Nemesis series by April Daniels, a planned trilogy of trans YA superhero novels that basically have all the worldbuilding of those "How to Draw Comics" booklets they put out before kids got more into manga. However, despite the first two books being released in the same year, the third novel has yet to materialise. I don't know whether to blame troon work ethic or Daniels just writing themselves into a corner in the second one. Either way, it left me with a bad case of snarky blue balls. So, this time, I picked a series that's already been completed.

Normally in these posts I try to talk about the cultural context of the work or stuff about the author, but in this case, I don't really have much to say. Battlecry doesn't seem to have been riding any particular YA trend besides "superheroes" and even when they were the uncontested kings and queens of popular culture, they weren't actually that prominent in YA lit, because again, plain prose is kind of the worst medium for them. Emerald Dodge herself is a Navy housewife with two children. I naturally assumed that was a pseudonym, but she dedicates to this book her husband "Alexander Dodge" so maybe they are in fact superheroes? That aside, she's probably the most "normal" author we've covered in these threads. Just a housewife who lucked into a low level YA career. It's almost disconcerting. At least Orson Scott Card is clearly a closet case and part of the Jefferson Starship to Christianity's Airplane.

It's probably for the best. Discussing why Battlecry is so bizarre before we start would just spoil it. Let's begin:

The eighteenth bomb exploded.

Huh. I didn't realise we'd done so many threads.

Flattened against a wall beside a stinking dumpster, I crouched and maneuvered my finger beneath the fabric of my mask to remove a piece of shrapnel caught there. I was so grateful the media couldn’t photograph superheroes.

Bahahhaha, yeah, sure. I think it's time to remember some wise words:

Never forget, the press is the enemy.

Like fuck this rule would ever be honoured. In fact, why would superheroes wear colourful outfits if they were uncomfortable with being photographed? It's not like this is a small scale where there's just one superhero who only works at night and shit. This isn't Cybersix.

My quick glances towards the armored car revealed that I stood the closest to the masked bomber, since I couldn’t see anyone else. It was up to me to do something, even though I was just as vulnerable to fireballs as the rest of my teammates. I didn’t mind the death-inviting responsibility. My teammates were, with one exception, far more likable than me. My death wouldn’t make that much of an impact.

Wow. It's like Mrs Dodge heard me calling out all the other Cringe Heroes for being unlikeable, and decided to head me off at the pass. I haven't actually read much of this book in advance, so I have no idea if Jill here will be part of the trend. I'm almost in suspense.

I’d already counted four burned bodies. If the gathering clouds overhead emptied themselves on us, we’d have storm damage to deal with on top of bombs and mangled people pinned under rock and twisted steel.

I do find it amusing that Jill's like "Civilains are dead and burned, and also, it might rain."

I crouched as low as I could and surveyed the scene. Craters and broken cars covered the wide downtown avenue. Large enough to accommodate traffic for Saint Catherine’s population of a quarter million, it was now a daunting battlefield.

I'm pretty sure St. Catherine is fictional. As made up superhero city names go, it's not bad. Certainly better than say, "Commerce City." I swear to God, I didn't make that up. Sounds like what Andrew Ryan would've called his city if he was born with Downs syndrome. Oh, and we're in Georgia.

I’d been smart to change locations, because I could now see three of my teammates, busy climbing over wreckage. My fourth teammate, our leader Patrick, was nowhere in sight, but I knew that he’d never be far from the Destructor. At least, I thought that was the name the bomber had shouted at us over the screaming of civilians when Patrick had ordered him to identify himself.

I’d had to suppress the urge to laugh; since when did supervillains have codenames like us?

Why wouldn't they? If anything, wouldn't supervillains have more reason to hide their true identities? Also, trust me, this team has no place making fun of other people's supernyms.


The Destructor lobbed another explosive at an unseen person in the distance. Not risking a melee, I picked up a tennis ball-sized rock and waited for the right moment. A rock thrown at just the right spot would knock him down long enough for me to take him out. Between my enhanced strength, speed, and agility, I wouldn’t miss my target.

I find Jill's powers interesting. Not because they're particularly novel, but rather the exact opposite. In these sort of books, the main characters usually have really singular, OP powersets (like in Dreadnought) or deliberately "weak" or otherwise quirky powers they have to work hard to leverage. For instance, in the web-serial Worm, a lot of characters (and readers) spend way too long pretending that fine control over all insects and athropods within a city block isn't clearly badass and useful. The Legion of Substitute Heroes is built on that kind of thing. Jill meanwhile kind of falls into neither catagory. She just has basic-bitch physical enhancements. At this juncture, I'm not sure if Dodge was being lazy, or wanted her main character to be the superhuman equivelant of an average woman. I hope it's the latter.

He whipped around and looked directly at me. “Did you think I wouldn’t notice you?” he shouted as another blazing orb appeared in his hand.

And then Incrediboy showed up and ruined everything.

Beneath his red-and-black mask, his eyes gleamed with the anticipation of my death. For a fraction of a second I felt both insulted that he was trying to kill me and invigorated that something was finally happening, though both were stupid reactions at a time like this, or any other time.

“Come out and fight,” he said with a snarl, another glowing ball already in his hand. “A dead little girl would brighten my day.”

I pursed my lips, since I knew better than to correct him. If he thought a twenty-year-old was a “little girl,” then he’d already underestimated me.

Jill doesn't seem to have gotten the hang of super-banter yet.

The Destructor jumped off the armored car and sauntered towards me, bandying his fireball about as if it were a beach ball. I slowly unsheathed the knife on my belt. Just a few yards closer, and I could throw it into his shoulder with such accuracy that I could sever the nerves without damaging an artery. He’d have quite a time hurling fireballs if he couldn’t move his shoulder.

Somewhere, Calamity is getting wet, and she doesn't know why.

He stopped and tossed a fireball from halfway across the street. Once more, I ran for cover.

I was fifteen yards from the car when it exploded.

The blast threw me into a crumbling brick wall that promptly collapsed, unable to withstand both the shockwave and my weight. I tumbled a few times and the knife sliced my leg. I lay face down on the ground for a moment. A ringing sounded in my ears. Adding insult to injury, it started to rain.

“Battlecry, you okay?”

I heard the words from somewhere but the flashing lights in my vision distracted me from figuring out who said them. Weirdly, my dislike of my codename was the first thing I thought of while my vision cleared.

Figures. Between this and Dreadnought, Battlecry is probably the best superhero name we've encountered so far (even if I would've given it to someone with sound powers) so of course the owner hates it. Also, notice she apparently didn't get to pick hers.

I much preferred to be called Jillian.

I don't think Jillian understands the point of codenames. Also, this is a general gripe with the genre at the moment, but I hate how it's almost become the default for members of superhero teams to use given names in the field, and for everyone to seemingly be told everyone else's secret identities as soon as they join. And I'm not talking like, the Fantastic Four or the X-Men, none of whom have had secret identities for decades (though, there was a weird period where the FF were all public figures and celebrities... but nobody knew Johnny Storm was the Human Torch. Somehow) I'm talking about groups like the Avengers or the Justice League, who're basically ever-rotating groups of strangers and loose aquaintences.

Screams filled the air again. Around the earthen wall, the Destructor bore down on a group of three injured businessmen huddled against the side of an overturned hot-dog cart. Cursing, I unsheathed another of my knives and prepared to charge him.

The Destructor threw his fireball. It sailed through the air in a perfect arc with a horrific hissing noise. The businessmen closed their eyes.

The fireball hit an invisible wall and disintegrated into thousands of sparks.

Patrick was here.

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He learned its secrets.

He emerged from behind a pile of rubble, his inhuman fury visible even from a distance. I swallowed the lump in my throat and returned behind the dirt wall, listening to Patrick and the Destructor trade curses. Every time the Destructor attacked, Patrick shot back an enraged response and I held my breath, my whole body tensed and ready to run far, far away. But I didn’t run—I stood in my little enclave, clawing at my brain for a plan.

Okay, this is actually pretty good foreshadowing, at least by the standards we're used to. But we'll get to that.

Marco rushed in. “Hiding, B? I’ll join you,” he said, panting. “That guy nearly turned me into pudding and now Patrick is working on him.”

An ugly gash marred his face, and blood dripped onto his ripped tunic. One of his sleeves had been completely torn off. He looked every inch the hardened fighter the public expected us to be, instead of what he really was: a seventeen-year-old who’d lied about his age to the police when he’d registered with the city.

Wow, not only is the city government way more sensible than Newport's, but Marco is way more based than Danny.

“I’m not hiding,” I snapped. “I’m planning. And don’t call him his real name right now.”

You'd think they'd have had all this drilled into them. Possibly literally.

“Planning,” I repeated, more to myself than Marco. You’re a superhero, Jillian. Do something.

“Plan something fast. Atropos is furious that this is taking so long.”

I couldn’t help but smile at Marco’s tone when he said our leader’s goddess-themed codename.

Okay, not to jump too far ahead, but I find it really hard to believe Patrick would be okay with being named after a female divinity. And even if he was, Atropos is a fucking shit name. It doesn't even sound like a superhero. It sounds more like a Souls boss if anything. So, Atropos was one of the three Fates of Greek mythology, divine sisters who measured out the lives of mortals with a spool of string. It was Atropos' job to decide when and how mortals died by cutting the string of their lives with a pair of gold sheers. So, you'd expect a super named after her to have powers related to time, death, or fate, right? Maybe precognition? Nah, Patrick's telekinetic. And no, as far as I can tell, he doesn't visualise his power as invisible strings connecting him to distant objects, he's just early 60s Jean Grey.

Marco's power is basically being a living solar battery, absorbing and rereleasing heat and light from the sun. Which would be really useful here, except he's already tapped out most of his reserves. The two are contacted by Ember, the team's telepath:

And now that I have your attention, Patrick’s got some orders for you.

I'm guessing he wants a Krabby Patty.

Of course he does. The rain started falling harder, which didn’t help my mood. Have you been eavesdropping on me? I hate that.

Not now, Jill. Please. And I was in Marco’s mind and heard your question.

Fine. What does Patrick want me to do?
I crossed my arms, hoping the attitude came across.

It's almost as though keeping the team coordinated is her job. Also, this kind of attitude from Jill is kind of weird with what we learn later.

He says go to the top of the Bell Building and signal when you’re up there. I’ll give you the rest of the orders when you’re on the roof.

No! No more open-ended orders. Remember last time? I got shot because he didn’t tell me a gang meeting would be going on.

Stop being an idiot! This kind of crap from you is why he’s the way he is. And besides, the bullet only grazed you.

The Patrick Starfish jokes make themselves.

I arrived on the roof, panting and wincing from the burning pain in my shoulder. I stumbled to the edge and located Patrick below, a dark little figure surrounded by tiny floating items. He had moved to the top of the armored car. The Destructor was desperately trying to land a hit on him, but Patrick’s telekinesis wasn’t allowing it. Dozens of fireballs sailed through the air and dissolved into steaming, fizzling sparks when they hit Patrick’s shield.

I'm kind of curious how this works. Is Patrick projecting some kind of invisible energy barrier, or is he somehow "grabbing" and snuffing out the fireballs as they come like they were physical objects?

The ground rumbled and shook. A small patch of earth sprang up under the Destructor, six feet wide but soaring hundreds of feet into the air—far too quickly for the Destructor to jump to the ground. My team hurried from their locations to the base of the tower to watch.

Ember’s presence tickled the back of my mind once again. I picked up from him that he’s afraid of heights when he was standing on the armored car, so we’re lifting him up to throw him out of his comfort zone. Patrick wants you to give him a beat down.

The mental image of me kicking the Destructor in the stomach over and over again while he begged for mercy flitted across my mind. That wasn’t my fantasy but Patrick’s, relayed by Ember.

Of course. How many times had Patrick used me as the team’s muscle?

...You have super-strength. Why shouldn't he? This is like Storm bitching that people keep asking for wind and lightning, or to give a speech like she's Black Galadrial. No duh, that's what you're here for!

Sure, Reid could control lava

Because that's always going to be an appropriate weapon for an urban setting.

Marco could harness the sun

And also runs on triple A batteries.

Heck, even Ember was one of the few superhumans lucky enough to have two powers, telepathy and control over animals.

That sounds more like one power with a bunch of uses, honestly. Regardless, I don't see any rhinoceroses around for her to use. Unless she can control human minds, in which case, why is this fight still going? Also, why is she called Ember? That's a firestarter name!

Our leader had made it clear to me that I was useful for my fists and nothing more.

Now I'm imagining The Surface Breaks, but the Sea King had a fetish for MMA.

The earthen tower reached the roof and stopped. The Destructor huddled on it in the fetal position. Ember had downplayed his feelings about heights. He wasn’t just afraid, he had a phobia. Beneath my surging adrenaline lurked something almost like pity, because a trembling, sniveling adversary just wasn’t respectable.

Danny Tozer doesn't recognise this emotion.

Still, I’d rather have jumped off the Bell Building than reveal my true feelings to a supervillain. I stuffed down my pity and worked my face into a steely glare.

I jumped from the roof onto the muddy tower, my boots skidding on the wet pavement and only stopping an inch from his head. He yelped.

“Scared?” I sneered. I lifted him by his shirt with my one working arm, the blood pounding in my ears. “Good.”

Ah, there we go, familar ground.

I threw him off the tower onto the roof and then jumped after him. He scrambled backwards and held up a hand. “Don’t come any closer! I’ll—I’ll blow us up!”

“You’d have done it already,” I said coolly. Energy manipulation like bomb-making virtually always required the Super to have working hands, so without a word I stomped on the hand clutching the ground with my steel-soled boot while simultaneously crushing the hand he was holding up with my own vise grip. Despite my pity, the crunches and his cry of anguish were highly satisfying.

Are the energy glands located in the hands?

I mentally reviewed the steps I was supposed to take next. Punch, kick, maim, the usual. But this pathetic man was down, and doing anything else just seemed…mean. I looked at him while he cradled his useless fingers and marveled at the irony of someone so powerful being so weak at the same time.

“You disgust me.” I put my hands on my hips, ignoring his sobs. “I’ve been told to kick your head in, but I think you’ve learned your lesson. The police will be here in a few minutes. Have fun in prison.”

Did we just speedrun Sovereign?

I turned to go to the edge and signal the all-clear. The moment my back was to him, he swiped a leg under my own and I fell.

My injured shoulder took the brunt of the fall, and my head bounced against the ground. He awkwardly ran towards the edge. My groan turned into a growl of anger. That had been a rookie mistake.

“Get back here!” I yelled, jumping up and blinking away white spots in my vision.

He glanced back at me, eyes wide, his fear of heights battling his fear of me. I bridged the gap between us and grabbed his wrist just as he went over the side of the building.

“Let me go,” he pleaded, crying again. “I can’t spend the rest of my life in the Supers’ prison! Have some mercy on a fellow Super.”

Purely a personal thing, but somehow capitalising "super" seems wrong.

“You didn’t show any mercy to the people down there,” I replied with some difficulty, as he wriggled and pulled against me. Normally pulling a man up with one arm wouldn’t have been a problem, but the pain in my shoulder compromised my strength. A deafening crash of thunder preceded even more sheets of rain. Rivulets of water ran down my arm onto his, making my grasp slippery. A few more minutes of this tug-of-war and the Destructor would get his wish.

Patrick says drop him.

“Shut up, Ember!” I yelled into the storm.

Patrick will catch him.

Yeah, right. Powerful as Patrick was, he struggled to catch falling people—as we’d witnessed during a suicide two months earlier.

He's just seen The Incredibles like, four times.

Gritting my teeth and cursing the Destructor’s ancestors, I ignored Ember’s further protests and with a burst of effort pulled the Destructor back over the edge. A quick punch to the temple knocked him out cold.

Is Jillian Valkyja now?

He’s down.

Adrenaline drained out of my system and left a cold creep in my veins, the same creep I felt after every mistake and poor judgment call. Though I could feel Ember in my mind, she said nothing. When the police arrived on the roof, I didn’t leave the scene until they asked me to.

Back on the street, Patrick was surrounded by soaked teenage girls holding umbrellas and a copy of a tabloid that had done a feature on “Saint Catherine’s Heroic Heartthrob.” After signing autographs, he fielded questions from reporters. Their ability to converge at a scene just minutes after an incident never failed to amaze me.

Remember this.

ne particularly aggressive woman pushed her way to the front and stuck a microphone in his face. “Atropos, how did you feel when you were fighting the Destructor?”

He ducked his head, grinning sheepishly. “Well, every fight is a thrill and a challenge. I didn’t have any time to be scared for myself, though. I’m always one hundred percent concerned about the safety of my team and the citizens of Saint Catherine.”

If this is reminding you a bit of The Boys, don't be shocked. Be confused.

The reporter referred to her notes. “Our viewers voted on our final question: any tips for prospective superhero leaders out there?”

What a stupid question. You were born into our life or you weren’t, and leadership was for men in elder families only.

So sayeth the Sea King!

He laughed. “Sure. Lead with a firm hand, and you’ll have the respect of your team and your city.”

The rest of us looked on in the rain while Patrick fed the crowd his smooth replies. We made sure to never stop smiling for the public in case they looked our way, just as we’d been told for years.

After all, if we didn’t smile, people might guess the truth about us.

Turn this record over, you ain't seen nothin' yet!
 
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Finally caught the creation of one of these threads.
For a fraction of a second I felt both insulted that he was trying to kill me and invigorated that something was finally happening, though both were stupid reactions at a time like this, or any other time.
"...that something was finally happening", did the nineteen explosions and four burned bodies you witnessed and counted not count as "something happening" Battlecry?
Maybe it's a superhero thing.
 
So...are we going to get more about the villain's deal? What were they trying to accomplish? Was that their first outing?

What I feel was being communicated to me is that this is a shit world with cold, unfeeling heroes absorbed entirely on their own personal dramas, and that the villain being a murderous sideshow was intentional. But I also feel like we might just have another one of those authors here.

I will say that we had decent tactics, a fair amount of communication and responsiveness from the superhero team, and a gesturing of the rankings and what characters do to deserve them; I get the distinct impression that the team leader can probably hit harder with his TK than Our Noble Heroine can with her fists, and thus doesn't consider her to add anything irreplaceable to the team. And yet, he still made effective use of her, and we even got a good depiction of why maiming is SOP; if our one-bomb wonder had been exceptional in not having hand-based energy glands, and if his powers weren't collateral-damage-y at close range, we could have lost our protagonist in our opening chapter...and even with everything else, if our boy had the stones to really, really not want to go to prison, all it would have taken was one unaimed bomb dropped at point-blank range, with no cover and no place to dodge, and slim chance of being caught as she fell, and again, we're down a protagonist.

I'm going to cautiously hope that the callousness is deliberate, that we're going to see scary-AF villains in a bit who make full murderous use of booby-trapped hostages and perfidious ambushes or just send a team of mercs with RPGs to shell the hero's civilian house, and that the somewhat large team with notable overlaps in their powers is foreshadowing for "Whoops, looks like you dropped your guard once and now you're a dead hero!"

Or this could be just inferior power-fantasy by someone who doesn't get that making your adversary look weak and pathetic doesn't make you look strong by comparison. I assume that the break-point would be the introduction of a character who is new to the world of capes and needs to be taught ruthlessness and callousness fast, and is meant to stand-in for the audience...and if we don't get that character, then we are by implication supposed to assume that "Yawn, four dead civvies and no actual investigation into who that guy was, what he was doing, or how he was doing it." is a reasonable thing for people to think in-universe. (Then again, it might just be that superpowers strip you of your humanity as a matter of course in this setting.)

I'll also say that it's fucking hard to, as an author, manage to keep up a flow that lets you appropriately introduce multiple names to a character (especially a side character) and not have things feel jarring when the reader is expecting Name One and gets Name Two instead, and that's not when the reader just forgets and goes "Wait, who was that again? Oh, it was that guy. Man, this is tedious." and starts skimming. I feel like this is where setting up heroes as having a persona can shine, and lets you as author specifically exaggerate the characteristics they are trying to impress upon those watching them. And then you can use the character-names to describe them when they are hamming it up, and let the actual names slip out when their behavior slips as well.

I do wonder about those families. Is "our life" superheroes or superhumans in general? The latter implies all bloodline powers all the time, and that superpowers are common enough and consistent enough for noble family bloodline advantage to be a parallel to our world. Then again, it might just be that you need to be born to those families to get the gig as a trusted superhero and not a dangerous vigilante or poorly-disguised supervillain, which again says a lot about the world, that presumably rogue heroes exist but are kept out of the spotlight because of nepotism. The former feels more likely, since Explody Boom Man did not feel like a scion of an ancient and powerful bloodline, and he was able to apparently one-v-one exactly that, and if this chucklehead could stand up to a leader among supers, then someone like him but actually with plans and goals and courage feels like they'd clean out the deadwood and force some meritocratic re-evaluation of who can lead a superhero team right fucking quick.

My big stumbling block currently is both the names and the fact that I'm not really enthralled by any of the characters yet, but I will take a protagonist that appears to be at least vaguely aware that the fucked-up shit she's doing is in fact fucked up and just doesn't care, as opposed to thinking that righeous violence makes her a good person.
 
It's a surprisingly solid start for these books.
I also write on them myself. I also really like superheroes, so a bunch of my projects fall into that genre. This is a fucking awful creative decision on my part for a few reasons:
  1. Superheroes are for babies and babymen.
  2. Everyone in the world with taste is sick of superhero shit right now, and for good reason.
  3. I'm a prose author, and superheroes are best suited to visual mediums.
I feel personally attacked right now.
I'm kind of curious how this works. Is Patrick projecting some kind of invisible energy barrier, or is he somehow "grabbing" and snuffing out the fireballs as they come like they were physical objects?
I just assumed his 'shield' was referring to putting any of the items he's picking up with his mind in front of him.
 
We begin chapter two with Marco tending to Jillian's injuries:

“Well, you were right, it’s a sprain. You’re going to be in a sling for a while. I don’t like the look of those cuts in your neck and leg, either.” He took an arm sling off the shelf and handed it to me. We'd made Marco the team's official medic, simply because he had read more first-aid pamphlets than the rest of us. He’d even understood a few of them.

Given these people are trained from birth to be superheroes, you'd think at least one person on the team would be thoroughly trained in battle medicine. Oh, Marco is Jillian's cousin by the way.

“That’s just excellent,” I muttered, putting the sling on and securing it. “Every team needs a useless member.”

We call him Cypher. And then when we realise being able to speak and read any language is actually quite useful in a support capacity, we over compensate by making everything a language, so now he's a master martial artist and sorcerer. Because God forbid a super-character not be a frontline fighter.


The front door slammed. We froze.

“Maybe all the swooning girls improved his mood,” I whispered. Patrick’s stomping footsteps through the house caused my heart to pound.

“In my office, now!” Patrick’s harsh tones made my mouth go dry. His tone made him sound much older than twenty-five.

At least now we know what Patrick was doing while SpongeBob took care of the scallop.

We walked to Patrick’s office and were joined outside the door by Ember and Reid. Ember’s long red hair still smelled of smoke and death, and her skin was even paler than usual.

Hi Jean Grey.

Inside, Patrick, tall and blond and terrifying, sat on the edge of his desk with his arms crossed, a look so chilling on his face that I had to fight the urge to step back.

Did he happen to be played by Anthony Starr? Real talk, though, I kind of respect Dodge for not making the evil team leader a Superman expy.

Shut the door.”

Everyone flinched, but he spoke only to me.

I closed the door as quietly as I could, trying not to seem fazed.

Patrick looked directly at me. “Jillian, we’re going to talk about what happened today.”

Shit, he heard my SpongeBob jokes. Sorry? Actually, Patrick's mad that Jill didn't throw Destructor off the roof.

Patrick was my leader and I had to listen to him. As a member of a non-elder family in the camp, my position in life was to be under another person’s authority at all times. No exceptions. To defy the authority of my leader was unthinkable—practically as unforgivable as defying an elder directly. The turmoil of being at a loss for words began building up inside of me.

Is this a superhero group, or a fucking Garou sept from Werewolf: The Apocalypse? If two superheroes breed, do they produce some kind of horrific mega-baby? Wait, that's basically just Franklin Richards.

“I was worried he wouldn’t make it,” I finally blurted. “A lot was going on and it was a long fall, you know.”

An invisible force slammed me into the wall.

“How many times do I have to tell you that you do not have permission to question my orders?” He strode towards me. “You stupid, insignificant piece of crap! I let you stay here and this is how you repay me? This is how you treat me? Who are you to question what I’m capable of?”

“I didn’t mean it like that, I swear!” The words struggled to come out through the pressure on my chest and neck. I couldn’t control the tears any longer, and my fear transformed into naked humiliation that my team was watching me not just get punished, but cry about it like a child.

Could this be? Has it finally happened?

“Then how did you mean it? Were you questioning my authority?” His fist clenched.

Reid moved to stop him, but pulled back his hand after a second, doubt and fear warring on his face.

“I’m sorry,” I managed to whisper as I hung my head, tears dripping down my nose. “I just…I didn’t want him to die.”

“What have I told you? Nobody cares about what you want!” The invisible hand of Patrick’s telekinesis threw me into a bookshelf, where several heavy tomes of Leadership and Wisdom fell on top of me and made my shoulder light up with excruciating pain.

It is! An abusive and violent character in a cringe book is actually being abusive and violent!


Roger and the Sea King must feel like such chumps right now. Also, credit to Dodge, telekinesis is a pretty appropriate power for an abusive authority figure, honestly way more aesthetically interesting than just making another evil Superman.

Now, I think a team of young supers having to deal with an abusive leader is a pretty decent premise on its own, but... that isn't all this story is about.

I squeezed my eyes shut, willing myself to stay still. If I kept quiet, there was no way he could think I was fighting his discipline. Marco rushed over to help me up. His hand brushed the laceration at the back of my neck and I could tell that it had opened up again.

“You’re going to make her shoulder worse,” Ember said, her voice shaking.

She crashed into the desk. “Now you’re questioning me?”

"You couldn't even pick a name that made sense!"

"That was you!"

My chin lifted against my will, forcing me to look into his hard blue eyes. New tears appeared. The telekinetic force grabbed my collar and hoisted me to my feet. The chalkboard we used for strategy notations floated over and landed next to me. My fingers plucked a piece of chalk from the air.

Patrick crossed his arms. “Draw the chain of command and explain it to us. I want to hear from your own mouth that you know our law.”

I gulped and started sketching, struggling to control my trembling hand. “The chain of command is like an umbrella,” I began, using the same words my teachers had used over the years. “Elders are at the top, followed by team leaders, then your father and mother.” I drew a crude likeness of an umbrella and sectioned it horizontally, labeling the lines.

If some of you find this dimly familar, here, let me help:

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Basically, a lot of fundamentalist Christians, especially the ones who go big on patriarchy, like to use umbrellas to illustrate what they see as natural hierarchy. The male head of the household answers to Christ (who conveniently goes to another school in Gethsemane) his wife answers to him, and the children answer to their mother--so long as she doesn't contradict Dad, of course. In more organised groups, sometimes there's an umbrella for church leaders between the husband and Jesus, but these sort of people tend to consider "churches" an impingement on fatherly authority. Some versions are so extreme, they explictly spell out that a woman or child's relationship with Christ is entirely mediated through their husband and father.

I think most of us will agree that's pretty gross, but what does that have to do with superheroes? Well, I'm not sure! It seems like a really random association to make. Back in the Surface Breaks review, I think I made a pretty strong argument that "The Little Mermaid" wasn't particularly suited to a "feminist reimagining" but I totally understand why Louise O'Neill thought it did. One, all her professional work is about girls being miserable in Ireland, it's all she knows. Two, there was a generation of lazy clickbait articles telling her that Disney's Little Mermaid was really sexist. Conversely, I have no idea why Emerald Dodge chose to mashup "superheroes" and "patriarchal Christian microcults." When people flail about sexism in comic books, it's usually about some superheroines dressing skimpy, not... this. Reed Richards and Cyclops can be weird dudes sometimes, but not that weird.

Oh, and on the subject of the "double standard" of female superhero costumes, enjoy a gallery of Namor the Sub-Mariner:


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You just got Carded!

Also, no, despite the fact they lift symbolism and language directly from fundamentalist Christianity, the superhero cult (spoilers, they're a cult!) doesn't seem to be at all religious. This isn't entirely unprecedented. Not all cults are religious. For instance, while Jim Jones started out as obstensibly a Christian preacher, the People's Temple pretty quickly abandoned that in favour of apocalyptic communist rhetoric and racial paranoia, thus securing the any% record for a Church of England speedrun. Still, it feels odd here, especially since we later find out the cult was founded by a bunch of American men in the 1930s. Pretty Christian demographic. I'm reminded a bit of The Surface Breaks (sorry, Dodge) which completely ommited the concept of an immortal soul, when that was pretty much the central crux of the original "Little Mermaid."

The umbrella analogy was very old, created when people in the camps still had umbrellas.

...Did it stop raining at some point? Is Battlecry set on Arrakis?

“Tell me the core character traits of a good superhero.”

Those had been drilled into me since I was three. “Obedience, joy, loyalty, and silence.”

These really don't seem like the organisational virtues that lead to people taking silly names and fighting crime in flashy costumes.

“Tell us how you will model all these traits during our next mission.” His voice was suddenly softer.

I breathed easier now that his ire appeared to be fading. “I’ll obey you without question. I’ll do so happily because you’re my leader, and I’m loyal only to you. And, um, I won’t talk much?” Silence had always struck me as an odd concept to call a “trait.”

Take it up with the GM, Jill. Actually, wait, that's probably Patrick. Don't do that.

Patrick’s face relaxed and he rolled his neck. “You guys all know I don’t enjoy these types of meetings. But I carry the burden of leadership. If you don’t obey, it is my responsibility to discipline you.” He looked at Ember. “Em, we’re going to have a discussion tomorrow about interrupting me during discipline sessions.”

She gulped and nodded. Even though I could still feel the tingle in my injuries from his punishment just minutes ago, I had to quash the desire to beg him to not hurt Ember, too. Was I demented?

So far you seem more consistent than Gaia, at least? Patrick fucks off for the moment.

“At least he only wanted the four traits. I’d have been screwed if I had to list the principles under pressure,” Marco said, erasing my drawing on the board and sliding it back to its storage place.

“I can review them with you,” Reid offered, gently brushing chalk dust off my arm. “Cautiousness, deference, deci—”

Ember bent down to help me pick up the books that had fallen. “Spare us. That’s the last thing we need right now. Jill, how’re you doing?”

Ember also doesn't approve of the character creation system.

“My shoulder hurts,” I mumbled, trying not to sniffle. “I’m going to go to the clinic.” The free clinic downtown was our answer to injuries that basic first aid couldn’t address. Most of their patients came in with gunshot wounds and knives sticking out of them, so they didn’t ask questions about things like broken bones, sprains, or serious burns.

You'd think a team contracted with the city could do better than the free clinic. If they're worried about people noticing the abuse, they're already professional violence doers.

Before I headed to the clinic, I would need to change into civilian clothes. As I undressed, I laid my uniform out on my bed: gray mask, bulletproof vest, khaki pants, utility belt, combat boots, and black gloves, undershirt, and hooded tunic. Gazing down at my battered, bloody uniform, I briefly thought about what it would be like to never put it on again. I was blessed with powers and the chance to defend innocent people with them, and here I was, disobeying my leader and daydreaming about abandoning my team. Loyalty, I reminded myself.

I guess I shouldn't expect a cult to come up with cool outfits, but fuck, that costume is dull.

I caught a glimpse of myself in a windowpane. Bruises and cuts crisscrossed my thin, pale face like splattered paint, though they couldn’t distract from an obvious black eye, a leftover from a fight a few days prior. My thick hair was such a dark brown it was almost black, and it was matted with dirt, blood, and who knew what else. It was painfully clear that I wasn’t pretty on the outside and, as Patrick was fond of reminding me, I was too obstinate and impulsive to be pretty on the inside.

Normally I'd find this pretty hamfisted, but it's still better than Gaia going on about how much it sucked to be the hottest thing on no legs.

After braiding my hair tightly in two sections, I scrubbed my face and put on foundation over the black eye, which didn’t really conceal it. I topped off my disguise with thick-framed glasses that slightly obscured my dark brown eyes. I took a moment to gaze at my reflection, and all I could see was an unfortunate young woman, as forgettable as she was powerless.

Man, the exchange rate of memorability to super-strength is shit right now.
 
First, another complaint. Interesting characters should believe things. We've had two chapters inside our heroine's head, and what do we know about her? Well, she doesn't like outright murder. And, well, she doesn't care for the cult she's in, but not enough to actively plot to leave (or, you know, just walk out the door, or better yet, get within arm's reach of Fearless Leader, twist his head off, then walk out the door). She wasn't shocked or outraged at the violence of Bomber-Man, and she didn't think about how his position compared to hers at all.

She's not incompetently written and I don't hate her, but I get the feeling she is meant to be a vessel for the didactic lessons of This Specific Kind of Cult is Bad, Mmkay? much more than she is meant to be a realized character. I feel like a character who is hardened to violence and can follow a specific routine of "Inflict this horrible injury on a fellow human that will disable them for life to stop them from using their powers." is not really a prime candidate for abuse, because all it takes is one reflex borne of the combat you keep throwing at her and one moment of her being just slightly faster than you, and you're dead. We've learned from this book that even pathetic losers like Bomb Man can still fight even when they're down and out, and this is a universe where people cannot just be thrown through walls with only mild bruising (or, more pointedly, where people with the strength to throw you through a wall can't just crush your skull and and kill you instantly). This should be a bigger deal than it is, I think.

Also, while we're doing the whole cult thing, why is our girl fighting? If this is an actual bloodline super-group, then why the hell would you risk a fertile woman in random battles? Shouldn't she be getting pregnant at the first opportunity, so the cult can roll the dice on creating another superhuman as many times as possible?

Presumably, they do need a lot of them; we had a reference to the Lost Boys up above, and presumably there is massive selection on the male elders to be overwhelmingly powerful or be culled, because you can't grant superpowers through social status and the blessing of your cult leader the way you can social power. The assumption is that (like the reference to the Lost Boys above) male children from the Elder families get tested for greater-than-average superpowers and if they fail, they are just removed, because having them around would threaten the principles and justifications of the cult.

I get why the author probably doesn't want to go full-skeevy with "It is your duty to bear as many children as you are physically able to.", but given the other set-up, I'd expect at least a wave towards it. Maybe we'll find out that Our Heroine was judged not wife material for some reason, and in fact might even have gotten assigned to the known dingus of the superhero team leaders because she was considered not particularly useful.

What I'm leaning towards, however, is that we're looking at another Triton's Palace. I feel like all that we're meant to really think about is the family dynamic, and that Team Leader is just a stand in for Abusive Dad (with vague social backing), and that there isn't going to be thought, consistency, or worldbuilding for the elements outside the walls of the hideout that should be driving the dynamics inside. Team Leader needs to conduct his disclipline behind closed doors; that could be saying that the cult might be influential but doesn't have the numbers, the institutional penetration, or any one Superman-esque trump card patriarch to act as they please...or it could just be the author modeling an abusive family with vague social backing, and not considering how superpowers would break that situation wide open.

Still, it's not super-cringe so far, so let's see where we go.
 
We call him Cypher. And then when we realise being able to speak and read any language is actually quite useful in a support capacity, we over compensate by making everything a language, so now he's a master martial artist and sorcerer. Because God forbid a super-character not be a frontline fighter.
The martial arts thing was absurd but the spells thing I can accept given that in system a lot of magic is just apparently saying shit the right way in a weird old language.

Did he happen to be played by Anthony Starr? Real talk, though, I kind of respect Dodge for not making the evil team leader a Superman expy.
D.C. already did the evil Superman schtick so often they even did a variant evil superman so it's something people know to avoid now.
And yes, it's refreshing to see an author actually willing to show the nature of abuse and the difference between the abuser in private and public.

Is this a superhero group, or a fucking Garou sept from Werewolf: The Apocalypse? If two superheroes breed, do they produce some kind of horrific mega-baby? Wait, that's basically just Franklin Richards.
There is a theory that ever continuity fuckup or weird timeline bullshit can be explained by pointing at Franklin Richards. Probably for other continuities too.

Roger and the Sea King must feel like such chumps right now. Also, credit to Dodge, telekinesis is a pretty appropriate power for an abusive authority figure, honestly way more aesthetically interesting than just making another evil Superman.
Also more visceral than straight up mind control.

Yeah, this is perhaps the best of the cringe quests thus far*, but that's a bit like saying "It's got the least shit on it." It's still not good.





*I know, very early yet, but it has yet to be blatantly terrible in ways the others were this early.
 
There is a theory that ever continuity fuckup or weird timeline bullshit can be explained by pointing at Franklin Richards. Probably for other continuities too.

Side note, as an expert and proponent of weird kids in superhero nonsense, aging up Frank and Valeria was a way better idea than Jon Kent.


Also more visceral than straight up mind control.

And easier to plot around.
 
Finally, an abusive authority figure is an abusive authority figure. Gotta say tho, not the greatest idea to surround yourself with superpowered subordinates and rely entirely on their blind loyalty as you slam them around the room. Someone's bound to snap sooner or later, if only out of sheer survival instinct or fear.

Is the idea Patrick cannot control himself, gets completely irrational, and punches anyone who opposes him with telekinesis? Is that why he throws them around his office rather than getting more deliberate and methodical with his punishment? Or is his telekinesis limited and he cannot knot people into human pretzels?
 
The downpour mirrored my mood while I walked towards the clinic. I mentally dared every hypothetical mugger and rapist to try me, but I walked down the street in miserable safety.

Sadly, Frank Miller was too busy having Superman beat up the Sea King to write you some thugs.

I kicked a soda can into the gutter.

"We're not sure why the post office exploded."

I’d said I’d be gone for an hour. The clock was ticking.

Then you turn into sea-foam.

When I arrived at the double doors with the large red cross on them, I only paused for a second before continuing on my way down the street. I didn’t know where I was going.

Cringe law #432: Women in works authored by women must not give concious reasons for any action they take.

I passed the park where I’d once stopped a shooting, the office building where I’d chased a man who could chew metal and spit it out like bullets

That sounds like a bonkers fight.

(three people died that day)

Buzzkill.

As I approached a coffee shop called Café Stella, a customer opened the door with a jingle, and the swirling aromas of coffee and spices enticed me to enter. My hand met the door handle.

There was no way to justify this act of rebellion. What if a teammate saw me? But the café looked so warm and cozy, I decided to step in. Just for a minute or two. Patrick couldn’t punish me too harshly for just wanting to step out of the rain.

Patrick: Challenge accepted.

I'm still not sure if this complete isolation from even the most banal parts of civilain life really squares with the Boys like celebrity culture we saw in the opening chapter. Actually, while we're at it:

The reporter referred to her notes. “Our viewers voted on our final question: any tips for prospective superhero leaders out there?”

What a stupid question. You were born into our life or you weren’t, and leadership was for men in elder families only.

How did Patrick answer this question? Keep your Psychonauts pimp-hand strong?

“What would you like, sweetheart?” The middle-aged man behind the counter smiled at me. His name tag read Lee. I bit my lip.

“I’ve never had fancy coffee before,” I admitted. “What’s your most popular?”

Actually, I’d never had coffee, period. It wasn’t available in the camp where I’d grown up, and if it had been, we probably wouldn’t have been allowed to drink it. Elder St. James often lectured to children that anything that alters the mind, besides medication, was dangerous, though he never explained why. The coffee smelled so good, and the old lady in the corner who sipped on a large mug seemed to enjoy it.

Great, now the superheroes are Mormon, too. For real, though, the FLDS seem to have been a big influence on this book. Funnily enough, though, from what I've read, a fair number of fundamentalist Mormon groups are actually less strict on the caffeine thing than their mainline counterparts. I guess still practising polygamy means you can psychologically justify minor discrestions against the text easier.

He thought for a moment. “If you’ve never had a specialty drink, I’ll start you off with a latte. It’s just coffee and milk, so if you want something more, I can give you some syrup or chocolate.”

He poured my coffee and gave it to me with a wink.

Lee seems like a nice man, but I wonder what he thinks is Jill's deal. Illegal alien? Sex trafficking victim? Fresh from the Sea Kingdom?

I handed him my money, donated by a thankful almost-victim of an armed robbery, and sat in the corner on a squishy loveseat, grateful for Patrick’s generosity. He allowed us to keep three percent of any money donated to team members. Because I didn’t spend often, I’d accrued about twenty dollars in six months.

If the team is registered with the city, you'd think they'd be paid a stipend. I'm sure Patrick could steal that, too, it just seems odd that donations are the team's only source of income. I doubt they have day jobs if even going into a cafe is haram. Does the wider cult pay for their upkeep? If so, where do they get money? Do they charge for auditings with Cerebro? The thing about groups like the FLDS is that, while the rank and file members often live in squalor, they tend to be pretty economically productive. Heaven's Gate did web design for instance. The FLDS specifically are infamous for using child labour in construction projects for other people.

Eh, maybe the team has a Patreon.

A fashion and entertainment magazine rested on the table next to the loveseat. I turned it over so as to not be tempted to look at it, because looking at media not sanctioned by the camp elders was a very serious infraction, far more serious than sipping coffee. Coffee just temporarily intoxicated the mind. Most, if not all, movies, television, books, music, and magazines could pollute it forever.

Sometimes they compell you to review bad books until you die. It's been more than ten years and I still haven't quite gotten over Billy and Howard.

If I thought hard enough, I could probably trace my character flaws to some rock song I’d overheard while grocery shopping with Ember.

I think this is meant to be a sincere worry and not sarcasm? Either way, it was probably "Any Way You Want It." That song sucks.

I settled back into the loveseat and started flipping through memories, looking for a song or image that had left a bruise in my psyche.

Welcome to the club, Jill. Moving on, a man called Benjamin walks in.

Lee and Benjamin shook hands and chattered for a few minutes. I didn’t normally listen in on civilian conversation, but Benjamin’s deep voice and bracing northern accent were pleasant to listen to.

Amerimutts, help me out here. What would "northern" mean here?

“Just my usual order, thanks. I’ll take a chocolate croissant, though.”

“You got it.” Lee got to work, and I couldn’t help but notice that Benjamin’s “usual” involved a lot of chocolate syrup.

I'm almost suprised Jill knows what that is.

After Benjamin paid for his order and took it from Lee, he looked around for a place to sit. I returned to mentally reviewing all the civilian songs I’d ever heard—it wasn’t a long list.

This implies that the superheroes have their own music they like to listen to.

...



“Do you mind if I join you?”

I startled and looked up.

Benjamin stood next to me, smiling pleasantly. He gestured to the empty spot on the loveseat. “Not to be weird or anything, but the loveseat is the best spot in the place.”

I doubted that. An identical couch sat in another corner near a pretty girl with spectacular hoop earrings. She’d been shooting glances at Benjamin since he’d come in.

I feel like a superheroine with basically no life outside of her vocation would be pretty suspicious of enourmous ear-ripping handles. Also, be glad this isn't Gaia, nameless stranger, or you'd already be ghost-chow.

I scooted closer to the arm of the loveseat, my own automatic smile stretching my face as I made room. “Er, no, that’s fine. Make yourself comfortable.” I certainly wasn’t comfortable. Speaking with normal people outside of strict superhero business was so forbidden I half expected to spontaneously combust.

If it weren't for... everything else, I'd be tempted to read this as a commentary on how so many modern superhero books completely sideline their civilain supporting casts, or how most superheroes these days don't even have regular jobs.

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Because this is so much better than Peter and MJ being married with a kid or two. Also, geddit, she said "jackpot" once! Benjamin asks Jill why she's so beat up. She calls it a "work accident." I assume it involved a screen door made of telekinetic energy.

We sat in silence for a few seconds. I tried to rework my face into something other than a grin. He seemed to search for a topic of conversation.

I glanced at the microwave. Thirty-three minutes.

Finally, he said, “So, first day of hurricane season. Scientists are saying we’re overdue for a big one. Do you think it could happen this year?”

“Don’t they say that every year?” I murmured into my latte.

Insert climate change joke here. Also, how the fuck does Jill know that? Is she talking about the mad scientists I assume she beats up.

He nodded. “Yeah, I guess they do. So, are you a student down at the university? I’m thinking about going there myself, and I wouldn’t mind an insider’s perspective.”

Well, that was forced. Might as well ask her if she's part of an abusive superhero team for how natural that sounded.

“Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m an assistant gym teacher at one of the city schools.” My usual lie came out easily. The job was ordinary and explained bruises.

"I'm part of the supporting cast of a YA book about a school for giants."

Also, "one of the city's schools." I guess Patrick didn't drill them very hard on natural language. Or maybe he did and it gave them brain damage.
That’s exactly what happened.” I was purposely neither enthusiastic nor dismissive. It was best to let civilians think what they wanted to think. The conversation was focusing on me far too much for comfort, so I pointed to his book. “What are you reading?”

A woman outside the window answered a phone call. After a few seconds, she gasped and took off running in the direction I’d heard the sirens.

Now I was intrigued, but I had to wait for the call to report to the scene—I was technically supposed to be at the clinic, much too far from the sirens to hear them.

Oh, earlier, Jill heard an explosion in the distance. I'm guessing Danny is chucking a wobbly.

He held it his book. “A nursing textbook. I’m thinking about quitting my job and applying to the nursing school down at UGSC.”

“Nursing. Wow.” I was impressed—The University of Georgia at Saint Catherine was the largest university in the region.

There is actually a University of Georgia, but it's located in the town of Athens. I wonder if we're doing the Newport thing where Saint Catherine is basically just Athens but we don't have to bother with research because it's technically fictional.

“I don’t know much about it, but I’ve heard that it’s hard. Lots of long hours and cranky civilians. I mean, patients.” Whoops.

“It can’t be harder than my current job.” There was an edge to his words. He hadn’t appeared to pick up on my mistake.

“What do you do?”

“I’m an errand boy for my parents’ human resources consulting firm. And before you ask, no, the work isn’t hard. Being with my family all day is hard.” He sank back into the couch. “I’m actually supposed to be on a job right now, but I decided to ditch.” He looked sidelong at me. “I’m glad I did, though. Normally the company here isn’t so nice to talk to. Pardon me for being so bold, but I love your Georgia accent. It’s thicker than others I’ve heard.”

Benjamin's family are totally supervillains, aren't they?

Tell me about your bad boss and I’ll tell you about mine.”

His wide smile warmed my stomach. Against my better judgement, and the microwave’s half-hour warning, I started talking.

“My boss isn’t really bad, just difficult to work with. He…Patrick is kind of controlling. He yells a lot and gets really angry when I make a mistake. He’s just really hard to please. But it’s usually my fault,” I added quickly. “I mess up, a lot and there’s so much on the line when I do. I deserve what he does.” I picked at a spot on the couch. “You wouldn’t believe how much I mess up at work.”

Nobody had ever cared if a gym teacher does their job properly, we're just content if they don't fiddle any of the kids.

Benjamin raised an eyebrow. “I can’t believe that. And your boss shouldn’t yell at you. Although…I’m being hypocritical, because my dad yells at me a lot and I never tell him to stop. But Patrick’s not your family.”

Patrick actually was a distant cousin of mine.

With what we learn later, it does make sense that most of the supers are related in some way, though I do wonder how they maintain the whole hierarchy of elder families. Eh, the FLDS manage something similar, and they're probably even more inbred.

“Sometimes I think about quitting but then I feel terrible. Besides, Patrick would be so angry; he hired me and I owe him everything.”

Benjamin set down his cup. “Jillian, I don’t know what this Patrick guy has been telling you, but you can quit your job. And you know, if he’s such an ogre that you’re afraid to give two weeks’ notice, you may want to report him to the school board. That sounds like a really bad place to work.”

No shit. Time for Ben to share.

“I should start off by saying that my mom and dad are under a lot of pressure all the time.

"I keep telling them they don't need to put timers on all their doomsday devices."

When things get bad, they lose control and start screaming their heads off.

"My mother's codename is Penanggalan."

Dad’ll get gruff, mom will say something nasty to my brother, he’ll reply with an attitude…” He trailed off and sighed heavily. “And then everyone jumps on the crazy train.”

"It's crazy because it flies."

“I—I’m sorry, that was a lot to unload on you.

Please, continue, I've got more shit jokes.

Smiling into the latte I was still drinking, I worked through his words, looking for the part that was supposed to be “bad.” Authority figures had a right to rein in their inferiors through any means necessary, and sometimes that included yelling, even hitting. It was just an unpleasant part of life, like hail or sickness.

Is hail a big problem in Georgia?

“So if you quit your job, where would you work? Could you teach something else?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know what I’d do. This is all I’m good for.” The pain in my shoulder flared and I winced. I’d have to go soon, whether I wanted to or not.

From Ben's perspective, why would Jill have to teach something else. I'm sure more than one school has gym. Eager to change the subject, Jill asks Ben about his shirt.

He pulled the bottom of his shirt to straighten out the front. “Nirvana? They were a nineties grunge band. You’ve never heard of them?” He was surprised, but I didn’t hear any suspicion in his tone.

“No. Are they your favorite band?”

I could hardly judge him for enjoying a band, since he was a civilian and had no limitations on what media he could consume. I wondered what Nirvana’s songs sounded like. They couldn’t have been too bad, if Benjamin liked them—he was just so polite. Nearly all civilian music could corrupt, but I’d always gotten the impression from our lessons that some music could corrupt faster and more completely than others. Nursery rhymes and traditional ballads were alright—I even knew a few. Nirvana, whoever they were, were probably on the safe end of the scale.

Patrick's actually quite fond of "Rape Me" but only when other people sing it.

“Eh, not really. They’re okay. The shirt was last year’s birthday gift from my sister. She’s visiting right now, and I wanted her to see me wearing it.”

I sipped my coffee to hide my smile. I didn’t know what I’d expected from talking to this young civilian man, but such thoughtfulness about his sister’s feelings wasn’t it. I was moved.

I assume at the camps the only birthday present you get is being beating with a rod as thick as your pinky.

“What bands do you like?”

Dang it. “Um, there aren’t any specific bands, but I’ve always liked singing with my family. We used to sing around campfires when I was young.” Those days seemed very far away. “Singing while we played in the meadow…while we worked…while we ran through the trees. I love to sing.” I hadn’t sung in six months.

Oh, God, Surface Breaks flashbacks! I'm drowning!

Benjamin’s eyes shone. “Were you in musicals when you were in high school? I wasn’t good enough to be on stage. I ended up doing debate and forensics, plus some other stuff. What did you do?”

I knew what “debate” was, but not the other activity.

You're telling me the superhero isn't familar with the concept of forensics? At least enough so she doesn't go touching shit at crime scenes?

However, before I could bluff my way through an answer, my phone rang. A quick peek at the screen showed that it was Marco. I mouthed to Benjamin to hold on a minute while I took the call over by the bathrooms.

“Hello?”

“Jill, come home. There was a break-in at a bank and Patrick is freaking out ‘cause you’re not back. Tell me you’re close.”

So there it was: a robbery. Didn’t criminals in this city ever sleep?

Robbing a bank in this day and age is a pretty shit idea. They usually don't carry that much cash on hand, and usually the staff can't even open the vaults. You'd be better off robbing an armoured truck. Obviously, most criminals are pretty stupid, just felt like pointing that out.


Benjamin jumped up, and I saw for the first time that he stood at roughly six feet, just like me.

I'm guessing Ben's some sort of super-dude himself, so is that meant to be a hint? Are there no short superhumans?

“I had a great time talking to you,” he said, taking my trash. “I’ll just come out and say it: would you like to meet me here again?” He looked hopeful and shy at the same time.

His words hung in the air between us.

Nobody had ever asked to see me socially before. Back home, my only friends had been other children in the camp. Here in Saint Catherine, I had to be careful. Everything about the situation felt wrong. Forbidden. I could think of a dozen reasons to say no, the first one being the risk of Patrick pounding my face in for breaking a cardinal rule.

Ford Cruller's dementia got really bad after the first game.

“Yes, I’d love to,” I blurted. “How about next week, same day and time? In fact, let me get your phone number.” I dug around in my pocket for my phone.

He told me his contact information and I saved it, making sure to label his contact file “Snitch #5” in case Patrick felt like randomly searching through it as he’d done in the past.

Again, apparently Jill does do some investigative work as part of the team, but she can't guess what "forensic" means?

When I was done, I stuck out my left hand. “It was great to meet you.”

He shook my hand and a spark of electricity traveled up my arm into the back of my neck and down to my thigh. “And you, Jillian. I really hope you’ll consider what I said about your boss.”

I nodded and we parted without another word.

I was walking out the door of the café when I realized that my shoulder didn’t hurt anymore.

Man, the coffee here is really good.

I smelled blood the second I stepped through the front doors of the bank.

Nobody else on my team did, as they lacked my heightened senses.

I thought supers having more than one power was meant to be rare? I can see how you can justify super strength, durability, and speed as being basically the same thing, but enhanced senses?

“Where’s your sling? And your black eye? And all your scratches?” he whispered.

“I’m feeling better,” I whispered back. “I’ll tell you about it later.”

"And why did you expect me to come on a combat mission with my arm in a sling?"

Pools of thick, congealing blood fanned out from three bodies on the floor, each covered with bloodstained white sheets. My first guess was that the three victims had been shot point-blank in the head. I kept my face expressionless, but I felt sorry for the three people. They’d either died from massive head trauma or slow exsanguination, and neither of those options were ideal ways to die. The latter method especially made me uncomfortable to contemplate, for my grandmother, my namesake, had died after having her throat slit by a supervillain.

So, who wants to be the supervillains are actually goodies?

The police and technicians moved around the scene with calculated precision, snapping photographs and making sketches while skirting around the little red lakes to avoid soiling their shoes and contaminating the scene.

But remember, she doesn't know what "forensics" mean.

A plain clothes detective I recognized from two other investigations saw us and walked over, stepping over the blood as if he dealt with oceans of it every day.

Patrick shook the man’s hand. “I’m Atropos, the leader of this team. Are you the official police-super liaison for this investigation?” Patrick threw his shoulders back.

I stifled the urge to roll my eyes. We all knew each other, so this was nothing but posturing on Patrick’s part.

See, it's not that I don't think cult members can independently develop doubts or realise their leaders are arseholes and hypocrites, but this kind of inner snark feels weird when just last chapter she seemed painfully grateful for Patrick letting her keep twenty dollars.

“According to the branch manager, one of the guards heard something, a sound,” he looked down to review his notes, “—like ‘a fly in a bug zapper’—down here, so one went to investigate. When he didn’t come back, two more guards went down, and they also didn’t come back. The manager didn’t hear anything that sounded like a break in, so he went down to see what happened.

"He was a massive dumbass."

“Can you look at security footage?” I asked.

Patrick glared at me. I looked down at my boots.

Detective Burbine shook his head. “No, and that’s one of the things that made us call you guys in. The cameras were turned off via a massive program override. So were the sprinklers. We’ve never seen hacking like that.”

I didn’t think that sounded like Super work, but I kept silent this time.

I guess super-scientists aren't a thing here. Good, I don't think we needed to see the paragraph about how mad science is actually probably magic again.

Before Detective Burbine pulled back the sheet, he looked up at us. "I've seen a lot of stuff in my fifteen years on the force, but I don't mind telling you guys these bodies really give me the creeps." He uncovered the first body.

None of us had a problem with gore, but everyone flinched at the sheer strangeness of what was underneath.

My guess of a massive head wound wasn’t far off the mark, except the man’s head and neck were simply gone, as if someone had taken some kind of cosmic eraser and rubbed them away. The blood had poured out from the hole at the top of the rib cage, making a sight that was as fascinating as it was grotesque. Detective Burbine put the sheet back over the corpse.

I guess we know what happened to Utopia?

Patrick pocketed the card and gathered us in a far corner as not to be overheard. He looked at Reid and Marco. “Go talk to the residents from the adjacent house and see what they know. Marco, make that smile convincing. Reid, at least try to act smart.”

Both Reid and Marco turned pink but walked away towards the hole in the wall.

He turned to Ember, who tensed. “Find an animal, a bug, a bacterium, something, that saw what happened. I don’t want to see you again until you have a witness.”


I'm guessing Patrick's talking shit, but I would be really shocked if you could get useful testimony from a bacterium. A virus, though, those guys are all snitches.

Ember nodded quickly and walked off. He rounded on me and my heart rate increased. “I don’t want to hear from you unless you have something exceptionally important to say. Just get to work looking for clues and get out of my sight.” I nodded and took a few steps back, more than happy to get away from him.

I guess I got my wish for a book from Talia's perspective. Wait, did I wish for that?

The interior of the vault held no clues. There was no debris, not trace of the missing part of the door anywhere. The safe deposit boxes were all closed. The table and chair inside were undisturbed, a fine layer of dust covering them. In fact, a fine layer of dust covered a lot of the vault. That seemed odd to me—didn’t people go in the vault all the time?

I poked my head out of the vault door and called over to the bank manager. “Sir, when was the last time someone accessed the vault?”

“A patron came in to access her safe deposit box an hour before the break in.”

"Then Steelheart rocked up and killed everyone."

I thanked him and went back inside the vault. So someone had sat in the chair and probably put things on the table. Why was there dust on it? And why was there dust on the floor and the boxes? Snapping on a latex glove from my utility belt, I knelt down to examine the area by the vault door where the dust was thickest. I ran a gloved finger over the floor and held it up to the light.

The dark gray substance that covered the vault was the finest powder I’d ever seen. I blew on my hand and it swirled into the air, nearly invisible. I sniffed my finger and detected a whiff of metal, like the graphite in pencil shavings. I frowned and sniffed again. No, it wasn’t graphite. It was like the sharp, thorny smell of my knives.

...Fuck, so many Reckoners jokes I could make that none of you would get. After confirming the dust is steel, Jill asks to see the body again. He too is covered in the dust.

I walked over to Patrick, who was talking to a computer technician working on the security terminal. “I need to talk to you.”

Patrick paused in his conversation and stared at me in disbelief. “What?”

“There’s something you need to see in the vault and on the bodies,” I said. For once my confidence superseded my internal tremor.

He crossed his arms. “Well, what is it?”

“There’s a kind of dusty residue around the holes and bodies. I don’t know what it’s from but I think it’s connected to the robbery.”

“Dust? You interrupted me to tell me you found dust?” I was sure that Patrick was about to launch into a rant about my investigative skills, but he saw the technician’s shocked expression and dismissed me with a wave of his hand. I knew better than to push the subject, so I tried Ember instead.

How the fuck does this team get anything done? Also, does it have a name?

She was crouched down in the corner and staring intently at something in her hand. I knew without looking that it was some hideous bug.

I glanced; yep, a large spider. Even though I’d grown up outside, I didn’t care for spiders.

“She’s friendly,” Ember said, tipping the spider back on the ground. It went back into a crack in the wall. “But unobservant. What’s the point of having eight eyes if you don’t use them?” She brushed herself off and stood up. “The spider was the only living thing in the room that survived the robbery.

And as soon as it's bitten by a radioactive human, she'll have her superhero origin over and done with. Jill gets Ember to find her a mouse to taste some dust from both the vault and the body, with Ember relaying its impressions. The dust from the body seems to be organic--meat and bones--while the vault sample is inorganic.

“Atropos,” I said loudly, striding towards the vault. There was no way he could get mad at me for interrupting him, not now that I was about to make him look good by solving a mystery on his watch. “I checked out your theory, and I’ve figured out what happened to the door, the hole, and heads.” The sentence sounded better in my head than it did out loud.

Everyone in the room stopped talking and looked at me. Patrick raised an eyebrow but said nothing.

I took a steadying breath. “They were disintegrated.” I scooped up a handful of dust from the vault. “Firelight confirmed that the substance in the vault and by the wall and the substance on the bodies are completely different. The first two aren’t organic, probably metal and stone. The dust around the bodies is bones and flesh. I’ll bet you anything that we’re dealing with someone who can reduce small areas to this stuff.” I tossed the metal powder into the air.

Okay, so Ember is her given name, and Firelight is her codename. Which again, makes me ask, why? The fuck does fire have to do with telepathy and being Dr. Dolittle?

For once Patrick just nodded, his face blank.

While the police collected samples, my team hovered around me. “Any idea who could do this?” Reid asked Patrick.

Patrick pinched the bridge of his nose. “No.”

“I once heard about a supervillain who could melt stuff,” Ember offered. She looked at Patrick. “We learned about her from your dad, remember? I’m pretty sure she’s dead, though. Maybe she had a relative with similar powers. Disintegration is similar to melting, right? Or maybe it was a Westerner?”

Marco snorted. “Why would a Westerner come all the way to Georgia to rob a bank?”

We're way too busy inventing the concept of biological sex, homophobia, religous intolerance, and all other evil in the universe.

“Do you have a better idea?” Ember shot back.

“Stop it,” Patrick hissed. “We’re in public. Either pretend to agree or don’t say anything at all. And smile.”

We instantly obeyed.

Burbane: We heard that!

“A person who can turn someone’s head to dust is memorable,” I said through clenched, grinning teeth. “Maybe we should ask around. You know, hit up the usual sources.”

Dangle the bait…

Patrick cut in. “Everyone, go get into civilian clothes and start making the rounds. Firelight, you’re going to go to Northside. Helios, you have Downtown. Tank, you’re on the river. Battlecry, you have Old Town.”

Gotcha.

He was going to Saint Catherine’s Island, the biggest of many islands in the city and his usual patrol zone. But it didn’t matter where he was going, as long as it wasn’t Old Town.

Is this some American city terminology I'm not familiar with? Or is set in Waterworld?

We said goodbye to the police officers and left the bank. I was unusually lighthearted since I’d contributed to the investigation and successfully lied to Patrick.

We went back to the dilapidated house we called base camp. The others ran to get dressed, but I was in no hurry.

This is a world where superheroes are both involved with the government and the subject of media attention. You telling me that not only can't they scrounge get better digs, the papparazi or crazed stalkers haven't noticed they live in poverty?

I walked up the narrow stairwell to my bedroom and pulled off my uniform, replacing it with the jeans, blouse, and glasses I’d worn earlier. I grabbed the sling from my bedside table and while I fastened it, looked around my small bedroom.

I’d grown to enjoy the feeling of confinement that four walls and a roof provided, though my bed, with its squishy mattress and green wool blanket, made my back hurt. I didn’t have any decorations in my room like Ember did, but if I ever personalized my room, I’d incorporate flowers into it somehow. Asters and borage grew wild in the open meadows back home, and once upon a time my brother Gregory and I had delighted in making flower crowns for our mother.

Yeah, when Jill talks about "the camp" she's being very literal. And I guess they didn't even have tents?

While I put my uniform away, I looked at the empty dresser top and thought maybe a sketch of Gregory would be nice, too. He’d been my favorite sibling, before he’d been murdered by the Westerners.

"Well, technically it was the Houthis, but I'm sure it was somehow the West's fault."

Marco and I walked in the afternoon sun towards our assigned zones. He kept glancing at me.

“Seriously, where did your injuries go? And if your shoulder is better, why did you put the sling back on?”

I elected to answer the second question only. “I’m wearing the sling to test out a theory.”

I couldn’t help but smile. I was still riding the high from my little victory at the bank and I was positive my next theory was correct, too.

“What theory?” He sounded skeptical.

“Don’t worry about it.” I used my big-sister voice, hoping he’d take the hint.

He didn’t. “Come on, Jill. You’re killing me. How did you heal so fast?” He widened his eyes in a clear attempt to pluck at my sensitive side.

“Nice try. Miracles happen, Marco. Even to a person like me.”

He snorted. “What is that supposed to mean?”

You'd think someone raised in a cult would be a bit less live and let live about this kind of thing.

We parted ways at High Street. Marco headed downtown while I made my way back towards Old Town, where Café Stella was. When I reached Davis Street, I pulled out my cell phone and pulled up Snitch #5’s number.

Patrick had been so eager to look decisive and important that he’d taken my suggestion to find leads and ordered it without thinking. Had he been a little more thoughtful, he would’ve remembered that my “usual sources” were hookers, dealers, and other denizens of the night. There was nothing I could do in early afternoon.

I also find it hard to believe someone as sheltered as Jill would be so good at wheeling and dealing with the urban underworld.
 
How did Patrick answer this question? Keep your Psychonauts pimp-hand strong?
Yes, actually:
He laughed. “Sure. Lead with a firm hand, and you’ll have the respect of your team and your city.”

Patrick had been so eager to look decisive and important that he’d taken my suggestion to find leads and ordered it without thinking. Had he been a little more thoughtful, he would’ve remembered that my “usual sources” were hookers, dealers, and other denizens of the night. There was nothing I could do in early afternoon.

Isn't it enough for Jill to get one over Patrick by making him order the team to spread out for the rest of the day, without adding details that strain disbelief?

I have to say this one stands out among the Cringe series for having the most original author hobby-horse.
 
Yes, actually:

Great dishonour to family.

I have to say this one stands out among the Cringe series for having the most original author hobby-horse.

I would argue we've sort of been here before with The Surface Breaks, but that was more pretending that modern Current Year sexism, real and imagined, was somehow akin to the Middle Ages or something.
 
Sadly, Frank Miller was too busy having Superman beat up the Sea King to write you some thugs.
Superman beat the Sea King hours ago, but he got caught up monologuing about how BEAUTIFUL and SEXY his city IS.
I doubt they have day jobs if even going into a cafe is haram.
What do they need their own pay for if going out to buy things for themselves is out of the question?
Either way, it was probably "Any Way You Want It." That song sucks.
This betrayal cuts deep, dude.
Because this is so much better than Peter and MJ being married with a kid or two.
Yeah, that's why everyone hates the new Ultimate Spider-Man books; Peter being cute with his daughter is utterly disgusting!
Benjamin's family are totally supervillains, aren't they?
Yeah, like he said; Human Resources.
 
You’re an inspiration. No, really.” Benjamin lifted his chocolate coffee in the air.

Settle down, son, she's just the least awful protagonist we've covered so far.

“Shut up,” I said with a laugh. “All I did was come to a café for the second time in a day.”

“Yes, but in doing so you managed to ditch your evil boss for the second time in one day. This is the best ‘screw you’ I can think of that doesn’t involve painting something on a water tower.”

I feel like this is a reference to something, but I don't know what. Still, probably less annoying than releasing the Warners.

We were back on the loveseat in Café Stella, coffees in hand. Benjamin had bought me his favorite drink, which he said was called a café mocha, with extra pumps of chocolate and a small mountain of whipped cream. I also had a cheese Danish, a fat blueberry muffin, and two biscotti waiting to be consumed. My hands were already trembling from the sugar and caffeine.

I'm going to pretend this is a reference to the fact that in the old Hostess fruitcake adds by Marvel and DC, the heroes were quite rarely seen eating the products they were shilling. I'm guessing the thought was, even in a universe of gods, mutants, and sorcerers, the idea that someone could maintain a superhero figure while being a fan of Hostess strained credibility.

“I had more fun today than I’ve had since moving to Saint Catherine,” I said through a huge bite of Danish. It was the most delicious thing I’d ever eaten.

Fuck, that's sad.

“I live with some unpleasant roommates.”

I was unsure whether or not that was a lie.

Well, the plural might be.

“That’s a rough situation.” His eyebrows knit together. I had the distinct impression he was thinking critically about something, but I wasn’t sure what.

My eye caught the corner of a magazine that was underneath a newspaper. I recognized the blond hair in the picture, and I moved the newspaper aside to see the cover. Patrick’s image smiled at me underneath a blurb that promised an exclusive interview with “Atropos, Georgia’s Sexiest Superhero.”

I'd be really curious about how that interview went? What does Patrick answer when they ask about his childhood or hobbies or any actual details about superhero life? In fact, where do the normies think superheroes come from? Is it basically that scene in The Boys where Homelander has to lie about his All-American childhood while flashing back to the sterile lab he grew up in?

Benjamin laughed. “Why the face?”

I’d made a face? “That superhero on the cover. I just don’t like him.”

“What? Why? Don’t superheroes fight muggers and stuff?”

“They do a lot of things,” I said dully. “They’re important to the city. But Atropos seems unpleasant. I saw him in action today and he, um, was…really…hard on his teammates.”

Admitting Patrick’s personality flaw was difficult, because I knew he only meant to train us up to be the best superheroes possible. It was disloyal not just to criticize him, but to criticize him to a member of the public. He'd led so many victorious missions.

Man, how shit are the supervillains in this world that they can't overcome a team led by Patrick.

enjamin perked up. “You’ve seen them in action? That’s so cool! What were they like?”

The delighted excitement in his eyes was so endearing I couldn’t refuse to answer. However, I would need to select my words with care. “Atropos is telekinetic. There are four others who serve with him.”

“What are their names? Do you know their powers?”

Why doesn't Benjamin know anything about the other four? The media is clearly interested in superheroes. Why hasn't any journalist tried to interview anyone on the team, and if Patrick's blocked such attempts, hasn't that piqued anyone's curisosity. I would suggest Dodge was copying her homework from The Boys, but the show only came out the year after. Obviously, the idea of superheroes being celebrities and giving interviews isn't exactly unique or particularly hard to come up with, it's a fairly obvious extrapolation of the concept,and obviously celebrities get involved in cults--but Tom Cruise is a Scientologist, not an Ant-Hill Kid.

I pretended to struggle to remember. “I’m pretty sure there are two other men besides Atropos. I thought I heard the black man call the white one ‘Tank.’ Tank moves rock.

Which is why we call him "Tank."

The other man is called Helios, and he makes light come out of his hand, or something like that. The woman with dark hair is super strong. The redhead’s codename is Firelight, but I don’t know what she does.”

I wonder if the name "Firelight" is an in-universe attempt at misdirection. That would be clever, except why then do we call the guy who's reliant on solar power Helios?

Ember’s powers were too subtle for a random civilian to know.

Benjamin mulled over the new information. “I wonder why the leader calls himself Atropos.”

“Atropos is one of the—”

“Fates. Yeah, I know, I’ve read a book or two.” He rolled his eyes. “She cut every mortal’s thread of life. What I meant was, why did he choose a goddess’s name? Why not Ares or something?”

I blushed at his tone. I couldn’t fault him, though; if someone tried to explain the principles to me, I’d be dismissive, too.

Is one of the principles picking shitty names?

“It is odd that he chose a woman’s name,” I agreed, sipping my coffee. “I bet the appeal lay in the idea of being able to control life and death.” Actually, I was pretty darn sure that was the reason.

“That is so cool. Do you know if they’re any good?”

Why are you talking about them like they're a band?

His excitement was contagious. “They’re the best.” I was unable to keep an indulgent smile from my face. “They fight all sorts of criminals. Violent crime has gone down thirty-six percent since they started patrolling. There have been three superhuman attacks in the city in the last six months and they stopped them all. They even….” I caught myself.

Benjamin just looked more excited. “They sound amazing. I’d love to know what the redhead’s power is. Do you know of anyone who might know?”

“Your best shot is the reporters who cover their stories.” I pointed to the magazine with Patrick on it. “But take their information with a grain of salt

They're apparently all as incurious and stupid as actual modern journalists.

hey’ve all missed that there’s someone in town with healing powers.”

There was a pregnant pause.

Benjamin’s eyes darted towards the door. “That’s, uh, that’s a cool power.” His enthusiasm waned with each word.

I slipped out my sling and he paled.

“A few hours ago I could barely use my arm and now it’s good as new. Isn’t that amazing?”

Yeah, not sure what Benjamin expected Jill to think. Write it off as divine intervention?

“Sure, maybe. But that’s not the only injury I got when I fell down the bleachers.” He froze. “I also had a large cut on the back of my neck and on my thigh. Can you explain how those healed in a few hours?”

He clenched his fist. “I’m sorry, Jillian, I just can’t.” His words were tight.

“Benjamin.” My voice was soothing as I placed my hand on his, but he pulled it away. “I know super powers exist and I’m not afraid of them.”

I wonder if there was a draft of this book where super-people were purely underground, like the early seasons of X-Men Evolution.

He turned pink. “Why are you interrogating me?” He wasn’t angry, but he definitely wasn’t happy, either.

“Because life can be hard for people with gifts. Because the world expects things from Supers. Because you’re burdened with a secret, and I don’t mind helping you carry that burden.”

God, imagine trying to proselytize for this group. "Come live in utter poverty under a bunch of superpowered nepobabies."

Actually, why the fuck is Ben bothering with medical school? Just hired yourself out to the Mayo Clinic or something! We know there are supers outside of the cult, do they never use their powers to make money like in Dreadnought? Is there some cosmic law that dictates superhumans must choose between "cult member LARPing as a superhero," "murderous criminal," or "nothing?"

His jaw hardened. “You want to talk about secrets, Jillian? Let’s talk about the shiner that was on your face earlier.”

I touched my eye, momentarily lost for words. He’d seen it under the makeup and glasses?

“That? That was nothing. It was from falling—”

“—falling down the bleachers? That’s a load of bull and you know it. It was green and yellow, so you’ve had it for at least a couple of days, unlike your sprain. So tell me, do you fall down bleachers often?”

"Look, the writer intended for Patrick to strike me by accident while making an expansive gesture, but comic artists don't do anything by halves."

“Uh huh. You’re an assistant gym teacher…at which school?”

“James Oglethorpe High School.” No hesitation.

“And what’s the district superintendent’s name?”

“It’s, uh, it’s…”

We both knew that he’d cornered me. I didn’t even know what a superintendent was. You’re stupid, you’re stupid, you’re stupid.

To my surprise, his expression softened. “I think you have the bigger secret, Jillian.”

“What gave me away?” My voice was faint. Could it be that six months of a secret identity had been unraveled by an observant man in a café in the space of a few hours? Was I really that terrible a superhero? I held my breath.

Is it really a "secret identity" if you barely go outside or talk to people? Clark Kent's thing might border on a hummilation fetish sometimes, but at least he has a job.

“Speaking as someone with serious sibling rivalry issues, I know what defensive wounds look like. The secrecy, the fact that you’ve been injured more than once this week, the way you were hiding here at the café…it all pointed to one conclusion.”

"That I'm clearly from a supervillain clan!"

He took my hand in his. “You can trust me. There’s a shelter not far from here where you can stay. I can find out how to file a restraining order. You don’t have to stay in the relationship.”

This was surreal.

He continued, “Let me help you, please. You deserve better than someone who hits you.”

In my mind’s eye I saw a dozen memories of Patrick disciplining me for a smart mouth, a defiant look, insubordination, being late to a crime scene, talking to reporters, and rushing to defend Marco, Reid, and Ember from his fits of rage. I clearly deserved the punishments I received, and as I sat in a café eating treats with a civilian instead of actually doing my job, I knew I deserved another.

This feels very... domestic violence pamphlet. It's not inept or evil like so many other attempts to cover serious themes in these threads, but it's not exactly compelling. On the one hand, maybe I shouldn't begrudge a YA novel for trying to simply illustrate concepts for younger readers, especially as a grown man who makes fun of books for internet degenerates. On the other, I've seen children's and middle-grade novels that handle similar themes a lot more artfully. I'm not sure when or why we as a market and a culture decided that books specifically for teenagers (and middle-aged women reading on the bus) should be boring.

Benjamin pleads for Jill to at least tell him who hit her--as though that wasn't obvious--but she refuses, to which Benjamin can only sadly promise he'll be there if she needs him. This book is kind of Cringe Quest Hard Mode--in that it's not laughingly incompetent--but at least the company is a bit better.

I turned and walked out the door of the café, brushing a tear from my eye. I wiped at my eyes all the way home, though I didn’t know why I was crying. Being a superhero was a marvelous honor, and I certainly didn’t need Benjamin’s help.

I should've read Renegade X, shouldn't I?
 
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