Crazy Christians

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Been a while since I've visited this thread, but I thought I would add in some recent crazy I listened to. At least, I think it is. The reasoning is off-the-wall.

So about a month or so ago I had to go to a sermon since afterwards we were going to head up to my mother's for my niece's first birthday. It started out semi-reasonably enough, with their "give in not to temptation" lessons (albeit it used Solomon as an example and as a result had very unsubtle implications that the evil wimminz Solomon married made him do ungodly things -- and maybe one sentence of saying "Solomon was also a grown man and responsible for his own actions" but I digress). Anyway, they talked about how some sins are dressed up to not look so bad, six ways I believe (though I can't remember all six since I tuned it out after it started getting extremely guilt-trippy and just plain out there with the logic).
Let's seeeee....
  1. Drinking alcohol is bad because it makes you do evil, sinful things.
  2. Moderation in general is evil because it makes you think something isn't so bad now.
  3. Cohabitation is evil even if you're engaged to marry the other person because an unmarried man and woman will do sinful things without exception.
  4. Money is evil, even when you actually need it. It makes you go into sinful professions, according to them. There was also one example the preacher used that stood out to me: a bartender is, according to them, responsible for his buddy dying from drunk driving since he continued to have that job because he needed the money.
(Can't remember what the last two are since, like I said, I tuned them out after.)​

Honestly, I wasn't even sure if what I was hearing is real. lol The second and fourth ones were really eyebrow-raising for me, and for the third the preacher even went ahead and shot down arguments about a couple living together because of how bad the economy has been and that it's more affordable to live together.
 
caffeinated_wench said:
Been a while since I've visited this thread, but I thought I would add in some recent crazy I listened to. At least, I think it is. The reasoning is off-the-wall.

So about a month or so ago I had to go to a sermon since afterwards we were going to head up to my mother's for my niece's first birthday. It started out semi-reasonably enough, with their "give in not to temptation" lessons (albeit it used Solomon as an example and as a result had very unsubtle implications that the evil wimminz Solomon married made him do ungodly things -- and maybe one sentence of saying "Solomon was also a grown man and responsible for his own actions" but I digress). Anyway, they talked about how some sins are dressed up to not look so bad, six ways I believe (though I can't remember all six since I tuned it out after it started getting extremely guilt-trippy and just plain out there with the logic).
Let's seeeee....
  1. Drinking alcohol is bad because it makes you do evil, sinful things.
  2. Moderation in general is evil because it makes you think something isn't so bad now.
  3. Cohabitation is evil even if you're engaged to marry the other person because an unmarried man and woman will do sinful things without exception.
  4. Money is evil, even when you actually need it. It makes you go into sinful professions, according to them. There was also one example the preacher used that stood out to me: a bartender is, according to them, responsible for his buddy dying from drunk driving since he continued to have that job because he needed the money.
(Can't remember what the last two are since, like I said, I tuned them out after.)​

Honestly, I wasn't even sure if what I was hearing is real. lol The second and fourth ones were really eyebrow-raising for me, and for the third the preacher even went ahead and shot down arguments about a couple living together because of how bad the economy has been and that it's more affordable to live together.
Click to expand...

When they passed the collection plate around, I wonder if anyone refused and said "Money is evil!"
 
Jozef said:
When they passed the collection plate around, I wonder if anyone refused and said "Money is evil!"
Click to expand...
Surprisingly, they didn't pass a plate around, though I guess that's because it was an evening sermon.

Still, I wonder how they'd handle that, or if they even do it.
 
caffeinated_wench said:
Surprisingly, they didn't pass a plate around, though I guess that's because it was an evening sermon.

Still, I wonder how they'd handle that, or if they even do it.
Click to expand...
Would there be any that walked out or thought the pastor was crazy? Really, I can understand money being evil in a way but even then, there times when we need it. Even then, the evil thing would be more towards greed than just having some paper bill that was given some sort of set value. As for that fourth one, I can't help but wonder if the pastor has something against alcohol because his friend died from drunk driving (unless he mean't the man that was his friend is "dead" because the man was a bartender).

As for the cohabitation part, I thought it would just be "sharing a bed" that would be the sinful part. I guess some crazed Christians have to go beyond a literal interpretation and assume room-mates would be doing sinful things in the eyes of God. On that same note, how would he react if you had a single parent living with their own child? Would that be evil in his eyes then?

I feel like sharing this if simply because it involved a televangelist. Can't say it is crazy Christian but it does involve the fact that it would be something to try and manipulate the congregation on TV (or something like that):
The second pastor of my church recalled a story from his past. The guy uses a wheelchair since before he was a pastor (I can assume it was when he was in college, perhaps long before that. He speaks with a slur and his posture isn't like the others). When a televangelist was nearby, doing his show, there was a line of people wanting to get healed and such like you'd see with all these other TV evangelist. My pastor was in line and ready to go in but he was stopped by the staff. The staff said he wasn't the right kind of person they wanted, considering that he was in a wheelchair, had a bit of a slur, and didn't have the same structure of standing and moving like everyone else. Needless to say, my pastor wasn't happy with that. It can go to show one how crazy and/or crazy the televangelist are.
 
c-no said:
Would there be any that walked out or thought the pastor was crazy? Really, I can understand money being evil in a way but even then, there times when we need it. Even then, the evil thing would be more towards greed than just having some paper bill that was given some sort of set value. As for that fourth one, I can't help but wonder if the pastor has something against alcohol because his friend died from drunk driving (unless he mean't the man that was his friend is "dead" because the man was a bartender).
Click to expand...
While it was just a made-up example (as far as I know) and not about himself, he really had something against alcohol. He (like my grandmother) seemed to be of the mind that just one drop means you're an alcoholic.
 
c-no said:
The second pastor of my church recalled a story from his past. The guy uses a wheelchair since before he was a pastor (I can assume it was when he was in college, perhaps long before that. He speaks with a slur and his posture isn't like the others). When a televangelist was nearby, doing his show, there was a line of people wanting to get healed and such like you'd see with all these other TV evangelist. My pastor was in line and ready to go in but he was stopped by the staff. The staff said he wasn't the right kind of person they wanted, considering that he was in a wheelchair, had a bit of a slur, and didn't have the same structure of standing and moving like everyone else. Needless to say, my pastor wasn't happy with that. It can go to show one how crazy and/or crazy the televangelist are.
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I can tell you exactly why he was turned away.

Those 'healing touch' things depend on people who can leap up in 'holiness' or whatever after being fondled by a skeezy pastor in a $2500 suit. The illusion depends on this to work. For this reason, anybody being televised is ruthlessly selective in who they pick for 'laying of the hands'. No amputees, no major deformities. No paraplegics. No one is allowed up who looks like they would be unable to jump from their walker or wheelchair and leap about like a stoned ballerina. In the case of your pastor, he was in a wheelchair AND had somewhat unusual posture AND a speech impediment, all of which point to a possible lifelong problem or brain damage, which would make it impossible for him to get up after being blown by the Holy Spirit, or whatever it is that happens during those shows.

Teal Deer: televangelists only 'lay hands' on sick people who aren't actually too sick to walk, otherwise their illusion won't work.

Sauce: I'm psychic.
 
Axiom said:
I can tell you exactly why he was turned away.

Those 'healing touch' things depend on people who can leap up in 'holiness' or whatever after being fondled by a skeezy pastor in a $2500 suit. The illusion depends on this to work. For this reason, anybody being televised is ruthlessly selective in who they pick for 'laying of the hands'. No amputees, no major deformities. No paraplegics. No one is allowed up who looks like they would be unable to jump from their walker or wheelchair and leap about like a stoned ballerina. In the case of your pastor, he was in a wheelchair AND had somewhat unusual posture AND a speech impediment, all of which point to a possible lifelong problem or brain damage, which would make it impossible for him to get up after being blown by the Holy Spirit, or whatever it is that happens during those shows.

Teal Deer: televangelists only 'lay hands' on sick people who aren't actually too sick to walk, otherwise their illusion won't work.

Sauce: I'm psychic.
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Indeed, with what he has (the pastor I have who uses a wheelchair), no doubt the televangelist would be torn to shreds when the people see that he wasn't able to "lay God's healing grace" on the wheelchair pastor I have. Since one also has to consider the ruthless selection, would it also be possible they might use a plant that would go along with their scam?
 
Miracle healers are scum of the worst order, preying on the desperate and needy.
 
caffeinated_wench said:
Money is evil, even when you actually need it. It makes you go into sinful professions, according to them. There was also one example the preacher used that stood out to me: a bartender is, according to them, responsible for his buddy dying from drunk driving since he continued to have that job because he needed the money.
Click to expand...
Back in the day, I remember seeing a painting (that I can't find for love nor money, fuckity fuckkit) with a bit of doggerel verse below it that always stuck with me, even when I was at the height of my "raised in a Christian cult" days. It was a painting called (I think) "Fleecing the Shepherd," and it depicted a pair of Old West train robbers busily emptying the pockets of a rather well-off traveling preacher. Beneath the painting, the artist had written:

If money's the root of all evil,
Then the reverend is going to weed
'Tis the work of a saint, not a sinner,
To remove from his person the seed

In any case, if money is so terrible to have, you'd think they'd be more willing to "give back" to their community and pay their share of taxes.
 
c-no said:
Indeed, with what he has (the pastor I have who uses a wheelchair), no doubt the televangelist would be torn to shreds when the people see that he wasn't able to "lay God's healing grace" on the wheelchair pastor I have. Since one also has to consider the ruthless selection, would it also be possible they might use a plant that would go along with their scam?
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Bonus Failure Points would have ensued because apparently a faith healer couldn't heal another man of god. It would have been a bullet to the brain stem of the whole pack of bullshit.

Some televangelists and faith healers do use insiders or cohorts or 'plants' to make themselves look good. Like any con job, it helps to have accomplices to lead your intended victims right to your door. Some are notorious for this. Peter Popoff, a 70s/80s televangelist and unscrupulous dickwad famous for the faith healing scam, was caught several times using a wireless radio to communicate with his wife as she read 'prayer cards' filled out by audience members to him--thus allowing it to look like he was being told by Jesus who needed help. I'M on my phone at the mo, but you can just look up 'Peter Popoff busted' on YouTube to see what I mean.

Mostly they don't use paid confederates in the actual show, but more often before the show posing as someone miraculously healed of, say, cancer or drug addiction. Or that the televangelist healed one of their loved ones. But most of the time, insiders aren't necessary at all. People want it to work so badly it acts as a short-term, fast-acting placebo. People in wheelchairs can and WILL leap up after some smooth-talking asshat tells them Jesus is healing them. Especially in an amphitheater full of 25,000 watching audience members. They want it to work and don't want to disappoint anyone so they manage to get up. Simple follow-ups after the supposed 'healing' usually show the patient is just as bad or worse. Sometimes the very act of forcing themselves to get up has done more harm than good.

Faith healers are indeed the scum of the earth.
 
Giving people false hope is a worse crime than taking their hope away. I hate these guys. The prosperity gospel frauds are the worst. If I believed in hell, I would think that taking what little poor people have would send you there.
 
how about some Christian scare films - made by Estus Pirkle

this one's about hell and features an unbelieving motorcyclist getting decapitated in an accident


this one is called "if footmen tire you, what will horses do" and is about how if America doesn't shape up and follow Rev. Pirkle's advice, the communists will take over and kill millions of people - it depicts torture and mass killings, and a young boy is beheaded after he refuses to stomp on a picture of Jesus

 
Random related memory:

I went to high school with a guy who was a hardcore right-wing Christian sort of guy. He was pretty nice about it, all things considered, so he was never overtly lulzy when I knew him.

His other distinguishing feature was a fantastic 'radio voice'. You know, the type that's perfectly crisp and clear and rhythmic. You know a radio voice when you hear it. John's radio voice was outstanding.

Many years later, I happened across a shitty Young Earth Creationism video online that used all the stereotype old tired strawmen arguments against evolution and geology. It was animated and had no credits, but I watched it about twenty times because I was absolutely sure the narrator was John. Same lilt, same pitch, even the same slight lisp.

I was disappointed, even though I knew John was a fundie Christian. He was very intelligent and well-spoken, but he insisted on clinging like a desperate barnacle to things he must have been smart enough to understand couldn't have been true.
 
Axiom said:
I was disappointed, even though I knew John was a fundie Christian. He was very intelligent and well-spoken, but he insisted on clinging like a desperate barnacle to things he must have been smart enough to understand couldn't have been true.
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Fundies who seem intelligent can be placed in two categories. First is the Ben Stein variety. They know that they are spouting nonsense, but cynically use it to keep the Republican base voting against it's own interest.

The second group, which your John sounds like, uses magical thinking to explain it all away. Satan planted all the fossils to confuse us, whispers in the ears of scientists who say our actions have affected the climate, and is generally responsible for anything else they don't want to acknowledge.
 
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