Cooking with Kat (and DSP) thread

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Raven'sChild said:
www.instagram.com

Phil’s Instagram post: “Kat has made Cajun Chicken pasta! It was delicious!!!”

211 Likes, 23 Comments - Phil (@theycallmedsp) on Instagram: “Kat has made Cajun Chicken pasta! It was delicious!!!”
www.instagram.com www.instagram.com
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Does anyone know of a way to archive Instagram posts? I tried with archive.fo and web.archive.org and neither worked. It'd be a shame to lose the troll comments.

Now for the fun part, look at the upper left hand corner of his placemat: He's on some kind of medication (or 2-3 kinds if those squished looking things are also pills).

Also, at risk of stating the obvious, holy shit Phil still has no concept of "portion control" "too much carbs", or "veggies are your friend".
 
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twattycake said:
Now for the fun part, look at the upper left hand corner of his placemat: He's on some kind of medication (or 2-3 kinds if those squished looking things are also pills).
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I'm pretty sure that's just a vitamin pill and two vitamin gummies:

file-20170525-31777-w01ap8.JPG
 
twattycake said:
Does anyone know of a way to archive Instagram posts? I tried with archive.fo and web.archive.org and neither worked. It'd be a shame to lose the troll comments.

Now for the fun part, look at the upper left hand corner of his placemat: He's on some kind of medication (or 2-3 kinds if those squished looking things are also pills).

Also, at risk of stating the obvious, holy shit Phil still has no concept of "portion control" "too much carbs", or "veggies are your friend".
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You missed the biggest thing - there is no one sitting at the other plate!
 
twattycake said:
Does anyone know of a way to archive Instagram posts? I tried with archive.fo and web.archive.org and neither worked. It'd be a shame to lose the troll comments.

Now for the fun part, look at the upper left hand corner of his placemat: He's on some kind of medication (or 2-3 kinds if those squished looking things are also pills).

Also, at risk of stating the obvious, holy shit Phil still has no concept of "portion control" "too much carbs", or "veggies are your friend".
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Yeah, big ups to the detractors who simply post "Ok" on all his Instagram photos. Such a simple and understated troll in this age of elaborate gay ops, but one that always makes me smile every time I see it.
 
Had to end the daytime stream 30 minutes early today to cook dinner. It was fajitas.

Just the other week Phil also claimed he made fajitas for dinner, but he did not clock out early.

From evidence from Phil's refrigerator he has shown in the past he buys precut precooked frozen chicken strips. He also buys precut prepackaged bell peppers and onions. All he would really have to do is heat the ingredients up in a pan. Three hours is apparently not enough time to do this.
 
Sparkletor said:
Had to end the daytime stream 30 minutes early today to cook dinner. It was fajitas.

Just the other week Phil also claimed he made fajitas for dinner, but he did not clock out early.

From evidence from Phil's refrigerator he has shown in the past he buys precut precooked frozen chicken strips. He also buys precut prepackaged bell peppers and onions. All he would really have to do is heat the ingredients up in a pan. Three hours is apparently not enough time to do this.
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I hate that Shit. My wife subscribes to Hello Fresh and I hate that too.

Guess what - it's not home cooked when you open a bag of ingredients and follow a card. You want to cook, fine, then take your ass to the store and buy the shit yourself. Or just stay out of my fucking kitchen
 
Sparkletor said:
Is it odd that approximately zero meals incorporate Phil's robust Italian sauce? Does he spend a full day burning the sauce and then not eat it?

What did Phil cook last week? Frozen chicken patties and stir fry. If he had used the sauce he would have said he made chicken parmesan or something.

Your sauce is bad and you should feel bad.
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The Midwestern SoulMaid isn't as into pasta as our authentic 1/4 Italian. Whereas with Panda, pasta was on the menu once or twice a week, D$P has disclosed that they now have pasta once or twice a Month. Jars of store bought red sauce have found their way onto the shopping list as well with D$P admitting that the crockpot chicken cacciatore was prepared store bought sauce out of a jar.
Sparkletor said:
Had to end the daytime stream 30 minutes early today to cook dinner. It was fajitas.

Just the other week Phil also claimed he made fajitas for dinner, but he did not clock out early.

From evidence from Phil's refrigerator he has shown in the past he buys precut precooked frozen chicken strips. He also buys precut prepackaged bell peppers and onions. All he would really have to do is heat the ingredients up in a pan. Three hours is apparently not enough time to do this.
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Mrs. D$P serves margaritas with meals that have ethnically southwestern names.
 
Raven'sChild said:
The Midwestern SoulMaid isn't as into pasta as our authentic 1/4 Italian. Whereas with Panda, pasta was on the menu once or twice a week, D$P has disclosed that they now have pasta once or twice a Month. Jars of store bought red sauce have found their way onto the shopping list as well with D$P admitting that the crockpot chicken cacciatore was prepared store bought sauce out of a jar.

Mrs. D$P serves margaritas with meals that have ethnically southwestern names.
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Think about it.

Kat moves in. Phil changes recipe to use less sugar. Coincidence?

Phil swaps out centuries year old hand made meatballs the recipe calls for for prepackaged chicken sausage. Kat suggested it. Coincidence?

A lot of sauce used to last one month. Now it lasts 4 months. Coincidence?

Kat hates his sauce and his meatballs. Case closed.
 
Sparkletor said:
Kat hates his sauce and his meatballs. Case closed.
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She also hates his cooking too.

*failed drum solo*

But in all seriousness, Pig's sauce was a sugary trainwreck that sodomizes the tastebuds, and because he was so used to mommy cooking his tendies for him, he couldn't even cook meatballs without burning them to hell and back. I don't blame her for upfront forcing him to stop it, as much as it hurts his desperate LARP to be Italian.
 
Sparkletor said:
Think about it.

Kat moves in. Phil changes recipe to use less sugar. Coincidence?

Phil swaps out centuries year old hand made meatballs the recipe calls for for prepackaged chicken sausage. Kat suggested it. Coincidence?

A lot of sauce used to last one month. Now it lasts 4 months. Coincidence?

Kat hates his sauce and his meatballs. Case closed.
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While Panda was not even permitted to stir the famous Family recipe sauce, the SoulMaid has made many changes. First being the removal of onions from the meatballs. Later, store bought chicken sausages replaced the meatballs. Penne has also taken a back seat to rigatoni as she prefers that form of pasta.
 
Raven'sChild said:
While Panda was not even permitted to stir the famous Family recipe sauce, the SoulMaid has made many changes. First being the removal of onions from the meatballs. Later, store bought chicken sausages replaced the meatballs. Penne has also taken a back seat to rigatoni as she prefers that form of pasta.
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You know a woman got him by the balls when they are able to swindle their way into altering his Families Authentic Italian Sauce™ .
 
Mrs. St. Jean is serving chili tonight. It is made with beef, but that is okay because he "hasn't had beef in a long time". 'A Long time' is a very short time apparently as he had frozen lasagne and ate year old coupon free burgers just last week. SOunds like someone is getting tired of the 24/7 chicken diet....or he eats more beef than he lets on...
 
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Now I'm not a doctor nor do I have gout. I hear gout is very very painful. If I did have gout I would probably err on the side of caution and not eat red meat at all. Hmm... I could eat this food and have broken glass pain in my foot or I could not do that... But the food tastes good now and I won't have gout until tomorrow... Screw it. I have cherry juice.

Then again, I actually have to wear shoes more than once a week so maybe it's a me problem.
 
Phil's eating habits are just bizarre. His main meals now almost always consist of a pile of chicken with an even bigger pile of carbs (pasta, potatoes) with a side of carbs (bread) and washing it all down with a couple sodas/energy drinks. More often than not the food is something Kat nuked in the microwave for 5 minutes. Every single "homecooked" meal this idiot brags about having can be found in 2 minutes on the website of some company that specializes in frozen meals. Love the fact that Kat was at least attempting to make actual meals (with dessert!) in the first month or so she moved in only to quickly realize Phil has the standards of a literal pig and will eat whatever slop is presented to him. He'll then have himself several late night "snacks" that any normal person would consider to be a regular meal. Don't worry though, it's all fine because he eats a couple daily vitamin gummies, so he gets all the nutrients he needs! It's the healthiest he's been in years, that dumb bitch Leanna with her fresh salads and soups was killing him!

I don't know how you get to the point in your life where you think this is healthy, but I imagine it takes years of lying to yourself and the total loss of any shame to get there. Especially in light of the fact he does zero exercise and his body has morphed into that of a 75 year old granny, and literally all he has to do is look in the mirror to realize this simply isn't working. Phil can't get rid of his sagging tits and the gigantic flabs of jiggling fat on his arms because Kat likes them, okay? Then again, this is the same person who unironically believes he was at one point a bodybuilder with huge muscles who everybody was in awe of and still thinks he has "leftover" muscle from those days, so maybe he's looking into a funhouse mirror.
 
Kermit the Frog said:
Phil's eating habits are just bizarre. His main meals now almost always consist of a pile of chicken with an even bigger pile of carbs (pasta, potatoes) with a side of carbs (bread) and washing it all down with a couple sodas/energy drinks. More often than not the food is something Kat nuked in the microwave for 5 minutes. Every single "homecooked" meal this idiot brags about having can be found in 2 minutes on the website of some company that specializes in frozen meals. Love the fact that Kat was at least attempting to make actual meals (with dessert!) in the first month or so she moved in only to quickly realize Phil has the standards of a literal pig and will eat whatever slop is presented to him. He'll then have himself several late night "snacks" that any normal person would consider to be a regular meal. Don't worry though, it's all fine because he eats a couple daily vitamin gummies, so he gets all the nutrients he needs! It's the healthiest he's been in years, that dumb bitch Leanna with her fresh salads and soups was killing him!

I don't know how you get to the point in your life where you think this is healthy, but I imagine it takes years of lying to yourself and the total loss of any shame to get there. Especially in light of the fact he does zero exercise and his body has morphed into that of a 75 year old granny, and literally all he has to do is look in the mirror to realize this simply isn't working. Phil can't get rid of his sagging tits and the gigantic flabs of jiggling fat on his arms because Kat likes them, okay? Then again, this is the same person who unironically believes he was at one point a bodybuilder with huge muscles who everybody was in awe of and still thinks he has "leftover" muscle from those days, so maybe he's looking into a funhouse mirror.
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One always has to remember that Phil lies about EVERYTHING. And if it's not an out and out lie, it's overblown to make something incredibly mundane seem spectacular and luxurious.

Some frozen Mac and cheese? No no, it's a home made, baked macaroni and cheese with hand-grated cheese, hand-rolled pasta, topped with hand-made and seasoned bread crumbs, baked to sheer perfection in the oven at 375° for precisely 46 minutes.

Schwan's microwaved chicken dish? Silly you. Khet went to the farmer's Market and got freshly butchered chicken breast and toiled away in the kitchen marinating it in a one-of-a-kind Cajun seasoning blend to attain the maximum amount of flavor and prepared in a way that it remained juicy and succulent. The rest of the dish was painstakingly created with only the most premium of ingredients in such a fashion that even Gordon Ramsay himself would proclaim "This is fuckin' amazing."

Phil doesn't do mundane. He doesn't do simple. It legitimately hurts him to say "I had meatloaf for dinner." It's easy, it's boring. Phil can't do easy or boring. It's top shelf or bust for Phil. And that goes for nearly every facet of his life. Trolls poking simple fun at him? THEY SWATTED HIS FAMILY AND DID A BUNCH OF OTHER THINGS HE CAN'T TALK ABOUT FOR REASONS, DOOD. Missing a simple step in PS4 game sharing? NOTHING WORKS FOR HIM, EVERYTHING IS A SISYPHEAN TASK THAT HE ABSOLUTELY CANNOT COMPLETE BECAUSE HIS LIFE IS NOTHING BUT PAIN AND MISERY, but please tip him cause it really helps.
 
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