🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

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Which Connor is the most amusing?

  • Semi-Motivated Connor, aka "I've written 200 words on my new story and took a walk with my grandma."

    Votes: 127 13.2%

  • Depressed Connor, or "Give me one reason why I shouldn't blow my brains out."

    Votes: 73 7.6%

  • Edgy Rebel Without a Cause Connor, or "Shut the fuck up you stupid motherfuckering faggots!"

    Votes: 529 55.0%

  • Smug Pseudo-Intellectual Connor or "I've read Bret Easton Ellis, you guys!"

    Votes: 232 24.1%
  • Total voters
    961
Given that the Connor Cycle is as reliable the immutable Dharma itself, any advice about this essay is pretty facile, but I need to explain the review's most annoying flaw to me. It's how he keeps saying stuff like how the book "makes similar war novels anemic" and in general mentions "other war novels." I don't think it's a secret that Connor is not the biggest reader. That's fine (well, probably not for an aspiring writer, but in principle it's fine), but it comes across as really pretentious when he pretends to that knowledge.

This isn't a special flaw to Connor though, it's something that pretty much everyone going into academic writing struggles with (I have!). Learning how to describe a text's flaws or pluses on its own without having to make comparisons is a really great skill to develop. It means that you can give a valuable interpretation no matter how experienced you are in the work's context.
 
Connor, I'm sorry to have to put it like this. I am a university professor, and have been for ten years. I teach first-year writing all the time. I am used to terrible essays. Everything the others have already said about your essay is true. (And more. They forgot to notice that you introduced an error into a quotation: "What would are fathers think...." instead of "our fathers." You put an error in where none previously existed!) It is not "shit-flinging" to tell you that starting sentences with "I" is a bad habit in an academic essay; that repetitive sentences that do nothing but pad your word count make people like me extremely irritated; and that when you talk about "other war novels" but can't name any, it sounds ridiculous. None of those things are insults. They are facts. I am sorry you do not like those facts, but there they are. (And when I say "pad your word count," I mean things like inserting reminders in every paragraph that the title of the work is All Quiet on the Western Front and that Erich Maria Remarque is the author, for a start. Your teacher knows this. He also knows his own name and what course he is teaching. Anything you could possibly say about the book that is true will remain so, whether it is "in the context of" that section of Western Civ II or not.)

If a book report like that (and I echo other people's concern about four weeks for 989 words) came across my desk, it is so bad I wouldn't even fail it, if it were your first assignment. I would tell you to rewrite it from scratch, and either come to my office hours or see the writing tutors for help. (Sadly, our writing center is named after the building it is in, which is named after university donors whose surname began with a C. So it is the C____ Writing Center. I have to send people to CWC for help with writing. May Herne of the Wild Hunt grant me a clean death.) If it were not your first assignment, and I had already told you what bad habits you must stop, and you didn't, then I would fail it.

This is truth from my side of the desk. If you consider this, too, to be "shit-flinging," then it is merely flinging back the shit you have already almost given your actual teacher on a silver-colored cardboard platter. The books I recommended earlier in this thread are about how to write good stories. I think first, you need to concentrate on how to write a readable essay. Stick with whatever MLA style guide your teacher has recommended or assigned, plus Strunk and White (cited in the post after my last one). Just make clean, uncomplicated sentences. Do not repeat your points. Do not pretend to knowledge you don't actually have. If it's a war novel, I guarantee it is in no sense "anemic." It's just not the same as this war novel. One book cannot be the be-all, end-all of a genre. If you cared, you could hop over to the thread about unpopular opinions on literature, and find a dozen people who definitely do not think Lord of the Rings is the greatest epic fantasy trilogy ever, or even of its time.
 
NobleGreyHorse said:
(And more. They forgot to notice that you introduced an error into a quotation: "What would are fathers think...." instead of "our fathers." You put an error in where none previously existed!)
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I think this just proves that Connor is a fan of The Commander too. :semperfidelis:
 
Connor Bible said:
Leonard, I admit, is a pretty pathetic individual. But let's be honest... what are we getting out of this war? Both sides are flinging shit at each other. It's like a colony of fucking monkeys.
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@NobleGreyHorse you have good intentions but somehow I get the feeling his university does not have nearly the rigorous standards you and yours does. Just a hunch.
 
I have textwalled more than I ought, but I also love how he thinks actors are actively trying to hurt each other -- mixed metaphor is best metaphor? It's like, in Connor's world, if you audition for a production of Medea or Titus Andronicus, you literally want to kill children onstage. Or worse! Adopt them!
 
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