🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

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Which Connor is the most amusing?

  • Semi-Motivated Connor, aka "I've written 200 words on my new story and took a walk with my grandma."

    Votes: 127 13.2%

  • Depressed Connor, or "Give me one reason why I shouldn't blow my brains out."

    Votes: 73 7.6%

  • Edgy Rebel Without a Cause Connor, or "Shut the fuck up you stupid motherfuckering faggots!"

    Votes: 529 55.0%

  • Smug Pseudo-Intellectual Connor or "I've read Bret Easton Ellis, you guys!"

    Votes: 232 24.1%
  • Total voters
    961
Picklechu said:
I'm now imagining SammyClassicSonicFan shirtless and flicking off Cthulhu while Alyssa Milano is doubled over laughing. :heart-empty::c
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That sounds way cooler, I would totally buy a book about sammy fighting Cthulhu. Someone write that please.
 
Connor said:
Shit, every time I think of Alphaboy, and when I'm actually writing it... God, I am fucking pumped. To fully describe my present emotional state, imagine Sean Gillespie, his shirt torn, flipping off a horde of butt-fucking-ugly terrorist monsters from the depths of Hell, scaring them off as Alyssa Milano is on her knees, looking up at him.
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I so want this framed beside my Army of Darkness poster.
 
They hunted him down.
They murdered his birth parents.
They threatened his adoptive parents.
And they've kidnapped the one girl he would kill for.

Now, somewhere... somehow...
Someone's gonna pay.
 
Connor said:
They hunted him down.
They murdered his birth parents.
They threatened his adoptive parents.
And they've kidnapped the one girl he would kill for.

Now, somewhere... somehow...
Someone's gonna pay.
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Connor, thinly disguised adolescent revenge fantasies were passe the moment The Crow hit cinemas, e.g. before you were born.
 
Abby said:
@Connor How far are you into All Quiet on the Western Front? It's a pretty incredible book. I hope it doesn't cause you to sink into nihilism and edgelordness though. Whats the paper you have to write about?
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It's just a really thorough book review, with quotes and citations if I am correct. I just started my semester and reading last week, and I'm already about eight chapters in. My copy of the novel is only about 220 pages long.

Dudeofteenage said:
Connor, thinly disguised adolescent revenge fantasies were passe the moment The Crow hit cinemas, e.g. before you were born.
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It's a genre throwback to action movies of the 1980's and early 1990's.
 
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Connor said:
It's a genre throwback to action movies of the 1980's and early 1990's.
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Well, at least you admit it's derivative.

Why are you trying to write a movie in book form? What works in movies often doesn't work in books, and I think that's doubly so for action movies. Action just isn't very exciting on the page, no matter how well written. This is why "action novels" isn't really a genre.
 
Dudeofteenage said:
Well, at least you admit it's derivative.

Why are you trying to write a movie in book form? What works in movies often doesn't work in books, and I think that's doubly so for action movies. Action just isn't very exciting on the page, no matter how well written. This is why "action novels" isn't really a genre.
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Ye of little faith... It's difficult to write action in prose form, sure, but it's not insurmountable.
 
Dudeofteenage said:
Can you give me an example?
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Look at All Quiet on the Western Front, for instance. It's written in the first person, present tense, giving the skirmishes a sense of immediacy and reality. I actually felt I was in the trenches that the writer, Erich Remarque, waded through when he served in the war.
 
Is it possible that fact, your feeling of being in the WWI trenches, has more to do with Remarque's descriptions of the conditions he had to live in than descriptions of shooting per se?

Also, if you would like suggestions on your book report when you finish it, please shoot me a PM. However, if you don't really want suggestions on it, then don't. OK?
 
Connor said:
Look at All Quiet on the Western Front, for instance. It's written in the first person, present tense, giving the skirmishes a sense of immediacy and reality. I actually felt I was in the trenches that the writer, Erich Remarque, waded through when he served in the war.
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Thanks for the Wikipedia entry! I've read All Quiet on the Western Front. That is not an action book. It is not at all similar to action movies. I know because they made a movie of it, and it wasn't an action movie! It does not have long, drawn out details of action scenes including who shot when and how. It is also not about some guy seeking revenge for his family's death at the hands of cartoonish villains. In fact it's about the exact opposite, it's about a guy realising the pointlessness of violence, and that the people he thought were cartoonish villains are actually just other people.

In summary, try again.
 
@Dudeofteenage , who pissed in your cornflakes? I know it wasn't an action novel, and already, I'm picking up a strong anti-war/anti-violence sentiment from what I've read so far. What's becoming apparent to me, at least at this point, is that I have two options when it comes to writing, and neither of them are particularly pleasant.

1) I can just give up writing permanently, fold my cards, and maybe get stuck in a menial, dead-end job and a loveless marriage, lamenting for the rest of the life that I coulda been a contender.

Or...

2) I can keep writing, regardless of what haters think. I've always wanted to write an action novel, as absurd and impractical as it may sound. For me, it's the adventure and experience that counts. Go ahead down vote this if you like. I don't care.
 
Connor said:
@Dudeofteenage , who pissed in your cornflakes? I know it wasn't an action novel, and already, I'm picking up a strong anti-war/anti-violence sentiment from what I've read so far.
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I asked you for an example of an action novel. You gave me All Quiet. Why did you do that, if you knew it wasn't an actual action novel? And no fucking shit you're picking up an anti-war sentiment, it's a famous anti-war book. Next thing you'll be telling us you picked up a pro-Jesus sentiment in the Narnia books.

Connor said:
What's becoming apparent to me, at least at this point, is that I have two options when it comes to writing, and neither of them are particularly pleasant..
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You missed option three, which is to write a screenplay or a comic book, or something more suited to your inspiration than a novel. The fact that you keep talking about films really gives the impression that you don't care about the medium that you're working in. Your determination to write an "action novel" seems less about trying to do something innovative for innovation's sake and more about your indifference to what makes novels effective, and general ignorance of literature.
 
Connor said:
Look at All Quiet on the Western Front, for instance. It's written in the first person, present tense, giving the skirmishes a sense of immediacy and reality. I actually felt I was in the trenches that the writer, Erich Remarque, waded through when he served in the war.
Click to expand...

Dudeofteenage said:
Thanks for the Wikipedia entry! I've read All Quiet on the Western Front. That is not an action book. It is not at all similar to action movies. I know because they made a movie of it, and it wasn't an action movie! It does not have long, drawn out details of action scenes including who shot when and how. It is also not about some guy seeking revenge for his family's death at the hands of cartoonish villains. In fact it's about the exact opposite, it's about a guy realising the pointlessness of violence, and that the people he thought were cartoonish villains are actually just other people.

In summary, try again.
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Connor said:
@Dudeofteenage , who pissed in your cornflakes? I know it wasn't an action novel, and already, I'm picking up a strong anti-war/anti-violence sentiment from what I've read so far.
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This reminds me of that time when Chris was trying to convince Mr. Devoria that he'd truly and honestly read Of Mice And Men and he was sort of trying to describe the book without actually describing it. Lol.
 
Dudeofteenage said:
Your determination to write an "action novel" seems less about trying to do something innovative for innovation's sake and more about your indifference to what makes novels effective, and general ignorance of literature.
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Newsflash, Dude... I'm not too concerned about originality this early in the game. In fact, I'm of the belief that it's what you do with the tools at your disposal in your own unique way that counts, rather than the simple fact the tool was used. Also, going by Sturgeon's Law, only a small portion of genre fiction (anywhere from 1-10%) is truly great. I'm not writing with some pretentious ambition to create highbrow literature that's going to stand the test of time and be lectured about in college classes. I want to scare people. I want to make them laugh and cry. I want to keep them on the edges of their seats. Above all, I want to tell good, entertaining stories.
 
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