🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

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Which Connor is the most amusing?

  • Semi-Motivated Connor, aka "I've written 200 words on my new story and took a walk with my grandma."

    Votes: 127 13.2%

  • Depressed Connor, or "Give me one reason why I shouldn't blow my brains out."

    Votes: 73 7.6%

  • Edgy Rebel Without a Cause Connor, or "Shut the fuck up you stupid motherfuckering faggots!"

    Votes: 529 55.0%

  • Smug Pseudo-Intellectual Connor or "I've read Bret Easton Ellis, you guys!"

    Votes: 232 24.1%
  • Total voters
    961
thread resuscitation effort part 1

"my autistic brain"

Connor's brain.png


When I said "not actual size," I really meant that. Like the writing part of Connor's brain is actually much smaller, but I had to enlarge it so you could see it.
 
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I'm actually sort of impressed that Connor has managed to stay away from this thread. I mean he's just sitting on his ass masturbating and shitposting on Wrongplant, but baby steps are still progress right?
 
Here is the improved, more accurate version of Connor's brain:

Connor's brain edited.png


I regret that I did not fix my grave error earlier as my original picture implied that Connor actually has any writing talent whatsoever. We can all rest assured tonight that he does not.
 
Connor will pop up again at some point. Dry spells are no big deal, and we'll always have his thread here waiting for him.
 
If Connor is gonna be absent for a while, I'll just stick my hat in the freezer to keep it fresh.
 
He might pop in around Sunday or Tuesday. That seems to be the days where he can't stand it anymore and pops by. I bet Tuesday is when he has his math class.

I can't wait to see what time it is on his Connor clock when he does return!
 
This is what Connor actually believes. (This is uncannily similar to his views on adoption and genetic engineering/"designer babies".)
 
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Connor finally got it through his thick skull that he shouldn't come back until he has something to show us like a completed story and progress in his life. Yeah, he's a total shithead, but he's only 20 and seems to have realized that his views on adoption were fucked up. I'll give him one some credit, he's had a much better attitude than Moleman, Golden Knight, Mylar, Iconoclast, etc. when it comes to understanding why there is a thread about him.
 
I'd be lying if I said I didn't hope that he is, in fact, trying to get his shit together, or has at the very least learned that not reading this thread is going to make him feel a little better.
 
I certainly do hope that he's trying, but his attempts to prove how much he's gotten better doesn't make me a believer. :(
 
But he's my favorite threadcow. TJChurch and Holden are boring, and Mylar doesn't post on his thread much, and even the SlutHate herd doesn't really do it for me. If he leaves, where will be my entertainment?!
 
Philosophy Zombie said:
But he's my favorite threadcow. TJChurch and Holden are boring, and Mylar doesn't post on his thread much, and even the SlutHate herd doesn't really do it for me. If he leaves, where will be my entertainment?!
Click to expand...
Don't worry. At the very least, he'll be back in a few months, because we know he won't be able to resist bragging about the second math class he's taking.
 
I'd love it if he finally realized that he should stay away, but I'm not optimistic on that front. My guess is that he's probably either pitching a fit offline and will come back, or his parents laid down a Golden Knight-style internet cutdown.
 
Picklechu said:
Connor Plays Pokemon, Part Whatever

Connor had spent the past two weeks wandering through Mt. Moon's numerous caverns. His clothes were tattered, and he smelled far worse than he usually did. Other trainers had offered to help him out of the cave and to Cerulean City, but he had told them all to go fucky themselves. He was good enough to get out of this stupid cave on his own!

He had managed to catch a Clefairy about a week ago, but he was forced to eat it for nourishment. He had tried to eat Bulbasaur, but it had used its vine whips to protect itself. Connor rubbed his face, the memory of Bulbasaur's attack fresh in his mind.

"Stupid fucking assholes," Connor muttered to himself.

Agents of SHIELD is coming on so I don't have time to write more.
Click to expand...
As he wondered he was attacked by a group of sociopathic Zoobats. They swarmed around his head threatening to attack his face as he batted them away. Each one screaming in the pokemon language "catch me catch me". Being triggered Connor started to flail his arms at them. It was not very effective.

At this moment Connor began to panic, he had no idea what to do in this situation and he wished he was at home jacking it to Molay. Then a voice, as if out of nowhere said "Fucking throw out a pokemone you faggot. Fight for yourself." It was his sociopathic pokedex telling him to do literally what everyone has been telling him to do.

"Fine, I'll do it if it helps me be a successful trainer" Connor shouted, thinking that doing one thing would make his pokedex respect him. Connor sends out his Charmander and commands it to use ember, weakening the zoobat enough for connor to throw out the ultra ball he was carrying (because regular pokeballs are too hard to catch things with, and you expect him to be good instantly?) and capture the Zoobat.

"Finally" the pokedex says "do that a couple more times and train your pokemon and you may be as good as anyone else one day"...
There was a long pause.


A very long pause as Connor stares menacingly at the pokedex.

"YOU EXPECT ME TO TRAIN LIKE SOME SOCIOPATH SO I CAN BE GOOD? I SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET A CHARIZARD RIGHT AWAY ALONG WITH ANY POKEMONE I WANT. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO CATCH TERRIBLE POKEMON LIKE THIS ZOOBAT." and for the next hour or so Connor spazzed out, walking through the cave and stumbling upon what appeared to be an illegal operation.

time for team kiwi
 
Given the amazing talk about WrongGym, I was brainstorming some ideas for a Kiwi Gym...
  • It's considered by WrongGym to be its greatest archenemy; however, Kiwi Gym is barely aware of WrongGym's existence.
  • Kiwi Gym is known for making fun of and goading several other Gyms, including the CWCville Gym and the Loveshy Gym.
  • It has the most diverse group of Trainers of any Gym in the region.
  • The Trainers can be pretty brutal, but they also give awesome advice and genuinely want others to improve.
  • Kiwi Gym was started for entertainment purposes and anyone who takes it too seriously is booted out.
  • Rumored to have ties to al-Qaeda ISIS Team Rocket but nothing has been proven so shut your mouth.
  • HUGE PLOT TWIST: When Connor gets there, it turns out Null is the Supreme Gym Leader.
 
Cosmos said:
Given the amazing talk about WrongGym, I was brainstorming some ideas for a Kiwi Gym...
  • It's considered by WrongGym to be its greatest archenemy; however, Kiwi Gym is barely aware of WrongGym's existence.
  • Kiwi Gym is known for making fun of and goading several other Gyms, including the CWCville Gym and the Loveshy Gym.
  • It has the most diverse group of Trainers of any Gym in the region.
  • The Trainers can be pretty brutal, but they also give awesome advice and genuinely want others to improve.
  • Kiwi Gym was started for entertainment purposes and anyone who takes it too seriously is booted out.
  • Rumored to have ties to al-Qaeda ISIS Team Rocket but nothing has been proven so shut your mouth.
  • HUGE PLOT TWIST: When Connor gets there, it turns out Null is the Supreme Gym Leader.
Click to expand...
Oh I was going to make Team Kiwi the enemy XD
 
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