🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

[ToroidalBoat]

I was wondering why Connor was depicted as having messy blonde hair and an eye-patch.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

It's a negative number, you beautiful human being.

D'awww, thanks!

That made me lol for a solid 10 minutes @BOLDYSPICY!

My work here is done~

@BOLDYSPICY! you should do like a comic or something

nooooooo too much work
besides I just like drawing stupid shit for you guys
plus I can't compete with @_blank_ or @Trickie D:

I was wondering why Connor was depicted as having messy blonde hair and an eye-patch.

 

[Dudeofteenage]

Connor might look better with long hair - as a dude of gravity myself I found it's often easier to draw attention away from the, err, roundness of one's face with a longer haircut. Same effect as with a beard, except society as a whole is genuinely onto the whole "grow a beard to hide your jowls" trick now.

Problem with long hair is that you need to be able to cultivate a somewhat alternative/bohemian look overall in order to pull it off, and that doesn't seem like it's Connor's style.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

Connor might look better with long hair - as a dude of gravity myself I found it's often easier to draw attention away from the, err, roundness of one's face with a longer haircut. Same effect as with a beard, except society as a whole is genuinely onto the whole "grow a beard to hide your jowls" trick now.

Problem with long hair is that you need to be able to cultivate a somewhat alternative/bohemian look overall in order to pull it off, and that doesn't seem like it's Connor's style.

You can do it with short hair if you can get a cut that helps frame your face. & square glasses lenses look much better with round faces, speaking from experience.

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

Now I kind of want to see a self-portrait with the best glasses for disguising that your face is a chicken wing.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

Now I kind of want to see a self-portrait with the best glasses for disguising that your face is a chicken wing.

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

I am speechless. That is brilliant, right down to the poor sad kidney on your t-shirt. Feel better, kidneys! <3

 

[KillerBob]

Has the collected 'Connor plays Pokemon' saga got to a point where it's longer than Redesignign Eva yet? Because so far its a much better story than RE. It would be funy if a bunch of Kiwis could write a better work than Connors 'masterpice in their spare time.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

Has the collected 'Connor plays Pokemon' saga got to a point where it's longer than Redesignign Eva yet? Because so far its a much better story than RE. It would be funy if a bunch of Kiwis could write a better work than Connors 'masterpice in their spare time.

I dunno, let me check!

Spoiler: IT'S THE "CONNOR PLAYS POKEMON" MASTER POST (brought to you by insomnia)

I'm a shit writer and I have to go to class but here's the beginning of my attempt.


Connor Bible awakens and rubs the sleep from his eyes. He rolls over and grimaces with disgust as he pulls a semen encrusted sock from his leg. Connor shrugs and quietly masturbates into the sock while thinking of the redheaded girl next door.

BANG! BANG! Someone pounds at the door rousing Connor from his fantasy. “Damn it young man open this door right now! His mother demands. Connor pulls on a pair of boxer shorts and opens the door to find his mother glaring at him. “Young man I’ve had it up to here with your behavior!” “We moved to Pallet town a year ago and all you do is sit in your room and browse the internet, I want you to get dressed and go see professor Oak immediately.” She turns and walks out of the room, Connor rolls his eyes and mutters under his breath “fuckey you.” Still he sees that his mom is serious so he puts on his vest and baseball cap and slowly makes his way down the stairs.

Connor makes his way to Professor Oak’s lab and walks inside. The interior is dim and the only sound is a dull humming from the various machines scattered around the lab. Suddenly Connor hears a voice coming from the back of the lab. “Are you a boy or are you a girl?” the voice asks. “Fuckey you” Connor replies can’t you see that I’m a boy? “Oh I’m sorry Connor” Professor Oak said calmly, It’s just that you are so fat I had to make sure.

"So." Professor Oak says, "It's time to start your journey to become a Pokémon master! Now, which starter Pokémon would you like?"
"One day I'm going to have a Charzard and everyone will have to take me seriously."
"Great!" Professor Oak handed him a pokéball with a flame engraved on the top half. The ball opened to reveal a Charmander.
"What's this?" Connor seemed confused.
"A-a Charmander. Once you get some battles it'll evolve into Charmelion then Charzard. You said you wanted a Charzard, right?"
"You mean I have to start with this shitty weak Pokémon?"
"Well, yes. Even the greatest masters started with one unevolved Pokémon."
Connor dreaded the idea of having to work to get what he wanted, he would've given up but he didn't want to go home to his abusive, alcoholic, light sleeper of a mother who drank and abused him. He sighed and left Porfessor Oak's lab with the Charmander.

Connor then decides he's ready to venture into the wilderness. He waddles into the long grass and beholds a lone Metapod before him.
"this will be a piece of cake!" he said triumphantly! "I don't even need my Charmander for this"
He creeps over to the unsuspecting Pokemon "What could it possibly do to me. Its only a shell"

Connor awakes a few days later in hospital a broken man.

Spoiler

https://youtube.com/watch?v=PFZAcOcE2No

Someone knocked on the door, which swung open to reveal Null, a Squirtle in tow.

"Yo! Connor! You're still struggling along back here? I'm doing great! I caught a bunch of strong and smart Pokémon! Let's see what you caught, Connor!"

"Fucky you Null!" said Connor, "How am I supposed to catch new Pokémon when I have a weak Charmander?"

"You have to battle with it, Connor," Null said with a sigh, "To toughen it up and make it stronger. Go to the PokéMart and buy some Pokéballs. Sitting around on your ass won't make Charmander any stronger. You have to work for it. Trust me, it'll be worth it in the end."

"So you want me to work to make Charmander stronger, get a low-level team of Pidgeys and Rattatas that won't bring me any happiness, move into some shitty apartment in Celadon City, buy a bike,
get in deep with the local Team Rocket grunts, do odd jobs for various assorted lowlifes without reward or appreciation, buy a gun from the nearest Ammu-Nation, get shot at, get in potential legal trouble and generally gain character through misery?"

There was a long, profound silence, as Null let the highly concentrated autism of Connor's words sink in.

"Yeah, whatever, Connor. Well, I better get rolling! Smell ya later."

Connor slowly waddled north into Viridian Forest. He hated forests, walking, and being outside in general. The only thing that convinced him at all to go further was two kids outside of the hospital talking about a pretty girl in Cerulean City with short, red hair. He hadn't caught the name, but he was convinced the girl was his ultimate crush, Molly Ringwald.

"Oh, Molly, when I show up in Cerulean City we're going to fly off into the sunset on my Charizard and make sweet love overlooking the ocean on Route 25. It's basically promised," Connor sighed.

"Molly? Who's that?" Bug Catcher Rick asked, stepping forward from underneath a nearby tree.

"Molly Ringwald! The pretty actress who starred in great movies like The Breakfast Club. Everyone knows Molly," Connor rolled his eyes.

"I thought Molly was really old? Like, in her 40's."

"No! Molly is young and beautiful, and lives in Cerulean City!" Connor said angrily to Bug Catcher Rick. "No, get out of my way!"

"You can't go yet. I challenge you to a Pokemon Battle first," Bug Catcher Rick grinned and sent out Weedle.

"I don't want to battle you, or anyone else! Fucky you!"

"But it's the laws of the Pokemon world! When two Trainer's eyes meet, they have to battle!" Insisted Bug Catcher Rick.

"And how am I supposed to fit that into my schedule?" Demanded Connor. "I already have a math class that's consuming 99% of my mental energy, not to mention that I'm going to start rewriting Redesigning Eva. I also have a play in mind about adoption and I'm going to start drafting-"

"Forget it. Man, I wish that Null guy would come back. We had a great battle." Bug Catcher Rick sighed and turned away.

"Wait, that motherfucker Null came by here?! How is he so far ahead of me?" Whined Connor.

Bug Catcher Rick shrugged. "I dunno, but he's clearly been busy. He has a Wartortle and everything! He even sent out a Pidgeotto against my Metapod! He must be a really fantastic Trainer! I bet he'll beat Brock in no time."

"That's not fair! Why is Null so far ahead of me? Why was he given the better Pokemon? Why has it evolved already when I still have this stupid, weak Charmander?" Connor was really getting himself worked up. Null, that son of a bitch! Why were people praising Null and not him?

Bug Catcher Rick gave him an odd look. "Well, I mean, didn't you both get your starter Pokemon from Professor Oak in Pallet Town? They should have both been about the same level-"

"It's not fair!! Fucky you, Null! Fucky you, Professor Oak! Everyone's against me!!!" Connor was now in full meltdown mode, kicking trees and screaming while his Charmander timidly tried to calm him down.

"Fuck this, I'm outta here. I bet I can catch up to Null and challenge him to a rematch..." Bug Catcher Rick mumbled, more to himself than to Connor. With a sigh, he turned and headed towards Pewter City. He very much doubted that Connor would even make it that far.

Before heading to Pewter City, Connor decided to listen to Null for once and bought a few pokéballs.
As Connor headed to Pewter City he tripped on some grass, a wild bulbasaur yawned and opened his eyes.
Connor busted out his Pokédex, "Bulbasaur; grass type. Wait, bitch don't you have a Charmander?"
Connor was shocked at the rudeness of his Pokédex. "You're a bit coarse for a computer."
"Nigga just use ember and catch the damn thing."
Connor let out a heavy sigh and released his Charmander, "Use ember! I guess."
Suddenly the bulbasaur caught fire and began screaming. Seeing nothing wrong with this Connor threw his pokéball and managed to catch Bulbasaur.
He made it to Pewter City and decided to take a mental break. He brought his two Pokemon to the nearest center. Two days later he returned. The Charmander was happy to see him, but the Bulbasaur glared at him, he was wearing an eyepatch.
"Your Bulbasaur was very badly burned, he lost an eye." Nurse Joy told him, "We gave him the eyepatch for free! You'll have to pay for the burn heal though."


Alright, @BOLDYSPICY!, there's a one eyed miserable Bulbasaur now. Sorry for having Connor start with a Charmander. I'm gonna have the Bulbasaur (let's name it Eva) be my avatar for a while, I need a change every now and then.
Also, his Pokédex is kinda a dick.

"I have to pay for a Burn Heal? I thought this shit was free! This is bullshit!"

Everyone else in the Pokemon Center had turned to the source of the disturbance. Connor seemed blissfully unaware of this, and Nurse Joy flinched.

"He was really badly burned," she said. "But a Burn Heal is 250, so it's not that much, really-"

"250?! You expect me to have that kind of money on me?" Connor hollered.

"You... you don't have 250? That's... that's pocket change, really-"

"I just got back from the video store. They were having a 500 movie sale, so naturally I bought the entirety of Jean Claude Van Damme's filmography."

"That's really not the wisest investment," said Nurse Joy. "Perhaps you can return a few. I mean, you don't really need the Street Fighter movie, do you?"

"FUCKY YOU!" screeched Connor. He started stamping his feet. "You're worse than that Meowth that punk'd me one time! I tried to pet it and I pulled its tail and it bit me!"

"Jesus Christ, I'll pay for it," a woman behind him said. She plopped the 250 on the counter. "Now can you please leave? You're scaring the children."

"Good," said Connor. "They should be afraid. I'm a nihilistic existentialist cynic who sees this dark world for what it really is." He took back his two Pokeballs. "Now if you excuse me I need to run around with a tape recorder and talk about murder." And with that, he waddled out the Pokecenter, huffing in indignation.

(Crap, people posted before me)
Connor grumbled at this expense, and rifled through his pockets. As he had blown most of his cash on Kentucky Fried Pidgey and a 50s era typewriter, he was rather low on funds, and barely had enough to cover his Bulbasaur's medical bills.
"Fuck, I need money!" Connor moaned, as he walked the streets. Mentally, he noted that he should eat the Bulbasaur first, as it had caused him to become poor, like one of the niggos his mom worked with.
"Yo, duuuude, like, do you want to battled and shit?"
Connor turned, and through his bifocals he glanced two uncouth youth, clad in jorts and hoodies. The one who had spoken, a balding man wearing sunglasses, was pointing at Connor, while his accomplice, an apelike blonde man, stood back grinning.
Connor moaned. "We get like money and stuff for battling, right?"
"Sure dude, whatever."
"Fine", Connor said. The balding man and Connor walked to the middle of the street, an impromptu high noon showdown. Connor reached into his pocket, and drew his balls. His opponent twitched. Connor hurled the pokeball with all his might and bellowed "CHARZARD, I CHOOSE YEEEWW!"
The pokeball flopped to the ground, bounced a little ways, and opened. The Charmander emerged from it, gave Connor a dirty look, and gnawing on it's right paw.
"Charmander, what the fuck?" yelled Connor. He looked at his opponents just in time to see the flash of gold as the two men pulled their hands out of their pockets.
Connors flabby body was hit repeatedly with plastic BBs.
"OWWWw, WHAT THE HELLL! WHY ARE YOU SUCH SOCIOPATHS??!!"
"Tahhhh, dude, that was fucking hilarious, we totally pranked you."
The blonde assailant lurched forward, and began to speak.
"dat aint all i gotz, yo gonna git pronked fegot! Use jenkim bomb!"
With that, the blonde man hurled a plastic water bottled filled with a brown liquid at Connor. It fell to the ground and burst, spilling reeking brown fluid on Connor's shoes.
"Tahh, it's super effect dude!"
Connor's face became flushed with fury. "HOW DARE YOU! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I AM A SOON TO BE WORLD FAMOUS WRITER< AND I AM WAY BETTER THAN YOU FUCKERS!!!! CHARMANDER, KILLL THESE INSOLENT BULLIES!!!"
Charmander yawned, and sniffed at a empty soda cup on the side of the road.
"Charmander!!!" Connor yelled, as he balled his fists up in rage and hopped in place.
"duuude, ur a fegot, pokemon iz for nigs an fagz, not warriorz like uz, cause pokemon r gay!"
While Connor flailed in rage, the Charmander looked up.
"Charrrrrmander!" it hissed, and it flicked it's tail.
The blonde man's jort leg caught fire.
"DUUUUUUDE WAT THE FUK!!!!" he screeched, as he fell to the ground and scrambled to pull the burning jorts off of him. He flung the singed jorts away, and then realized he was standing in the middle of the street in a pair of greying tighty-whities.
"yyy YOU GOT PRANKKED!!!" he yelled, and bolted away, his companion in hot pursuit.
Connor retrieved the blonde man's wallet from the remains of his jorts, pocketed the cash, and turned to the Charmander.
"Why do you always treat me like a child? Go back in your ball!"

@Randall Fragg, its fine ill just put mine underneath

As Connor ventured back into the long grass a Mew descended into the brush and landed on a rock face. Most other trainers would be in a sublime awe of such a sight, but not Connor for he was 'exceptional' and didn't understand the risk.

First he threw a few pokeballs at Mew. Non of them were effective

"Curse these balls of mine. Why does nothing work out for me"

"Charmander, pull your weight you degenerate weakling"

As Charmander materialized Mew re-orientated itself to face him. Neither party was prepared for the devastation of the fail hammer.

At the top of his lungs, Connor shrieked: "USE EMBER YOU LITTLE FUCKER"

Charmander looked back and forth between Connor and the Mew. "Chaaaar?"

"EMBER," yelled Connor. "I SAID EMBER. WHAT'S THE MATTER, YOU FUCKING SCUMBAG? ARE YOU DEAF?"

"Mew?" Mew flew closer to Connor, only a few inches away from his face, inspecting him curiously. "Mew?"

Connor swung his flappy arms to try and grab it, but Mew teleported out of his reach. Mew was now among the branches of a tree, looking down and giggling.

"Charmander, burn this tree down!" Connor commanded

Charmander had about enough of this faggotry. He turned around and faced Connor, puffing up his chest.

"Hey!" Connor shouted. "What the fuck are you doing? Burn down the fucking tree!"

Just as he said this, Charmander opened his mouth, and a blast of flame spewed forth in Connor's direction. Connor squealed in terror as his pants caught on fire. "HELP!" he cried. "SOMEBODY HELP ME! MY POKEMON'S GONE INSANE!"

Suddenly, a thought occurred to Connor. He remembered the presentations on fire safety he sat through as a child, about what to do should your clothes catch fire.

"Stop, drop and roll!" Connor said as he dropped to the ground. "Stop, drop and roll!" He rolled on the ground, and failed to notice the ledge that he rolled into. Screeching, Connor tumbled down into a ditch, and he felt the oddest sensation of déjà vu.

He hit something hard with his head. His pants were no longer burning. He let out a sigh of relief, until the hard thing behind him started to move. He swiveled around, and came face to face with a sleepy Graveller.

"... Oh shit."

EDIT: And then to make a long story short, Connor ran away, grabbed his Charmander and ran back into Pewter City to fight Brock I guess.

(Connor started thrashing the mud madly in a fit of exceptional rage. This made the Graveller suddenly awake)

The graveller's gaze fell upon our 'hero' and looked into his soul.

This sudden bout of emotional intimacy gave Connor sensory overload and he fell into a deep sleep....

You guys are freaking amazing. I've been reading on and off during my not-actually-working work day today and I had a stupid grin on my face for most of it thanks to you guys.

Made one of my own which isn't related to yours. Sorry.

Spoiler

Connor Bible arose from slumber to the shouts of his mother yelling at him from downstairs. The sound was muffled but he could vaguely make out that she was upset that he was late and had slept long enough. Glancing quickly at his clock, he saw the time blink silently back at him: “3:00PM”. Connor grumbled. He had only gotten 15 hours sleep but he needed more. He had spent all his mental energy on his one math class's homework and he planned to spend the next week recuperating. But his mother had insisted otherwise.

She expected him to finally start following in his town's tradition in their pokemon journey. Professor Oak spent one week each year in his town, initiating new trainers and sending them on their way. Some local townsmen had even become champion! Connor knew he'd be one of them one day. He just needed time to prepare himself. She had nagged and nagged Connor about finally going this year and he had finally agreed to go today, the final day of Oak's visit this year.


Closing his eyes and snuggling tighter back into bed, Connor thought of his ex-friends and personal enemies who had already left him behind to go and journey off into their own. Null had left first, years ago and had made a few headlines. He had always made a case of throwing out an insult aimed at Connor during his interviews. He'd never forgot Null's first interview with The Pokefan Network: “I just want to thank all those back at Port Royal Town who have been supporting me!” Underneath his blanket, Connor scowled at the memory. How dare he call him out like that. He was trying his hardest!


His ex-friend, Kiwi had left one year ago. Kiwi had become an enemy as well, claiming they'd wait and that they'd journey together with Connor but finally running off at their fifth chance to go on their pokemon journey. “Connor, I'm gonna go,” Kiwi had told him the night before they had left him. “You keep saying that this time you'll come with me, but you always back out on your promise. Sorry...I really waited.”


“Fucky you, Kiwi. You fucking bastard. What did you ever do for me?” were his well justified words back.


Kiwi had left and over time, sent back pictures to everyone in town of their adventures. They had already beaten a few gyms themselves. Null and Kiwi had become the talk of the town and meanwhile Connor's future genius remained ignored. He would become the greatest pokemon master. He knew he would. There was no doubt in his mind that he'd crush every gym and then Elite 4 would bow down in fear once he stepped forward.

Connor could already see that fateful day in his mind. Blanketed by the stadium of adoring fans, the lights blaring against his face and body, Molly Ringwailord screaming about wanting his body on the sidelines, an arsenal of pokemon at his side ready to fight on his behalf, Connor would stand against the final of the Elite Four, and grin with satisfaction as Lance creased his eyebrow in fear, sweat dripping down his face. “Rosebud...” he'd murmur, after his loss before ushering Connor to the champion.

Null and Kiwi would beg for forgiveness, but Connor would not forgive. Connor would not forget.


Yeah, that future was the best one yet, Connor thought to himself. That was the victory he would get for himself, starting today.

Yawning, Connor got up from his bed, pulled off his pants and sat in front of his computer. Okay, maybe tomorrow. After all, he had important things to do!

(Disregarding any previous story developments because fucky you, I just got hit by inspiration)

Connor barged into the Pewter Gym, just having restored his Pokemon at the Pokemon Center. Despite not training them whatsoever, he felt as though he were ready to take on Brock, the very first Gym Leader. That asshole Null did it, why couldn't he?

"Brock? BROCK?!?! Where are you? Are you ignoring me? Did Null tell you to ignore me?" Connor was making quite a scene; the Gym Trainers all paused and stared at him while he angrily stormed towards the back of the Gym.

"No need for yelling, I'm right here." Brock, a tall teenager with spiky hair, rose from his seat at the end of the Gym. While he was caught off guard by Connor's entrance, it was hardly unusual. He was the first Gym Leader, after all, and he was used to seeing hotheaded rookie Trainers barge into his Gym, all energy and passion and no tact.

"Well, then, Brock. I challenge you to a battle!" Connor huffed as he reached Brock, the combination of his physique and his rage taking its toll on his lungs. "I'm Connor of Pallet Town. But you probably know me from my controversial, cynical, and darkly humorous posts on various forums."

"Uh, no, I'm afraid I don't." Brock was a bit puzzled, but went on ahead. "But you're from Pallet Town, huh? We get a lot of Trainers from there! In fact, I just had a challenger from there recently! Maybe you know him. His name was Noel or something else with an N and he had a Wartortle-"

"STOP TALKING ABOUT NULL!! WE'RE TALKING ABOUT ME NOW!! AND I CHALLENGE YOU TO A BATTLE!!!" Connor shrieked.

Brock stepped back in alarm; he certainly hadn't expected the kid to explode the way he did. Maybe he and that Null guy were rivals? Such a thing wasn't uncommon; quite the opposite, really. Internally, he shrugged; he really didn't care about the kid's backstory, he just wanted to finish this battle up quickly so he could go home. This Connor guy had come at a really inconvenient time, right before closing. Most Trainers would have just waited until the next day, using the extra time to prepare for the battle and train their Pokemon.

"Alright, alright, I get it. Let's get this going, shall we?" Brock stepped back, gesturing for Connor to do the same as a referee took his position off to the side. "Geodude, I choose you!"

"Charmander! Go!" Connor released his Charmander onto the battle ground. "Use ember or something!"
The geodude didn't even flinch.
"Rock types are very resistant against fire." Brock chimed in, "Geodude, use Body Slam!"
Charmander was knocked out immediately.
"Fucky you Brock! How am I supposed to defeat you with this Charmander?!"
"Don't you have anything else?"
"Wait, I do! Bulbasaur. I choose you!"
When Bulbasaur emerged it whipped Connor with his vines. "Ow! What the shit Bulbasaur!" Bulbasaur laughed and replied with "Bulba!"
"Geodude, use Body Slam!"

Bulbasaur lazily ambled out of the way without Connor's command. It could already tell that its Trainer would not be any help during this battle.

"Bulbasaur, use Solar Beam!" Connor demanded.

Bulbasaur stared at him incredulously. Didn't Connor know that it wouldn't learn that move until much later? It rolled its eyes and fired off a Vine Whip instead. It managed t0 score a direct hit on Geodude, who promptly went down. Bulbasaur was much stronger than it looked.

"YES!!! I won! Hand over the badge, Brock!" Connor said while doing a celebratory jig. Bulbasaur did the equivalent of a facepalm with one of its vines.

"Not so fast," Brock said with a sly grin. "You still haven't faced my ace in the hole."

At Brock's words, Connor stopped hopping around and stared at him curiously. What did he mean by that?

"Go, Onix, I choose you!" Brock shouted as he threw a Pokeball. The Pokeball burst open to reveal an enormous, angry-looking, and very terrifying rock snake.

Upon seeing its gigantic and very intimidating foe, Bulbasaur promptly ran behind Connor and used him as a shield of sorts. It never signed up for this.

"I guess you have to forfeit now." Brock smiled.
Connor mumbled "Fucky you." as he returned Bulbasaur to his ball.
"Look kid. Why don't you go back out in the field, try to catch some wild Pokemon, battle some people on the road, then come back and see me."
"Fuck this!" Connor stormed out of the gym. He quickly left Pewter City and was on the way back to Pallet Town to give up.
On the road he overheard two girls talking.
"Have you heard about this Null guy?"
"Yeah! He's so dreamy, and a great trainer, I heard his squirtle evolved into a wartortle in just a day!"
"It's a blastoise now! And after only five days, and he already has three badges!"
"SHIT!" Connor yelled, he couldn't let his rival take all the fame and glory.
Remembering what Brock said, he headed back to the grass to find some wild Pokémon.

Connor realized that he needed more Pokemon besides his Bulbasaur that were effective against Brock's rock and ground types if he had any chance of winning.
"I got to find something kind of water or fighting type", he said to himself. "Why didn't I just grab that Squirtle when I had the chance? This sucks."
Connor then went out into the tall grass to take a look. All he found were bird types and normals.
"God damn it. Now I HAVE to buy a fishing rod."
He went back into town to try and find one. First he tried the local PokeMart.
"How much for a Super Rod?" He asked the shopkeeper.
"15000", said the shopkeeper. "Plus tax".
"I can't afford that! That's insane!"
"Sorry, man. It's all I have in stock right now. If you want, I can place you and order on a cheaper Old R..."
Connor interrupted, "I don't want no dumbass Old Rod. I NEED that Super Rod so I can catch a strong water type Pokemon to beat Brock!"
"Well, then there's not much I can do for you. If you really want the Super Rod, you could always work for the money to pay for it. In fact, I have an open position here at this shop and could use someone to help out. If you'd care to show me your resume.."
Connor interrupted again "Don't you see what I'm trying to do? I'm trying to become a Pokemon master! I don't want to work some dead-end job at a mart in nowhere, Kanto!"
The shopkeeper became flustered. "I got news for your kid, not everyone can be a Pokemon master. Lots of people try, but few succeed. Even so, there's still plenty of room in this world for regular people with regular jobs. There's no shame in it, and there's no reason you can't both do work and try to become a master."
Connor replied "But I don't even have a resume. Can't I just borrow the rod for a minute?"
"I can't do that for you kid, especially not with an expensive item like this. This is a shop. not a library. Now, you can bring me your resume later if you're interested in the job, but if you can't buy anything right now then I respectfully ask that you be on your way and come back later."
Connor left the shop defeated. No rod, no hope of defeating Brock, and no closer to becoming a master.

Connor walked away, dejected that his only opportunity to catch up at his rival was out of his reach. A resume would take at least a week and by that time Null would have taken over the pokemon world. How could he possibly list his qualifications for a position that he obviously was overqualified for? He had such great traits such as being human, being comprised of matter and completing basic educational requirements that is expected of all children in Kanto.

He had to think up a plan and fast.

While it had been suggested that battling trainers was a good source of income, Connor had no time for such sociopathic tendencies. Maybe he thought to himself if I go towards where water pokemon are I can trade with other people for one. Not realising that this meant conversing with other people and having pokemon that he didn't want to keep, Connor waddled towards the local lake. As he deeply contemplated his surrounding his eyes fell on a young red head girl swimming with her Staryu and Starmie. Watching her from a far he could see she looked just as good as Molly Ringwald, her navel fully on display for him to view. This is what life was about for him. He stared for a long time, just dissecting her every action. From her conversations with her pokemon he could tell she had an obvious mental issue, this was especially visible when she noticed him staring at her from a far, causing her to move away. Because he had immediately fallen in love he of course followed her to learn more about her, taking in every moment.

(hopefully this wasn't too terrible)

As Connor tried to get a better look at the girl, a wild Staryu began nudging his leg, as if it was saying "Catch me!"
"Fucky off, I'm busy!"
Just then a Magikarp jumped out and tackled him, eager to find a master.
"Leave me alone!" He yelled at the two Pokémon.
Staryu took the hint and left, but Magikarp kept nudging him.
"I said FUCKY OFF!" He kicked the Magikarp into the water.
A flash of white light appeared and an angry Garados appeared from the water, glaring at Connor!
"Get out of the way! I can't see Molly!"
It let out a fearsome roar.
"Oh shit."

"Do angels have names?" Connor thought to himself in a dreamlike stupour, dribbling out of the corner of his mouth and suddenly having an urge to purchase some vegetable oil and a bag of ice cubes.

This was just too perfect. She was his everything now, his alpha and omega, his be all and end all, his sixteen candles. They had been drawn together by fate, her bare navel a sure sign from the sociopathic belly button god; their bond is proven.

In the real world, the poor girl who happened to be the subject of Connor's affection was too repulsed to do anything at first.

The staring was bad enough, and more than adequate to disturb her on its own; but then it got even worse. His eyes glazed over (more than usual) and his mouth slackened (more than usual), releasing a sticky trickle of saliva. His hand absentmindedly wandered down to his trousers.

No way, he wouldn't? Would he?

Yes he would.

Because he's Connor Bible.

The Molly-doppelgänger immediately snapped out of her frozen stance and began storming angrily towards the fapping spastic, aiming to give the little perv a piece of her mind.

She didn't get far.

An acrid, nasty stench filled the air, stopping her in her tracks. It smelled like death. Thoroughly disgusted and completely out of fucks, she turned to make like a Hitmonlee and leg it. As she turned away, she heard a tangled, breathy mumble of words breeze past her, making all the hairs stand up ob the back of her neck.

"You are now my...girlfriend."



Note - Yeah, I know it's kinda gross, I'm just waking up for work and any morality or tact I once had is at least 2 cups of coffee away. I regret nothing!

EDIT - Oh bum, sorry @Pikonic!

Connor curled up on the ground and cried instead of send Bulbasaur out against it. He was convinced Gyarados would eat him and that bastard Null would laugh and spit on his grave along with his parents.

"Starmie, use Thunderbolt!"

Gyarados was hit by the attack and quickly turned it's attention away from Connor towards this new threat. Before it could use an attack of it's own, however, it was hit by Psychic. Just as it started to faint it was successfully captured in a Pokeball.

The trainer then walked over to the still curled up and crying Connor.

"It's okay, I took care of it. Are you hurt?"

Connor sniffed and looked up. Standing above him was a pretty girl with short red hair and an exposed navel. Connor gasped.

"M-molly! It's you!"

Looking down at the incompetent mess below her the Gym leader of Cerulean City was confused.

"Um, it's Misty, not Molly" says Misty who is definitely not Molly Ringwald.

Fumbling awkwardly to his feet, our lovable protagonist stands to face the red headed girl that idolized. Disheartened by the idea of this girl not being the real Molly Ringwald Connor realizes he had totally been betrayed again.

"How dare you not be Molly Ringwald! This is a bigger betrayal than when my father dry fired a gun against my head in his pickup truck" Connor shouted as he confronted the obviously sociopathic gym leader who was trying to trick him into thinking she was Molly.

"I never said I was named Molly... Why would I? I mean i'm a fucking gym leader and you're just some bitch who can't get laid. I'm the equivalent of a regional star... Wait, are you the guy who's been staring at me for the last hour?"

Connor, now feeling embarrassed by his out burst immediately attempts to back track, fumbling awkwardly across his words before he finally stumbles upon the phrase he was looking for. "I'm sorry. I mean it this time. From now on I'll try to improve." In his head Connor celebrated, perfectly using the panacea for any autism based fuckups. He grinned broadly at the gym leader, who was wondering why the fuck anything he was saying mattered.

"Okay, whatever you say." Misty says, slowly baking up from the talking pile of autism in front of her. At this moment Connor realized that even though this wasn't the real Molly Ringwald, she still was pretty enough and successful enough to take Molly's place.

"I can prove I can be better!" he yelled in an incredibly grating and autistic manner "I promise i'll have a pokemon battle won before tonight! That way you'll know I love you and want to improve!". Connor runs, but only for about 5 seconds before returning to walking because running requires too much effort, as he goes to find a challenger. He stumbles upon a fisherman at the nearby docks and immediately locks eyes with him. At that moment the battle was on.

The fisherman seemed annoyed that his fishing trip was interrupted by a screeching child, but he was still a trainer, so battle he would.
"Goldeen! I choose you!" He threw his pokéball on the ground and it opened.
"Goldeen Goldeen." The Goldeen flopped around on the ground.
"I can do this! Go Charmander."
"Jesus H Christ you really are dumb." Connor's Pokédex said from his pocket.
"Fucky you Pokédex!"
"Fucky me? You're the dumb cow who's using a fire type against a water type."
"How am I supposed to know all this?!" Connor's face turned red.
"Dumbass, think about it. Water puts out fire, plants absorb water, and fire burns plants."
"DO NOT TREAT ME LIKE A CHILD!!!"
While Connor was arguing with the lifeless object, Goldeen had already knocked out Charmander, and the fisherman had left.
"Everytime I try I fail! What's the point!" Connor began to cry.
"Look bitch, you need to get laid." His Pokédex replied.

lol ok


"Goddamn that stupid fisherman. He cheated! I should've won!" Connor whined. His Pokedex stayed silent. Connor had been bitching and waddling around aimlessly for hours. Nothing it said seemed to have any effect on Connor so it decided to be quiet...for now.

"It's not fair! Everyone hates me! It's all a conspiracy against me because of that fucker, Null! I swear I'm going to catch up to you, Null, and win! Tomorrow. It's hard work." Connor stress sighed and sat down.

"I hate being away from my bedroom. I haven't masturbated since that bitch made me leave the house. I have no privacy out here. I want to masturbate to Molly right now!"

"Dude, what the fuck?!" Connor's Pokedex finally spoke. In their Pokeballs, Bulbasaur and Charmander could hear everything and were equally horrified and disgusted with this new development.

Connor Plays Pokemon, Part I Don't Even Know Anymore: Connor Earns His First Badge

Connor stormed into the Pewter City Gym for the thirtieth time in as many days. Brock tried not to groan too loudly when he saw Connor loudly make his entrance. He had never seen anything like this. While it was true that a lot of new Trainers had trouble beating him, particularly those who had chosen Charmander or had another starter Pokemon that was weak to his Rock types, it rarely took them more than a couple of tries to finally triumph over him. They either trained their starter up to a higher level or they caught and trained another Pokemon who was better equipped to handle Geodude and Onix.

Connor had done neither of these things. His Charmander was still pitifully weak and, more surprisingly, he hadn't even bothered to buff up his Bulbasaur. Brock just couldn't understand it. Why couldn't Connor understand that he had to put in work and effort before rewards came to him? Brock's train of thought was stopped when Connor came to stand before him. He regarded his challenger warily; yesterday, after he had been beaten for the 29th time, Connor had thrown a slew of racial slurs at him. Unfortunately, it hadn't been the first time, either.

"Hi, Brock. I'm here to challenge you again," Connor said evenly. "Now, I know that last time things got a bit ugly, but I swear that I've changed in the twelve hours since we last saw each other. I am ashamed and physically sickened by my past behavior and I only hope that you can forgive me. And I assure you that I've taken your excellent advice into consideration."

"So you've trained Bulbasaur?" Brock asked hopefully.

"Well, no, not exactly. I've just been super busy with my one class; it's taking up all of my extra energy. I've also been working on my first draft of Redesigning Eva and I'm trying to hammer out an outline for Alphaboy..."

As Connor droned on, Brock let himself drift away. He'd lost count of how many times he'd listened to this spiel. This kid was like clockwork. And honestly? Brock was tired of it. He was sick of it. He was sick of Connor's excuses and his misplaced anger and his entitled attitude and everything else. He was sick of wasting his advice- advice that could be spent on Trainers who were willing to listen- on someone who just refused to learn. So, going on impulse, he decided to wash his hands free of Connor. The kid wanted a badge, right? So he would get one. At that moment, Brock didn't care about his integrity as a Gym Leader and as a Trainer. He just wanted Connor to not be his problem anymore.

Let Misty handle him.

"Congratulations, Connor!" Brock interrupted Connor, causing him to shoot him an annoyed glance. "You're the 10,000th visitor of the Pewter City Gym!"

Brock's Gym Trainers shot him confused looks, but he continued on. "I guess your persistence paid off, huh? Here, I present to you the Boulder Badge!" Brock quickly grabbed a badge from the box being held by one of his assistants and stuck it on Connor's vest. "I guess now you don't have any reason to stick around. Maybe you should head towards Cerulean City; it's just past Mt. Moon."

Brock waited, holding his breath. He wondered how Connor would react. Would he be insulted by the hand-out? Would he demand a fair battle? Would he-

"I knew I was a genius! Bye, Brock!" Connor yelled, barely paying Brock a farewell wave as he ran out of the Gym.

Or that. That was probably the most reasonable outcome.

Brock sighed as he made his way to the back office. He had washed himself of the Connor situation, true, but that didn't mean that his fellow Gym Leaders wouldn't have to deal with it. The least he could do was warn them. Picking up the phone, he dialed a familiar number.

"Hey, Misty? It's me, Brock. Listen, I should probably warn you about your next challenger..."

"Redesigning Eva" word count: 13,825
"Connor Plays Pokemon" word count (omitting miscellaneous comments): 6,664
Looks like we're a little under halfway there, holy shit.

also

"I hate being away from my bedroom. I haven't masturbated since that bitch made me leave the house. I have no privacy out here. I want to masturbate to Molly right now!"

"Dude, what the fuck?!" Connor's Pokedex finally spoke. In their Pokeballs, Bulbasaur and Charmander could hear everything and were equally horrified and disgusted with this new development.

this is what inspired this image, by the way.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

Alright, it's midnight, so here it is: The Round Robin with Connor and I!

My contributions will be in red, Connor's in blue.

Spoiler: Connor and Meowthkips' Round Robin Story Time!

Connor Bible was out cold. For the past five hours, he had been staring at the blank Microsoft Word screen. Music didn't help the words come out, and neither did bashing his forehead repeatedly with his fist. He knew that there was a story in his skull, and he was close to performing brain surgery with his bare hands in order to make black appear on white. Fortunately, that didn't happen. He relented, and let himself drift off into sleep mode. After awhile, there was a beep. And another. And another. He slowly crept back into the real world to find that his laptop's monitor was still on, illuminating the room from where it sat on the desk.

The screen, however, was not displaying the empty Word document he had open when he had drifted off. Connor rolled over in his bed, his mind still foggy from sleep, and pawed for his glasses, which had been resting on the nightstand. He put his glasses on, and his world came into focus. The screen, curiously enough, was completely stark white, with the exception of two words written stark, black letters:

"HELLO, CONNOR."

Connor raised an eyebrow, mouthing to himself, "the hell?" He got out of bed carefully so that he wouldn't alert his mother, who slept in the next room. She was a notorious in the family for being a light sleeper; Connor could hear her getting up frequently in the night to use the bathroom. There were usually groans of pain, as well. He figured that it was psychosomatic, and suggested that she relax, and lay off the Goody's pain-relief powder. She sporadically visited doctors for check-ups, always wondering if there was some malady affecting her entire being. There never really was.

He approached the laptop with caution. He bent down and squinted in the bright light, staring at the two words for a good minute. He looked down at the keyboard and pressed down "ctrl," "alt," and "del," hoping that would bring up the task manager. As he looked back at the screen, the previous two words were gone. The blank white screen remained, but in the center of it was an entirely new sentence.

"THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK, CONNOR."

Connor shook his head. Either I'm having a really vivid nightmare, or the mother of all hacks was performed on my computer. He sat down at the desk, and pinched his right cheek hard. His suspicions were confirmed: this was no nightmare. It can't be a virus, he thought. He regularly scanned his computer and cleaned the disk, as well as avoiding questionable websites that could compromise his system's integrity. Ever since that damned Lolcow thread was started, he was on heightened alert. Suddenly, he started getting e-mails from people he'd never met, some of them unpleasant and vulgar. He never intended to earn the wrath of the Kiwi Farms, but such was the nature of the Internet. He'd contemplated running away from home, faking his death, or seeking refuge in South America or the worst parts of Africa. It was only a matter of time that something like this happened.

On the screen, the letters disappeared quickly, from right to left. New letters appeared as though they were being typed.

"YOU ARE IN DANGER."

Connor was hesitant about answering, but took the plunge anyway. He carefully typed his response, and pressed the Enter button.

"Who are you? Why am I in danger?"

There was a good minute before a response came up on the screen. Connor stared at the screen, as two words were written out. They read simply:

"IT COMES."

Connor was speechless. He punched in another response, trying to make sure the anxiety that was surging through his bloodstream would not escape from his body through the pressing of the keys.

"What are you talking about? What's coming?"

The screen flickered. Upon it, a new response appeared.

"DON'T GO OUTSIDE."

The screen started to glitch, and the image skewed, leaving in its wake a block of multicolored pixels. It flashed, and odd bleeps and blerps came out of the laptop speakers before the screen went to black. It had shut down.

Connor didn't know what to make of this. He didn't hear the footsteps of his mother, and so he breathed a sigh of relief. He was in the dark now, and he pressed the power button of his laptop. The A/C adapter was plugged into the nearest wall. That should have provided it enough juice for Connor to figure out what was going on. Instead, the screen remained dark. He palmed his face.Jesus Christ. Not only did he need the laptop for his writing, Connor absolutely required it for his math class. His parents would be furious. He would fail math. He would end up a janitor, if he survived the night. What is out there? He got out of the chair, and moved towards the blinds, pushing one down. Beyond the bushes of his front yard, on the other side of the fence, he could see tiny lights. The street lamp, for some reason, was dead.

Trace was at the head of the pack, as he usually was. He and his squad were decked out in black camouflage, and wore light armor to accommodate for speed. This was a cowboy job for the Society, top priority. Connor Bible and his entire immediate family must die, for the purity of the human race. This is the fate of all inferiors. The squad of five's choice of weapons were standard for close quarters, and silenced. Shotguns were suggested, but Trace refused. Despite their power, they caused significant noise.

Trace paused, and held up a hand to halt the rest of his crew. Something was off. It was then that Trace realized that the night was silent. No crickets, no chirping of peepers in the night; absolutely nothing. There was no breeze.

One of Trace's companions pulled down the bandana over his mouth. "Dude, are we gonna pelt that fat fuck or what? My mom's gonna kill me if she finds out I'm out past curfew."

"Shut the fuck up, Josh," Trace snapped.

"You're not pussying out, are you?" Asked another one of his companions.

The boys were dressed in paintball gear, spraypainted black to look convincing. Their airsoft guns had the orange tips removed. The plan was brilliant. Trace had seen Connor around campus, talking about murder into a tape recorder like a psycho, and talking about bizarre conspiracy theories about adoption or something called the "Kiwi Farms." So naturally, Trace and his companions decided that the best course of action would be to scare the shit out of bastard and make him think he was a target of some organization. They would mention something about The Society, and once Connor had hid under his bed and wet his pants, they would retreat. The best part was that Noah had a Go-Pro strapped to his helmet, so Connor's reaction to the raid would be recorded for posterity.

Trace had thought he heard a noise, something like a wet, slapping sound, somewhere beyond the trees. He strained his ears for a moment, before finally addressing his companion.

"I'm not pussying out," Trace said. "Let's fucking do this."

Connor snuck out of his room, slipping on a pair of sweatpants and a jacket. He went out onto the front porch with his flashlight, and he could hear chatter. Sons of bitches. He turned the flashlight on, and stepped out onto the front yard. He turned a corner, a suddenly felt something hard splatter against his arm. He almost immediately shone in the direction of the shot, and saw five young men, not even out of their twenties, widen their eyes. "What the fuck is this?" Connor exclaimed.

Trace aimed his rifle at Connor. "FREEZE!" he hollered. "GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND!"

The boys swarmed around Connor, running towards him, shouting over each other. Connor turned and ran out of panic, and the boys pursued him.

"GET FUCKING BACK HERE, PIGGY!" Trace shouted. "YOU CAN'T RUN FROM US." The rest of his crew made squealing noises.

Connor felt his breath run ragged as he gasped for air. He hadn't run like this since gym class. The beam of a flashlight danced wildly on the underbrush around him. He felt as though his heart might explode and leave a gaping hole in his chest. Surely that would be preferable to the humiliation planned for him.

As he thought this, Connor fell forward, letting out a startled cry as he tumbled down a steep slope. The forest spun around him until he finally reached the bottom, letting out a subdued "oof!" as he collided with the trunk of an oak. Above him, he could hear the boys shouting, calling out for him.

Perhaps, Connor thought hopefully, they'd give up and go away.

And that's as far as we got before Connor crashed into a slumber due to stress, I guess.

Remember when I said I was going to draw this in comic form? Well, I don't have a comic yet. But I do have "Trace" & Josh & co.:

Spoiler: Trace & Josh (& other Based Mods)

featuring @Hellblazer as Trace, @Null as Josh, @Surtur as Noah, & @Saney & @Glaive as the two other guys. Yes Saney has to wear paintball armor over his Halo Spartan armour. Yes Null is wearing a Coke Zero hat. Yes that is a GoPro on Surtur's head.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disproportionately proud of this scribbly bullshit.

EDIT: Holy fuck I didn't realize it was @Glaive's birthday! I know we don't talk much. Or. . .ever. But happy birthday! You should come on over here & hang with us. Connor is basically a LoveShy &/or Wizard.

 

[Meowthkip]

Remember when I said I was going to draw this in comic form? Well, I don't have a comic yet. But I do have "Trace" & Josh & co.:

Spoiler: Trace & Josh (& other Based Mods)

View attachment 20196
featuring @Hellblazer as Trace, @Null as Josh, @Surtur as Noah, & @Saney & @Glaive as the two other guys. Yes Saney has to wear paintball armor over his Halo Spartan armour. Yes Null is wearing a Coke Zero hat. Yes that is a GoPro on Surtur's head.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disproportionately proud of this scribbly bullshit.

EDIT: Holy fuck I didn't realize it was @Glaive's birthday! I know we don't talk much. Or. . .ever. But happy birthday! You should come on over here & hang with us. Connor is basically a LoveShy &/or Wizard.

The other two guys are named Brad and Spigot.

... Spigot's parents are hippies, I guess.

 

[TM Ambrose]

So I came up with an idea for Connor Plays Pokemon: Kiwi Edition
Connor visits a society for exceptional trainers. Let's call this society WrongGym. During his visits he is given all the praise for having one gym badge and his bad behavior and poor attitude is reinforced. Most of the members of WrongGym are terrible at pokemon, except for a few who know that a lot of the members have issues. Anything these members say is promptly ignored by Connor because they're not asspats.

Any ideas to expand on this? (I was only posting it because I have no idea what to write for this)

 

[Meowthkip]

So I came up with an idea for Connor Plays Pokemon: Kiwi Edition
Connor visits a society for exceptional trainers. Let's call this society WrongGym. During his visits he is given all the praise for having one gym badge and his bad behavior and poor attitude is reinforced. Most of the members of WrongGym are terrible at pokemon, except for a few who know that a lot of the members have issues. Anything these members say is promptly ignored by Connor because they're not asspats.

Any ideas to expand on this? (I was only posting it because I have no idea what to write for this)

There needs to be at least one dude with six Magikarp.

 

[JU 199]

There needs to be at least one dude with six Magikarp.

Can we have a guy with a Metapod that got its evolution canceled? (leaving it practically useless for all eternity)

 

[TM Ambrose]

Can we have a guy with a Metapod that got its evolution canceled? (leaving it practically useless for all eternity)

Yes. One guy who demands to be called Ash and refuses to let his sickly pikachu evolve. Also Pokemon-kin.

 

[Ouija Board]

@BOLDYSPICY! As someone who has had a nasty UTI in the past I just have to say I feel for you and hope you get better. Also, I like your drawings.

As for Connor taking only one math class, is it known if he has a severe learning disability in math and that is why he is only taking that class solely? I pretty much had to do that when I was taking math at my college but I did have at least one other class that I took.

I don't know jack shit about Pokemon, never really got into and I wish I could contribute to the story being written here but nevertheless it's pretty entertaining to read.

 

[TM Ambrose]

As for Connor taking only one math class, is it known if he has a severe learning disability in math and that is why he is only taking that class solely? I pretty much had to do that when I was taking math at my college but I did have at least one other class that I took.

He's autistic and has trouble understanding cause and effect relationships. More than likely he also has problems paying attention during class and is probably more literary minded than mathematical. I'm guessing he has difficulty in math as well as just being lazy.

 

[Dudeofteenage]

He's autistic and has trouble understanding cause and effect relationships. More than likely he also has problems paying attention during class and is probably more literary minded than mathematical. I'm guessing he has difficulty in math as well as just being lazy.

Perhaps he should be studying something other than math, then. Or is it a compulsory subject?

 

[The Knife]

Perhaps he should be studying something other than math, then. Or is it a compulsory subject?

Most undergrad programs have core requirements that all students have to have, regardless of major. Usually at least 100-level algebra is involved. If you don't score high enough to get into the one required class, you have to pass a remedial class before you can take the required class. I'm kind of guessing Connor's taking the remedial.

 

[Smutley]

As for Connor taking only one math class, is it known if he has a severe learning disability in math and that is why he is only taking that class solely? I pretty much had to do that when I was taking math at my college but I did have at least one other class that I took.

This is one of those things I actually believe Connor on. He's been talking for years about being atrocious in math. See his thread talking about the girl he was stalking:

Now, just because Connor talks about something for five years doesn't mean it's necessarily true (see his parental abuse). But I think realistically Connor just plain sucks at math, especially considering he's on his... second year at TCL and taking a beginner or remedial level math class.

Most undergrad programs have core requirements that all students have to have, regardless of major. Usually at least 100-level algebra is involved. If you don't score high enough to get into the one required class, you have to pass a remedial class before you can take the required class. I'm kind of guessing Connor's taking the remedial.

I believe he has said both on Wrong Planet and here on the Farms he's getting a "teaching degree" in English. Here's the programs of study, and a course listing for Art, Humanities, & Social Sciences Transfer Block which gives students an Associates or a way to transfer to a 4-year university. He will, if I'm reading this right, have to take up to Elementary Calculus.