🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

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Which Connor is the most amusing?

  • Semi-Motivated Connor, aka "I've written 200 words on my new story and took a walk with my grandma."

    Votes: 127 13.2%
  • Depressed Connor, or "Give me one reason why I shouldn't blow my brains out."

    Votes: 73 7.6%
  • Edgy Rebel Without a Cause Connor, or "Shut the fuck up you stupid motherfuckering faggots!"

    Votes: 529 55.0%
  • Smug Pseudo-Intellectual Connor or "I've read Bret Easton Ellis, you guys!"

    Votes: 232 24.1%

  • Total voters
    961
If it's true about his parents, then I pity him.

Especially if he has no other people to support him.

But, then again, the parents thing could be horseshit to garner sympathy.

Who knows.
Everything Connor says is either a pity fishing expedition, an excuse, an attempt at being edgy, or an ass pat quest.
 
The only people I know who take only one community college class are non-traditional students (like older than standard) who work full time and take classes in the evening.
 
So I've never heard back from Connor about any of my advice, and I really doubt that he has read any of it. Now that I know what college he's at though, I can be a little more helpful, but this is the last time I'll contribute help. Also, bright colors!
HEY CONNOR I JUST RESEARCHED SOME SCHOOL RESOURCES FOR YOU

So there is a tutorial center at your college, and you can look up tutoring hours online. I looked up employment and it doesn't seem like they're hiring for anything other then math? You can still try dropping in and offering your services with writing and English. http://www.tcl.edu/student-resources/tutoring
Personally I feel like the best thing that I found at my college was student government, so I looked that up for you as well. It might be worth it.
http://www.tcl.edu/campus-life/student-leadership
Also, on the Student Organization page, there looks like there is a kind of writing club.

There ya go. Not going to provide any more advice again. I balance a receptionist job, executive cabinet office hours, two (sometimes three) meetings a week, actual classes, training for a half-marathon, and personal time for art so my sympathy is running low. Good luck and Godspeed.
 
You know what else you're eligible for if you go to school full-time on financial aid? Work study programs! http://www.tcl.edu/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Work-Study-Application.pdf

Yes! Because the government gives you money, your school will offer you even more money to sit behind a desk, surf the net, do your homework, and occasionally answer a phone or file papers! And it counts as job training! And if you've declared a major, they generally do their best to fit you to a job that sorta somewhat goes along with that major!
 
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I think the perfect Pokemon for @Connor is Porygon....

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Because they're both so edgy!

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I was thinking more along the lines of...a Magikarp that refuses to evolve and only uses Splash and Tackle all its life, though in @Connor's case it's "beg for asspats" and "FUCKY YOU!"

One of Magikarp's moves does damage, neither of Connor's do any.

Also this song crossed my mind at about the same time Connor did. Edit because I didn't want to double post.
 
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I've been under her thumb for twenty one years.


A little late here, but I'm always nervous about posting. Connor probably won't read this but I'll try anyway:



Bob and Barb actively sabotaged any chance for Chris's mental growth, yet Bob still had enough common sense to understand he and his wife weren't always going to be there to financially support their son, hence the tugboat.


I doubt your parents are as incompetent as Bob 'n Barb, yet they can't understand their child needs to find some form of income for when they are one day unable to support him financially? I'm sorry but can you explain this - why would your mother be against something that could give you money and possibly a social life?


I'll admit I'm being hypocritical, since I've all but given up on finding a job in my area after filling out multiple applications with no response (if you're wondering, I give my mother half of my refund check each semester, and she gets a large bonus in her tax returns because I'm going to school). But I'm not sitting around during my free time doing nothing, I'm working towards developing a portfolio so I can start my own website and become a freelancer. I'm determined to get something started by the end of this year and give my mother money I've worked for.


Have you considered that Connor, developing a skill you can sell to people? Chris makes a few extra bucks selling those medallions. You seem to have a big interest in movies and tv shows, didn't you write some reviews on WrongPlanet? Why not go the way of Mr. Plinkett or Nostalgia Critic? There's a new guy on YouTube called YMS (Your Movie Sucks) who is now supported by his fans through Pateron. You may not be as successful as these people, but you would get social support and possibly money for doing something you enjoy.



I mentioned in another thread how stubbornness runs in my family, so I guess that's why I find Connor's lack of initiative so bothersome... If plan A doesn't work go for plan B, then plan C, and so on.
 
Connor seems to prefer Plan S: Sit on his ass and do nothing. No Connor you can't describe masturbating as doing something. Nor can you count talking about writing a story.
 
It's like clockwork.

Did he really expect to manipulate everyone after the things he posted?

I've been reading everyone's contributions to the "Connor Plays Pokemon" story while having a case of the sadbrains and it's done wonders to help perk me up. Seriously, it's hilarious.
 
So I've never heard back from Connor about any of my advice, and I really doubt that he has read any of it. Now that I know what college he's at though, I can be a little more helpful, but this is the last time I'll contribute help. Also, bright colors!
HEY CONNOR I JUST RESEARCHED SOME SCHOOL RESOURCES FOR YOU

So there is a tutorial center at your college, and you can look up tutoring hours online. I looked up employment and it doesn't seem like they're hiring for anything other then math? You can still try dropping in and offering your services with writing and English. http://www.tcl.edu/student-resources/tutoring
Personally I feel like the best thing that I found at my college was student government, so I looked that up for you as well. It might be worth it.
http://www.tcl.edu/campus-life/student-leadership
Also, on the Student Organization page, there looks like there is a kind of writing club.

There ya go. Not going to provide any more advice again. I balance a receptionist job, executive cabinet office hours, two (sometimes three) meetings a week, actual classes, training for a half-marathon, and personal time for art so my sympathy is running low. Good luck and Godspeed.

This is very good advice for finding work in his particular college. He probably won't read it or act on it but you did good work nonetheless.
 
hi guys I'm almost finished my round of antibiotics but I still feel like death so I guess back to the doctor I go
everybody says I "look better" & have "more color" but I'm p sure that's just fever
also I am so sick of cranberry juice
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So have some old Connor draws & screencaps that were lost to The Great Image Loss of '15! (posted for the benefit of any newcomers)

I think this came about because I early in the thread I remarked that one of the sample paragraphs of Redesigning Eva sounded like it was going to devolve into some Human Centipede shit except it would be like a bunch of Mollys joined at the navel
yes that is the cathedral from Sadeness which is the song Connor wants to fuck Molly's bellybutton to
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but acccually is nol
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which was from @Mondo Zappa 's comic that he did like last year or something
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& then I did my own because autism
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also this was one of Connor's first forays into lolcowdom
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I drew this after one of Connor's many "your posts caused me to look into myself & be self-aware" posts (actual Connor quote)
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old Connor image dump, cont'd

BOLDYSPICY! starts making @Coster-tier puns & slaps @Coster 's knee
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Someone made a comment about Connor's fantasies while he was trying to impress @Molly Ringwald & Connor responded with "THERE'S A LADY PRESENT!11!"
so I drew some ladies that also happened to be posting in the thread at the time (@Philly Cheese Steak, @Meowthkip, @The Knife, @IJustWantToSeeAttachments, & moi)
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then I tried drawing all the ladies in the thread but never finished D:
(I only got as far as @NobleGreyHorse, @IJustWantToSeeAttachments, @The Knife, @Philly Cheese Steak, @Meowthkip, @Chanbob, & @Cosmos )
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capping all the Wrong Planet posts takes it's toll on @Smutley
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in one of the WP posts, Connor bitched about how he ordered a plain cheeseburger at a restaurant, but the waitress gave him him one with lettuce & tomato, because she was playing Kick the Autistic or something. Connor's father rightfully told him to stop being childish, which Connor also bitched about.
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by the way, Connor's ensemble comes from the fact that he likes to cosplay as his original character Gendo Lecter Klaus Krieger
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He also loves Godzilla
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okay I think that's it for now I'll have more stuff at some point

@BOLDYSPICY! Do you still have that drawing where Connor attempts to order Godzilla around and gets eaten? That one was my personal favorite.
Ha, just posted it, in fact. :3
 
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Yay! I was looking for these & couldn't remember who did them, hurr. Thank you for reposting! Now we just need @Sonic Hoo's "Connor Nikki" one.

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on a scale of 1 to obvious how apparent is it that I drew this while vomiting & with a horrible fever
 
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https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/diddle1-png.20006/
https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/diddle2-png.20007/
https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/diddle3-png.20008/
https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/diddle4-png.20009/
https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/diddle5-png.20010/
https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/diddle6-png.20011/
https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/diddle7-png.20012/
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on a scale of 1 to obvious how apparent is it that I drew this while vomiting & with a horrible fever

That made me lol for a solid 10 minutes @BOLDYSPICY!

I made this gif as tribute :)

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