This is just a fantastic piece of work we got going on here. I'm excited.
Redesigning Evu: A Thriller By Collin Koran
A long time ago,in a galaxy far far away, the legendary deathcrotch was created..
On the day her Hut was attacked with milltary force, Evu Elliot-sans son had been sleeping untill 7 am.
Normally he got up at 4 to do his homework, because Evu Elliot-san had raised him as a good boyafter his mother died in mysterious circumstances all those years ago.
Everyone else was already up.
The Beautiful Collin Koran-san, Evu Elliot-san's son, was already making them all fried breakfirst with sirup. The Beautiful Collin Koran-san was an best in her class atbio-chemist, his parents were proud. He was going to a school for higher talents and thats all that mattered to them.
They didnt mind that he was a bit wild at times. At 11, he now knew 6 languages, one ancient, 2 computer and four sign languages.
He found it easy, and learnt them with his dad together.
By now, Evu Elliot-san was now up and standing on the porch with her shirt off. She stared out over the wide desert landscape, she was handsome in a rugged kinda way.
Once, long ago, she was ranked one of the best special forces soldiers in the world. She was no longer a soldier, and now lived a quite life treasure hunting.
She was troubled by a newspaper artical her read a few days ago, that mentioned that someone from LA was killed in a massive drive by shooting . Her was one of the few people that knew that that shouldnt happen, because of a magic spell she cast with deathcrotch a few years ago.
The deathcrotch was now hidden in his garrage.
Evu Elliot-san was disturbed from her deep thinking by The Beautiful Collin Koran-san tugging on her shirt.
"Father! Father! Look!".
The Beautiful Collin Koran-san pointed urgently at the horizon.
"oh, bollocks!"
Para-troopers Hundreds of them!
They were coming straight at her house.
She ran inside and bolted the front door.
She woke her son up, and told everyone to run out the back.
They woke their pilot, who happened to be sleeping in the next room.
"Quick! Start the Spaceship! We are under attack!"
"OMG" He said as Holden-san run out.
He ran back in with his helmit.
"Holy Shit!".
Evu Elliot-san, meanwhile, triggered an explosion around his garrage in order to hide his precious deathcrotch. The rocks fell and burried it totaly secretly so no one would find it. (None of the soliders heard the explosion as they were looking the other way)
Meanwhile, the invading force drew closer.
Evu Elliot-san and his family ran to the hanger, The Beautiful Collin Koran-san leading the way with her Lazergun
They dodged the soldiers as they ran, ducking and diving between the gunfire.
"Dont worry! We are almost there!".
They dived into their escape vechile, guns blazing.
Their was a soldier already there, but The Beautiful Collin Koran-san whackd him.
"Good job!" Evu Elliot-san said, as she pushed him out.
They started up, and zoomed off, the invading force vanishing into the distance.
"Did you get the secret message?"
"Yes, my good friend The Beautiful Collin Koran-san told me that Klaus Kreiger-san was behind this!".
"We gota deal with this as a family, else we can never live in piece".
So they joined onwards, their enemy's in hot pursuit!
---
Later, once they were alone and away from the others, Collin Koran met with Molly Ringwald in a nearby Skyscrapper
They had been meeting like this awhile now, often in the evenings or at night.
A deep friendship had struck up after their previous adventures, but they kept it hidden as they didn't know what the others would think.
They often did some talking, some angsting, maybe a few board games.
They were quite close friends by now.
This particular night they were shearing secrets with eachother. Telling eachother things neither had told anyone else before. Things that not a single soul knew.
"Then there was that time I...Destroyed Molly Ringwald-sans Tricorder!"
"oh, Collin Koran! thats positively evil! and I should know!"
They both laughed. The night had been full of stories like this. The time Molly Ringwald blackmailed a a Miner. Or the time Collin Koran fooled a Solicitor into thinking it was the end of the world.. Endless stories shared just between them and no one else.
It was making them closer.
Closer then Collin Koran had ever thought possible.
As Collin Koran was telling another story, He thought He saw Molly Ringwald examining him. Looking with..was that longing?
nah...couldn't be.
The moment was over and they departed eachothers company.
Collin Koran felt something had changed that night, but wasn't sure what.
---
Then our sexy gang knew what to do. They had to infiltrate Klaus Kreiger-san's volcano but in order to do so, they had to wear a disguise.
Evu Elliot-san thought long and hard about the best disguise. They couldn't be too obvious or threatening because then Klaus Kreiger-san's guards could catch them. But they couldn't look too mundane because then Klaus Kreiger-san's guards would never let them in.
No... they had to be clever.
So Evu Elliot-san, after a suggestion from The Beautiful Collin Koran-san, came up with the best idea she had: they would dress up in gothic clothes!
Evu Elliot-san's friends were a little skeptic at the idea, but they all agreed it was for the best. But where would they get the best gothic clothing to surprise the guards with?
Lillith-san knew exactly the best store to go: TBurtons.
So they all went there in the dread of the night and smashed in the doorlock in order to enter the store. The Beautiful Collin Koran-san deactivated the alarm and so they could easily get into the store and take whatever they need in order to infiltrate Klaus Kreiger-san's headquarters
Evu Elliot-san put on nice tight studded leather pants that made her bum look amazing in the mirror (and judging Holden-san's googly eyes, oh yes, it did look nice on her!). Then a black tanktop with My Chemical Romance's logo on the back and made her large jumbo chickpeas perk out quite nicely and on top of it all a nice long leather coat with red streaks on the side. Then she painted her nails black and used red to draw little drops of blood on there
Lillith-san wore a short red skirt with long black stockings that had holes where the toes would go so she could still paint her toenails. And she also had a corset made from unicorns gut that looked so awesome on her. Over this all she had a long leather coat. The Beautiful Collin Koran-san also had cool clothes (A/N but I'm running out of imagination to describe it, so I guess he looked like Neo from the Matrix i know it's an old movie but those clothes look soooo cool)
Finally they were ready to face Klaus Kreiger-san!
Interlude:
Collin Koran at that moment felt in his pocket. Thats strange there was a note.
It said he should rendezvous at the demolished beach at sunset.
Collin Koran kept this secret as it was clearly just for Him.
---
---
"Why are you looking at me like that? Its almost like your want me badly. Ha Ha!" Collin Koran chuckled.
"You're my one true friend, Collin Koran, probably the best one I've had in a long time. I like talking to you, hanging out with you, and I even love listening to you sing.
...And now that you've pointed it out, I think I might like trying sex with you."
"You're touching me. That's not considered appropriate behavior," Collin Koran whispered, His bottom lip trembling while his limbs felt frozen.
"Maybe not. But I don't think you're going to stop me." Molly Ringwald stroked her hand up Collin Koran's hip, and pulled his shirt from his trousers. Collin Koran's eyes fluttered shut when he felt Molly Ringwald's fingers touch the skin of his lower back. But he forced them open again and stared into Molly Ringwald's pretty eyes.
"I should stop you." Collin Koran knew he should. This was Molly Ringwald. Molly Ringwald! Could he dare wreck their close friendship? And what about their destiny? But that didn't bother Collin Koran nearly as much.
"Stop me," Molly Ringwald said, and made it sound like a dare.
Collin Koran was all set to give Molly Ringwald a glare, but it faded away when He got his first real look at Molly Ringwald.I mean sure, Collin Koran had seen Molly Ringwald before, but not REALLY seen them. Not with these new eyes which Collin Koran now had. His eyes had been opened.Like he was seeing for the first time.Like the wool was no longer over his eyes.
Molly Ringwald's soft legs.
Her nice set.
Her very agreeable pony tail.
In point of fact, Collin Korans mouth went a little slack and there may have been some drool.
It dripped on Molly Ringwald.
Molly Ringwald didn't seem to mind Collin Korans fluids though. Any kinda of fluid dropping on her was fine it seemed. "ewww" she said but half way it turned to a "owwwwwww".
"owwwwwww"!
It was a "owwwwwww" of pleasure.
It was the first of many sounds to come
They kissed eachother softly. Collin Koran whispering sweat nothings into Molly Ringwalds ear.
Molly Ringwald and Collin Korans bodies entangled becoming one ball of body parts.
After they had finished - with big grins on their faces and giggling, they decided to go home and tell all their friends
--
So they defeated Klaus Kreiger-san and everyone was satisfied!
Klaus Kreiger-san: what do you mean, it's not over yet?! I'm invincible!
Evu Elliot-san: No No, back into your casket!
Klaus Kreiger-san: Grrrr. You will never get me in my box. I am too large and too sexy!
Author: Ohh no, it looks like the characters still want a story!
Evu Elliot-san: of course we do! Or cake. I love cake!
Klaus Kreiger-san: Well I'm gonna steal your cake!
Evu Elliot-san: Noooo! Whats going to be my dinner now!?
Klaus Kreiger-san: mhuahahaha, life isn't worht living without caaaaaaaaake, so just die already will you?!
Evu Elliot-san: OK, Ur right, life isn't worth living without the awesomeness of cake. Farewell bitter world of cakelessness!
The Beautiful Collin Koran-san: chotto mate-ah!
Klaus Kreiger-san: huh ;^_^;
Lillith-san: domo desu-ka @_@?
Evu Elliot-san: Caaaaaake, need cake. Like brains, but cake!
The Beautiful Collin Koran-san: well, I want you, how about that?
The Beautiful Collin Koran-san winked at Evu Elliot-san, but .
But Lillith-san was all hot 'n that, Evu Elliot-san thought. So
Left the fanfic and looked for a nice bed to crawl into together and maybe more
Author: well, looks like they'll be busy for a little while. Cake?.
Klaus Kreiger-san: Nooo the cake is a lie. Gimme it!
The end
The end
That was fun. Let's try it again, but with even more clichés and edginess. I'm also going to change Collin's name so it has a K because K is an edgy letter.
It could use a little more ego, but looks good to me.
Betaboy: By Kollin Koran
Once apon a time...
Once upon a time, after my great adventures, I was wondering what to do that week. I had picked up my life from where I left it and wanted to make something from it.She wanted to make my father proud. Then all the sudden a strange woman appeared on my doorstep. She was hiden beneath a long cloak and had long brown nails on her fingers. Her dirty hair fluished down from beneath the cloak and she had glowing eyes! I thought I remembered seeing her in my dreams the past couple of weeks, almost as if it was a premonition
"You are not who you think you are!" said the strange woman.
"What do you mean?" I said.
"You are not who you think you are," she said again with a mysterious crackling voice like a bad radio transmission.
"I still don't understand you?" I said.
"Here, take this," she said and gave I an Buddy Christ.
"Take this and give it to your parents or guardian, they will know what to do with it!"
And with that she disappeared before my eyes!
I was confused but thought that I had to do something. But rather than going to my parents or guardian, I decided to show it to Kollin's awful penis-san.
"Oh no," said Kollin's awful penis-san, "you must forget about this!"
"Why?" I enquired, "what do you know?!"
"I... I can't tell you. My dear Evu Elliot-san, I didn't think it would be this soon!"
"What?!" I yelled, "are you keeping things away from me?!"
"It's .... it's for your own good! You cannot know this!" said Kollin's awful penis-san and before I could do anything, Kollin's awful penis-san had escaped my grasp.
"No! Dammit! When will I ever know the truth?!"
I was feeling depressed. One of my best friends abandoned and betrayed me. It hurt. So I wanted to find Lillith-san. After their adventure, I and Lillith-san had been spending a lot of time together. I kind of started to like her.
So I went to Lillith-san and told the whole story. She listened to me without saying a single word.
Then she said: "WTF, this is sooo big"
And I said: I know! Do you know a way to find out what is happening? Why is everyone hiding things from me?!"
Lillith-san sighed and said: "You have always been special, I and not just to me."
"How do you know that?"
Lillith-san looked at the cucumber that I had received and said: "it kind of looks like the fungal infection, doesn't it?"
"could be...but it might not be...but, yeah,certainly it might be"
"Whatever it is, I can recognise it quite well. And I think," Lillith-san said, "that perhaps the mysterious woman wanted you to find something inside of you.
"Inside? Like my heart?"
"No, don't be silly, like a mamory. Think about it, if your parents lied to you and now Kollin's awful penis-san doesn't want to talk to you about your background, perhaps there is a hidden memory in your head!"
Lillith-san's logic was flawless. So I had to try it!
So I concentrated on the object. immeditately <I> felt drawn into it. It stated ouit as a vague, fuzzy thing like when you wear glasses and there is a lot of moisture in the air and you see a flesh tower on the horizon.
But then it turned out that there was a secret memory, hidden beneath the vail layer of self-loving in my head.
And within that memory, a burning figure appeared. It was Klaus Kreiger-san! In hell...
I was confused. I didn't think that memory would be in there, and yet it was there, burning like the heart of a newborn star and the centre of the earth.
---
A little Later, Kollin Koran was taking a shit.
He was having trouble though.
It felt like days passed and still no sign of release.
"Help..Errrr... ahhhh! Christ! when is this epic poo gonna pass!?" Kollin Koran exclaimed, His face wincing with effort.
He made every effort in his little boy body to expel this demon thing from his womanly back side.
By this point Kollin Korans poo-tubes were all bent out of shape. It has been a bad day.
Just as Kollin Koran was going in for another push..
Without warning the bathroom door suddenly burst open unexpectedly. Yeepers!
"Well hello...Kollin Koran" a enticing voice gasped from the doorway.
A mysterious figure posed leaning against the door frame. His deep, sensual voice which Kollin Koran knew immediately. His mind began racing and a nervous sweat began pouring from his face and groinal area.
"Kollin's awful penis... is that you? wha- what are you still doing awake...?"
He appeared in nothing but a towel, seemingly ready to take a steamy shower.
However he couldn't with Kollin Koran near by....they were like family now.Kollin's awful penis was like his Grandma.
Any sane person would never allow their own grandma to see them in the nude. Right? RIGHT!!?! SHIT!"
"Oh I felt dirty from questing all day...ya ever feel dirty Kollin Koran?"
"Y-Yes, I mean NO! NO! NO! Never" Kollin Koran shrieked, He became so immensely worked up he cleaned his colon clear of the demon feces that had been clogging it. His voice also cracked like he was 13 again, but in comparison to the loud flatulence he just unleashed, who cares? Kollin's awful penis heard though, and giggled like a adorable little girl laugh. It sent tingles all up Kollin Koran's spine.
"Oh you've always been the shy one in the family, Kollin Koran..."
Kollin Koran was not shy, at all. He defeated Klaus Kreiger-san and blew up his evil machines for Christ's sake! and now he suddenly found himself speechless. Was he going to see his metaphorical grandma literally naked? Little did he know, that was merely a sprinkle on the cream-cake of excitement that was to come.
"..the shy and excitable one." said Kollin's awful penis finishing the sentence seductively.
"Wh-what the..." and before Kollin Koran could send the third word out of his mouth..
..Kollin's awful penis's towel dropped to the floor,setting his swingy bits free into the mist of the shower.
Kollin Koran noticed everything on him instantly. His squishy rump,his inexplicably straight chest hair and the Tiny Navy blue colored birth mark on his ass, which made him feel it.
Still, the sight of his near perfect body caused Kollin Koran's penis to become very hard. It stood erect and proud, pointing straight towards the mighty heavens.
"hehe oh my Kollin Koran...you're more impressive than I thought."
"uh... ye-yeah, th-thaaanks Kollin's awful penis, you're cute too." THIS IS SO WRONG! It raced through his head at lightning speed. But the beautiful, wet, soapy body that stood before him spoke otherwise. Him shapely body was everything Kollin Koran could want in something to wank to. Yet did family like relationship matter?..
...
...
Or...did it make it better?
But just as Kollin Koran was commiting. Commiting to a path that they couldn't go back from.
Evu Elliot-san burst into the toilet!
"What are you too upto?"
"Err..nothing" said Kollin Koran as he causally slipped his pants back on.
Kollin's awful penis, who Evu Elliot-san didnt notice, picked up his towel and backed out slowly.
"Really?"
"I was just having a shit...see?" Kollin Koran gestured to his shit.
"Oh, thats a shit all right! One hell of a shit!
Ok, if your done we better go"
So Kollin Koran put his other pants on and left. He had a serious case of blue balls, but at least his anus didnt feel so bad now.
As he walked out Kollin's awful penis whispered one word. A word fall of hope.
"Later"
Kollin Koran Giggled.
Fortunately, their traveling companion was as oblivious as ever, and didn't notice.
---
Fortunately Kollin's awful penis-san worked at a newspaper nowadays and he used the database of the newspaper to find out home turf of Klaus Kreiger-san's ruffians.
Their search led to a gay night club in the darkiest and stormiest part of math class. I was a little hesitant to go. It was rather scary and it was dark and stomy in that secting of math class. But the courage in me was greater than my fear because with my autism I should be able to accomplish anything, right, I thought to myself.
And Kollin's awful penis-san would join me.
So not to fall out of fashion we both stripped and squeezed into their most gothyest clothing. I had to admit that Kollin's awful penis-san looked kind of sexy in that outfit of his. But I didn't dare to comment on that.
I instead poored down my soul into my make-up. I bore incandesent blood-rose coloured finger nails with black streaking strips and gave Kollin's awful penis-san the same treatment. Kollin's awful penis-san gorgeous eyes met mine and for a moment we were both swimming in a pool made of a lovely combination of their eyes colours. It was romance we knew, but we didn't know whether it was a forbidden one or not!
Oh hell, Klaus Kreiger-san could wait. Now I looked upon Kollin's awful penis-san with lust filling my lucy. Klaus Kreiger-san could be taking over the world for what I cared, now it should be all about me and Kollin's awful penis-san.
But little did I know that in fact Kollin's awful penis-san had been lusting after me as well! With force and lust Kollin's awful penis-san threw me onto the closet and thrusted himself right into me. I moaned. We came. Then we went off and defeated Klaus Kreiger-san.
Interlude:
Kollin's awful penis winked at Kollin Koran when no one else was looking.
"Later" he mouthed at him silently so no one could hear.
---
---
Later, Kollin Koran and Kollin's awful penis were alone again.
"Its Later" said Kollin's awful penis, pulling Kollin Koran towards the bathroom.
"But what about the others?"
"I'll just tell them you are helping me shower. They wont suspect a thing"
"True. They are all idiots"
Then, suddenly, Kollin's awful penis was naked. Kollin Koran wondered how he did that. He must have been nearly naked this whole time!
The shower turned on...
..Kollin Koran was already.
Kollin's awful penis lathered up good and fine. The soap dripped off his body at a seductively slow pace. Kollin Koran could not contain the powerful urge of excitement that raced through his veins.
The alluring look of his nudie comrade became too much for him to fathom and his body started sweeting.
There Kollin Koran sat, his gold pants pulled quickly down at his ankles, on a toilet full of poop with his bodly fluids on full display, eyes bulging from his face.
Kollin's awful penis giggled as Kollin Koran's dignity shriveled and died, but Kollin Koran had always enjoyed that delightful snicker, even after he found out he was his own flesh and blood.
"Well...wh-what do we do now?" Kollin Koran said, desperately trying to sound suave.
"It. We do it."
"it?"
"yes. it"
"we do it?"
"yes"
"oh"
...and with that Kollin's awful penis jumped on Kollin Koran. What little remained of their clothes plopped of quickly. Some fell in the toilet.
"um... lets g-get you outta my toil-dreams and into my bed." Kollin Koran stuttered, desperately trying to be slick, yet he knew it was hopeless to be suave on the shitter.
Kollin's awful penis hopped gleefully out of the shower, the soap continued pouring from his shapely body.Kollin Koran stood up from the toilet, his naughty bits proudly waving about and his pants still down around his ankles. He hurried to chase his shapely body down.
He fell in the door way, tripping over his pants. He pulled His face up from the floor and gazed at Kollin's awful penis, GYRATING ON THE LAWN
The night wreaked of eroticisms...and Kollin Koran could see that it was going to be a epic porkfest time.
And it was!
When it was over they cleaned themselves, the room and the nearby Skyscrapper down.
It took awhile - fortunately they finished before any of their friends got back. So their little secret was safe...for now.
---