🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

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Which Connor is the most amusing?

  • Semi-Motivated Connor, aka "I've written 200 words on my new story and took a walk with my grandma."

    Votes: 127 13.2%

  • Depressed Connor, or "Give me one reason why I shouldn't blow my brains out."

    Votes: 73 7.6%

  • Edgy Rebel Without a Cause Connor, or "Shut the fuck up you stupid motherfuckering faggots!"

    Votes: 529 55.0%

  • Smug Pseudo-Intellectual Connor or "I've read Bret Easton Ellis, you guys!"

    Votes: 232 24.1%
  • Total voters
    961
BOLDYSPICY! said:
I was thinking more like Christmas fruitcake, or marshmallow Peeps.
Like, every year around Easter, I see marshmallow Peeps, & I'm like, "awww, they're so cute, I wanna eat one." & then I do & I'm like "UGH GUH THIS IS GROSS WHY DID I JUST EAT A NASTY-ASS GRANULATED-SUGAR-COATED MARSHMALLOW"
I somehow fall for it every fucking year.

@Connor is a marshmallow Peep.
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I love eating Peeps. Do not taint them with death-taint.
 
BOLDYSPICY! said:
I was thinking more like Christmas fruitcake, or marshmallow Peeps.
Like, every year around Easter, I see marshmallow Peeps, & I'm like, "awww, they're so cute, I wanna eat one." & then I do & I'm like "UGH GUH THIS IS GROSS WHY DID I JUST EAT A NASTY-ASS GRANULATED-SUGAR-COATED MARSHMALLOW"
I somehow fall for it every fucking year.
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But some people—myself included—actually like peeps. Connor needs to be a candy that nobody likes, perhaps a gummy krabby patty.
 
Hat said:
But some people—myself included—actually like peeps. Connor needs to be a candy that nobody likes, perhaps a gummy krabby patty.
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Those were one of my favorites. Connor is more like one of those old ladies on Halloween who don't give you candy at all and instead give out toothbrushes or healthy food or something, but every year they promise that they will have candy and they never follow up on it, and now all the kids know to avoid Mrs. Havermeyer's house on Halloween because she's an uptight buzzkill.
 
Philosophy Zombie said:
Those were one of my favorites. Connor is more like one of those old ladies on Halloween who don't give you candy at all and instead give out toothbrushes or healthy food or something, but every year they promise that they will have candy and they never follow up on it, and now all the kids know to avoid Mrs. Havermeyer's house on Halloween because she's an uptight buzzkill.
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A religious pamphlet was the worst Halloween "treat" I've ever received. That's Connor. Except instead of religion it's Redesigning Eva. Or his edgy (copied) views on life, one of the two.
 
Damn, I missed him again!

I do have to hand it to Fatty Ding-Dongs, though. It takes a lot of gall to come back here time and time again after talking shit about us to anyone who will listen, then acting like we're his bestest buddies evar. This must be what it's like for his one actual friend he tried sacrificing to us. Somebody really should urinate in his cereal.
 
A day in the life of existential hell.

Wake up
Smell of death emanates from dick
Masturbate anyway
Cry
Go to math class
Cry
Go on Kiwi while crying and masturbating simultaneously
Debate writing
Watch 39 seconds of a Molly Ringwald move before getting bored and fapping
Sleep
 
I know it's just a drop in the ocean but Connor's insistence on describing his writing projects in terms of movies is quite annoying to me.
 
Oh fucking pisswank, I managed to miss Fatty Ding Dongs again!

So...here's what I gathered from the aftermath -

- Connor ragequits Kiwi farms
- Connor bitches about us on Long Panties for asspats
- Connor comes back to the Kiwi farms saying that he's no longer a crybaby loser
- Connor wants to hang out and doesn't afraid of anyone
- Connor has a thing for @The Knife
- Maths is hard
- Connor won't write a resume because mum's gonna get the hump
- Connor retreats from Kiwi farms, either crying, raging or masturbating furiously

@Connor, Why do you keep crying back to Dong Punnet when things get difficult? It's pathetic. It just pretty much proves that you're in all of this for the attention. I will bet that there is, in actual fact, no WIP novelgasm, no desire to improve, and no 'hard commitment' to this maths course. All you do when you come on here is parrot all the criticisms that members have of you to 'prove' that you know you've done wrong. You never improve, you never show us anything that even gives us the slightest impression that you're bettering yourself at all.

And I think you like it that way.

This drama is your own personal interactive movie - the trials and turmoils of a young man just trying to get by in life, under pressure from all sides to be a conformist member of society...but then he is asked of something that he deems morally wrong. 'You expect me to do THIS?!', 'So you want me to crawl on my belly like a prole like everyone else and do THAT?!' That's when things get edgy and the 'fucky yous' and the 'motherfuckers' come out, like a misunderstood hero standing up for what they believe in because only they know that everyone else is inferior and stupid compared to his unique, mighty intellect. THIS is the problem.

STOP TRYING TO LIVE A SHITTY 80'S MOVIE.

You're not fooling me, Twatty Ping Pongs.
 
*Sees that thread has exploded*
*Reads up on new developments*
*Loudly sighs*

@Connor You are literally the most predictable person on the face of the planet.
 
Personally I'm going to be giving Connor the benefit of the doubt on this one. If he's actually getting writing done and having fun with the project to boot, I think that's pretty great. He isn't a bad writer, just unfocused, and having an obsession project like Redesigning Eva that he felt he had to finish probably helped with a lot of his bad or bizarre choices.

That doesn't mean I trust him mind you, he's shown over the years to say one thing while doing the other. But if he's in a good place and happy with the work he's doing we might see a more consistent output. I for one would love to read Alphaboy since I don't believe we've seen anything on it except rough outlines and general discussions.
 
Ruin said:
in particular, an apology for the venom you spewed at female forum members?
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Maybe I missed it in his "Adoption is EVEIL.... I'm so sorry :(" spiels but what did he say about the women that post here?

Connor said:
My parents, especially my mother, won't react kindly to me shipping out a resume and getting a job without their knowledge.
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Why the fuck wouldn't she want her adult son to get a job? She thinks it's okay for you to be 21 with no job and minimal schooling? No offense but your mother sounds kind of awful if true.
 
DrChristianTroy said:
Why the fuck wouldn't she want her adult son to get a job? She thinks it's okay for you to be 21 with no job and minimal schooling? No offense but your mother sounds kind of awful if true.
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Well he has tried to tell us how awful his parents are. They probably honestly don't think much of his abilities so they'd rather he stay safe and not try to kill himself again. Kind of like Chris.
 
registereduser said:
Well he has tried to tell us how awful his parents are. They probably honestly don't think much of his abilities so they'd rather he stay safe and not try to kill himself again. Kind of like Chris.
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I'd be inclined to take back everything I said about Connor being a lazy hack if this is indeed true and he actually tried to show his parents what he can become.
 
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