🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

[Pikonic]

Connor, your story contest entry is due in one week.

20 bucks says he totally forgot about it.

But even if I do leave, you'll still be cyberstalking me and posting in this thread.

Connie never replies to me so this is a general statement:
If you yell "HEY HEY HEY MY REAL NAME IS [INSERT NAME HERE] AND IM A MEMBER OF [INSERT ONLINE GATHERING HERE]" and people find you, that is your own damn fault. If you use your real name, that is your own damn fault. If you say things you know make you a contrarian, people are gonna look deeper, that is your own damn fault.
For you newbies who read Connor's post this weekend about this thread created because of a Molly Ringwald joke, than please read the original post.

 

[Shiala]

If Connor were a pokemon trainer sent on a journey to be a master, he'd give up after one step into the first patch of grass.

 

[Chipmunk's Bounty]

Hell, if Connor would decide to legitimately try writing, I'll bust open my writing prompts I was saving for a rainy day. Too bad Ding-Dongs won't take anyone up on actual advice.

 

[Sonic Hoo]

If Connor were a pokemon trainer sent on a journey to be a master, he'd give up after one step into the first patch of grass.

Knowing Connor, I doubt he'd even leave his house to get his starter, much less make it to the first patch of grass.

 

[Pikonic]

Knowing Connor, I doubt he'd even leave his house to get his starter, much less make it to the first patch of grass.

"I'll see the professor when it gets warmer outside, promise."

 

[Shiala]

"I've been using 99% of my mental energy just deciding if I should go or not, I can't handle all this right now"

 

[Pikonic]

*Good day*
Alight guys, I'm gonna get my life together one day at a time, tomorrow I'm gonna see the professor.
*48 hours later*
"You can't possibly expect me to just get up and go see the professor. Fucky all of you just nuke my Pokédex."

 

[Sonic Hoo]

*Good day*
Alight guys, I'm gonna get my life together one day at a time, tomorrow I'm gonna see the professor.
*48 hours later*
"You can't possibly expect me to just get up and go see the professor. Fucky all of you just nuke my Pokédex."

tfw when you can only rate a post winner once

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

Yeah, I was thinking about it way too much over breakfast the other day. I thought about even creating a new Pokémon region, and basically following the same basic plot of the games, with the idea that it would force Connor to not immediately go into "edgy as fuck" mode, and give him a structure to work with/challenge him to write creatively when he has restrictions in place -- basically give him an outline and have him write, with enough leeway that he'd have some control (so he could make the Team [Whatever] sections be as edgy as he liked). I know this is way too optimistic and will never happen, but I can dream. I'd love to see how he'd interpret it.

Gotta catch them all....eh, maybe tomorrow.
Starring Molly Ringwald as Misty.

If Connor were a pokemon trainer sent on a journey to be a master, he'd give up after one step into the first patch of grass.

Knowing Connor, I doubt he'd even leave his house to get his starter, much less make it to the first patch of grass.

"I'll see the professor when it gets warmer outside, promise."

"I've been using 99% of my mental energy just deciding if I should go or not, I can't handle all this right now"

*Good day*
Alight guys, I'm gonna get my life together one day at a time, tomorrow I'm gonna see the professor.
*48 hours later*
"You can't possibly expect me to just get up and go see the professor. Fucky all of you just nuke my Pokédex."

Spoiler: fucky you all making me draw when I'm sick

Spoiler: but now I have an excuse to use this GIF

 

[MysticMisty]

Yeah, I was thinking about it way too much over breakfast the other day. I thought about even creating a new Pokémon region, and basically following the same basic plot of the games, with the idea that it would force Connor to not immediately go into "edgy as fuck" mode, and give him a structure to work with/challenge him to write creatively when he has restrictions in place -- basically give him an outline and have him write, with enough leeway that he'd have some control (so he could make the Team [Whatever] sections be as edgy as he liked). I know this is way too optimistic and will never happen, but I can dream. I'd love to see how he'd interpret it.

Connor would find a way to edge it up before making it to the next town/city, let alone leave the starting town.

 

[Silver]

Someone please write a little of Connor Goes On a Pokémon Journey? I'd do it myself but I don't know if I could do justice to his writing style

 

[John Furrman]

"I'll see the professor when it gets warmer outside, promise."

This is quintessential connor. He makes promises to online strangers to do anything when he doesn't owe anyone a rat's ass in the first place, but he is so fucking stupid that his own psychology makes him blind to this fact. It is like quitting smoking, you don't tell anyone. That way, if you fail, only you will be let down, and then you can try again.

 

[Shiala]

Someone please write a little of Connor Goes On a Pokémon Journey? I'd do it myself but I don't know if I could do justice to his writing style

I can give it a shot once I finish work but it won't be any kind of masterpiece. I'll spend my shift thinking about how I want it to play out, rather than work.

 

[Ruin]

Someone please write a little of Connor Goes On a Pokémon Journey? I'd do it myself but I don't know if I could do justice to his writing style

I'm a shit writer and I have to go to class but here's the beginning of my attempt.


Connor Bible awakens and rubs the sleep from his eyes. He rolls over and grimaces with disgust as he pulls a semen encrusted sock from his leg. Connor shrugs and quietly masturbates into the sock while thinking of the redheaded girl next door.

BANG! BANG! Someone pounds at the door rousing Connor from his fantasy. “Damn it young man open this door right now! His mother demands. Connor pulls on a pair of boxer shorts and opens the door to find his mother glaring at him. “Young man I’ve had it up to here with your behavior!” “We moved to Pallet town a year ago and all you do is sit in your room and browse the internet, I want you to get dressed and go see professor Oak immediately.” She turns and walks out of the room, Connor rolls his eyes and mutters under his breath “fuckey you.” Still he sees that his mom is serious so he puts on his vest and baseball cap and slowly makes his way down the stairs.

Connor makes his way to Professor Oak’s lab and walks inside. The interior is dim and the only sound is a dull humming from the various machines scattered around the lab. Suddenly Connor hears a voice coming from the back of the lab. “Are you a boy or are you a girl?” the voice asks. “Fuckey you” Connor replies can’t you see that I’m a boy? “Oh I’m sorry Connor” Professor Oak said calmly, It’s just that you are so fat I had to make sure.

 

[Pikonic]

I'm a shit writer and I have to go to class but here's the beginning of my attempt.


Connor Bible awakens and rubs the sleep from his eyes. He rolls over and grimaces with disgust as he pulls a semen encrusted sock from his leg. Connor shrugs and quietly masturbates into the sock while thinking of the redheaded girl next door.

BANG! BANG! Someone pounds at the door rousing Connor from his fantasy. “Damn it young man open this door right now! His mother demands. Connor pulls on a pair of boxer shorts and opens the door to find his mother glaring at him. “Young man I’ve had it up to here with your behavior!” “We moved to Pallet town a year ago and all you do is sit in your room and browse the internet, I want you to get dressed and go see professor Oak immediately.” She turns and walks out of the room, Connor rolls his eyes and mutters under his breath “fuckey you.” Still he sees that his mom is serious so he puts on his vest and baseball cap and slowly makes his way down the stairs.

Connor makes his way to Professor Oak’s lab and walks inside. The interior is dim and the only sound is a dull humming from the various machines scattered around the lab. Suddenly Connor hears a voice coming from the back of the lab. “Are you a boy or are you a girl?” the voice asks. “Fuckey you” Connor replies can’t you see that I’m a boy? “Oh I’m sorry Connor” Professor Oak said calmly, It’s just that you are so fat I had to make sure.

"So." Professor Oak says, "It's time to start your journey to become a Pokémon master! Now, which starter Pokémon would you like?"
"One day I'm going to have a Charzard and everyone will have to take me seriously."
"Great!" Professor Oak handed him a pokéball with a flame engraved on the top half. The ball opened to reveal a Charmander.
"What's this?" Connor seemed confused.
"A-a Charmander. Once you get some battles it'll evolve into Charmelion then Charzard. You said you wanted a Charzard, right?"
"You mean I have to start with this shitty weak Pokémon?"
"Well, yes. Even the greatest masters started with one unevolved Pokémon."
Connor dreaded the idea of having to work to get what he wanted, he would've given up but he didn't want to go home to his abusive, alcoholic, light sleeper of a mother who drank and abused him. He sighed and left Porfessor Oak's lab with the Charmander.

 

[JU 199]

"So." Professor Oak says, "It's time to start your journey to become a Pokémon master! Now, which starter Pokémon would you like?"
"One day I'm going to have a Charzard and everyone will have to take me seriously."
"Great!" Professor Oak handed him a pokéball with a flame engraved on the top half. The ball opened to reveal a Charmander.
"What's this?" Connor seemed confused.
"A-a Charmander. Once you get some battles it'll evolve into Charmelion then Charzard. You said you wanted a Charzard, right?"
"You mean I have to start with this shitty weak Pokémon?"
"Well, yes. Even the greatest masters started with one unevolved Pokémon."
Connor dreaded the idea of having to work to get what he wanted, he would've given up but he didn't want to go home to his abusive, alcoholic, light sleeper of a mother who drank and abused him. He sighed and left Porfessor Oak's lab with the Charmander.

Connor then decides he's ready to venture into the wilderness. He waddles into the long grass and beholds a lone Metapod before him.
"this will be a piece of cake!" he said triumphantly! "I don't even need my Charmander for this"
He creeps over to the unsuspecting Pokemon "What could it possibly do to me. Its only a shell"

Connor awakes a few days later in hospital a broken man.

Connor was complaining about the 'awful' condition of his stay when a nurse approached him. She had a chart in her hand.
"Look at the chart" she said.
"Why?" Connor replied "I'm not a doctor"
"Look at the damn chart" she spoke. The nurse was aggravated. Connor had not been an easy patient to treat.
Connor yelped "It knocked me out. So what?"
"Do know how impossible it is to get hurt by a Metapod? It doesn't have arms or legs. How did it do this to you?"
(Connor then fell silent)
"You faceplanted it didn't you"
"NO I DIDN'T." He screamed

"Well that's the only explanation we have. By the way somebody stole your Charmander while you were out cold"

TheIncredibleLioness's is better

 

[TheIncredibleLioness]

Connor then decides he's ready to venture into the wilderness. He waddles into the long grass and beholds a lone Metapod before him.
"this will be a piece of cake!" he said triumphantly! "I don't even need my Charmander for this"
He creeps over to the unsuspecting Pokemon "What could it possibly do to me. Its only a shell"

Connor awakes a few days later in hospital a broken man.

Spoiler

Someone knocked on the door, which swung open to reveal Null, a Squirtle in tow.

"Yo! Connor! You're still struggling along back here? I'm doing great! I caught a bunch of strong and smart Pokémon! Let's see what you caught, Connor!"

"Fucky you Null!" said Connor, "How am I supposed to catch new Pokémon when I have a weak Charmander?"

"You have to battle with it, Connor," Null said with a sigh, "To toughen it up and make it stronger. Go to the PokéMart and buy some Pokéballs. Sitting around on your ass won't make Charmander any stronger. You have to work for it. Trust me, it'll be worth it in the end."

"So you want me to work to make Charmander stronger, get a low-level team of Pidgeys and Rattatas that won't bring me any happiness, move into some shitty apartment in Celadon City, buy a bike,
get in deep with the local Team Rocket grunts, do odd jobs for various assorted lowlifes without reward or appreciation, buy a gun from the nearest Ammu-Nation, get shot at, get in potential legal trouble and generally gain character through misery?"

There was a long, profound silence, as Null let the highly concentrated autism of Connor's words sink in.

"Yeah, whatever, Connor. Well, I better get rolling! Smell ya later."

 

[Coster]

Null is Gary Oak. Can this be canon? This is canon now.

 

[Silver]

every time i play kanto from here on out, gary is Null

 

[MysticMisty]

Spoiler

https://youtube.com/watch?v=PFZAcOcE2No

Someone knocked on the door, which swung open to reveal Null, a Squirtle in tow.

"Yo! Connor! You're still struggling along back here? I'm doing great! I caught a bunch of strong and smart Pokémon! Let's see what you caught, Connor!"

"Fucky you Null!" said Connor, "How am I supposed to catch new Pokémon when I have a weak Charmander?"

"You have to battle with it, Connor," Null said with a sigh, "To toughen it up and make it stronger. Go to the PokéMart and buy some Pokéballs. Sitting around on your ass won't make Charmander any stronger. You have to work for it. Trust me, it'll be worth it in the end."

"So you want me to work to make Charmander stronger, get a low-level team of Pidgeys and Rattatas that won't bring me any happiness, move into some shitty apartment in Celadon City, buy a bike,
get in deep with the local Team Rocket grunts, do odd jobs for various assorted lowlifes without reward or appreciation, buy a gun from the nearest Ammu-Nation, get shot at, get in potential legal trouble and generally gain character through misery?"

There was a long, profound silence, as Null let the highly concentrated autism of Connor's words sink in.

"Yeah, whatever, Connor. Well, I better get rolling! Smell ya later."

Connor slowly waddled north into Viridian Forest. He hated forests, walking, and being outside in general. The only thing that convinced him at all to go further was two kids outside of the hospital talking about a pretty girl in Cerulean City with short, red hair. He hadn't caught the name, but he was convinced the girl was his ultimate crush, Molly Ringwald.

"Oh, Molly, when I show up in Cerulean City we're going to fly off into the sunset on my Charizard and make sweet love overlooking the ocean on Route 25. It's basically promised," Connor sighed.

"Molly? Who's that?" Bug Catcher Rick asked, stepping forward from underneath a nearby tree.

"Molly Ringwald! The pretty actress who starred in great movies like The Breakfast Club. Everyone knows Molly," Connor rolled his eyes.

"I thought Molly was really old? Like, in her 40's."

"No! Molly is young and beautiful, and lives in Cerulean City!" Connor said angrily to Bug Catcher Rick. "No, get out of my way!"

"You can't go yet. I challenge you to a Pokemon Battle first," Bug Catcher Rick grinned and sent out Weedle.

"I don't want to battle you, or anyone else! Fucky you!"