🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

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Which Connor is the most amusing?

  • Semi-Motivated Connor, aka "I've written 200 words on my new story and took a walk with my grandma."

    Votes: 127 13.2%

  • Depressed Connor, or "Give me one reason why I shouldn't blow my brains out."

    Votes: 73 7.6%

  • Edgy Rebel Without a Cause Connor, or "Shut the fuck up you stupid motherfuckering faggots!"

    Votes: 529 55.0%

  • Smug Pseudo-Intellectual Connor or "I've read Bret Easton Ellis, you guys!"

    Votes: 232 24.1%
  • Total voters
    961
Ironside said:
@Connor , I'm curious about something. What do you think/feel when people share their stories/struggles with you? You had yet another user tell you about how hard they've had to work and what they've been through on just the last page of this thread, but you keep coming back here to act like a defeatist and insist no one is genuinely trying to help.

Do you not care? Do you get anything out of that? Do you not believe the stories people keep telling you?

Edit: what I'm saying is that no one can really make you care, if you're not able to, but like... maybe consider what people are saying to you? On a logical level? And also consider: people telling you about their addictions/mental illnesses/abuse/etc is not "mean-spirited" and is, in fact, pretty damn generous.
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Connor said:
So I'm supposed to pretend I give a shit about what other people are talking about?
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He doesn't care.
 
The Dude said:
Connor should have just quit while he was ahead.
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More like he should have quit while he was a thread! Ha!

Wait, hang on. Lemme get @Coster .

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Connor said:
You wouldn't want your Social Security or PIN numbers on a forum, would you?
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lol they don't put your social security or PIN (saying "PIN numbers" is redundant) on a paycheck you silly goose, just your name which we all know because you post it everywhere on the internet.
 
Don't try to help him, he doesn't care. Just point and laugh.
 
To elaborate on Surtur's post: he is not stupid. We offer him advice, he shoots it down. We keep trying and failing, he doesn't yield, so he wins.

The way to cut his victory short would be to ask him what he's going to do about his situation, then laugh at the response.

At this point we poke him way too much just to get a boring, repetitive reply. Now is the time to dial it back a little.
 
@Connor,

Are you serious? Are you honestly telling me that you have no idea what to do to improve the situation, and that we really have to 'define' the simplest of solutions for you? You despair and you mope and you whinge, yet YOU CAN'T EVEN WRITE A CUNTING RESUME.

Are you doing this on purpose to feel special, or something? You seem content to feign ignorance and go full emo time and time again to get more and more messages of both abuse and support, you MUST know what you're doing.

We are not your damn personal army of therapists and punchbags.

You KNOW what you need to do, stop dicking around and do it.
 
Connor you should write a story about you violently murdering us in grotesque ways. You're already a lolcow so its expected, plus you get some good writing practice. Its a win win
 
No Shit is Too Minor applies to Connor too, right? Here's an interview with him, at what looks like his home, by someone who is perhaps one of his old middle school teachers.

https://socialcam.com/v/m2rbmbXJ

Notes:
  • Connor talks about his Godzilla fan-fiction which just happens to coincide with his brief tenure on the Toho forums
  • Connor's big fan-fiction idea is to basically plagiarize Ghidorah, The Three-Headed Monster
  • "King Gidorah is this space monster, this three headed golden dragon who destroys entire civilizations and alien races strictly for the lulz"
  • Someone who isn't Connor actually brings up Redesigning Eva. Mind = blown
 
Smutley said:
No Shit is Too Minor applies to Connor too, right? Here's an interview with him, at what looks like his home, by someone who is perhaps one of his old middle school teachers.

https://socialcam.com/v/m2rbmbXJ

Notes:
  • Connor talks about his Godzilla fan-fiction which just happens to coincide with his brief tenure on the Toho forums
  • Connor's big fan-fiction idea is to basically plagiarize Ghidorah, The Three-Headed Monster
  • "King Gidorah is this space monster, this three headed golden dragon who destroys entire civilizations and alien races strictly for the lulz"
  • Someone who isn't Connor actually brings up Redesigning Eva. Mind = blown
Click to expand...

"We've been writing this Godzilla fanfic--well, we've been talking about writing this Godzilla fanfic..."

I've heard enough.
 
Wait, I retract my glib first respond after watching the whole video.

There's a moment where Connor starts talking about RE in terms of "imagine if Molly Ringwald from the 80s starred in a dark psychological thriller," and then starts to describe the plot as "she plays a--" before catching himself, breaking off, and beginning again with "Eva is a..." Not only does he absolutely picture his own fictional character as Molly Ringwald, but he's convinced this is or will be an actual film starring his dream cast.

I think most of the people here are a little too young to remember when Drew Barrymore was strictly considered a child actress and she could never quite break away from that image. About halfway between being a child star and establishing an adult career, she did this horrible, stupid psychological thriller called Doppelganger where she played an evil twin and killed people and showed her tits a lot, and it was basically 104 minutes of this:

SpDIkNx.gif


That is exactly what Connor wants Redesigning Eva to be for Molly Ringwald, not seeming to realize that no one--not even Molly Ringwald herself, it seems--actually wants Molly Ringwald to have a comeback.
 
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