Connor, you want to prove you've changed? That you truly are a 'recovering lolcow' (which, as anyone can see from the last twenty minutes, is not true), prove it yourself. Stop the bullshit and pretending we're just here to treat you like shit and won't be satisfied until you scan us a paycheck.
Here some ideas for you:
Finish your resume. It doesn't have to be perfect. You can even send it to someone on these forums to proofread it and give you some ideas on how you can make it more presentable if you don't feel comfortable with what you have.
Write a short story. Hell, not even a short story. A diary entry.
People learn from their pasts, life is full of the lessons we teach ourselves from past mistakes.
If you weren't so publicly rude about a friend, i'd have suggested going for a coffee with them.
How about this. Go to a library. Find a book with a good synopsis and read it. Then think why you enjoyed reading it. Then, read your work. See what changes can be made (without copying the book you just enjoyed).
Go outside, just enjoy the air and the sun. Stop trying to define the mistakes you make on your parents (whether yes or no they are bad people).
Then come back and give me one reason why you like who you are, in 50 words or less.
Good. Now, are you aware of the transient nature of emotions? (oh god here I go again) You know you cannot be happy forever, right? Our baseline emotional state is something between boredom and plain relaxation. Happiness and sadness are two sides of the same coin - a more extreme emotional state that you eventually sort of build a bit of tolerance to if you get too much of it.
The process of satisfying our minor desires - we call that happiness. Going for the long-term ones is known as suffering, since you often have to sacrifice your short-term comfort along the way (which takes some exertion of willpower). Either way, a desire, once satisfied, is immediately replaced by another. I believe this is called "hedonic adaptation" in psychology, more or less. That is why some religions, like Buddhism, or Hinduism (I think), make it a major point to rid oneself of all desire to stop the suffering.
How that is accomplished is up to your interpretation. I think it has to do with focusing on the present - on your life as it really is, not about what you could be doing, or the mistakes you once made. Right now you are probably looking at some kind of screen, reading the confused words of some Polish shut-in, digitized, transmitted via a series of tubes, then decoded again. Technology is quite magical. You take breaths. Maybe shift over in place a little to ease the feeling of discomfort somewhere in your body.
Take your time. Take a step back and observe your thoughts. Feel the soft touch of clothes on your skin. Hear the quiet whir of cooling fans in your PC (assuming you're currently using one). That is your life, right now. The only thing that is real. The past just a recording, the future - mere prediction based on past experiences. Your plans, proud announcements in this thread about how you're going to change your life - none of that matters unless the change is taking place in this very moment.
Change is scary. Adaptation hurts. We know that all too well, Connor. You must be strong to rise above these emotions.
Of course, you can keep being self-destructive for a little longer. You still have your family to support you. You still have time to waste on internet forums.
I will understand if you choose to remain the way you are. I expect you to stay weak. You know, on your TV Tropes page you have that one troper lingo thing you used to describe yourself. You know what would be truly "Genre Busting, just... Genre Busting", you "Cloudcuckoolander Mad Artist"? If you proved me wrong.
(Don't lose sleep, though. It's important to be well rested if there's hard work to be done that day. Trust me, I'm a factory worker. Being sleepy at work makes me want to kill myself, or at least run away from that place and not return. I can't have that, because physical work is the only way I'm currently capable of making money.)
Dude, this is the screencap of my very first paycheck, taken from my bank account page. All I had to do was remove the account numbers in Paint. Wasn't exactly rocket science. I posted this picture on the 10th everywhere I felt was appropriate, because I was pretty proud of myself for proving I'm not unemployable - and also kinda amused/depressed about how low my monthly earnings are. (Protip: 1250PLN is less than 350USD, half the money Chris gets from the government by simply fucking existing and being autistic.)
I know this has been said a couple hundred times by now, but I'm going to say it anyways because laziness ruffles my feathers.
@Connor has no excuse for not accomplishing anything with his life. We all have our issues, we all have stress, we all have hardships.
From the age of three till now I have been verbally, emotionally and physically abused by my father. At 18-20 I was a mentally ill alcoholic working a full time job and going to school full time, along with a having long term boyfriend. I had mental breakdowns every couple of weeks. I was sent to 4 rehabs and I was put on a 72 hour hold 10 times. Two years later I overdosed on heroin, almost died and spent a month in the hospital. It was really hard but I never gave up...
Two months after I got out of the hospital I got a part time job in an office. Eventually I got more side jobs, more experience, and within a year I was running a whole office by myself.
I can hardly get out of bed in the morning but I still work 45 hours a week. You know why? Because I care about my life and I am self motivating.
I've never had autism, but I suffer from a mental illness. Anyone can succeed, they just have to want it bad enough. Fuck the excuses boy, get your priorities straight. The trials of life are no excuse to be a sperg.
Connor, literal pages full of great advice have been written over the years by people who wanted to help you out. This very forum is home to plenty of people who have taken time out of their days to give you advice and tips, despite the fact that you condemn everyone here as being psychopaths and stalkers. Every single time advice is given, all you ever do is make a halfhearted "I'm working on it" comment or a "But why should I try when all I do is FAAAAAIIIILLLLL???" It's literally like talking to a brick wall. Except a brick wall has the decency to stay quiet instead of back-sassing and being rude.
If you want legitimate advice, go back through this thread and read the wonderful advice that's already been given to you. Hell, even I gave you advice regarding getting a part-time job. It's just that you've worn out the goodwill of the vast majority of us in the thread. Every time we've tried to help you, you just throw it back in our faces. So excuse us for not bending over backwards to accommodate you anymore.
Oh, fuck, you're right! I had some when I was little, too, & I completely forgot about them until you mentioned it. I think I had a few that were those little cardboard-cover picture books, but I remember having one that was like a beginning chapter book for grade-schoolers. If I recall, it was "The Power Rangers & the Bad Dream Machine." & yes, the story was just as cringeworthy as the title would suggest.
@Connor , I'm curious about something. What do you think/feel when people share their stories/struggles with you? You had yet another user tell you about how hard they've had to work and what they've been through on just the last page of this thread, but you keep coming back here to act like a defeatist and insist no one is genuinely trying to help.
Do you not care? Do you get anything out of that? Do you not believe the stories people keep telling you?
Edit: what I'm saying is that no one can really make you care, if you're not able to, but like... maybe consider what people are saying to you? On a logical level? And also consider: people telling you about their addictions/mental illnesses/abuse/etc is not "mean-spirited" and is, in fact, pretty damn generous.
Well, one excuse: he's 19 (or 20?), and nothing particularly interesting has happened to him. Take it from an old guy: his life has barely started.
@Connor? I'm not going to give you the "it gets better" lecture. But I am going to give you the "you're completely full of shit" lecture. Your worldview isn't based on anything real; it's based on shit you've seen in movies and hazy recollections of stupid things that happened in high school. You haven't come by any of it honestly. You style yourself as this brooding intellectual who's seen it all, but you're not reacting to real experiences; just to stuff you've heard about (most of it fictional). Relating to a book or film is fine, and everyone does it. What's not fine is using it as a substitute for real experience, or worse, an excuse to avoid those experiences. Your life is not as interesting as the lives of the characters you imitate. When you take the intensity of Hannibal Lecter and apply it to the life of a part-time college student who's barely old enough to buy cigarettes, it just comes off as melodramatic and silly.
I'm not asking much of you. Very few people have it all figured out at 19. But I'd genuinely like it if you could experience something, rather than just dismissing it because it goes against your wannabe-badass persona. Since you're going to demand specifics (or ignore me completely), I'll narrow it down for you: something you've never done before. You're allowed to hate it.
@Conner I thought that my advice at least was nice. There's been tons of good advice in this thread that could be helpful for anyone really.
I'm going to add one more suggestion that might be helpful; I don't know if your college does anything like this but mine publishes a literary magazine every spring. You could do some digging around and see if there is a local outlet for aspiring writers and take a crack at submitting something. And just remember what Jack London or maybe some other manly author said, "You can't wait for inspiration, you have to go after it with a club!"
Tbh, yeah, seems that way. But I've known autistic people who are at least able to intellectually understand others' problems. Like, maybe Connor can't feel sympathy for these experiences, but at the least he could- maybe- understand the messages that people are trying to convey on a more logical level.
Maybe.
But he's not just autistic, he's also. You know. Connor.
@Connor you aren't going to ever stop coming here, I think. So I'm going to try something else.
These forums actually did a really good job at pushing you in the right direction.
You responded with canned pessimism.
You can read all of smutley's posts. You have been spouting the same. Exact. Summary for RD for years.
I have zero psychological know-how, but I'm starting to think you suffer from something along the lines of OCD.
I'm going to assume that your problem is pathological instead of you just being lazy, because I cannot believe someone is this lazy. That's me being optimistic.
You said that you're more self-aware, I don't know how true it is, but if it is, please do one thing:
Think before you post.
I will guarantee your quality of life will improve if you just ask yourself if what you're about to post benefits anyone.
Ask yourself why you're about to post what you are. Take more care of yourself and your thoughts.
There's been tons of good advice in this thread that could be helpful for anyone really. 
