🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

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Which Connor is the most amusing?

  • Semi-Motivated Connor, aka "I've written 200 words on my new story and took a walk with my grandma."

    Votes: 127 13.2%

  • Depressed Connor, or "Give me one reason why I shouldn't blow my brains out."

    Votes: 73 7.6%

  • Edgy Rebel Without a Cause Connor, or "Shut the fuck up you stupid motherfuckering faggots!"

    Votes: 529 55.0%

  • Smug Pseudo-Intellectual Connor or "I've read Bret Easton Ellis, you guys!"

    Votes: 232 24.1%
  • Total voters
    961
Also someone's gotta tell Connor that "cynical" doesn't translate to "being an asshole which is okay because depression". God damn that word is his own "sensory overload".
 
Sadly, I think Connor's chances with Molly Ringwald are about as good as my chances of winning a body building contest.

Especially cause she's married and has kids. Just sayin'.
 
It took me a while, but I've literally just finished reading this whole thread, start to finish.

FUCK ME DRUNK.

There's a big fuckoff rant incoming...hold on to your hats, my brave little scrotums.

@Connor:

Who the actual fuck do you think you are?

I've read everything here, past and present. It seems that you have some legit problems with depression and motivation (to a degree, the rest is plain bone-idleness), and you have no idea what you've just done here. You are so fucking lucky, you know. Jokes aside, you had multiple people on this forum take time out of their busy lives to help you in various ways, be it with your writing or your mental hangups...it was damn good advice too. They were patient with you, persevered, and genuinely tried to reach out to you despite your stubbornness to change and your absolutely disgusting views on women. This was a fantastic opportunity for you; you had simple, easy tasks set out, a plan to improve, and great support from people here who frankly have better things to do. You blew it. You blew it, you ungrateful little cuntrag.

Some of us would have given anything to have this kind of genuine help in the darker moments of our lives. I know I would have. I have PTSD and massively struggle with anxiety - I manage to hold down a full time job, an art career and hobbies on the side. Sometimes I feel absolutely hopeless. Others I feel like complete failure. There are lots of tears. But you know what? When help was offered, I took it. I take meds, I go to therapy. I fight through the bleakness to the other side of it because I WANT to do well for myself and I REFUSE to be slave to my mental problems and let it dictate my life. If I did, I'd be a complete recluse and utterly miserable. It's been said in this thread before, but here I'll say it again - IF I CAN DO IT, SO CAN YOU.

I can't even express how angry reading all this (especially your most recent posts) have made me. I don't want to descend into being a massive A-Log here as I don't hate you or wish you any serious ills, but bloody hell boy GROW THE FUCK UP. Grow some fucking stones you immature, stuck-up, attention seeking little wanker.

You don't deserve the help these people have tried to give you. You'll never listen. So you know what? Have it. Have your little pity party. Roll around in it until you're good and muddy, and then go wee-wee-wee all the way home with all the other WP pigs.

Aaaaand I think that's all out of my system now. Sorry if I went too far and verge on the realms of A-Logging but hellfire, this guy. THIS GUY.
 
sparklemilhouse said:
I was a lot like Connor when I was his age. It really fucked me up. I'm still pretty fucked up. I didn't finish college until I was 26, and its taken me years to find full time employment (still hasn't happened). He needs to shape up NOW so he doesn't become a fuck up like me.
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I had a lot of financial setbacks to finishing school. I was old enough to be a graduate student when I finally finished undergrad, and now I'm an associate professor at an age when most people are looking into securing tenure. It bothers me a lot, because I've really limited my employment potential due to circumstances where I had to choose between having a roof over my head and taking another year of school while literally living in my car. There were a lot of times when I asked myself "Why am I doing this? I'm going to be forty before I graduate." The only answer that is that I'm going to be forty whether or not I graduate; the only difference is whether I'll be forty with something I really want, or whether I'll be forty with a dream I gave up on. I went for the dream. It's not all what I imagined it would be, but I absolutely do not regret it, even when the student loan payments roll in.
 
Well, my advice and everyone else's didn't seem to do much good but at least we can get some inspiration from this thread! I wrote a draft for a short story I've been tossing around for a while, and I even started a resume a few hours ago!
@Conner: What I personally am having trouble with is describing my best work qualities. You did say that you were a perfectionist, and that isn't a totally bad quality to have unless it's preventing you from even trying. Saying that you want your work to be as high-quality as possible would be a good thing to add.
 
It's funny, I tried to be patient with him on Teamspeak when he was on. I even had to tell some weens to knock it off with him. And you know how I got paid back? More bitching, more whining and more excuses. Connor, stop being a dick.
 
I don't normally get charged over shit like this, but COME ON, Connor. For 54 pages you've insisted that we've enlightened you and that now you're focusing on improving your life, only for you to come back a few days later wallowing in your own self-pity and cynicism. I've lost count of how many people have offered you genuinely good advice, only for you to throw it back in their faces by offering excuses or outright dismissing their help.

Just try to grow up. Just try to stop whining and start doing. Just fucking try. And if you aren't even going to try to try, then just shut up and stop trying to make us feel sorry for you.
 
Cosmos said:
I don't normally get charged over shit like this, but COME ON, Connor. For 54 pages you've insisted that we've enlightened you and that now you're focusing on improving your life, only for you to come back a few days later wallowing in your own self-pity and cynicism. I've lost count of how many people have offered you genuinely good advice, only for you to throw it back in their faces by offering excuses or outright dismissing their help.

Just try to grow up. Just try to stop whining and start doing. Just fucking try. And if you aren't even going to try to try, then just shut up and stop trying to make us feel sorry for you.
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Ignore him. He is not worth the effort.
 
I don't know what's funnier; the fact that this kid is a whiny duplicate of the Golden Knight or the fact that you people are trying when he clearly sees you all as NPCs.
 
Cyan said:
I don't know what's funnier; the fact that this kid is a whiny duplicate of the Golden Knight or the fact that you people are trying when he clearly sees you all as NPCs.
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We're too nice for our own good sometimes. Kind of funny seeing as how his fellow posters at Wrong Planet think we're a bunch of autism-hating monsters, but that's probably because we're not the asspat brigade.
 
Since Wrong Planet gave us Connor, maybe we could do a sperg exchange program. If only we hadn't banned Woody Chan he would have been a great emissary for the Kingdom of Kiwi
 
Cyan said:
I don't know what's funnier; the fact that this kid is a whiny duplicate of the Golden Knight or the fact that you people are trying when he clearly sees you all as NPCs.
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Hey, you never know. Even if Connor doesn't take this advice (and he probably won't), I bet plenty of other people will. I know I've already gotten tons of great writing tips.
 
Cyan said:
I don't know what's funnier; the fact that this kid is a whiny duplicate of the Golden Knight or the fact that you people are trying when he clearly sees you all as NPCs.
Click to expand...
In all honesty, I really wanted Connor to change his ways because I sympathize with his position to a large degree. I even tried to encourage him to go out and volunteer at his local library because that's what I did to help get my first real job. If nothing else, I just hope other people look upon this thread as a tale of warning on how NOT to interact with people who are genuinely willing to help you out.
 
BOLDYSPICY! said:
https://kiwifarms.net/attachments/molayringwood-png.13399/
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I like the use of oldschool Null, although the cynic in me thinks it was a choice made because that avatar is easier to draw.
 
sparklemilhouse said:
I was a lot like Connor when I was his age. It really fucked me up. I'm still pretty fucked up. I didn't finish college until I was 26, and its taken me years to find full time employment (still hasn't happened). He needs to shape up NOW so he doesn't become a fuck up like me.
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Oh, hush, you're not a fuck-up. The fact that you're here giving advice is proof of that. You haven't given up, right? So there you go. Besides, I'm 25 & still haven't finished my undergrad (though I hope to re-enroll this summer & knock it out once I get financial aid stuff straightened out). It's not a race, you know? Shit happens.

The Knife said:
I had a lot of financial setbacks to finishing school. I was old enough to be a graduate student when I finally finished undergrad, and now I'm an associate professor at an age when most people are looking into securing tenure. It bothers me a lot, because I've really limited my employment potential due to circumstances where I had to choose between having a roof over my head and taking another year of school while literally living in my car. There were a lot of times when I asked myself "Why am I doing this? I'm going to be forty before I graduate." The only answer that is that I'm going to be forty whether or not I graduate; the only difference is whether I'll be forty with something I really want, or whether I'll be forty with a dream I gave up on. I went for the dream. It's not all what I imagined it would be, but I absolutely do not regret it, even when the student loan payments roll in.
Click to expand...
This. You just gotta throw yourself into something, or you'll regret it if you don't. My mom was 45 by the time she was finally able to make associate professor, & now she's 50 & has just gotten remarried, tenure, & plans on being associate dean of the school of nursing. Her life is just beginning anew. You're never too old to make your dreams happen, I think.

OH! What do you teach, by the way?

Also also @sparklemilhouse & @The Knife , the best therapist I ever had spent ten years getting her associate's degree. She has a PhD now.

Cyan said:
I don't know what's funnier; the fact that this kid is a whiny duplicate of the Golden Knight or the fact that you people are trying when he clearly sees you all as NPCs.
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Yeah, well. I think a lot of us see ourselves in Connor. Well, a few of us do. I don't think he's completely beyond redemption like GK is, though. He's just a dumb kid trying to be super-edgy, not a sadistic pedophile.

Ziltoid said:
In all honesty, I really wanted Connor to change his ways because I sympathize with his position to a large degree. I even tried to encourage him to go out and volunteer at his local library because that's what I did to help get my first real job. If nothing else, I just hope other people look upon this thread as a tale of warning on how NOT to interact with people who are genuinely willing to help you out.
Click to expand...
I did, too. Whether or not Connor decides to take this advice is his prerogative. But I think that, if nothing else, this thread is a reminder that there's hope for everybody, as everyone here has dealt with some really horrible shit & persevered in some way.
 
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