🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

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Which Connor is the most amusing?

  • Semi-Motivated Connor, aka "I've written 200 words on my new story and took a walk with my grandma."

    Votes: 127 13.2%

  • Depressed Connor, or "Give me one reason why I shouldn't blow my brains out."

    Votes: 73 7.6%

  • Edgy Rebel Without a Cause Connor, or "Shut the fuck up you stupid motherfuckering faggots!"

    Votes: 529 55.0%

  • Smug Pseudo-Intellectual Connor or "I've read Bret Easton Ellis, you guys!"

    Votes: 232 24.1%
  • Total voters
    961
sikotik said:
No because connor never changes.
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I still can't get over Connor keeping Molly updated on the recent happenings. What was he expecting her to say? "WOW PRINCE IS DEAD? WHY THANK YOU CREEPY STALKER CHILD I WOULD HAVE NEVER KNOWN OTHERWISE"

That said, does Molay even interact with people on her page? I assumed it was just a fan page she didn't do anything with other than post the odd update.
 
BOLDYSPICY! said:
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I still can't get over Connor keeping Molly updated on the recent happenings. What was he expecting her to say? "WOW PRINCE IS DEAD? WHY THANK YOU CREEPY STALKER CHILD I WOULD HAVE NEVER KNOWN OTHERWISE"

That said, does Molay even interact with people on her page? I assumed it was just a fan page she didn't do anything with other than post the odd update.
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How depressing would it be if, somehow, that's how Molly found out Prince died? Like, she just happened to be signing in to post an update, she hadn't checked the news that day, and boom, there's Connor's marshmallowy face delivering the bad news.

Hell, imagine getting any news from Connor. Imagine that face appearing to keep you updated on the goings-on of the world.
 
Remember that pokemon fanfic we all wrote staring connor? there's an entry that's proved rather presentient.

Chanbob said:
"Do angels have names?" Connor thought to himself in a dreamlike stupour, dribbling out of the corner of his mouth and suddenly having an urge to purchase some vegetable oil and a bag of ice cubes.

This was just too perfect. She was his everything now, his alpha and omega, his be all and end all, his sixteen candles. They had been drawn together by fate, her bare navel a sure sign from the sociopathic belly button god; their bond is proven.

In the real world, the poor girl who happened to be the subject of Connor's affection was too repulsed to do anything at first.

The staring was bad enough, and more than adequate to disturb her on its own; but then it got even worse. His eyes glazed over (more than usual) and his mouth slackened (more than usual), releasing a sticky trickle of saliva. His hand absentmindedly wandered down to his trousers.
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Chanbob said:
No way, he wouldn't? Would he?

Yes he would.

Because he's Connor Bible.

The Molly-doppelgänger immediately snapped out of her frozen stance and began storming angrily towards the fapping spastic, aiming to give the little perv a piece of her mind.

She didn't get far.
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Chanbob said:
An acrid, nasty stench filled the air, stopping her in her tracks. It smelled like death. Thoroughly disgusted and completely out of fucks, she turned to make like a Hitmonlee and leg it. As she turned away, she heard a tangled, breathy mumble of words breeze past her, making all the hairs stand up ob the back of her neck.

"You are now my...girlfriend."
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BOLDYSPICY! said:
That said, does Molay even interact with people on her page? I assumed it was just a fan page she didn't do anything with other than post the odd update.
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Occasionally she does. There are a couple people who showed up to politely say they disagree and Molly interacted with them equally politely.

Connor, though, she has surprisingly never talked to.
 
Smutley said:
Occasionally she does. There are a couple people who showed up to politely say they disagree and Molly interacted with them equally politely.

Connor, though, she has surprisingly never talked to.
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How is this surprising? Would you talk to the Hunchback of Port Royal if you were in Ringwald's position?
 
This has probably been asked already, but when did Connor's obsession with Molly Ringwald start?

BOLDYSPICY! said:
"WOW PRINCE IS DEAD? WHY THANK YOU CREEPY STALKER CHILD I WOULD HAVE NEVER KNOWN OTHERWISE"
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Connor wants any excuse to talk to her. Looks like Connor's dream is that one day Molly Ringwald will notice him and pay Port Royal a visit for a booty call. Even though she's already married with 3 kids.
 
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Patchouli said:
Connor, don't you know to be a teacher you have to be likeable? Nobody will learn from you if you remain the unlikeable, vile slob you currently are.
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He'd probably be a lot like Severus Snape, only without being a logical genius and total badass. He'd just be the angry, abusive teacher that would obsess over women he couldn't have and take his anger out on any student that got on his nerves.
 
ToroidalBoat said:
This has probably been asked already, but when did Connor's obsession with Molly Ringwald start?
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According to Connor lore, when he tried to kill himself the first time he spent a couple days in a psyche ward because his awful parents hated him or something. While in there, he caught The Stand miniseries on TV and instantly fell in love with Molly after seeing her in it.

It took him years after that point to actually see any of her other movies, and a year or two after that to ever finish them.

Stephen King forum has been down for 2 weeks to give the mods a break, and with no where else to have people pay attention to him Connor has returned to Wrong Planet :)

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What the fuck, dude
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Man what has got Connor so grumpy?
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:roll:
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:story:
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Oh, Connor
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Ahh yes, after being so disappointed by not getting ass-pats on the farms, Connor has skipped straight into his edgy metamorph.
 
I'm intensely creeped out for Molly's sake. If I were her I'd try to shut Connor down, but then again bad attention is good attention for stalkers and they get hungry for more and the cycle never ends.
 
Connor has promised to change again and again and again. That perpetual promise is perhaps the most benign aspect of his consistency. A counter to this is that he never changes and his promises mean nothing. This is one of the more malignant aspects of what is consistent within him. Connor is base, ugly in personality, hateful, weak, spiteful, stupid, covetous, self-serving, lazy, vindictive and a liar to boot. There is no hope for him as he endlessly cycles through his stages, achieving absolutely nothing. I wish him well in enjoying what he has created for himself.
 
Eponine said:
I'm intensely creeped out for Molly's sake. If I were her I'd try to shut Connor down, but then again bad attention is good attention for stalkers and they get hungry for more and the cycle never ends.
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I hope she's hired Gavin de Becker or some other PI to the stars to track down Connor and make sure he isn't an actual menace. What a freak.
 
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