🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

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Which Connor is the most amusing?

  • Semi-Motivated Connor, aka "I've written 200 words on my new story and took a walk with my grandma."

    Votes: 127 13.2%
  • Depressed Connor, or "Give me one reason why I shouldn't blow my brains out."

    Votes: 73 7.6%
  • Edgy Rebel Without a Cause Connor, or "Shut the fuck up you stupid motherfuckering faggots!"

    Votes: 529 55.0%
  • Smug Pseudo-Intellectual Connor or "I've read Bret Easton Ellis, you guys!"

    Votes: 232 24.1%

  • Total voters
    961
In one night, he wrote one line for a short story... And this is a guy that zero responsibilities and zero social obligations. So what the fuck else did he do with his evening?

HOW THE FUCK IS SOMEONE THAT LAZY?! He's like the living avatar of the sin of Sloth.

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edit: Oh hey, will you look at that. Connor not only is a bitch ass snitch, he's been throwing around Collingwood's site due to his hateboner for Null.
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Where are the emails, Connor? What are you trying to hide?
 
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Oh, he's still watching movies.

When I was a kid, the surest fire way to get me pissed off was for my mom to say, "In all that time you spent complaining and procrastinating, you could have finished your chores twice over."

Connor, in all the time you spend writing about the movies and books other people have created, you could have finished a single short story.
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I like to imagine that the frowning T-shirt is just a shirt with a big sad face on it.
When I was reading that, I was wondering if he meant a T-Shirt with a big frowny face, or if he meant the shirt itself was literally frowning, as in it was old and beat up and drooping into a sad shape.

Both are equally bad writing, so it could go either way. But I honestly can't decide which is more pathetic. He either dressed his sad girl character in a sad smiley shirt because that's his entire concept of character development. OR he's just so bad at his effort to be descriptive that when he was trying to explain that her clothing was worn and tired, he somehow went with the word 'frowning'. It's like a mobius strip of failure, you can't tell where and how one part starts sucking due to lack of skill, because the skills relevant to the parts before and after are equally lacking. Just one infinite loop of being pathetic over and over, forever.
When Connor drops the emails he also should tell us what's on the stupid fucking shirt.
#noshirtleftbehind
He's said before that the shirt is literally just a smiley face that's frowning. Artist's interpretation:
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Connor doesn't say more than "Eva vomits when she looks at her reflection," so I like to imagine her as this scrawny, gangly, unfortunate-looking girl with knobby knees, no body shape to speak of, & a bad Molly Ringwald dye-job.
I like to imagine it's just a picture of Connor grimacing in an overexaggerated way. And I would also like to own the shirt.
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He's said before that the shirt is literally just a smiley face that's frowning. Artist's interpretation:
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Connor doesn't say more than "Eva vomits when she looks at her reflection," so I like to imagine her as this scrawny, gangly, unfortunate-looking girl with knobby knees, no body shape to speak of, & a bad Molly Ringwald dye-job.

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Connor should just go for the Cole Smithey sort of job where he tries to say profound things about movies. Then he can watch all the 80's movies he wants while trying to sound intelligent. He could be the Coleslaw of Molly Ringwald films.
 
Connor should just go for the Cole Smithey sort of job where he tries to say profound things about movies. Then he can watch all the 80's movies he wants while trying to sound intelligent. He could be the Coleslaw of Molly Ringwald films.
That's what I think. As @Smutley has pointed out previously, his reviews aren't half-bad. He could be better than Cole (though I suppose that's not exactly a monumental feat).
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"The Most Autistic Film Critic in the World"
 
Connor. I've stayed away from your actual writing because I don't like reading, but I must say the names of your two big masterpieces bore me to tears and do not sound interesting or enticing.

Redesigning Eva?
Alphaboy?

They sound dumb!

Surely you have heard of real classics like Where the Red Fern Grows or Catcher in the Rye!

Make something like a cross between that.
 
I have a good friend whom I've recently gotten back in touch with after we had a falling out when I first, ah, "got sick." She's been really down on herself recently, talking about how useless she feels & how crippling her depression can be. I tried to tell her, no, she was doing just fine, as she got her nursing degree a couple years ago & has been working full-time ever since. She also supports both her roommate & herself. But she wasn't hearing any of it.

So I pointed her in the direction of this thread.

I wish I could show you guys the pages of texts I've been getting over the last few days. A lot of them amount to "how can anyone be that fucking pathetic, goddamn."
The REALLY sad part is she'll shoot me a text like "what was Connor flipping out at @Coster for on page 30, the link's broken" & just from memory I'm like, "oh, I'm pretty sure he just said 'Connor is fat & Molly would not have sex with him.'"

In light of these events, I just wanted to say---thank you, Connor. You may be a bitch-ass snitch & an unnecessarily smug little shitstain, but I won't tell you to kill yourself. By continuing to exist, you give new hope to people who had none. You better everyone around you by refusing to better yourself. Here's to you, you whiny fat faggot.

Why not celebrate with some of Connor's greatest hits from January 2015?
No, really. Your posts actually made me look into myself.
Well, you've got to understand that people have baggage, and they are capable of changing themselves. I have every intention of improving my circumstances.

@Locksnap and @Ultimate Grisby:
I was having a pretty thorough discussion with my therapist recently about goals I hope to achieve in this Year of our Lord, 2015. I actually have a list that's on my refrigerator door.
what's the list?
In no particular order...
1. Utilize the Internet wisely.
2. Get in better physical shape.
3. Work on aggression and patience.
4. Pass my current math class.
5. Get more writing done.
6. Be more sociable.
That's all I can remember now. I may post the full version at a later time.

Starting this month, things are going to be different.

you know that big box that's cold and you take yummy food out of? there's a list you wrote that you stuck on there, try to accomplish those.

I don't know if it's the stress of getting dogpiled or you being intentionally obtuse but dude you're seriously not this dumb. Cut it the fuck out and stop playing the fool to ask questions to try and divert yourself from actually understanding what was said to you.
@Smutley, by Jove, you are right. I am being dogpiled. There are so many posts in the space of a minute that I can't answer everyone's questions.

Patty the Milkmaid was going to market carrying her milk in a Pail on her head. As she went along she began calculating what she would do with the money she would get for the milk.
"I'll buy some fowls from Farmer Brown," said she, "and they will lay eggs each morning, which I will sell to the parson's wife. With the money that I get from the sale of these eggs I'll buy myself a new dimity frock and a chip hat; and when I go to market, won't all the young men come up and speak to me! Polly Shaw will be that
jealous; but I don't care. I shall just look at her and toss my head like this. As she spoke she tossed her head back, the Pail fell off it, and all the milk was spilt. So she had to go home and tell her mother what had occurred.

"Ah, my child," said the mother:


Moral of Aesops Fable: Do not count your chickens before they are hatched.
 
Nowhere in Connor's plans did he list getting punked by a retarded, sociopathic Britbong, but that's about all he's actually accomplished since those posts.
 
Nowhere in Connor's plans did he list getting punked by a retarded, sociopathic Britbong, but that's about all he's actually accomplished since those posts.
Well, he DID pass that math class. A year ago.
 
Every time I hear Connor is writing something, I'm reminded of the SpongeBob episode 'Procrastination'.

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Hey now, that's a really good first page.

In other news, I can't wait until Connor comes back to tell us all about his job interview at Publix. Maybe we'll even see a picture of him in his uniform like he promised.
 
Tfw you put more effort into bullshitting through an essay than Connor does working on his writing.
 
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