🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

[Ruin]

This is sad. If his parents really loved him they'd pull a Bob and cut down his internet.

 

[GV 998]

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I love how casual he is. Like they know each other as acquaintances or friends .

"You may not know this but..." OF COURSE SHE DOESN'T KNOW, ASSHOLE!

Oh god... Is this how it begins for a stalker? believing he has a casual relationship with a celebrity...and then it slowly descends into them "feeling each others thoughts" or what have. And it only gets darker from there, folks!

 

[Ruin]

I love how casual he is. Like they know each other as acquaintances or friends .

"You may not know this but..." OF COURSE SHE DOESN'T KNOW, ASSHOLE!

Oh god... Is this how it begins for a stalker? believing he has a casual relationship with a celebrity...and then it slowly descends into them "feeling each others thoughts" or what have. And it only gets darker from there, folks!

I wouldn't worry about it. Connor has neither the physical nor mental stamina to stalk someone.

 

[RP 520]

Oh god... Is this how it begins for a stalker?

He has fantasies of fucking her belly button, he's been sending her unsolicited messages on facebook for years and then there was that time everyone here managed to trick Connor into thinking she joined the forums. I think we're well past the starting point.

I wouldn't worry about it. Connor has neither the physical nor mental stamina to stalk someone.

Outside of pestering her on twitter and facebook, yeah, he's too lazy and autistic.

 

[MysticMisty]

I initially read that as "Maradonia" & thought "what the fuck does Gloria Tesch's shitty book have to do with---" before I realized my mistake. Goddammit, I've been on this site too long. #FuckKiwiFarms

It's kinda interesting, though---Gloria Tesch is the embodiment of everything Connor hates about women (or rather, how he perceives them). Gloria is slutty (read: conventionally attractive), spoiled, vain, not all that bright, & so shallow that if she were a puddle, one could stand in her & not get their feet wet.

But she still finished her novel before Connor.

Not only that, she made a couple of (really horrid) music videos and has actually had a job. But really, you could pick any three lolcows and chances are at least one of them has managed to do more than Connor. He really is Sloth personified.

 

[caffeinated_wench]

Outside of pestering her on twitter and facebook, yeah, he's too lazy and autistic.

Even if she was right outside his house, he'd be too lazy to meet her or even take a picture.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

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Oh my God, Connor. @Molly Ringwald gives even less of a shit about your writing than we do, & has even said as much.

Also, do actresses even have "blocks?"

 

[Without A Gout]

Oh my God, Connor. @Molly Ringwald gives even less of a shit about your writing than we do, & has even said as much.

Also, do actresses even have "blocks?"

Fix your "blocks"? Simple, get a proxy.

Your writer's block? Just keep hitting your head on it until you start getting light-headed. That may help out a bit.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

Oh my God, Connor. @Molly Ringwald gives even less of a shit about your writing than we do, & has even said as much.

Also, do actresses even have "blocks?"

I think she's about to give one to Connor.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

Your writer's block? Just keep hitting your head on it until you start getting light-headed. That may help out a bit.

I'm still with everyone who suggested alcohol. Worked for greats like Ernest Hemingway, O. Henry, Hunter S. Thompson, Edgar Allen Poe, etc. Not to mention one of the authors he always rips off his inspirations, Stephen King.

also "avid reader" my ass. We all know Connor doesn't read shit.

Yeah, I'm kind of lazy (understatement) when it comes to reading. I have a whole shelf packed to the brim, and I've only read a few. How few? I can count them all on one hand.

I'm currently reading both The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris and James Patterson's debut novel, The Thomas Berryman Number. Loving the former, while the latter is a chore to get through. Ugh.

I thought you'd already read Silence of the Lambs. Is this a reread or what?

Technically. I only got to about Chapter Six the last time I tried. I'm hoping to finish it soon.

I'm kind of scatterbrained. I jump from one book to the next. Read a bit of one, do the same for another.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

You know what else worked great for Ernest Hemingway and Hunter S. Thompson?
Sucking the business end of a shotgun.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

You know what else worked great for Ernest Hemingway and Hunter S. Thompson?
Sucking the business end of a shotgun.

Funny you should say that. . .

If that's the case, I might actually look back at my days on here and empty a 12-gauge into my mouth.

 

[Handsome Pete]

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It's like he tries to take on this casual, conversational style, but it comes off about as authentic as a youth minister sitting backwards on a folding chair.

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

To eat a 12-gauge, he'd have to get a 12-gauge, and learn how to load it. Also, I have this weird feeling that the distance from muzzle to trigger may be longer than Connor's stubby little arms, factoring in his frontal body mass. And now I'm picturing him trying to trigger it with his toe, and failing, and Arseface from Garth Ennis's Preacher comics.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

It's still so creepy how he responds to celebrity social media accounts.
I know it's the 'tism, but in 40 years, he's going to be an even less successful Kengle. At least Kenneth got his degree and a job he was fire from.

 

[AnOminous]

I'm still with everyone who suggested alcohol. Worked for greats like Ernest Hemingway, O. Henry, Hunter S. Thompson, Edgar Allen Poe, etc. Not to mention one of the authors he always rips off his inspirations, Stephen King.

Of course all of them died young. Two of them by shooting themselves in the head.

Except for King, who quit drinking and doing drugs.

 

[BlueArmedDevil]

You know what else worked great for Ernest Hemingway and Hunter S. Thompson?
Sucking the business end of a shotgun.

Technically it was a .45, Hemingway was the shotgun.

 

[Ruin]

It's still so creepy how he responds to celebrity social media accounts.
I know it's the 'tism, but in 40 years, he's going to be an even less successful Kengle. At least Kenneth got his degree and a job he was fire from.

Dobson does have a degree. He just prefers to sit in his own filth instead of utilizing it.

 

[sparklemilhouse]

Of course all of them died young. Two of them by shooting themselves in the head.

Except for King, who quit drinking and doing drugs.

He did get hit by that car though.

 

[MarineTrainedTard]

I just saw a commercial for James Patterson's new schtick. He's apparently "revolutionizing" reading by producing books of +/- 150 pages. Not sure how releasing novellas, which have existed about as long as the novel, is revolutionary, but either way, it reminded me of how Connor spoke of Patterson with such disdain. Yet, Patterson is still an infinitely more successful writer than Connor will ever be.