🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

[BOLDYSPICY!]

If Eva was passed out cold while Lilith was murdering Cheryl, why didn't Lilith take the opportunity to murder Eva as well? [...] If Lilith is murdering attractive young classmates, why did she murder that one mean teacher?

Because Lilith took pity on Eva for being another "failed experiment," & felt a certain kinship with her. She murdered Mrs. Pickens because she has an unrequited lesbian crush on Eva, so she's killing people who are mean to Eva & those who could be considered more attractive than her.

What I really want to know is how one can cure birth defects & how eyes can be both jaundiced & red.

 

[Count groudon]

I feel like RE would be much more successful were Klaus replaced by a dancing sloth voiced by Chris Rock.

 

[Picklechu]

I feel like RE would be much more successful were Klaus replaced by a dancing sloth voiced by Chris Rock.

And the rest of it were replaced with the bootleg Chinese translation of Revenge of the Sith.

 

[Dr. Meme]

For starters, prior to redesigning, Eva's suffering from numerous birth defects, including premature aging. This is the unfortunate side effect of the fertility treatments that Eva's mother, Dr. Cheryl Elliot, subjected herself to. Said fertility treatments also conceived Dr. Klaus Krieger and Lilith Grant. Dr. Krieger was the healthiest of the three, if only physically. Lilith grew up with a preoccupied father, Vincent, and an abusive mother who called her a monster because of her jaundiced red eyes and elongated fingers. Lilith is strongly implied to have killed her mother. In addition, Lilith turns out to be responsible for brutally murdering Cheryl, having blamed her for making her into a freak. Eva was home at the time of her mother's murder, but was experiencing a blackout; because of this, Eva has a profound guilt complex.

A few years later, Dr. Klaus Krieger, having been remanded to the custody of the Prometheus Corporation for the murders he committed, comes up with Project Catharsis. Vincent Grant was looking for a means of curing his daughter's defects/madness, and contacted the Corporation through a middleman. Lilith is given the serum, but didn't get into the redesigning chamber as Eva did. Instead of making her better, the serum arguably made Lilith worse. She begins to kill again, targeting attractive girls from Eva's school and butchering them as they are home alone. At the same time, the police department of Sheridan, Florida, is hoping to beef up their force through Catharsis. Hopefully, if Catharsis is successful, it can be used to enhance the military as well. The cops are having a hard time apprehending the killer... what they need is a super-profiler. Eva's mother was murdered in a very similar method as the girls, so why not redesign the girl, give her a chance to catch the killer and live out her dream of being a profiler?

The High School used to be the respectable school, known as Promethius High. It was left behind and abandoned, because of lack of funds for that one school. Then the students left, and the "students" bummed around. There was an accident that happened at a Seinor Prom in 1999; a High-Functioning Prematurely Aged Autistic individual with Fertility Murder Powers, Lilith, roamed the halls with growing social outreachings; she had a number of good guy-pals, and a few gal-pals. She was constantly ridiculed with being labeled a Monster, because she was strongly implied to have killed her mother.
She felt angry when she heard "Monster"; when called that, she would leave the attractive girl an intimidating glare with a purple glow from her red eyes. Then soon after, a Serial killing Scientist would attack that bully with No Mercy; murder them in their homes later that night.

Come her Seinor Prom in 1999, she asked her Best Guy-Pal, Klaus Krieger, to the Prom. And even though she felt nervous at first, he asked her to dance. She replied, "I have jaundiced red eyes and elongated fingers." Still, he took her hand, and danced the night with her. She was most happy and in peace. Then after the last dance, he kissed her long and good. If she was still alive today, she would have been anxiously waiting for the 2009 Reunion to return the favor of Klaus offering the Strong Autistic individual the best night of their life at the Prom.

Now, Lilith was a Great Artist, as she was well-known and well-praised in the number of Art Classes she took at Promethius High.

Following the last dance, they had the Seinor Awards Ceremony; ALL the students stayed until the FINAL END of that night, except for Eva, who was experiencing a blackout at the time. Lilith got a Star-Pin for her Good Grades; that was the ONLY AWARD she would receive that night. She anxously awaited Awards for her Inspiring, Creative Artwork she had Hand-Painted, Carved, Molded, Drawn and all Media Taught to her, yet she received NO AWARDS FOR HER CREATIVITY. She felt distraught even when called out the passing of the ART AWARDS; Her Name was NOT SAID at all.

Only Few Left early enough to tell the tale, but AFTER the final award was passed, and during the FINAL DANCE, she was beside herself; feeling alone. In her Furious Rage in not being appreciated Creatively EVEN ONCE, she concentrated ALL HER FERTILITY TREATMENT POWERS, SHOUTED "PRAISE MY CREATIVITY!", INJECTED HERSELF WITH MURDEROUS SERUM, then a NOVA FLASH beamed from the Prom location, seen from as far as a Hundred Miles away. All that remained was Total Silence, Lilith's gown and Star Pin, and just nearby the gown, Klaus's Eye Patch, with a Wedding Ring in a box, and engraved in it, "To Lilith, My Sweetest, Most Creative Woman Ever. I Love You." Klaus wanted to wait till he had brought her back home to murder her in her home, but sadly, he died with her that night.

Since then, Lilith haunted the halls of Promethius High, living out her dream of being a profiler.

 

[Philosophy Zombie]

Since then, Lilith haunted the halls of Promethius High, living out her dream of being a profiler.

And disclosing the details of gory crime scenes into an RCA handheld voice recorder.

 

[r00]

So, in other news, I'm just about done with a paper for my Human Growth and Development class, I'm almost through reading Bram Stoker's Dracula, and I've got a new Brother GX-6750 because the other one was seriously on the fritz. I'm working on the next drafts of Alphaboy and RE, and some short stories.

I fucking love your excuses. You put more effort into justifying your laziness than it would take to write a whole shelf full of novels.

"just about done" means "still not done", and in your case probably also means "barely started". This is hardly news.

"almost through reading" probably translates to "flicked through and skim read a number of pages".

And how can you know if your typewriter is on the fritz if you've never used it? Its not like you wore it out or anything. Use a computer. You clearly have one. Or write things down by hand, like a normal, unpretentious, productive human.

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

What I really want to know is how one can cure birth defects & how eyes can be both jaundiced & red.

Mary Sue powers activate because fuck logic, reality or common sense.

It's just another example of Connor trying to make his characters somehow different from the already established characters he's basing them on. Either that or he doesn't know what "jaundiced" actually means.

 

[Ruin]

Mary Sue powers activate because fuck logic, reality or common sense.

It's just another example of Connor trying to make his characters somehow different from the already established characters he's basing them on. Either that or he doesn't know what "jaundiced" actually means.

Wait. Is Connor's self insert Krieger or Eva?

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

Wait. Is Connor's self insert Krieger or Eva?

Knowing him it's both but only because he can't help but put himself into the characters he writes.

 

[The Knife]

Wait. Is Connor's self insert Krieger or Eva?

Eva is the beautiful-all-along broken bird who needs to be rescued and healed. Naturally, Connor has probably dumped a lot of his own high school angst onto her to make her look even more abused and suffering, and thus more sympathetic and attractive. Krieger is an idealized version how Connor wishes to be: revered and indispensable, universally feared and respected, capable of making people grovel for his brilliance even though they despise him, and always one step ahead of the game.

 

[nad7155]

own high school angst onto

Pretty much every high school movie ever, unless it was a parody.

 

[Connor Bible]

Are you guys that fucking bored? LOL

 

[Rolfe DeWolfe]

Just said by Connor in the chat:
"I just realized how many of you guys are fucking losers."
"I'm laughing my ass off at all of you."
"I'm not your lolcow. Your MY lolcows."
"Fat whiny faggots. Pussies."

 

[Mauvman Shuffleboard]

Here's the full story so you can tell us how disappointed you are for missing such an important event.

Spoiler: Connor talks to people! Wow!

Lasoona Lasoona: they totally are horses

Mauvwomyn Shuffleboard Mauvwomyn Shuffleboard: @LegoTugboat, Pegasi are clearly not horses.

LegoTugboat LegoTugboat: Noble carrots.

Mauvwomyn Shuffleboard Mauvwomyn Shuffleboard: That'd be like saying a zebra is just a stripey horse or a giraffe is just a long horse.

Valiant Valiant: stupid long horse

Sallet Lad Jim Sallet Lad Jim: pegasi are fake and gay

LegoTugboat LegoTugboat: @Mauvwomyn Shuffleboard, zebras are stripey horses.

Pepsi Pepsi: @Mauvwomyn Shuffleboard, Are you trying to say they aren't?

Connor Bible Connor Bible: Kiwi Farms is fake and ghey.

Mauvwomyn Shuffleboard Mauvwomyn Shuffleboard: @LegoTugboat,

LegoTugboat LegoTugboat: Shut up Connor, we're talking about zebras.

Mauvwomyn Shuffleboard Mauvwomyn Shuffleboard: Respect zebras please.

Lasoona Lasoona: zebras are just flamboyant horses

Pepsi Pepsi: @Connor Bible, Hey Connor

Mauvwomyn Shuffleboard Mauvwomyn Shuffleboard: @LegoTugboat, Respect Connor as well.

Sallet Lad Jim Sallet Lad Jim: @Lasoona, agreed

LegoTugboat LegoTugboat: Zebras are just horses that are tranny-nigger.

Connor Bible Connor Bible: I just realized how many of you guys are fucking losers.

Pepsi Pepsi: @Connor Bible, That's funny coming from you tbqh

Connor Bible Connor Bible: I'm not your lolcow. Your MY lolcows.

Sallet Lad Jim Sallet Lad Jim: @Connor Bible, now now, don't be an industrial salt accident

LegoTugboat LegoTugboat: Moof.

Rolfe DeWolfe Rolfe DeWolfe: @Connor Bible, Are you throwing another fit

Connor Bible Connor Bible: No.

Connor Bible Connor Bible: I'm laughing my ass off at all of you.

Rolfe DeWolfe Rolfe DeWolfe: @Connor Bible, Yes

LegoTugboat LegoTugboat: Connor's realized that Steven King's written better work then him.

Rolfe DeWolfe Rolfe DeWolfe:

Lasoona Lasoona:

LegoTugboat LegoTugboat: Hell, the Lara and wolves guy has written better work.

Valiant Valiant: Oh my god my DNS is being a faggot

Sallet Lad Jim Sallet Lad Jim: Sonichu > Connor's work

outlook1 outlook1: @Connor Bible, hi connor

Connor Bible Connor Bible: @Valiant, the FBI should be knocking on your door soon.

Pepsi Pepsi: @Sallet Lad Jim, Agreed

Null Null: @Connor Bible, " I'm not your lolcow. Your MY lolcows." ahhahahahaha

Connor Bible Connor Bible: @Null, ur a faget

Null Null: soon you're going to have more random quotes than fucking Jace

LegoTugboat LegoTugboat: The FBI should be giving us fucking medals.

Connor Bible Connor Bible: lol

Pepsi Pepsi: @Connor Bible, I'm warning you now, I'm screenshotting this entire convo

LegoTugboat LegoTugboat: We've documented pedos, attempted mass murderers.

LegoTugboat LegoTugboat: Fat whiny faggots.

Connor Bible Connor Bible: Pussies.

LegoTugboat LegoTugboat: No, I already mentioned you.

Sallet Lad Jim Sallet Lad Jim: @Connor Bible, not good to project yourself onto others

Pepsi Pepsi: @Connor Bible, @LegoTugboat,

Connor Bible Connor Bible: @Null, adderall-addled swindling pervert.

LegoTugboat LegoTugboat: Burned so hard, he'll appear on SyFy.

Lasoona Lasoona: y u so buttmad

HinRai HinRai: @Connor Bible, nice alliteration there

VLAD VLAD: @Connor Bible, how is redesigning eva coming along?

VLAD VLAD: @Connor Bible, or alphaboy?

VLAD VLAD: @Connor Bible, or your multiple short stories in progress or whatever?

Connor Bible Connor Bible: You guys have never came.

LegoTugboat LegoTugboat: @VLAD, he's almost up to 10 words for his work.

VLAD VLAD: @LegoTugboat, wow! such progress!

Rolfe DeWolfe Rolfe DeWolfe: @Connor Bible,

Sallet Lad Jim Sallet Lad Jim: @LegoTugboat, five words is not 'almost' ten

HinRai HinRai: @Connor Bible, what does that even mean?

LegoTugboat LegoTugboat: @Sallet Lad Jim, I rounded up, give him a confidence boost.

Sallet Lad Jim Sallet Lad Jim: @LegoTugboat, ah, noble effort

VLAD VLAD: @LegoTugboat, feels

Sallet Lad Jim Sallet Lad Jim: @HinRai, he's starting to write smut

Lasoona Lasoona: mmmmm french fancies

noooooway noooooway: @Connor Bible, dont tell me how much ive cum

LegoTugboat LegoTugboat: @Connor Bible, I know a girl who needs a good author to help out with a book.

Connor Bible Connor Bible: Joshua Moon, I hope your site crashes sometime in the near future.

Valiant Valiant: edgy

Sallet Lad Jim Sallet Lad Jim: Connor just wants to be the center of a Kiwi bukkake

Sallet Lad Jim Sallet Lad Jim: but nobody came

LegoTugboat LegoTugboat: @Connor Bible, Fit Ginger Vegan, look her up.

VLAD VLAD: @Connor Bible, how are the sticky lint-like objects doing?

Lasoona Lasoona: i hope you take a shower soon but not everyone gets what they want

Pepsi Pepsi: @Connor Bible, don't be so edgy man

VLAD VLAD: @Connor Bible, GOLD BOND: apply directly to the perineum

Rio Rio: yahallo

noooooway noooooway: ive missed 'angry, confrontational connor'

noooooway noooooway: it's been a while

Sallet Lad Jim Sallet Lad Jim: @Rio, heyo

VLAD VLAD: @noooooway, me too. can't wait for him to start quoting blue velvet again

Pepsi Pepsi: @Rio, Hey~

LegoTugboat LegoTugboat: Is it true that the last woman to have sex with you was able to sell the resulting truffle?

VLAD VLAD: @LegoTugboat, lmfao

Connor Bible Connor Bible:

Alan Pardew Alan Pardew: Joshua Moon, I hope your site crashes sometime in the near future.

Alan Pardew Alan Pardew: Implying it hasn't already happened like several times

Alan Pardew Alan Pardew: @Connor Bible, 5/10 good try though

LegoTugboat LegoTugboat: Connor's a bit like whales in that regard. Connor produces truffles, whales produce ambergris. Both highly valuable, but come from things that are full of blubber.

Rio Rio: is it just me or are the theories regarding how ADF got his surgery papers getting really far fetched?

Connor Bible Connor Bible: nool wouldn't last in prison.

noooooway noooooway: @Connor Bible, pot kettle black

Alan Pardew Alan Pardew: @Connor Bible, Of course he wouldn't last, because of the rape

Alan Pardew Alan Pardew: Generic rape and murder in prison meme

Alan Pardew Alan Pardew: :^)

LegoTugboat LegoTugboat: Connor screamed as Bubba's penis pounded his asshole.

Sallet Lad Jim Sallet Lad Jim: I hope x gets y'd and z'd in prison

HinRai HinRai: @Rio, they are, most likely he just found them online imo

Rolfe DeWolfe Rolfe DeWolfe: implying null will go to jail any time soon

VLAD VLAD: connor would last a long time in prison

noooooway noooooway: i hope connor gets to write his fanfic in prison

Alan Pardew Alan Pardew: I hope W gets X'd and Y'd in Z

LegoTugboat LegoTugboat: Bubba's white lava erupted through Connor's boipussy, also known as the belly button.

Connor Bible Connor Bible: Nool can suck my dick.

noooooway noooooway: which he can sell as hot fapfic

VLAD VLAD: as a source of combustible oils

VLAD VLAD: geddit? because he fat

LegoTugboat LegoTugboat: It was comparable to Niagara Falls.

outlook1 outlook1: @Connor Bible, cuck null

Sallet Lad Jim Sallet Lad Jim: @LegoTugboat, I feel bad for Bubba

Alan Pardew Alan Pardew: I hope Connor gets splints on his crotch right now-- oh wait

VLAD VLAD: @Connor Bible, "Nool can suck my sticky, lint-like dick." fixed

Alan Pardew Alan Pardew: <3

Rio Rio: @HinRai, ya. I think online's the most reasonable assumption, going by that smutley's source is speaking the truth

LegoTugboat LegoTugboat: What if Connor 9/11'd the site?

HinRai HinRai: @Rio, well he's right about the drug types, so I'm assuming he's good for the rest

Rio Rio: I'm really not buying that ADF would literally steal a kid's cancer paper ID and track their progress just to say that it was him

Alan Pardew Alan Pardew: @LegoTugboat, Implying it hasn't happened already

Alan Pardew Alan Pardew: :^)

Rio Rio: like ADF lies a lot but that's way too planned

HinRai HinRai: @Rio, he's not that smart or forward thinking

Rio Rio: @HinRai, yeah exactly

KatsuKitty KatsuKitty: connor

KatsuKitty KatsuKitty: you suck

Rio Rio: I think people will go very far to come up with theories if they don't believe Smutley but still don't want things to be real

KatsuKitty KatsuKitty: okay that's my trolling for the day

 

[Ruin]

Are you guys that fucking bored? LOL

I think I'm entitled to laugh at your 300+ pound ass after a hard days work.

 

[BOLDYSPICY!]

Are you guys that fucking bored? LOL

Usually, but it's been a busy week in Lolcow news. Still, always good to have you, pal.

Just said by Connor in the chat:
"I just realized how many of you guys are fucking losers."
"I'm laughing my ass off at all of you."
"I'm not your lolcow. Your MY lolcows."
"Fat whiny faggots. Pussies."

Oh, Connor. Ohhhh, dear, sweet Connor. You're right. I am a fat faggot. But I'm a fat faggot who finally finished my resume the other day & sent it off to several employers, interviewed for a job yesterday, priced some apartments, & just got back from work.

I'm not saying I'm better than you, because I'm not. What I AM saying is that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

 

[Hi I Am From Page 6]

@Connor Bible I'm always that bored.

Also: you're.

<3

 

[Zeorus]

I hope Connor does graduate eventually, if only to see what his essays for grad school applications turn out like.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

I hope Connor does graduate eventually, if only to see what his essays for grad school applications turn out like.

Connor would be in his 100s before he would be eligible for graduate school.
He'll be in his 50s or 60s before he gets his associates.

 

[Picklechu]

Connor would be in his 100s before he would be eligible for graduate school.
He'll be in his 50s or 60s before he gets his associates.

I think that we estimated it earlier in the thread. Assuming that he doesn't take any breaks or fail any classes, and takes a single class each spring, summer, and fall, it will take him roughly fourteen years, from start to finish, to complete a bachelor's degree. If he only takes a single class each fall and spring, that number jumps up to twenty years.