Lovequest Catie's Story

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Tubular Monkey said:
Asperchu perfectly covered how Chris would handle a baby: straight into the fridge the moment it started needing anything.
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I only disliked this because it reminded me of Asperia's sad, sad fate. :'(

It was definitely the saddest moment in Asperchu. She didn't deserve it, and honestly, neither did Asperchu.
 
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Egomatic said:
" There was an MLP iPhone case because he also wanted to take me shopping for an iPhone to put on his plan so he could call me as much as he wanted."
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Imagining Chris getting an iPhone for a gal-pal just so he could constantly berate them with phone calls seems just a bit too creepy, but it seems like something Chris would do. Plus I don't think he understands how big that phone bill could get, just adding on a random line for Catie.
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I assume Chris meant for Catie to pay for the iPhone but he'd put it on his plan.
 
timtommy said:
Well, that is almost certainly never going to happen.

Although, the scary thing is, if it ever were to happen, the only person who would conceivably be willing to have a child with Chris would be someone equally inept at everything.
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The hooker thread made me cringe a bit. If, by some chance, she got pregnant, her child would be both the combination of Chris's Weston-grade DNA and prenatal drug use. The chances of that kid ever tying its own shoes unassisted are slim to none.
 
ChurchOfGodBear said:
The hooker thread made me cringe a bit. If, by some chance, she got pregnant, her child would be both the combination of Chris's Weston-grade DNA and prenatal drug use. The chances of that kid ever tying its own shoes unassisted are slim to none.
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Okay that's just depressing. I wonder if Chris would be happy to a degree that Crystal was conceived though she'd be born with no future?
 
Crystal is a fantasy that cannot exist. Even if Chris had a kid, and it was a girl, and it was named Crystal, it wouldn't meet the cartoony magical expectations that Chris has already put on it. Then he'd hate it. There's a precedent.
 
Tubular Monkey said:
Crystal is a fantasy that cannot exist. Even if Chris had a kid, and it was a girl, and it was named Crystal, it wouldn't meet the cartoony magical expectations that Chris has already put on it. Then he'd hate it. There's a precedent.
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Chris is kind of desperate to have Crystal born, through any means necessary, so he can ditch his ugly growth.
 
Marvin said:
Chris is kind of desperate to have Crystal born, through any means necessary, so he can ditch his ugly growth.
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I admit I'm curious what would happen if he never was able to be born. By which I mean, whats more important to him: being dickless or having the baby?
 
TheIceCreamMan said:
I admit I'm curious what would happen if he never was able to be born. By which I mean, whats more important to him: being dickless or having the baby?
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He doesn't see that as a possibility. Chris has a weird understanding of chance and probability. So right now, he's thinking that it's absolutely certain that he'll somehow have Crystal, and then be able to cut his dick off and live happily ever after. He doesn't worry too much about the specifics.
 
Tubular Monkey said:
Crystal is a fantasy that cannot exist. Even if Chris had a kid, and it was a girl, and it was named Crystal, it wouldn't meet the cartoony magical expectations that Chris has already put on it. Then he'd hate it. There's a precedent.
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If it wasn't for the poor kid itself, I'd like to see his face when he expects Sailor Chibi Moon and ends up with an autistic female Verne Troyer.
 
Tragi-Chan said:
This is what happened with Vivian Gee. Chris literally asked her to tell him what he should be doing, she told him, he just whined and made excuses. The "advice" he wants is, "You're doing everything right, it's the world that's wrong, let me fix that for you."
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The ursine deity may damn this occasion! I wish I could give you two 'agree' and one 'winner' for this post.
Egomatic said:
"Chris occupies both upstairs rooms, one is full of Lego (including melted, warped fire damaged Lego, a lot of it), and the other has his same grotty bedding from the old house."
You figure they could just use one of the rooms upstairs to store their piles of useless shit instead of his Legos, but I guess not.
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Well, they already filled the ground floor and basement. I guess the Hoard either likes dark hiding places or has an inclination to trickle down, to fill up rooms from the bottom up.

Marvin said:
Chris is kind of desperate to have Crystal born, through any means necessary, so he can ditch his ugly growth.
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Well, since godbear foretold Chris having a daughter named Crystal in 2015, he has roughly 100 days left to actually get it done, that's his time window here.
 
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Marvin said:
He doesn't see that as a possibility. Chris has a weird understanding of chance and probability. So right now, he's thinking that it's absolutely certain that he'll somehow have Crystal, and then be able to cut his dick off and live happily ever after. He doesn't worry too much about the specifics.
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And just what would having a Baby Crystal mean? Is she to grow up to become the future leader of the Resistance against the Machines? Just what sort of fulfillment is Chris thinking he would achieve from this? Someone who lets pets burn to death shouldn't be allowed near anyone's children, let alone having any of their own.

From what I read, Chris also needs a billionaire supermodel wife to do all the bread-winning and housework and child-raising while Chris continues to fiddle with his taint in the mansion's basement while messing with gold-plated Legos all day. Is Chris so far gone that he cannot see how this scenario just.won't.happen.?
 
I Want Cake said:
And just what would having a Baby Crystal mean? Is she to grow up to become the future leader of the Resistance against the Machines? Just what sort of fulfillment is Chris thinking he would achieve from this? Someone who lets pets burn to death shouldn't be allowed near anyone's children, let alone having any of their own.

From what I read, Chris also needs a billionaire supermodel wife to do all the bread-winning and housework and child-raising while Chris continues to fiddle with his taint in the mansion's basement while messing with gold-plated Legos all day. Is Chris so far gone that he cannot see how this scenario just.won't.happen.?
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Chris doesn't care about what Crystal's supposed to mean to him. She was promised to him, that's all that matters.

Chris doesn't actually have terribly high standards for his wife. Just female and not black.

And yes, Chris is too far gone.
 
I Want Cake said:
And just what would having a Baby Crystal mean? Is she to grow up to become the future leader of the Resistance against the Machines? Just what sort of fulfillment is Chris thinking he would achieve from this?
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Have Crystal
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...
...
...
...
...
Happiness.
 
I Want Cake said:
And just what would having a Baby Crystal mean? Is she to grow up to become the future leader of the Resistance against the Machines? Just what sort of fulfillment is Chris thinking he would achieve from this? Someone who lets pets burn to death shouldn't be allowed near anyone's children, let alone having any of their own.

From what I read, Chris also needs a billionaire supermodel wife to do all the bread-winning and housework and child-raising while Chris continues to fiddle with his taint in the mansion's basement while messing with gold-plated Legos all day. Is Chris so far gone that he cannot see how this scenario just.won't.happen.?
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He's been pretty far gone for some time now and the recent leaks show that it's not going to be any better in the near future.
Btw do you guys remember the "Pregnant Act" video? I just rewatched it and this was the first video where I genuinely found him creepy and disturbing (in a non-funny way). Let's hope that never ever will a child fall into his greasy paws.

EDIT: There are two versions and they are both creepy but I meant the first one in the white shirt.
 
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