UK British News Megathread - aka CWCissey's news thread

https://news.sky.com/story/row-over-new-greggs-vegan-sausage-rolls-heats-up-11597679 (https://archive.ph/5Ba6o)

A heated row has broken out over a move by Britain's largest bakery chain to launch a vegan sausage roll.

The pastry, which is filled with a meat substitute and encased in 96 pastry layers, is available in 950 Greggs stores across the country.

It was promised after 20,000 people signed a petition calling for the snack to be launched to accommodate plant-based diet eaters.


But the vegan sausage roll's launch has been greeted by a mixed reaction: Some consumers welcomed it, while others voiced their objections.

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spread happiness@p4leandp1nk
https://twitter.com/p4leandp1nk/status/1080767496569974785

#VEGANsausageroll thanks Greggs

7
10:07 AM - Jan 3, 2019
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Cook and food poverty campaigner Jack Monroe declared she was "frantically googling to see what time my nearest opens tomorrow morning because I will be outside".

While TV writer Brydie Lee-Kennedy called herself "very pro the Greggs vegan sausage roll because anything that wrenches veganism back from the 'clean eating' wellness folk is a good thing".

One Twitter user wrote that finding vegan sausage rolls missing from a store in Corby had "ruined my morning".

Another said: "My son is allergic to dairy products which means I can't really go to Greggs when he's with me. Now I can. Thank you vegans."

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pg often@pgofton
https://twitter.com/pgofton/status/1080772793774624768

The hype got me like #Greggs #Veganuary

42
10:28 AM - Jan 3, 2019
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TV presenter Piers Morgan led the charge of those outraged by the new roll.

"Nobody was waiting for a vegan bloody sausage, you PC-ravaged clowns," he wrote on Twitter.

Mr Morgan later complained at receiving "howling abuse from vegans", adding: "I get it, you're all hangry. I would be too if I only ate plants and gruel."

Another Twitter user said: "I really struggle to believe that 20,000 vegans are that desperate to eat in a Greggs."

"You don't paint a mustach (sic) on the Mona Lisa and you don't mess with the perfect sausage roll," one quipped.

Journalist Nooruddean Choudry suggested Greggs introduce a halal steak bake to "crank the fume levels right up to 11".

The bakery chain told concerned customers that "change is good" and that there would "always be a classic sausage roll".

It comes on the same day McDonald's launched its first vegetarian "Happy Meal", designed for children.

The new dish comes with a "veggie wrap", instead of the usual chicken or beef option.

It should be noted that Piers Morgan and Greggs share the same PR firm, so I'm thinking this is some serious faux outrage and South Park KKK gambiting here.

 

[Smyrna]

A minor piece of intrigue in Gorton - Advance UK are contesting the by-election with Nick Buckley as their candidate. Buckley is something of a coup for the party, being well-known locally and achieving 7.6% of the vote as an independent candidate in the Manchester mayoral election in 2024, finishing third (incidentally, the Green candidate for that contest is the same candidate running in this seat now).

Considering the demographics of this seat and the different narrative of this election versus the narrative of the mayoral race, it is unlikely that he will achieve the same share of the vote. But even 3 or 4% chiselled away from Reform may be the difference between victory and defeat.

 

[Duane Dibbley]

Will any of this remove the 20 million brownoids from the country, or even give us an accurate number of how many brownoids there are?

Has anyone watched a livestream of Paris lately? I thought we had it bad but Sacre Bleu, it's Africindiastan.

 

[FedPostalService]

Will any of this remove the 20 million brownoids from the country, or even give us an accurate number of how many brownoids there are?

Has anyone watched a livestream of Paris lately? I thought we had it bad but Sacre Bleu, it's Africindiastan.

I know a couple of French women who moved to the UK because we are submissive and breedible. They complain about French men being awful. They buck broken liberals so I'm never sure if they are referring to French or "French" men,

I've had to escalate to the head of HR that my firm REALLY needs to investigate where in Paris they book a hotel as every time we sent a woman over there to work she'd get sexually assaulted by "French" men.

 

[Oxyjen]

Ok, I’ll watch that.




Well that’s weird, never seen that before!



Hmm, nah, I don’t think I will.

Does anyone have a quick summary for me?

 

[Clem Fandango]

We could probably get away with the moral ickiness of the death penalty by having the prisoner themselves agree to the death penalty, even mid sentence.

We could solve our problem with murderers and child rapists permanently and at zero cost, but it gives certain people the "ick".

You've summed up our modern predicament perfectly.

 

[Overly Serious]

We could probably get away with the moral ickiness of the death penalty by having the prisoner themselves agree to the death penalty, even mid sentence. Then you give them the most painful non-death sentence you can think of (complete isolation in a tiny box with zero stimulation) and just wait.

I don't like this for the very reasons you list - it incentivises making prisons some unbearable torture scenario for the sake of getting people to beg you to kill them. That's weird and twisted. It would also erode the barrier between what is worth a death sentence and what is not. Once you adopt the idea that someone signing a bit of paper makes it morally okay for you to kill them, then the death penalty starts getting used on lesser crimes than originally intended. Not to mention as a way to head off appeals from people who might be wrongfully convicted. In fact, such people would be subjected to more pressure to agree to death than anybody else.

You can solve the "moral ickiness" you refer to by simply arguing that executing an incorrigible multiple child molester proven is in fact, a moral act to begin with.

 

[FedPostalService]

We could solve our problem with murderers and child rapists permanently and at zero cost, but it gives certain people the "ick".

You've summed up our modern predicament perfectly.

You put down a rabid dog but we keep humans alive and release them into the wild after they've proved they are a danger to the most people in society?

Fuck people who feel "ick." Feed these swine feet first into a woodchipper slowly.

 

[Clem Fandango]

You put down a rabid dog but we keep humans alive and release them into the wild after they've proved they are a danger to the most people in society?

Fuck people who feel "ick." Feed these swine feet first into a woodchipper slowly.

We're more rational when it comes to animals for some reason. Perfectly acceptable to have signs up saying "Do not feed the local wildlife, it makes them dependent on handouts". Apply that to humans though, suddenly we all lose our minds.

 

[soulless guarantee]

Maybe the way to revitalise footfall on British high streets is to construct a gallows on each one? Reopen the career path for town criers who can belt out the crimes while reading from an old timey scroll, before the chomo/rapist/fly-tipper takes a long drop on a short rope.

 

[Clem Fandango]

Alright, I know we've got bigger fish to fry but I've had a few drinks and I'm gonna ask questions god damn it: why has Suggs not been given a knighthood? Or Paul Weller? This honours system is bullshit.

 

[Quintex96]

New idea

The penalty for any crime is now the absolute maximum sentence (i.e 7 years for theft, life inprisonment for robbery). With zero wriggle room, no early release for good behaviour. You get the maximum sentence if convicted but you are given an option. Accept the sentence or you can spin the wheel of fortune. On the wheel are cash prizes, holidays, brand new cars, luxury homes but it also has death by hanging, death by firing line, life in jail, exile via boat, exile via helicopter, 6 years mandatory service in a mcdonalds drive through, apologise to your victim and/or victims family in a room without cameras for 30 minutes. Obviously the unwanted prizes will have to outweigh the good prizes to prevent incentive but i feel this could help reduce crime and help clear prisons.

Just had another idea, going to write to noel edmonds about hosting a new version of deal or no deal called jail or no jail

 

[Clem Fandango]

New idea

The penalty for any crime is now the absolute maximum sentence (i.e 7 years for theft, life inprisonment for robbery). With zero wriggle room, no early release for good behaviour. You get the maximum sentence if convicted but you are given an option. Accept the sentence or you can spin the wheel of fortune. On the wheel are cash prizes, holidays, brand new cars, luxury homes but it also has death by hanging, death by firing line, life in jail, exile via boat, exile via helicopter, 6 years mandatory service in a mcdonalds drive through, apologise to your victim and/or victims family in a room without cameras for 30 minutes. Obviously the unwanted prizes will have to outweigh the good prizes to prevent incentive but i feel this could help reduce crime and help clear prisons.

Just had another idea, going to write to noel edmonds about hosting a new version of deal or no deal called jail or no jail

Uh, I don't think you can have actual prizes on the wheel. Imagine the pr disaster when the first child rapist wins A BRAND NEW CARRRRRRR!!!!!!

 

[FedPostalService]

Suggs

Too much race mixing.

Paul Weller

Fucking boring. I've seen him live once and it was fucking boring. It was like he was more bored than I was.

 

[No-Eyed Square Guy]

Or Paul Weller?

I always hope that men I admire consider themselves above receiving "honors" from people as far beneath them as royalty is. Occasionally it's true (Bowie).

Maybe Weller is cool. I only know his music.

 

[the rat]

A BRAND NEW CARRRRRRR!!!!!!

Catch is you'll be rammed right into a brick wall at 120mph for a 7 pm programme on BBC Two.

 

[Clem Fandango]

Too much race mixing.

Fucking boring. I've seen him live once and it was fucking boring. It was like he was more bored than I was.

I haven't seen either live, and you're destroying my fantasy gig right now.

Haven't they contributed to British culture though? Come on "Why can't she see, she's lovely to me. But sometimes I like to stay in and watch TV on my own every now and then"? And the song about awkwardly trying to order condoms at the chemist? They're not worth a gong?

 

[Quintex96]

Uh, I don't think you can have actual prizes on the wheel. Imagine the pr disaster when the first child rapist wins A BRAND NEW CARRRRRRR!!!!!!

Madam fortune is as harsh as she is kind. Today could be a pedo winning a car, tomrrow could be rajnesh getting the firing line for scamming a grandma. Anything is possible with the wheel of fortune!

 

[Clem Fandango]

Madam fortune is as harsh as she is kind. Today could be a pedo winning a car, tomrrow could be rajnesh getting the firing line for scamming a grandma. Anything is possible with the wheel of fortune!

So you're literally the Joker from the Dark Knight?

I'm not even taking the piss, that might be a step up from our current government.

 

[Otterly]

Exile, Otterly, Exile.

Well, that is a cruel punishment

We could probably get away with the moral ickiness of the death penalty by having the prisoner themselves agree to the death penalty, even mid sentence. Then you give them the most painful non-death sentence you can think of (complete isolation in a tiny box with zero stimulation) and just wait.

Most would agree to hang in less than 3 months.

We don’t need to do any kind of torture. We just hang them. It’s quick and easy and done right it’s instant.

some chav who sets wasps on fire

That’s one disturbing book.

Once you adopt the idea that someone signing a bit of paper makes it morally okay for you to kill them, then the death penalty starts getting used on lesser crimes than originally intended

Yeah it’s just adding causes and sadism. We just hang them. It’s also more ‘consent based morality’ and we can see where that goes based on the last twenty years- nowhere good.

 

[Heinrich Maneuver]

That’s one disturbing book.

Wasp Factory?

Spoiler: Wasp Factory Spoilers

I can't believe the little chav kid is really his daughter who he's forcing to be his son because the real son is a schizophrenic lunatic who did some awful crime (i can't remember why he gets put away). I know the book is 90% shock-factor but you could not get away with that 'plot twist' at the end nowadays. It also goes to show that the whole idea of forcing your kids to be the opposite sex was a horrifying concept in 1984 when it was published. She's really just acting out the body horror her father was subjecting her to, subconsciously, on the wasps and other animals (and is likely also some flavour of schizo her/himself). Now thats a family i would have executed to keep out of society holy shit