Brianna Wu / John Walker Flynt - "Biggest Victim of Gamergate," Failed Game Developer, Failed Congressional Candidate

[Dimethyl Ketone]

"I saw trump on tv and imagined I was in the white house while Frank and I rode the boat around Cape Cod whilst campaigning hard! There was this one old True and Honest woman who I pretended to be, I was all like 'Mr. Trump we need to repurpose Memorial Day to remember all the brave victims of Gamergate' and he was all like 'That's a great idea! And let's replace 4th of July with Natalie O' Brian's Birthday!' It was sooooooo good."

Also remember when the people voted and Trump won not Hiliary I mean those Russians and Goobergaters totally haxed the minds of people and held the world hostage with moonrocks if Trump wasn't instated as The Last President Before Empress Brianna?

 

[Kosher Dill]

You’re right, it’s the same dress just in burgundy. God, he’s so pathetic. Buying the same dress in several colors.

Well, there probably aren't that many options for dresses that fit (well, "fit") 7-foot-tall men and can be ordered online.

 

[Hellfire]

"I saw trump on tv and imagined I was in the white house while Frank and I rode the boat around Cape Cod whilst campaigning hard! There was this one old True and Honest woman who I pretended to be, I was all like 'Mr. Trump we need to repurpose Memorial Day to remember all the brave victims of Gamergate' and he was all like 'That's a great idea! And let's replace 4th of July with Natalie O' Brian's Birthday!' It was sooooooo good."

View attachment 469734

Also remember when the people voted and Trump won not Hiliary I mean those Russians and Goobergaters totally haxed the minds of people and held the world hostage with moonrocks if Trump wasn't instated as The Last President Before Empress Brianna?

View attachment 469736

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole]

For those wondering where John was today. On Martha’s Vineyard, begging for donations from wealthy people not in his district.

View attachment 469562

Notice The One Dress and Belt of Fail.

Warning, the dumbest of fanfiction.

Spoiler

On a day in hell no different from any other a black goatman is laboring up the stairs to Satan's throne. As he finally reaches the top Satan's voice booms. "HOW DARE A SIMPLE CREATURE LIKE THE LAMENTABLE GOATMAN APPROACH ME?" The goatman twitched as he responded, "I am Bri'Ngath and I would like to make a deal." Satan laughed, "WHAT DEAL COULD YOU POSSIBLE MAKE, YOU HAVE NO SOUL TO OFFER AND YOU ARE ALREADY UNDER MY DOMINION, TO SERVE ME FOR ETERNITY! WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY OFFER?"
The goatman flashed his teeth and responded, "I would offer you my services. It is known that I am one of your most loyal subjects", Satan laughed, "THAT IS NOT TRUE, YOU HAVE NO LOYALTY, ONLY SELF INTEREST", "maybe so, but I am among the smartest of your minions, few matches my cunning", "THERE IS NO TRUTH IN THAT BRI'NGATH AND I SENSE THAT YOU KNOW IT", "that might be so, but my lies are bolder than anyone else's in Hell, no one dares to tell tales taller than mine, no one can peddle falsehoods as shamelessly as I!"
Satan was taken aback, there was some truth in that lie and some lies in the truth.

"WHAT IS IT YOU DESIRE?"

The goatman flashed his teeth and responded "I would like you to make me a beautiful human woman and send me to earth", Satan was confused, "FOR WHAT UNGODLY PURPOSE WOULD THAT SERVE ME?", "well, there I would serve you far better than here, my sins and mere existence will make people question their faith in God and drive them further from his light! If you grant me a position of influence of course."

Satan looked at Bri'Ngath the goatman, from his stained hooves to his crooked goatlegs, his human upper body and the snout of his goat head, all of him covered in coarse black fur. He had some ratlike features, the small ears and the long thin tail, but the rat men and goatmen don't cross paths often and they certainly don't crossbreed. Still, Satan considered it, at worst it could turn out to be a funny story to tell the others.
So he made the deal and deals with Satan usually turns out a bit half-assed.

Brianna, as he would be called, was excited beyond belief. "So how does this work, the transformation, is it a spel-" Satan flung himself from his throne and grabbed Bri's throat with one hand, he lifted him high in the air and with one of his long fingernails he sheared the black fur from his body(but accidentally took a bit too much off the top). When the goatman was as hairless as a newborn rat Satan stood him on the ground and used both of his scorching hands to squeeze his head. He pressed the snout into Bri's head and molded the skull into the shape of a human(or close enough). Then he stomped on the hooves of Bri's goatlegs, flattening them into feet(a bit larger than intended). He stood on top of these new feet and in a bearhug he pulled Bri upwards from the waist, straightening the legs into a human shape(and making her 7 feet tall).

Satan then collected all the black fur and carded it, then spun it into thread, then made cloth out of that thread, then made that cloth into a black dress as large and long as the cloth allowed(and there wasn't enough cloth). He handed the dress to the dazed and newly minted human, "WITH THIS YOU WILL GAIN ATTENTION THAT YOU DO NOT DESERVE, GET CREDITED FOR ACHIEVEMENTS THAT YOU CAN NEVER HOPE TO ACHIEVE AND GAIN MONEY THAT YOU WILL NEVER EARN!", "oh that's-" was all that Bri got to say before Satan spun her around and lopped off the thin ratlike tail from her backside. "But what about the front?" - "YOU WILL HAVE TO FIGURE THAT ONE OUT YOURSELF" Satan said before he placed the severed tail between his fingers, squeezing it hard as he pulled it with his other hand, it made a hissing sound as the flesh turned to leather and became a thin flesh colored belt.
"YOU WILL WEAR THIS WITH THE DRESS, ALWAYS!"
"Oh, nice, what dark magic does this possess?"
"THERE IS NO DARK MAGIC IN THIS BELT, IT IS TO FOREVER REMIND YOU WHAT YOU REALLY ARE. OH AND WE NEED TO REMOVE THE HORNS", "Oh thank you, as a woman I can't go around with a p-" "JESUS CHRIST, YOU WILL HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF THAT ONE ON EARTH!", Satan flicks away one of the goat horns, "HELL IS NOT A SANITARY PLACE, SURGERY IS NOT AN OPTION HERE", he flicks away the second horn, "THE BEST I CAN DO IS JUST PUSH IT IN"

Later that day John Walker Flynt disappeared and shortly after that Brianna arrived in Colorado. With time Satan had a funny story to tell the other gods of other hells.

 

[Norvic]

That's uncharacteristically self-aware of Wu....

Oh, oh right he's talking about Trump... my bad.

 

[Peace and Harmony]

Yeah John, the military definitely didn't see any use to computers during the decade that the personal computer exploded the consumer market, to say nothing of the fact that NASA had been using computers for decades prior to that. But fuck that, how was your EPIC speech, your BEST ONE YET?

 

[Dorsia.Reservation]

For those wondering where John was today. On Martha’s Vineyard, begging for donations from wealthy people not in his district.

View attachment 469562

Notice The One Dress and Belt of Fail.

Martha's Vineyard.
Yes, definitely a place people from District 8 flock to.

These people have so much money, they have no idea how people really live and what they want from their representative.
Is it too hard to ask their housekeeper, assistant or nanny to Google Brianna Wu?

I see they still haven't learned anything from Trump getting into the White House.

Yeah John, the military definitely didn't see any use to computers during the decade that the personal computer exploded the consumer market, to say nothing of the fact that NASA had been using computers for decades prior to that. But fuck that, how was your EPIC speech, your BEST ONE YET?

View attachment 469923

Yeah, women sure were not allowed to do anything in the 80's.
Let's just forget about women like Marta Bohn-Meyer, first female SR-71 pilot and who also flew F-16's

 

[Kroster]

Martha's Vineyard.
Yes, definitely a place people from District 8 flock to.

These people have so much money, they have no idea how people really live and what they want from their representative.
Is it too hard to ask their housekeeper, assistant or nanny to Google Brianna Wu?

I see they still haven't learned anything from Trump getting into the White House.





Yeah, women sure were not allowed to do anything in the 80's.
Let's just forget about women like Marta Bohn-Meyer, first female SR-71 pilot and who also flew F-16's

That's not entirely the issue. District 8 has some pretty wealthy communities, including Beacon Hill, the gentrified parts of Dorchester, Jamaica Plain, and West Roxbury, the white part of Milton, Hingham, and Cohasset. Plenty of them are probably on Nantucket right now. But the people at this house party aren't from the district, and these are the parties that should have been happening a year ago. The issue is a complete lack of understanding of priorities. She should have been doing dinky house parties last year, and this year she should have spent the weekend doing Pride events with her huge corps of volunteers.

 

[Norvic]

"invest exponentially" Oh, Wu. Never change. I almost want to work out how many years of exponential investment in cybersecurity it would take until all the world's money was spent on it. I guess she missed that day in her extensive computer science training when they talked about exponential growth.

 

[Mola Ram]

View attachment 469947

"invest exponentially" Oh, Wu. Never change. I almost want to work out how many years of exponential investment in cybersecurity it would take until all the world's money was spent on it. I guess she missed that day in her extensive computer science training when they talked about exponential growth.

Clearly John only knows "exponentially" means "a lot more." Give him some credit, at least it's a word more than three syllables. It's not his fault he doesn't have MovieBob's thesaurus.

I find his assertion that "the future of warfare is encryption and code audits" even funnier. Maybe so, but those guns and tanks and shit sure would be helpful.

 

[Kosher Dill]

I almost want to work out how many years of exponential investment in cybersecurity it would take until all the world's money was spent on it.

By pure coincidence, the world's last dollar will be spent on cybersecurity the same day the world's last joule of energy will be burned on mining bitcoins.

EDIT: cross-posting from the Warren shitposting thread to the John shitposting thread

I saw her on an Emerge poster the other day and I don't think I even knew she took that training. I have friends who took Emerge and it's like a sorority where they're all friends for life. Does Wu have a single Emerge supporter?

This is killing me - John became the houseboy for a sorority again Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.
For those not up on the lore - back in Mississippi John Walker Flynt was a houseboy for a sorority full of hot girls with "badonkadonks that don't quit", and it was a formative experience for him that led to the creation of "Socially Unconscious". And he never got laid.

 

[Peace and Harmony]

So they may as well just stop trying altogether.

 

[Jet Fuel Johnny]

Yeah John, the military definitely didn't see any use to computers during the decade that the personal computer exploded the consumer market, to say nothing of the fact that NASA had been using computers for decades prior to that. But fuck that, how was your EPIC speech, your BEST ONE YET?

View attachment 469923

Goddamn I wish I had Twitter still.

That is the DUMBEST shit I've ever seen. As someone who was in during the 80's, computers were vitally important. What John here doesn't realize is most computers were EMP shielded and hardened and big as fuck. Being able to type, even on a typewriter, was important as fuck. Computers were used by fucking tons of units. Hell, some of the Military Intelligence officers had laptops in like 86 that you could murder a fucking hobo with they were so big and clunky.

That giant eunich ogre claiming that computers weren't seen as important in the 80's military is goddamn dumber than shit.

 

[Mola Ram]

Goddamn I wish I had Twitter still.

That is the DUMBEST shit I've ever seen. As someone who was in during the 80's, computers were vitally important. What John here doesn't realize is most computers were EMP shielded and hardened and big as fuck. Being able to type, even on a typewriter, was important as fuck. Computers were used by fucking tons of units. Hell, some of the Military Intelligence officers had laptops in like 86 that you could murder a fucking hobo with they were so big and clunky.

That giant eunich ogre claiming that computers weren't seen as important in the 80's military is goddamn dumber than shit.

Remember, Miss Software Engineer recently shit-talked COBOL as being obsolete. John understands as much about computers as he does fashion.

 

[andr0id psycho sho(ker]

Remember, Miss Software Engineer recently shit-talked COBOL as being obsolete. John understands as much about computers as he does fashion.

So what does John understand? He clearly understands scamming people but not the value of money, of using connections with people but being a horrendous asshole with poor people skills and knowing what facts and words sound important but not what they mean or why. I'd add something about lies and the truth in here but it seems rather unnecessary

 

[Jet Fuel Johnny]

Remember, Miss Software Engineer recently shit-talked COBOL as being obsolete. John understands as much about computers as he does fashion.

I saw that and almost rolled my eyes out of my head. It's already been covered, but like was mentioned above, from what I've heard a good solid knowledge of COBOL will land you comfortable work.

I mentioned Wu-Mang's quote there to my wife, who worked in medical in the military back then and she stared laughing. Most of the clinics had computers.

What John doesn't realize is computers were pretty goddamn specific back then, IBM still had a lock on the patents, and they needed to be EMP shielded (at least in my field) so they'd still be useful during a conflict.

And the fact that she thinks that the female heavy jobs like clerk were unimportant, it shows how blindingly STUPID she is about the military. One piece of paperwork wrong could fuck up massive amounts of shit. Anyone who's been in can give you horror stories about a single piece of paperwork grinding shit to a halt.

And even infantrymen thought computers were kinda interesting. The dude who ran the onpost pirating ring was a fucking Ranger of all things. Jesus, even brain damaged ballsweat huffing snake eaters were starting to notice computers could do interesting things. Artillery units had them, the simulaters were becoming more common (Hell, by 87 you could go up to the airfield and sign up to spend an hour learning how to fly one in a simulator if you knew the right people), the Army was offering typing classes (Worth 3 promotion points, boys!), computers were becoming more and more common to do important things like height/weight body fat computations, APFT aggregates, promotion point spreads.

Brianna is, again, talking out his ass about things he knows nothing about.

Edit: The more I think about this, the madder I get. For fuck's sake, he's running for goddamn CONGRESS, which means committees and shit that deal with the military. If he was a tech specialist like he claims he'd know all about how vital the military was to keeping the early computer industry afloat and, like NASA, pushing the envelope on miniturization, cooling, speed. How, by 1991, computers were everywhere to the point that DAT (Dumb Ass Tanker) was renamed C-DAT (Computerized Dumb Ass Tanker) by pretty much everyone I knew. Jesus, the Titan/Atlas/Minuteman sites had shitloads of computers. When computer prices dropped massively in the early 1990s, the DoD let Divisions and Brigades buy computers from like Dell and Dell practically filled a swimmingpool with jizz at all the computer orders. Someone who could maintain computers and networks suddenly found themselves being treated like a minor god (and called at 2AM to fix the goddamn network access AGAIN so that the Staff Duty could play networked Scorched Earth again).

You know who asked to learn to do that shit? The Orderly Room Clerks. Women. They knew the deal, they read the writing on the wall. A lot of CO's told guys like me "Teach the Orderly Room to install drivers, OS's, troubleshoot so you can go back to your normal job" and we did because... you know... TEAM EFFORT.

In Conclusion, John's a goddamn moron who pissed me the fuck off with that ignorant statement this morning.

 

[andr0id psycho sho(ker]

I saw that and almost rolled my eyes out of my head. It's already been covered, but like was mentioned above, from what I've heard a good solid knowledge of COBOL will land you comfortable work.

I mentioned Wu-Mang's quote there to my wife, who worked in medical in the military back then and she stared laughing. Most of the clinics had computers.

What John doesn't realize is computers were pretty goddamn specific back then, IBM still had a lock on the patents, and they needed to be EMP shielded (at least in my field) so they'd still be useful during a conflict.

And the fact that she thinks that the female heavy jobs like clerk were unimportant, it shows how blindingly STUPID she is about the military. One piece of paperwork wrong could fuck up massive amounts of shit. Anyone who's been in can give you horror stories about a single piece of paperwork grinding shit to a halt.

And even infantrymen thought computers were kinda interesting. The dude who ran the onpost pirating ring was a fucking Ranger of all things. Jesus, even brain damaged ballsweat huffing snake eaters were starting to notice computers could do interesting things. Artillery units had them, the simulaters were becoming more common (Hell, by 87 you could go up to the airfield and sign up to spend an hour learning how to fly one in a simulator if you knew the right people), the Army was offering typing classes (Worth 3 promotion points, boys!), computers were becoming more and more common to do important things like height/weight body fat computations, APFT aggregates, promotion point spreads.

Brianna is, again, talking out his ass about things he knows nothing about.

Edit: The more I think about this, the madder I get. For fuck's sake, he's running for goddamn CONGRESS, which means committees and shit that deal with the military. If he was a tech specialist like he claims he'd know all about how vital the military was to keeping the early computer industry afloat and, like NASA, pushing the envelope on miniturization, cooling, speed. How, by 1991, computers were everywhere to the point that DAT (Dumb Ass Tanker) was renamed C-DAT (Computerized Dumb Ass Tanker) by pretty much everyone I knew. Jesus, the Titan/Atlas/Minuteman sites had shitloads of computers. When computer prices dropped massively in the early 1990s, the DoD let Divisions and Brigades buy computers from like Dell and Dell practically filled a swimmingpool with jizz at all the computer orders. Someone who could maintain computers and networks suddenly found themselves being treated like a minor god (and called at 2AM to fix the goddamn network access AGAIN so that the Staff Duty could play networked Scorched Earth again).

You know who asked to learn to do that shit? The Orderly Room Clerks. Women. They knew the deal, they read the writing on the wall. A lot of CO's told guys like me "Teach the Orderly Room to install drivers, OS's, troubleshoot so you can go back to your normal job" and we did because... you know... TEAM EFFORT.

In Conclusion, John's a goddamn moron who pissed me the fuck off with that ignorant statement this morning.

In response to your conclusion, that's what Jon's job as our primary lolcow running for office is to do

 

[Peace and Harmony]

The mansplaining will NOT be tolerated!

 

[spiritofamermaid]

The mansplaining will NOT be tolerated!

View attachment 469974

LOL, I'm dying so hard right now
Not enough in the world for that dumb reply

I'll give her the "not gone to school" bit (though I'd rephrase that as "not going to school", because truancy has been a bit of an issue in a lot of inner city places despite many attempts by schools calling parents when kids are absent because the parents don't care) but "clean water"?????
im ded

Bri Bri I know you probably are probably all about that fancy pre-bottled water but tap water is actually more regulated than bottled water, and living right with the Mississippi River, as well as local politics means that Flint can't really happen here. Plus the whole actual springs and stuff nearby in Arkansas. Like, reading this makes me wonder if Bri Bri actually remembers anything pre-Ambien addiction.

Heck, even West Memphis, as well as places with every building having bars over windows and doors still have clean water. I'd argue that increasing internet power in the delta area would actually help, since it's a heavy manufacturing/transport area and it would increase money flow and therefore help places.

I found some stuff that talked about those issues from 2009, but if it was like that it's not anymore.

http://www.wtok.com/content/news/Dark-side-of-the-Queen-City--422865844.html
Maybe thinking of this? But seriously, almost the entire area is church central. It's one of the reasons why homeless aren't liked here, because if you go to any church they'll help you.

Edit: Just re-read it; "Go south from Chattanooga a dit (sic) and hit the Mississippi delta" LOL bri bri Chatt's on the entire other side of the state (or even an entirely different state depending on where you are), same distance away as Canada. Going south from there would hit Georgia, which is NOT the delta. I can't speak of Georgia, bc I've only been there once for a few weeks but c'mon.

 

[Jet Fuel Johnny]

She gets her ideas about the South from shooting Ambien and smack into her eyeballs and rubbing her face on the Wikipedia articles for Grapes of Wrath and To Kill a Mockingbird.

She gets fucking dumber with every tweet.