Brianna Wu / John Walker Flynt - "Biggest Victim of Gamergate," Failed Game Developer, Failed Congressional Candidate

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Oh Christ how do you make a tweet like that WORSE

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I think those "names" are the planned methods of death when she needs to off one for pity points.
 
nets_awesome said:
Of course she has someone walk her dogs. There’s probably apps for it, and we know Brianna can’t resist throwing $$$ at any app.
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Actually, wait a second. Why would Brianna have a dog walker? Doesn't she jog the circumference of the entire planet every morning? If she's a jogger, then why doesn't she just walk her dogs with her?

I hope the unfalteringly honest and truthful Brianna Wu isn't possibly lying about her health habits.

Oh, my heart goes out to that poor dog walker who has to risk choking to death each day inhaling the air of Brianna's dust ridden apartments and filth covered dogs while a living Francis Bacon painting snarls at them.
 
_01 said:
Actually, wait a second. Why would Brianna have a dog walker?
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Obviously because Brianna is so busy!

Imagine what a day in the life of Brianna Wu must be like...

Rain or shine, you wake up at the crack of dawn, put on your running gear, and run 20 miles. After that, you spend a couple of hours in the garage working on your classic exotic sports cars until Frank manages to crawl out of bed. You make him breakfast, and see him off to his little job and then the real work begins. The next few hours are spent meeting with the 30 person strong campaign staff in the war room until you are whisked away to some luncheon where you are the guest of honer. On your way out you do the meet and greet, press palms and then you hit the street with your campaing staff. Disputes being a modern powerful career woman, Family’s is important to you, so you strap on your motorcycle armor and carve out a little time to race home and cook a little blue apron for Frank before you put him to bed. As Frank sleeps peacefully, after a round of what you call “sex” you put the veterinary lubricant back in the vat and work on your game for a few hours because someone still has to pay the bills. After a few hours of that, you blow off a little steam by taking the Porsche down to the track for a few dozen laps until. At this point it’s almost dawn so it’s time to get ready for your run.

As you can see, there is not a lot of time for things like dog walking. Brianna is a very busy and important. She is actually the most notable true-and-honest woman in gaming. EVER!
 
Well I mean the approval poll at kiwifarms screening of the thing was approximately 2-to-1 showing approval of the job the President's doing his first year and about 10-1 thought it was a great state of the union speech.

Now, those results had exactly zero scientific controls but, to be fair, it's not like John's using anything better to produce his polling results either on the #StateoftheUniom.
 
_01 said:
Actually, wait a second. Why would Brianna have a dog walker? Doesn't she jog the circumference of the entire planet every morning? If she's a jogger, then why doesn't she just walk her dogs with her?

I hope the unfalteringly honest and truthful Brianna Wu isn't possibly lying about her health habits.

Oh, my heart goes out to that poor dog walker who has to risk choking to death each day inhaling the air of Brianna's dust ridden apartments and filth covered dogs while a living Francis Bacon painting snarls at them.
Click to expand...

Wu runs on a fucking Treadmill at home, watching Netflix and Amazon while tweeting banal shit. Even walking she'd manage her mythical 5k a day in a single hour. Even at a heady 5mph (literally brisk-walking pace) she'd cover her distance in just 30 minutes.

Explains the gut despite doing "all this distane." Her body's become utterly used to it.
 
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