Brianna Wu / John Walker Flynt - "Biggest Victim of Gamergate," Failed Game Developer, Failed Congressional Candidate

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He talks about cars like a 16 year old who just got their first one would. Congrats you own an automobile and it has a trunk. Everyone else has one too.
 
Considering Johnny went for the theme to The Spy Who Loved Me as his background music for his site, the next motor will probably be a Lotus Esprit which he'll promptly drive into Boston Harbour

The funny thing is, the designer originally wanted to call that car the Kiwi.
 
Von Clausewitz said:
"The night before they died of encephalitis, my three dogs used the last of their strength to wait, stuffed in my Porsche's trunk, in a cold Boston December for us to return."
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She’s got bigger dreams for that trunk than those dogs can fulfill. This little guy comes with his very own life insurance policy!

3B746174-0011-460E-8225-7692342FDBD1.jpeg
 
Planet9 forum is going to be the gift that keeps on giving...

John "Expert Mechanic" Flynt said:
Where on earth can I find out what tires are on it?
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How can anyone be so stupid? "Where on earth?"...? How about clearly printed right there on the side of the very fucking thing you are trying to identify?

John "Engineer Is My Middle Name" Flynt said:
How can I verify my wheel size?
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SIDE. WALL. One might assume that an engineer would know that the ID of a tire would be the same as the OD of it's wheel. Or, if that's too hard to figure out, a tape measure is excellent for MEASURING things.

John "$18k 2002 Audi TT" Flynt said:
My one and only mod to the car is going to be upgrading the stereo.
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Uh huh.

John "Great Priorities" Flynt said:
For the first winter I’m going to swap the tires on the existing rims. Getting the stereo to connect to my iPhone with CarPlay is a higher priority..."
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And everyone here knows he's just going to fuck up the electrical playing with the stereo, not get ANY winter tires, and John will just Uber everywhere instead.

John "Ok - Make It TWO Mods" Flynt said:
... and that Sports exhaust is also looking reeeaaaaallllly good.
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What it won't do is SOUND good if John installs it, I can guarantee that much.

John "Ignore The Problem - Then Ask Strangers" Flynt said:
When I bought my 2014 Cayman I got this warning on the 500 mile drive home. It went away for a while, but now it’s back.
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I have no words.

John "Did I Say Just TWO Mods?" Flynt said:
(In a thread about a shitty looking ebay-esque cup holder) Will definitely be picking this up.
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And so it begins.

John "4 Mods" Flynt said:
I’ve never swapped steering wheels on a Porsche before - is this plug and play? When I did this on my Audi it was - disconnect battery, pull old wheel, remove airbag, move to new wheel, reconnect harness, and revolt wheel.
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Love that he conveniently left out the whole "I fucked up the airbag system and had to pay a shitload of money to have it fixed" part.

John "Aww Fuck It - Mod Everything" Flynt said:
(In regards to a third radiator kit) - I’m curious how hard these are to install and what the cost is.
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I seriously can not wait until this moron starts tearing this engine apart to do stupid shit like this. Since he won't ever track it, and he won't ever seriously mod it to the point where it needs extra cooling, a third radiator would just be a thing on a mod list to him. John the "Engineer" hard at work once again.

John "Surprising Nobody But Himself" Flynt said:
TLDR DO NOT BUY A PORSCHE FROM A NON-PORSCHE DEALERSHIP.
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Oh my, was that actually a lesson learned?... of course it wasn't.

John "Dog Killer" Flynt said:
If I had to, I could get all three of my dogs in their pens and take them to the vet.
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Ok that last one actually pisses me off because I can actually see him trying it (aside from the fact that he doesn't take them to the vet, or wash them, or walk them, or take them out of their prison cells). The trunk size of the 981 is 19" (tall) x 28" (wide) x 20" (deep). So to get 3 of his shelf-cage contraptions in there side by side they'd need to be 19" x 9" x 20". Poor dogs, fuck you John.
 
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FatMan said:
Planet9 forum is going to be the gift that keeps on giving...

How can anyone be so stupid? "Where on earth?"...? How about clearly printed right there on the side of the very fucking thing you are trying to identify?



SIDE. WALL. One might assume that an engineer would know that the ID of a tire would be the same as the OD of it's wheel. Or, if that's too hard to figure out, a tape measure is excellent for MEASURING things.



Uh huh.



And everyone here knows he's just going to fuck up the electrical playing with the stereo, not get ANY winter tires, and John will just Uber everywhere instead.



What it won't do is SOUND good if John installs it, I can guarantee that much.



I have no words.



And so it begins.



Love that he conveniently left out the whole "I fucked up the airbag system and had to pay a shitload of money to have it fixed" part.



I seriously can not wait until this moron starts tearing this engine apart to do stupid shit like this. Since he won't ever track it, and he won't ever seriously mod it to the point where it needs extra cooling, a third radiator would just be a thing on a mod list to him. John the "Engineer" hard at work once again.



Oh my, was that actually a lesson learned?... of course it wasn't.



Ok that last one actually pisses me off because I can actually see him trying it (aside from the fact that he doesn't take them to the vet, or wash them, or walk them, or take them out of their prison cells). The trunk size of the 981 is 19" (tall) x 28" (wide) x 20" (deep). So to get 3 of his shelf-cage contraptions in there side by side they'd need to be 19" x 9" x 20". Poor dogs, fuck you John.
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So is he actually doing a worse job with the car than with his own mangled cock?
 
FatMan said:
Planet9 forum is going to be the gift that keeps on giving...

How can anyone be so stupid? "Where on earth?"...? How about clearly printed right there on the side of the very fucking thing you are trying to identify?



SIDE. WALL. One might assume that an engineer would know that the ID of a tire would be the same as the OD of it's wheel. Or, if that's too hard to figure out, a tape measure is excellent for MEASURING things.



Uh huh.



And everyone here knows he's just going to fuck up the electrical playing with the stereo, not get ANY winter tires, and John will just Uber everywhere instead.



What it won't do is SOUND good if John installs it, I can guarantee that much.



I have no words.



And so it begins.



Love that he conveniently left out the whole "I fucked up the airbag system and had to pay a shitload of money to have it fixed" part.



I seriously can not wait until this moron starts tearing this engine apart to do stupid shit like this. Since he won't ever track it, and he won't ever seriously mod it to the point where it needs extra cooling, a third radiator would just be a thing on a mod list to him. John the "Engineer" hard at work once again.



Oh my, was that actually a lesson learned?... of course it wasn't.



Ok that last one actually pisses me off because I can actually see him trying it (aside from the fact that he doesn't take them to the vet, or wash them, or walk them, or take them out of their prison cells). The trunk size of the 981 is 19" (tall) x 28" (wide) x 20" (deep). So to get 3 of his shelf-cage contraptions in there side by side they'd need to be 19" x 9" x 20". Poor dogs, fuck you John.
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For a second I thought the responses were from forum goers. While still funny, I am a bit sad now.
 
Boston, winter. Brianna stuffs the dogs in the trunk on the front of the 2014 Cayman and heads out to show off and brag about it on twitter later. Not long into the journey Brianna gets annoyed by the manual transmission and decides to try and double-clutch it. Looking down at the gear stick to remember which gear is which he somehow, one-in-a-million chance, gets it perfectly.
The jolt of the car, the icy road, the old summer tires and the fact that he is looking at the gear stick sends the car straight towards a small truck in the opposite lane. As the 2014 Cayman makes contact with the truck the front of the 2014 Cayman graciously crumples and compresses, absorbing the impact. Inside the front trunk three small dogs also crumples and compresses. For a split second the dogs bodies become one and they are an abomination, the Cerberus of faggy dogs.

In the drivers seat tranny fluid is lost at an alarming rate, but it isn't over yet. The front is now flatter than Brianna's ass and the juices of cold-pressed Cerberus starts shooting out of every nook and cranny. The truck driver has nightmares for years, not just from the sudden blood explosion but also from the banshee-like cry following it.
"FRAAAAAAAAANK" it shrieked, in an extremely gay Jordan Peterson voice.
 
Chan the Wizard said:
People enjoy Tommy Wiseau and The Room. No one has ever enjoyed John Flynt and Revolution60, not even ironically.
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The Room is a surreal tragicomedy made even more bizarre by the circumstances surrounding its filming.

Revolution 60 is a typing simulator where you live out the superhero fantasies of a person who has never done anything of value in their entire life.
 
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