Brianna is so desperate for gay men to pick him:
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Might as well say gays instead of homosexuals, because we all know John hates lesbians. His insistence that every party going on is full of gay men is weird too. And where are his actual people, the trannies?
There's more to the 4th of July than mattress sales, but John wouldn't know that because he doesn't get invited to anything.
Pretty sure he made up all the drug stuff because his old story of being addicted to Ambien was just too lame. Plus he claims he got the drugs from all the wild gay parties he went to, which is extremely unlikely.