1. Victim Thinking
The ultimate victim uses accusation, blame, criticism and fault to deflect any and all responsibility. They think in comparisons – what is and is not fair only from their own perspective, tit-for-tat. They have a very difficult time seeing the issue from the perspective of others. They think in terms, such as, “There is no way to make lemonade out of the lemons life has given me.”
2. Heart of Fear
They have a heart of fear, as there is not enough, and scarcity mindedness is always present. They are always waiting for the next shoe to drop, looking at the negative with the glass always half empty. They have a hard time celebrating the moment with joy and laughter, because they believe tragedy is right around the corner. They believe some of the following: “I am loved only when I do things right and do them well”, “I have to be perfect to be loved. If I am imperfect, I am not loveable.”, “If people knew me, they would use it against me”, or “Others hurt me and cannot be trusted”.
3. Heart at War
The victim has a heart at war. They look to war with others and hope others will war back with them. When others do war back with them, it justifies their need to war with others and to maintain a heart at war. These individuals are easily offended by others and by you as the clinician. In fact, they seek to be offended. Whether it is a real or imagined offense makes no difference to them, because this is their chosen reality. They think things, such as, “They did this to me” or “It is all your fault”.
4. Scarcity Minded
The ultimate victim also thinks in terms as not having enough time, money or resources to give to others or to receive from others. The goal is self-preservation. They also think in terms of not doing or being enough for their spouse and loved ones. They are a victim to circumstances that they believe are beyond their control but are controlled by others.
5. Master of Excuses
The ultimate victim is a master of excuses. They will say they can’t when the real reason is they don’t want to. They feel “overwhelmed or stressed” when they are asked to make changes. They won’t complete their homework from the previous session, because they did not have time. However, the real reason was that it was not a priority. People will find the time to do things that are important to them.