https://archive.fo/vnOex
In the past year, "Steve," my boyfriend of several years, has disappeared into the seedy underbellies of Twitter and 4chan.
Steve used to listen to an assortment of news sources. Now he gets most of his news off the Trollish "alt-right" sections of those sites. (I'm NOT writing to you about Steve's political stance — I have largely checked out and find political polarization ridiculous.)
Steve has become increasingly and self-admittedly anti-Semitic, and has adopted offensive terms popularized on his Internet hangouts that he finds hilarious. He spends a lot of time trying to convince me that his favorite author isn't a Nazi (I disagree).
He makes purposely inflammatory tweets under an anonymous account and has been banned more than once.
Amy, I thought this was a knee-jerk reaction to the current political and social climates surrounding white men — and that it would pass. It hasn't.
I get morbid and inappropriate humor. I'm not easily offended.
I'm a passionate advocate of the First Amendment, even when the words are distasteful. But this just feels wrong.
Steve knows I disagree, but he continues.
I have not stressed how deeply this bothers me, and that's on me. It's affecting our otherwise good relationship, and I want my boyfriend back.
How do I bring this up after shamefully allowing it for this long?
Ms. Internet Troll
Ms. Internet Troll: Your boyfriend’s hate speech is on him. You do you.
I can’t quite imagine how your relationship with this guy can be “otherwise good” when he is admitting to being anti-Semitic, admires someone you believe is a Nazi and has been banned by a famously loose social media site (a user has to dive into seriously threatening territory to get noticed and banned from Twitter).
I don’t believe that partners should police one another and “allow” or prohibit any particular behavior or expression. But what does this guy have to do before you will stand up, exercise your own rights, and say, “I don’t like the man you’ve become. I’m out of here?”
At some point, ignoring hate, turning a deaf ear or focusing only on the wedge of good stuff that affects you personally makes you part of the problem. You’re at that point.
Here’s a quote often attributed to Edmund Burke: “A very great part of the mischiefs that vex the world arises from words.”
Burke is also thought to have coined this famous phrase: “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”
I’m not saying that your guy is evil. But if you are “good,” then you should stand for something. So stand, already!
In the past year, "Steve," my boyfriend of several years, has disappeared into the seedy underbellies of Twitter and 4chan.
Steve used to listen to an assortment of news sources. Now he gets most of his news off the Trollish "alt-right" sections of those sites. (I'm NOT writing to you about Steve's political stance — I have largely checked out and find political polarization ridiculous.)
Steve has become increasingly and self-admittedly anti-Semitic, and has adopted offensive terms popularized on his Internet hangouts that he finds hilarious. He spends a lot of time trying to convince me that his favorite author isn't a Nazi (I disagree).
He makes purposely inflammatory tweets under an anonymous account and has been banned more than once.
Amy, I thought this was a knee-jerk reaction to the current political and social climates surrounding white men — and that it would pass. It hasn't.
I get morbid and inappropriate humor. I'm not easily offended.
I'm a passionate advocate of the First Amendment, even when the words are distasteful. But this just feels wrong.
Steve knows I disagree, but he continues.
I have not stressed how deeply this bothers me, and that's on me. It's affecting our otherwise good relationship, and I want my boyfriend back.
How do I bring this up after shamefully allowing it for this long?
Ms. Internet Troll
Ms. Internet Troll: Your boyfriend’s hate speech is on him. You do you.
I can’t quite imagine how your relationship with this guy can be “otherwise good” when he is admitting to being anti-Semitic, admires someone you believe is a Nazi and has been banned by a famously loose social media site (a user has to dive into seriously threatening territory to get noticed and banned from Twitter).
I don’t believe that partners should police one another and “allow” or prohibit any particular behavior or expression. But what does this guy have to do before you will stand up, exercise your own rights, and say, “I don’t like the man you’ve become. I’m out of here?”
At some point, ignoring hate, turning a deaf ear or focusing only on the wedge of good stuff that affects you personally makes you part of the problem. You’re at that point.
Here’s a quote often attributed to Edmund Burke: “A very great part of the mischiefs that vex the world arises from words.”
Burke is also thought to have coined this famous phrase: “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”
I’m not saying that your guy is evil. But if you are “good,” then you should stand for something. So stand, already!
