Business Big Tech Layoffs Megathread - Techbros... we got too cocky...

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Since my previous thread kinda-sorta turned into a soft megathread, and the tech layoffs will continue until morale improves, I think it's better to group them all together.

For those who want a QRD:


Just this week we've had these going on:

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But it's not just Big Tech, the vidya industry is also cleaning house bigly:

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All in all, rough seas ahead for the techbros.
 
Kids learn jackshit while studying from home yet, somehow, I'm supposed to believe you work the same while working from home?
I can power through my work and do a day’s worth of productivity in three hours when I’m working from home. I can do that as I’m the team subject matter expert and probably autistic, so can tune out and focus.

I also know looking at team productivity that it’s only me and maybe two other people who can do this and the rest are fucking around.

What I’m also missing at home is bouncing ideas off people and collaborating. Chatting for a few minutes a few times a day in the office accomplishes more than a thousand Teams and Zoom calls.

I’ve also got another problem were most of the team joined the union and I didn’t. I’m frozen out a lot of conversations they have (another reason for my meeting with management soon) so unless I’m chatting to the two people whose brains haven’t rotted away after joining a lefty cult I completely miss out on things as the bitch away on their own union channel on Teams. In the office they have to speak to me. Don’t worry, bros, I’ve seriously fucked these people over behind the scenes and come redundancy time I’m safe and they’re not.

You can find out so much just chatting with people making a tea or coffee in the kitchen. It’s great for networking and career progression. You don’t get that working from home. You’re just going to be, at best, a lonely autist who will be doing the same set of tasks every day until he dies.
 
Again, if your job can be done from home, your job can be done from India.
Not really.
I worked at an office which had remote pajeets. I was the only person who went to work every day (it was summer and it had air conditioning). Other workers were coming ot the office 2-3 times per week.
Pajeets did front-end development. It was extremely hard to make them do anything. You couldn't talk to a pajeet. Every task had to go up through "our" two bosses, to their boss, then down to some random pajeet who'd fuck it up. For all I know, the pajeet boss could've been "hiring" them per task on a gig site. (That same company hired a hachik (armenian) who couldn't code OR speak Russian, another hachik passed the interview for him.)
I volunteered to optimize the api alongside my assigned tasks (it was reading and returning megabytes of unnecessary and duplicated info per request) and I couldn't get them to say which fields the frontend used, in the end I ran experiments hiding fields to see what broke. We had a shortage of frontend developers and the company was willing to pay 3 times the pre-shortage salary just to have a human who knows what the code is supposed to do.
The TL;DR is India is big and there probably exists an Indian in it who can do the job, but you're not going to get him, you're going to get ChatGPT copypasta.

---
Remote work massively shat up workplaces in ways that are not going away with return to office. Much like covid was a convenient excuse for government raping citizens, in the office, HR and jira card shufflers who always need to be coming up with new torture techniques to justify their existence could finally run wild. This is now the "industry standard", a jira card shuffler who doesn't rape is a bad worker. I don't blame wagies for not wanting to go back to the cage now that it has razorwire everywhere.
 
Join the union, don't be a fag. I don't care whether or not you believe in it or even like the union, join it, when push comes to shove they will make sure you leave with a pocket full of cash. Speaking from experience.

Most office work is dick jobs and filling seats, which is a problem that has persisted for decades. I ran a department at lefty American company a few years ago and could complete a weeks' worth of work in two days because I didn't fuck around talking about lil timmy or meandering around the office looking busy.
Most offices can cut the fat and chop off the dead wood to the tune of 60%-80% of the staff and productivity wouldn't drop.

With WFH, those lazy, dead-wood motherfuckers have an excuse to do nothing, while looking just as productive as there were in the office; which is to say, they weren't, while also taking the piss and trying to live life. They should be fired for the betterment of the harder workers. If a team is full of hard workers, nobody has to work hard.

We all have to work and my attitude has changed greatly over the years from "I must help everyone for the good of the company" to "fred fucking sucks at his job and the quicker he is found out and fired, the better the company will be".

/blogpost.
 
Join the union, don't be a fag. I don't care whether or not you believe in it or even like the union, join it, when push comes to shove they will make sure you leave with a pocket full of cash. Speaking from experience.
I’m a grown man and I can stand up for myself. I’ve just sent an email that’s just about to start a war with the rep and his lazy fucking mates.

Only gays join unions. Thatcher didn’t die for this.
 
I’m a grown man and I can stand up for myself. I’ve just sent an email that’s just about to start a war with the rep and his lazy fucking mates.

Only gays join unions. Thatcher didn’t die for this.
Exactly, only gays join unions. If you're working in a lefty workplace and aren't covering yourself with shields you're making your life harder. It's your life, live it how you want, but having the plausible deniability that you could be a protected class, means you can manoeuvre through the chaff and shite managers with ease.

I don't believe in the whole "I'm a protect class, do what I say" bollocks, but when it's a lefty shit hole and they make the rules? You bet your arse you can exploit them for what they are. Fight fire with fire.

Anyways, this is OT.
 
The proper solution is to fire fucks who don't get the work done, not drag them into a chair to then get no work done. If you have to rely on trying to isolate and bore someone into doing their job, they should be out the fucking door anyway.
This is basically my take as well. This is purely a management problem. If you can’t develop metrics to determine if your direct reports are successful either in the office or home, you are a failure as a manager. Many managers these days are either diversity hires who don’t actually know what their direct reports are doing or they’re lazy and can’t be assed to figure it out. A lot of middle management needs to be removed anyway but they make DEI and ESG reports look good so the problem is that everyone now needs to return to the office.
 
A lot of middle management needs to be removed anyway
^this.

There are places where it seems like there are more managers than employees. And when everyone is a manager, no one is.

Sometimes it's obvious that it's a clique thing too, like they only got the title because they're friends with a guy that knows the higher up in the office or some shit.
 
^this.

There are places where it seems like there are more managers than employees. And when everyone is a manager, no one is.

Sometimes it's obvious that it's a clique thing too, like they only got the title because they're friends with a guy that knows the higher up in the office or some shit.
Plus line management is a pain. Some places are removing it from some senior positions as you have essential staff leaving and coming back as consultants as it’s the only way they can get more cash whilst side stepping baby sitting retards.
 
Many managers these days are either diversity hires who don’t actually know what their direct reports are doing or they’re lazy and can’t be assed to figure it out.
This is an active problem in my organization right now, leadership refuses to put the effort to figure out metrics for fucking anything, and then soyface when the executives ask for some proof that IT isn't a black hole of bullshit and they can't point to a single good number. Its 50/50 laziness and coddling, they both don't want to be arsed to have to use their brains long enough to figure out what the expected quality and cadence of work is, and they don't want to be 'the bad guy' by establishing hard numbers that then say teams are doing bad.

Of course, its a naive fucking approach, because identifying an issue is step one to solving it, and that rarely involves firing people. Most of the time your technical teams are competent, they're just being mismanaged or underesourced for the amount of work being asked of them. Good metrics help you identify churn and wasted time when you let business interests pull them six different ways without ever actually finishing a project, and good metrics help you identify teams that just need to be given less work at any one time, or more people to do said work with - And that's the kind of discussion thats easy to have with your higher leaders with the right numbers backing it.

Of course, they just spend endless hours in meetings trying to figure out who's doing what in an almost blind groping fashion, rather than giving those leaders some reporting and analytics 101 shit and expecting them to spend that time actually building the basic tools and frameworks to facilitate their management.
 
Kids learn jackshit while studying from home yet, somehow, I'm supposed to believe you work the same while working from home?
So much this.

There are kids who you can give study materiald and away they go. This isnt most kids.

There are employees who can work from home. This isnt most employees.

Also meeting drag on and are way less productive when you cant force someone in the room to make a decision. Also meetings run rampant compared to offices. Office meetings its really fucking obvious the employees have been made to not do work. Jira fagz love to eat up half a teams day in jira bullshit. So they can generate reports nobody fucking reads.
 
This is an active problem in my organization right now, leadership refuses to put the effort to figure out metrics for fucking anything, and then soyface when the executives ask for some proof that IT isn't a black hole of bullshit and they can't point to a single good number. Its 50/50 laziness and coddling, they both don't want to be arsed to have to use their brains long enough to figure out what the expected quality and cadence of work is, and they don't want to be 'the bad guy' by establishing hard numbers that then say teams are doing bad.

Of course, its a naive fucking approach, because identifying an issue is step one to solving it, and that rarely involves firing people. Most of the time your technical teams are competent, they're just being mismanaged or underesourced for the amount of work being asked of them. Good metrics help you identify churn and wasted time when you let business interests pull them six different ways without ever actually finishing a project, and good metrics help you identify teams that just need to be given less work at any one time, or more people to do said work with - And that's the kind of discussion thats easy to have with your higher leaders with the right numbers backing it.

Of course, they just spend endless hours in meetings trying to figure out who's doing what in an almost blind groping fashion, rather than giving those leaders some reporting and analytics 101 shit and expecting them to spend that time actually building the basic tools and frameworks to facilitate their management.
This is big and a lot of it comes down to a breakdown in communications. While I agree it goes both way, the businessniggers are the worst. I get that they aren't the "technical" and you can't explain things to them the same way as someone who runs a home lab, but they are also the ones responsible for managing the million+ dollar projects/programs/operations they are trying to sell. When those words do not have a very specific meaning to businessniggers, you're in for a world of hurt.
 
I'm torn on the RTO thing.

On one hand, offices can be a shit place to work if it's open plan and staffed with the wrong people.

OTOH, these free-loading lazy fucks who are kicking up a fuss because their two year holiday has ended and now have to go back to do actual work instead of sitting at home in their PJs getting licked out by their dog, can go fuck themselves.
Get off your fat fucking arse, put some respectable, smart business clothes on and get back to work you lazy, workshy, unproductive, free-loading motherfuckers.
And before some faggot says "but muh work from home for 30 years im productive" nobody cares, that why you've wfh for 30 years. 99% of the people who have left the office and refuse to come back should be fired on the spot. It's only entitled women, trannies and faggots that are against it anyway.

Do the fucking job you signed up for or get the fuck out. Business should be run like the tight ships that they used to be, not daycare for feckless manchildren.
Agreed

There's someone here whose a GOVERNMENT WORKER who sings the praises of 100% WFH.... No shit he literally can't be fired and his coworkers are probably obese women or similar.


For me, I can wake up get dressed nicely as and hit the office by 8AM 3x a week. Management and especially execs EAT THAT SHIT UP.

Kids learn jackshit while studying from home yet, somehow, I'm supposed to believe you work the same while working from home?
This right here
What I’m also missing at home is bouncing ideas off people and collaborating. Chatting for a few minutes a few times a day in the office accomplishes more than a thousand Teams and Zoom calls
Yep, I bullshit with my in office co-workers and it makes the time fly by.

Also, wheeling my rolly chair over 5 feet and screen peek vs setup a Teams call
making a tea or coffee in the kitchen. It’s great for networking and career progression. You don’t get that working from home. You’re just going to be, at best, a lonely autist who will be doing the same set of tasks every day until he dies.
This.

Plus, it's always nice to enjoy the stupid hot secretary or hot Asian with the killer ass shashay about 😌
 
This is an active problem in my organization right now, leadership refuses to put the effort to figure out metrics for fucking anything, and then soyface when the executives ask for some proof that IT isn't a black hole of bullshit and they can't point to a single good number. Its 50/50 laziness and coddling, they both don't want to be arsed to have to use their brains long enough to figure out what the expected quality and cadence of work is, and they don't want to be 'the bad guy' by establishing hard numbers that then say teams are doing bad.

This is a problem at my job too. My department literally has zero OKRs, so there aren't clear expectations of what we should be doing or what we're working towards. I just had my exit interview and broke this problem down for HR, who had no idea. No clue how this company stays afloat.
 
^this.

There are places where it seems like there are more managers than employees. And when everyone is a manager, no one is.

Sometimes it's obvious that it's a clique thing too, like they only got the title because they're friends with a guy that knows the higher up in the office or some shit.
The Big 5 Banks (TD, RBC, BMO, CIBC and Scotia) have this where all the office workers are some kind of Vice President.

When everyone is a VP, no one is.
does it count if the CEO of an open-source company has an autistic shit fit and pays employees to leave?


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does it count if the CEO of an open-source company has an autistic shit fit and pays employees to leave?


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I think a lot of people would love to take $30k to fuck off. The thing about offering incentives like a severance or early retirement is too many true subject matter experts in essential roles would take them, leaving the useless people behind who know to some extent that the job market wouldn’t treat them so kindly as their current employer does.

The real SMEs these days are often the most dissatisfied. They keep getting passed over for promotions but they have to work harder thanks to “diverse” candidates who can’t or won’t do their jobs. Many are just becoming consultants and get on their wife’s health insurance.
 
The real SMEs these days are often the most dissatisfied. They keep getting passed over for promotions but they have to work harder thanks to “diverse” candidates who can’t or won’t do their jobs. Many are just becoming consultants and get on their wife’s health insurance.
Top tip: if this is you (whoever reads this) quit. You'll be paid and promoted to stay. Quit anyway and open your own consulting firm. Then offer your services to your ex employer who will happily have you back at an increased rate as you're not on the books and go under a different budget than 'wages'.

Don't be trapped in a corporate office like a fag. If you want to make money, have the balls to trust your skills enough to make your own money.

Like someone upthread says: "Which owners of plumbing companies aren't millionaires?". Wise words.
 
Incredibly tiny layoff in the grand scheme of things, but I find it interesting Riot decided they needed to cut the fat further. Is the game not doing well?

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Its probably not financially driven, in their case at least. They probably really are just shelving some internal projects and spinning up others, and that'll mean that your going from some level of production on X thing, to preproduction on Y thing - don't need the same talent spread for that, and it'll probably be a couple years before you really need all those roles back. So you've now got what are likely your lowest performers in that role space sitting on their hands. Finding busywork for someone for a few weeks or months is one thing, but once you're looking at years before those skills will be needed, you might as well send them off. Add in the good dismissal package, and there's a non-zero chance they'll stop being a low performer under the pressures of their next job, and might be a good hire with good sentiment and experience in the org in a few years when you spin back up.

Their yearly revenue has still been trending steadily up. I think they're expected to either be breaking, or have broken two billion around this year. Cutting tens of positions isn't even an accountancy error on their balance sheet.
 
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