Best thing to do for hemorrhoids?

[Unnecessary Surgery Land]

My... friend of a friend... has some nasty roids. What should xe do?

 

[JethroTullamore]

As someone who has experienced several excrutiating thrombosed events, excision and removal is the best/only option. Don't mess with the rubber bands and don't bother with the creams, as they won't do anything. Just get to a colo-rectal doctor ASAP for the in-office procedure, as these things can go nuclear in well under 24 hours, at which point you'll be in the ER with what feels like a white-hot jagged piece of shrapnel trying to tear through your rectum (I've been there).

If this isn't your only one, for the love of God, get a bidet, as you do NOT want to wipe in order to clean your ass when these horrors appear.

You went to the ER? Wow. What a Pussy, I just delt with it. I know the exact feeling you’re talking about though.

 

[TheBallPit]

You went to the ER? Wow. What a Pussy, I just delt with it. I know the exact feeling you’re talking about though.

Timing with these things can be everything. I noticed it on a Friday morning, at which time it was just a pinprick. By around seven or eight, it had swelled to probably ten times that and I was in sheer agony. Not even some leftover Vicodin helped (I didn't have any Toradol, which might've been effective like they are with kidney stones). All the specialists had obviously gone home by then and I could not continue suffering like that until Monday, so I had to hit the ER.

I thought about slicing the thing open myself to get some relief, as I could easily reach it, and even got ahold of a super-sharp small kitchen knife and sterilized it with a flame (I had become that desperate), but chickened-out at the last minute. I also thought about puncturing it with something like a thumbtack, but since the cause of the thrombosis is an enormous clot and not a simple blockage, that probably would not've done anything.

I won't describe the hellish ordeal I went through in the ER other than to say that, when I turned around to look, blood and worse was everywhere. The ironic thing is that I STILL had to undergo an excision procedure with a specialist on Monday, as the ER doc didn't have the skill (or maybe the guts) to get it all, but I did get some relief until then.

You can't fuck around with these things. I know they're often the butt of jokes and regarded as a social embarrassment, but they can render even the most stoic of men to ass-clutching babies. And no, I don't engage in the buttsecks.