Assassin's Creed Valhalla - WE WUZ VIKANGS

  • 🏰 The Fediverse is up. If you know, you know.
  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account
mr.moon1488 said:
It's pretty much the same way they did the old games with the crusaders. AC's writing has always been a meme in this regard.

Faction the protagonist supports? GUD!
Faction the protagonist's faction is at war with? BAD!
History is mixed on the topic or says the direct opposite? LOL ASSASSIN GO JUMPY JUMPY STABY STABY!

About the only two AC games where they didn't pretty much stick with this perfectly was Odyssey, and AC 3 though even in that they still made the protagonist's primary faction, the natives out to be these perfect people. It's shit writing and shit history, but honestly, I don't think most people play the games for the story anyway.
Click to expand...
Rogue was good because the Templars actually looked fucking reasonable in that. Can't have that anymore, though.
 
SiccDicc said:
Rogue was good because the Templars actually looked fucking reasonable in that. Can't have that anymore, though.
Click to expand...
I have always thought of Rouge as a very interesting game. I like how you start s an assasins but because being reasonably for the lisbon earthquake, you become a templar as you want to seek order and make sure that it doesn't happen again.
 
too many gays and black people for my taste. heard you not even allowed to kill "citizen" when you raid? whats the point in playing a viking game where im not allowed to raid, plunder, kill and hear the lamentation of the women?
 
Last edited:
Considering Assasins creeds prediposition of either simpiflying history or casting morally dubious groups as good guys I'm wondering how long before we get assassins creed KKK since they're a hooded conspiritorial group opposing authority. I mean king Alfred was pretty overtly a good guy historically so why does lincoln and all those terrified black people get a free pass?
 
Emperor Julian said:
Considering Assasins creeds prediposition of either simpiflying history or casting morally dubious groups as good guys I'm wondering how long before we get assassins creed KKK since they're a hooded conspiritorial group opposing authority. I mean king Alfred was pretty overtly a good guy historically so why does lincoln and all those terrified black people get a free pass?
Click to expand...
I mean, Assasin's Creed KKK sounds like a good game to me. Instead of the apple of Eden, they could change it to the watermelon of Eden and Abstergo could be the glow niggers.
 
mr.moon1488 said:
I mean, Assasin's Creed KKK sounds like a good game to me. Instead of the apple of Eden, they could change it to the watermelon of Eden and Abstergo could be the glow niggers.
Click to expand...


The future protagonist jeb could even unlock extra missions by fucking close family members to re-enforce the racial memory mechanic since he's even more of an ancestor now.

For the sake of diversity I think the sequal you should play the heroic Interahamwe assasinating the corrupt Tutsi Templars who are cunningly disguised as a terrified civilians by driving around in the truck and subtly chopping them to death with a machete.Like the developers said I think the death squads have gotten a bad rap like pirates and vikings.
 
Last edited:
Marissa Moira said:
Rayman Legends.


They've tied ass creed to this historical bullshit so now every game must be a different time period and there's some stupid grand modern day narrative.

If they want to do historical settings for games about vastly different time periods then they should unbuckle it from AssCreed. That way you're given more freedom with making every period game come with it's mechanics based around the setting.

Like the whole point of AssCreed was the stealth, but that's been discarded because it's now MUH HISTORY MUH LORE and the whole series has lost focus. Any series that puts the lore first always fucking ends in disaster. The Final Fantasy 13 games, their offshoots, and 15 all did this. If you're fucking up basic gameplay nobody will be interested in world building or lore.
Click to expand...
Speaking of a history-based franchise that could use more games, I wish Creative Assembly revived the Total Warrior spin-off series. Spartan was fun, balls to the wall little diamond in the rough. Coincidentally the sequel nobody played (and that I only learned existed years later) was set in the viking era. At least they didn't even pretend they were in any way historically accurate.

... HEY WAIT A MINUTE!
HeyYou said:
I didn't expect the madlads at Ubisoft to go all in on the we dindu nuffin Vikings narrative but they sure did. England's probably fucking pissed that Ubisoft is seriously trying to hand wring about the Viking invasions not being completely terrible because they brought culture or some shit. Can you imagine someone making a game about the Spanish Conquistadors with the same argument?
Click to expand...
Expecting the britbongs to be mad would imply their balls weren't ripped off and shoved up their ass by the very vikings Ubisoft wants to pass as "the gud guys".
 
Snekposter said:
Eh, there's valid reasons to wear a hood when you're trying to have people not see your face. But you're very right... it doesn't exactly work out well when you're Ezio and running around with enough bespoke weaponry and armor to get confused for the Holy Roman Emperor. "Guards, guards! That's him! The one who looks like a king from all his fancy armor and has the crossbow slung on his back!" Later games just got worse with making you look totally not like a secret assassin. Like with Connor: "Yes, that's him! The Spanish looking kid dressed up like an Indian with feathers and stuff! He's the one who smashed the guy's head open with a fancy tomahawk!"
Click to expand...

I could handwave/handcanon ezio doing it as some fancy trader's/middle/upperclass son setup, and there were probably enough hood-style headwear still around in the crowd to blend in. meanwhile in ac3 you run around in some fancy navy looking clothes in the wild and hooded in broad streets, but worse literally the only one wearing a white hood or any hood at all. might as well stamp an assassin symbol on it so even densest bloke knows who you are. even desmond doing it made more sense, not to blend in but to hide from cameras etc.

mr.moon1488 said:
It's pretty much the same way they did the old games with the crusaders. AC's writing has always been a meme in this regard.

Faction the protagonist supports? GUD!
Faction the protagonist's faction is at war with? BAD!
History is mixed on the topic or says the direct opposite? LOL ASSASSIN GO JUMPY JUMPY STABY STABY!

About the only two AC games where they didn't pretty much stick with this perfectly was Odyssey, and AC 3 though even in that they still made the protagonist's primary faction, the natives out to be these perfect people. It's shit writing and shit history, but honestly, I don't think most people play the games for the story anyway.
Click to expand...

that's another thing that really started with ac3 (or brotherhood/revelations, but tbh I hardly remember anything about those besides ezio looking like a caveman in the last one), iirc ac1 had no metacommentary about the crusades and just templars being cunts or abusing their position. ac2 had the whole italian renaissance backdrop where people were constantly fucking each other over, so it wasn't that much of a stretch. meanwhile I still don't know what got connor's panties in a twist, washington charles lee attacking his camp or something (and then ubisoft didn't even have the balls to portray washington that way which afaik would actually be more historically accurate), plus templars in general seemed like pretty reasonable people.
and then with black flag it didn't really matter anymore when some random bong stumbles about a hood and hidden blade and is suddenly an assassin.

what's worse is that it kinda ubisoft's writing in general, watchdogs 2 was already meh and legion went full retard trying to spin the assassins as some brave antifags "fighting back templar injustice" or some shit (and then deservedly got fucked over when brexit went through). wildlands was ok but they tried way too hard to suddenly spin the bad guy as bad because can't have a morally grey villain, but still was contained to a smaller scale, breakpoint is basically "google is 'suddenly' evil after it got taken over by a butthurt soldier out to destroy the world" (because what else) and the whole erewhon setup fighting "all assassins wear hoods" idea for the crown of stupid.

either they need to scale the whole "deep and realistic" shit back hard or get better writers.

Dang Woodchucks! said:
Expecting the britbongs to be mad would imply their balls weren't ripped off and shoved up their ass by the very vikings Ubisoft wants to pass as "the gud guys".
Click to expand...

wait, the vikings were woke pakis "asians"?
 
Foltest said:
I have always thought of Rouge as a very interesting game. I like how you start s an assasins but because being reasonably for the lisbon earthquake, you become a templar as you want to seek order and make sure that it doesn't happen again.
Click to expand...
I like how AC3, Rogue, and Unity (not AC4 because it’s a prequel) show how terrible the Assassin order became during the 1700-1800s.

In AC3 you have Achilles, Connor’s mentor, as an old and busted man who oversaw the Assassins decline into near irrelevance.

In Rogue, you see young Achilles pushing an anti-Templar stance to the point where it’s essentially “We need ALL the Precursor artifacts, and we can’t let the Templar’s have ANY of them”, which leads to them chasing down harmless or unknown artifacts, eventually resulting in Shay causing the Lisbon earthquake. Achilles’ response to the deaths of tens of thousands is just “next time we’ll do better”, forcing Shay to defect to the Templars.

Finally in Unity the Assassins have become a literal cult. Long gone are the days where Ezio would personally clasp your shoulder, now the higher ups literally have thrones set above you, while you drink hallucinogenic drugs and trip balls while they preach to you. The first thing they teach is not “nothing is true, everything is permitted” but instead “don’t betray the Brotherhood”.

thats a lot of words about a dumb game series
 
ZMOT said:
breakpoint is basically "google is 'suddenly' evil after it got taken over by a butthurt soldier out to destroy the world" (because what else) and the whole erewhon setup fighting "all assassins wear hoods" idea for the crown of stupid.
Click to expand...
The worldbuilding for Breakpoint was so fucking bad. The ex-CIA guy should kill himself for writing that story. The rich tech guy is just a more autistic version of Elon Musk, a Ghost becomes the bad guy but hey, what if you had to fight zig-zagging drones and big AI tanks while hiding from a huge drone in the sky for 90% of the game? Shit, we have to finish the story, let's have the player fight the bad guy but since we wanted to make a looter-shooter in a tacticool world, you can't kill him with a bullet in the head: he's got magic drones! Oh, let's also have Sam Fisher drop by and make him look worse than in Wildlands! The locals of the archipelago have gone full terrorists but it's ok, they're the good guys! We'll make sure to put the word "resistance" so that we can continue to program our players to #Resist.
Fuck Ubisoft.
At least this time there's no scene with Bowman creaming her panties during the briefing of a hot narco.

As for AssCreed, I have a feeling that the whole "historical people we don't like are Templars" crap from the writers started with Unity and Syndicate.
 
Screenshot_20201117_163249.jpg
So do we get to meet his ancestors
 
pisswomble said:
Should have set this game a few hundred years later around the Robin Hood times and not had any 'good guy' Vikings in it. Vikings just don't fit the image Ubisoft want to go with and the game is struggling for me because of it. A Robin figure would have been a much better fit for them, robbing from the rich and assassinating the corrupt Templars who are crushing the poor English peasants.
Click to expand...
That would have been a fantastic setting and they could go with the Robin of Sherwood twist where Robin Hood is a title/champion and not the name of a person. As the game starts the old one gets killed and a new hooded man needs to fill his shoes and there just happens to be a hooded assassin hanging around. Plus the returning templars, Lionheart, folklore and so much more.

Ubisoft must be retards, that would be a great setting.
 
Smaug's Smokey Hole said:
That would have been a fantastic setting and they could go with the Robin of Sherwood twist where Robin Hood is a title/champion and not the name of a person. As the game starts the old one gets killed and a new hooded man needs to fill his shoes and there just happens to be a hooded assassin hanging around. Plus the returning templars, Lionheart, folklore and so much more.

Ubisoft must be retards, that would be a great setting.
Click to expand...
They're French. They don't want to make the English look good.
 
Watch Dogs Legion: Brexit is a fascist lie thing and nobody is trying to invade and alter Britain.
AssCreed Valhalla: Let our global company tell you how the historical rape, enslavement and destruction of Britain was a net good for your country.
 
Smaug's Smokey Hole said:
Ubisoft must be retards, that would be a great setting.
Click to expand...

the irony is most of their games, as is, would work just great with a little more effort put in. except they're run by tards without vision and are mostly designed by the numbers to hit feature lists based on surveys. literally soul vs soulless. that's why even with all the production values and technical accomplishments it gets dragged down back into mediocrity and quickly forgotten, if people even notice at all. bullshots and pretty graphics only go so far.

I mean, the whole of western video games just got dunked on by an animu chink gatcha botw clone, it can't get any sadder than that.

Miller said:
The worldbuilding for Breakpoint was so fucking bad. The ex-CIA guy should kill himself for writing that story.
Click to expand...

don't forget my personal favorite

you kill the poster boy bad guy in literally the second mission lmao

they probably didn't want to spend too much money on bernthal and only needed him for marketing.

least they use ironside as fisher (afaik, haven't played it yet, gonna save it till I see the season pass for real cheap). as I said before, it's a shame because there is something there that could make the game great, exploring golem island is fun af and I'm actually itching to go back and leveling the classes, but man it's a constant reminder what could've been.
 
I hate the little niglet that runs one of the merchant stores. Everything about her is dumb.
Besides that the game is alright so far, but not being able to kill civilians in raids is whack, especially when they run right into you mid fight.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom