Amusing Engrish from Item Listings

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He pulled out his hair and screamed like a
little monster.

Overly relieved
 
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Comfortable and breathable
say goodbye to sultry

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SAY GOOGBYE TO
GYNECOLOGICAL PROBLEMS
 
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MAKE YOUR LIFE MORE CONFIDENT
AND FREE!
ENJOY HAPPY TIME!
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INTIMATE VOICE BROADCAST
 
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WHISKEY SCREW CAP FLAGON

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BECOME YOUR OUTDOOR DECORATION
Defend your garden and become a
soldier in your field.

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KEEPS BIRDS OFF!

Jeez, I guess I know less about birds than I thought.
 
The cat house I mentioned in the cat thread came with this gem in the instructions:
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PET FREINDLY DESIGN
The thin plastic cover could be fold up to go through electric mat wire.
 
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SOFA SUCK

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I WANT TO BE A LAMP .BURNING AS A
LAMP .I WANT TO USE THIS FAINT
LIGHE TO ILLUMINATE THE WORD.
ILLUMINATE THAT A BIG DREAM. T
HE WARMTH THAT A BROKEN
HEART.

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DO NOT TOUCH BREAD WITH HANDS.
PLEASE USE TONGUE.
 
From a small laser pointer
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Warranty
  • Laser is harmful to the human eye or pets, please don't direct eyes.
  • Please stay away from children's store, to avoid injury
  • Prohibit the use of children.
 
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Dopamine Wonderland

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Cats relieveboredom]Play

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Soft upgrade true cod
Elderly children can eat with confidence
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Don't save yourself from your mouth
You get what you pay for
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The smell of childhood is full of fish scent
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Big slices of fish meat are
addicted to tear your hands
 
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Who is not a handsome guy before bald?

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Pet
Delicious Adventure
Love pets are attracted by delicious food close to products
Love pets know how to use products to eat food
Love pets explore how to use products
Meow - It's delicious!

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CHOOSING TO EAT
MEAT FOR HAIR REMOVAL
IS A NEW OPTION
Visible cat grass promotes gastrointestinal peristalsis

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CATGRASS, MEAT
FLOSS, PICKY EATERS,
AND NEMESIS

Eating meat while trimming hair and mixing with grains, making a flashy sound

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ALWAYS CLEANC
OMPACT AND PORTABLE
 
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Colorful Lights
Nocturnal movement without rest
The nocturnal energetic hairy child gospel
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{Take out snacks}
exercise the cat's
little brain

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BLOW AND
SUCK ALL IN ONE
High wind pressure violent fan
 
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Little tadpole play guide

Shake the little bean, feel the gentle tremor The thrill of it all goes up to the sky

Clamp the vagina with body movements. Keep poking the G-spot thrills.

Walk around the sensitive areas of the body and beans Slowly tease, get your body agitated

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Texture replication
Realistic restoration
Realisticiadereet

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Sucking and licking wet kiss
Get twice the result with half the effort between clouds and rain

Tongue bouncy
Gently lick beans

Flying around
Like a Bee butterfly

The length is just right
Touch politely

Soft lips and big mouth
Licking and pulling




It's pretty apparent that "beans" is an overly literal translation of a euphemism, but it's still funny to me. Right in the beans!
 
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