Aunt Tammie wouldn't have put in all this wasted effort into their relationship (both with Amber and Amber's mom) over the years if she didn't care, and as fucked up as Tammie is there aren't exactly any options she has for a non-white-trash intervention with Amber because a) ALR doesn't give a fuck if family members shun her silently and b) ALR has her dumbass mom and stepdad to keep the facade plastered over her pathetic, miserable life.
I totally get it that a lot of the shit Tammie says is pretty conceited and doesn't exactly show childhood Amber a lot of compassion, but I'd have absolutely cracked in Tammie's position ages ago. A lot of times it falls on just the least retarded person in the family to try and be the anchor, but most of the time it's gonna be another retard if we're talking about a family like the Reids.
I get what you're saying here, but I think the problem here is that Tammie has gone far beyond "trying to help" Amber into the realm of trying to force consequences on Amber for not being the type of person that Tammie wants Amber to change into. You can only do so much when a person doesn't want help. And I know that sounds cold, but it's the truth. Slight PL (which I've already mentioned), but I have a friend who had an Amber-type person in their lives, and saw the insanity that would unfold with their family.
I think I've already posted this before, but:
This is the Karpman Drama Triangle and the dynamic that tends to unfold around addicts and abusers. No spot on the triangle is a good place to be, and people constantly move from position to position. Nothing gets resolved; everyone gets hurt. The only way to win is to refuse to play the game.
A sample situation (type deal) Tammie mentioned, and how it (likely) played out: Amber cries to Tammie that Amber needs help with something because Amber's completely unable to do it without Tammie (weaponized helplessness). Amber needs Tammie to do WW point calculations or come up with meal plans for Amber. Amber is at the victim point and pulls Tammie into the Rescuer spot. If Tammie doesn't comply, Amber will likely blame her weight on Tammie, and say things along the line of it being Tammie's fault if Amber gets sick/dies from her "OBCD". So Tammie complies, and Amber sabotages every attempt (because Amber needs enablers to continue living life the way she's choosing to live it - not help to get better). Tammie gets angry and calls Amber out on her shit. Tammie moves into the "persecutor" spot regarding that stupid no lunches at work bullshit. Amber then tries to pull others into the "rescuer" spot (her audience) to punish her persecutor. Now Tammie is trying to take the position of victim (a role Amber doesn't want to give up), and trying to push Amber into the role of persecutor. I'm sure that Tammie has a thousand more of these bullshit incidents which show what a shitty person Amber is, but also show what a controlling person Tammie is.
Amber will never be the responsible, self-accountable, WW point counting, weight-loseeen, daily-walkeeen, and grateful girly pop friend that Tammie wants her to be - and Amber can't be FORCED into being that. Tammie needs to accept that Amber is exactly who she is and will continue being (until AMBER decides to change - which will likely be never), and either accept Amber as she is, or choose not to have a relationship with her (which is probably the better choice).
I would have figured that Tammie's counselor would have warned her about this dynamic sometime during the supposed 16 YEARS that she's been in therapy. It reminds me of Casey long ago talking about being in therapy for 10 years, and learning from the therapy that Amber abused Casey because Casey wasn't the right type of partner that Amber needed to be a good person. Crescent moons all around. Where do they find these head-shrinkers, anyway? Or is Tammie also getting her therapy from ChatGPT?
I also included another picture below of the Drama Triangle that has recommended ways of dealing with the people (if you have to engage with them) for anyone who's interested.
