🍗 Deathfat Amberlynn Reid - 600 pound pathological liar and U-Haul lesbian moving in with her next live-in maid/nurse/girlfriend.

[StrawberryDouche]

The "muh mentulz" vuhlaaaaawg is what's making me think the honeymoon period may already be over; s

She was describing the honeymoon period and how glorious it is to be newly in love, and then she said "When that was taken from me..."

Amber is too fat, stupid, and self absorbed to accept that time, life, and relationships are a continuum, because with her, there's always an external force fucking up her swerve, her weight loss journee, her mentulz, her relationships. It's never her, and it's never the natural course of events.

You guys. I am stunned that one can become an RN with just an associate's from a goddamn tech college. No bachelor's required. This does nothing for my already diminished confidence in the health care industrial complex. I legit didn't know this.

 

[whatever we are now]

She was describing the honeymoon period and how glorious it is to be newly in love, and then she said "When that was taken from me..."

Amber is too fat, stupid, and self absorbed to accept that time, life, and relationships are a continuum, because with her, there's always an external force fucking up her swerve, her weight loss journee, her mentulz, her relationships. It's never her, and it's never the natural course of events.

You guys. I am stunned that one can become an RN with just an associate's from a goddamn tech college. No bachelor's required. This does nothing for my already diminished confidence in the health care industrial complex. I legit didn't know this.

The bachelor level classes are all management type classes, though. The hands on practicum is two years in length even for bachelor students, and associates degree and bachelor's do the same amount of clinical/hands on hours as well as pass the same licensure exam.

Most hospitals will pay employees to go back for their bachelor's, so it makes sense to save money and go the associates route.

 

[Bibbity Bobbity]

Ugh. I mean, UGH. This is the most scorched earth, nihilistic, pyrrhic victory *♡ERA♡* ever.

Piss off your remaining relative who speaks to you? Complain endlessly about MeNtUlZ, but don't seek therapy or meds, and start inhaling booze? Don't engage in your only source of income? Take that, MOM.

And then, after telling all of us how she BELONGS in California, shitlords, moves to... Wisconsin? Look, I fucking love winter, and that shit terrifies me. Does she even have the right shoes for 17 feet of snow?? At least she has blubber.

Anyways, I'll peek in when it's time to burn her for fuel oil. I'm making a prediction she won't set one foot outside Thanksgiving to Easter. Cuz it's soooo cooold.

 

[lol cow supreme]

his must have been a really rude awakening for Amber - the last time she had to deal with a partner going to work it was Destiny about a decade ago, and even then Amber would make her spend her entire lunch break on the phone with her, or turn up at their place of work to "hang out"

Emily's at work all day WIPING OTHER ASSES! and TOUCHING OTHER WOMEN!!!! Hambone must be incensed at the notion.

Nothern midwestern states have this entire culture of men hanging out in empty garages with their buddies. There is usually a space heater next to some camping chairs, a TV or radio on an extension cord, and a cooler full of beer. It gets toasty warm with a decent space heater.

Its pretty fuggin sweet. Pass me 'nother Buschhhhhhhhh

But Amber doesnt get cold. She has to have 3 fans on her at all times. An attached garage would be like 50 degrees on a cold day, she'd be in heaven. I'm sure Emily could get an old mattress on the floor in there for our gorl to sit on. Give her the remote and she can just open the door to let twinkie out, and the DoorDash guy can just bring the food right in!

 

[Tony Martin's Force Ghost]

The fact she was living in a 550 sqf apartment is horrifying enough. Imagine how sobering that must have been? All the attention and self-love and all you have to show is a 550 sqf rental and nothing of value and you are teetering on a death spiral. You have to buy your mothers attention ffs. I think with Kristine she had an epithany on that drive home and realised her daughter is a self-serving cunt who will always hold past over her as leverage. She may not be the greatest person but 9 years sober from meth etc is impressive, its one of the hard drugs to kick.

WI out of all the states actually has my fave climates. Each season is different and you get an actual winter but I am a sucker for North east winters, when you are in the south you get shit.

 

[Agoodpotroast]

And then, after telling all of us how she BELONGS in California, shitlords, moves to... Wisconsin? Look, I fucking love winter, and that shit terrifies me. Does she even have the right shoes for 17 feet of snow?? At least she has blubber.

As someone who lives in California, Wisconsin can have her. Could you imagine how much MORE insufferable she'd be if she moved to California? Granted, she couldn't afford to live anywhere worth talking about but I could absolutely see her posting tiktoks to "California Girls" by Katy Perry and adopting a valley girl accent.

Edit: also pretty fucking random that she's bringing up moving to California now. I know she's originally from California but since she has no family there, maybe she's angling for another desperate lesbian to bring her out there. It's remarkable she's capable of lining up these women willing to drive and come get her but I guess when you're exceptional, you can be convinced to do anything.

 

[LightEmittingDiode]

The fact she was living in a 550 sqf apartment is horrifying enough. Imagine how sobering that must have been? All the attention and self-love and all you have to show is a 550 sqf rental and nothing of value and you are teetering on a death spiral. You have to buy your mothers attention ffs. I think with Kristine she had an epithany on that drive home and realised her daughter is a self-serving cunt who will always hold past over her as leverage. She may not be the greatest person but 9 years sober from meth etc is impressive, its one of the hard drugs to kick.

WI out of all the states actually has my fave climates. Each season is different and you get an actual winter but I am a sucker for North east winters, when you are in the south you get shit.

For an average single lady maybe just out of college or moving out of parents house it would be fine. A bit small, but affordable and comfortable.
For a 550lb behemoth with 3 animals and hordes of cheap crap it must have been awful. Imagine being Twinkie and having no room to do barely anything and your lazy owner won’t even do you the courtesy of walking you outside on a regular basis.
Cats are kind of fine in smaller spaces in my opinion because they are just masters of the domain and will find a nice spot to lay in the sun and will get the 2am zoomies from time to time. I’m sure having multiple indoor cats in such a small space would be pretty stanky due to Amber not exactly being a “scoop the litter every day” girly pop and I sure as hell can’t see her properly grooming Wasabi so I’m sure the place was coated in hair.
But to have a dog just rotting away in such a small apartment is fucking depressing. Even if Amber had fattened Twonk back up to the point where she didn’t really want to exercise, that’s not a life for a happy dog.

 

[I call shenanigans]

Becky didn't have a job and was free to spend all of her days hanging out with/looking after Amber, all funded off that sweet YouTube bucks,

IIRC Becky did have a job before Amber moved into the Gaycare. She continued working until Amber eventually talked her into leaving and being her exclusive caregiver. I doubt it took muck convincing for the lazy Beckster to take her up on the offer to support her financially if she stayed home with Amber. Ambers big issue with working partners seems to be a lack of trust. She thinks they’ll cheat on her if out of her sight. Jade could continue working because she was work from home. With Tommi, Ambers going to throw her childish tantrums until Tommi either stops working, or they split up. The problem for Amber though, is that she doesn’t have the income anymore to support Tommi, who has a mortgage and child support to pay, so I suspect Tommi will boot her out. If Amber has kept her Oklahoma matchbox, then the least tumultuous way Tommi will get rid of her is to suggest an OKC holiday, drive her and the animals back, then sneak out and drive herself home, blocking Amber on all media, a la Jade.

 

[a hapless toad]

I know she's originally from California but since she has no family there

Her father and brother are still there, but since they're both homeless meth addicts they wouldn't be of much use to her...

 

[+who.cares+]

Random info. Emily's older sister is a Doctor.
Her father is a retired firefighter.
Her daughter was born March 2017.

 

[Clotso Coof]

Random info. Emily's older sister is a Doctor.

Pediatrician, no less. Meanwhile Emily doesn't even have custody of her daughter. I wonder what the doctor sister thinks of Emily as a feeder who contributed to the death of her last girlfriend, and now moved Amberlynn Fucking Reid into her house?

 

[PotatoSalad4711]

Ohhhhh. So Emily came from a good family. Not quite the white trash Amber is always used to dealing with. They aren’t going to put up with her shit. No wonder she’s miserable lmao.

 

[LightEmittingDiode]

Pediatrician, no less. Meanwhile Emily doesn't even have custody of her daughter. I wonder what the doctor sister thinks of Emily as a feeder who contributed to the death of her last girlfriend, and now moved Amberlynn Fucking Reid into her house?

Imagine if her family does those Christmas family update letters for friends lmao.
“Casandra is continuing her passion in pediatrics and has shared many stories of inspiring children that have touched her life. Tim is enjoying retirement after many years of serving his community. Emily has moved a 500lb stranger in to her house after her last girlfriend died at 1000lbs. We are not sure what our granddaughter is up to as she was removed by her father.”

 

[+who.cares+]

Random info. Emily's younger sister is also a nurse.

Her mother was the director of human resource at a college.

 

[LightEmittingDiode]

Random info. Emily's younger sister is also a nurse.

Emily really must be the family dirty little secret.
They all know what she’s up to but I doubt they address it outside of talking shit to their significant others.

That’s probably also why Emily does long distance relationships so she doesn’t have to heft a literal cow of a girlfriend to family gatherings and see all the behind-the-hand whispers.

Amber would be so out of place. Imagine her surrounded at a Franz Family Christmas party by doctors, nurses, retired firefighters and there’s her in her best giant tent dress and black leggings dragging on the ground trying to explain what she does for a living. I also want to hear her telling healthcare workers and civil servants that her job is so demanding she needed a month long break.

“Ohmygoshhhh I am my own boss I film content for YouTube! There’s like soooo many haydurs though it’s hectic! I mostly talk about my hulth and passions! My passions? Oh uhhhh.. LEGO! And mookbongs! I’m trying to document my journeeeeee but it’s sooo draining I’m taking a month long mentul hulth break.”

If I were them I would not be able to hold back my mirth especially if I was plied with some libations.

 

[-Jack-]

Emily really must be the family dirty little secret.
They all know what she’s up to but I doubt they address it outside of talking shit to their significant others.

That’s probably also why Emily does long distance relationships so she doesn’t have to heft a literal cow of a girlfriend to family gatherings and see all the behind-the-hand whispers.

Amber would be so out of place. Imagine her surrounded at a Franz Family Christmas party by doctors, nurses, retired firefighters and there’s her in her best giant tent dress and black leggings dragging on the ground trying to explain what she does for a living. I also want to hear her telling healthcare workers and civil servants that her job is so demanding she needed a month long break.

“Ohmygoshhhh I am my own boss I film content for YouTube! There’s like soooo many haydurs though it’s hectic! I mostly talk about my hulth and passions! My passions? Oh uhhhh.. LEGO! And mookbongs! I’m trying to document my journeeeeee but it’s sooo draining I’m taking a month long mentul hulth break.”

If I were them I would not be able to hold back my mirth especially if I was plied with some libations.

Unless she was high or drunk (which is likely) I doubt she would be so confident or talk much at a family gathering full of educated, accomplished people. She's used to hanging out with lesbian rednecks and drug addicts.

 

[LightEmittingDiode]

Unless she was high or drunk (which is likely) I doubt she would be so confident or talk much at a family gathering full of educated, accomplished people. She's used to hanging out with lesbian rednecks and drug addicts.

They might be polite enough to at least try to include her in the conversation though, even if out of pure incredulity.
It would be amazing to see, honestly.

 

[lol cow supreme]

Thanksgiving is going to be lit! Will Emily take Amber to the family meal or leave Amber at home alone while she goes to her family in town? Will they have a "quiet Thanksgiving alone"? Will Emily have to work? Will Amberlynn's mom come get her?

 

[Skinless Nugget]

Emily really must be the family dirty little secret.
They all know what she’s up to but I doubt they address it outside of talking shit to their significant others.

That’s probably also why Emily does long distance relationships so she doesn’t have to heft a literal cow of a girlfriend to family gatherings and see all the behind-the-hand whispers.

Amber would be so out of place. Imagine her surrounded at a Franz Family Christmas party by doctors, nurses, retired firefighters and there’s her in her best giant tent dress and black leggings dragging on the ground trying to explain what she does for a living. I also want to hear her telling healthcare workers and civil servants that her job is so demanding she needed a month long break.

“Ohmygoshhhh I am my own boss I film content for YouTube! There’s like soooo many haydurs though it’s hectic! I mostly talk about my hulth and passions! My passions? Oh uhhhh.. LEGO! And mookbongs! I’m trying to document my journeeeeee but it’s sooo draining I’m taking a month long mentul hulth break.”

If I were them I would not be able to hold back my mirth especially if I was plied with some libations.

I wonder if she'd call Emily's sister "the girl with the little paper on the wall" or mention the Drs "little minions." She's such a fat, useless, illiterate sow, I can't even imagine her stinking up a party, lumbering around trying to haul her lard.

 

[LightEmittingDiode]

Thanksgiving is going to be lit! Will Emily take Amber to the family meal or leave Amber at home alone while she goes to her family in town? Will they have a "quiet Thanksgiving alone"? Will Emily have to work? Will Amberlynn's mom come get her?

I think by Thanksgiving the novelty of having a giant, smelly toddlerwoman loafing around on her couch will have worn off for Emily.
Amber is probably scrambling through her Insta DMs trying to find a ride back to OKC.
Emily in all likelihood no longer has PTO left to take off work and drive her there and then back, and Amber would most likely flat-out refuse to get on a plane, even if Emily offered to pay.