🍗 Deathfat Amberlynn Reid - 600 pound pathological liar and U-Haul lesbian moving in with her next live-in maid/nurse/girlfriend.

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StrawberryDouche said:
Yeahhhh, but... here's the thing. We are only starting to emerge from thousands of years of menstrual shame imposed on women. And I'm talking about the west, never mind the horrors regarding menstruation in the rest of the wretched world.

So you have this super fat, super uneducated, super naturally stupid person who wasn't even taught how to bathe and had no consistency in upbringing, and you have a pile of shame and embarrassment. I can easily believe how this affected her willingness to report her irregularities to a doctor. Eye twitch? I'M DYEENG AND IT ISN'T EMBARRASSEENG. Irregular bleeding out of her point blank period hole? EMBARRASSEENG AND SHAMEFUL, DO NOT REPORT.
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I agree. I mean, this is the woman who said back then that she didn't vote but wouldn't vote for Hilary Clinton anyway because she "heard that Hilary wants to make NINE MONTH abortions legal". What does she even know about women's bodies? Nothing. She's a moronic child.
 
*** VLOG ALERT!! ***
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFLkru1blW4&t=4s
Invidious: https://yewtu.be/watch?v=yFLkru1blW4

I'm finally SLIGHTLY LESS 'TARDED and (in theory I think I) can get the archive... but it will be low resolution and I don't know how to compress it, and I don't want Null to kill me for wasting his server space with a bloated archive of a bloated tick doing nothing archive-worthy. If you want me to post the archives, let me know and I'll try, but the invidious instances are very effective at removing ads. Nevermind - Bones uploaded the archive while I was typing this.

Plot Summary with Commentary! When we last left our Witless Wonder, Amber was fatsplaining TDEE, complaining about those mythical skinny bitches who can eat TONS of junkfood and never gain weight, and how her body is so special that the first law of thermodynamics doesn't apply to her. Hmm, perhaps she's really an alien from a species that normally only exists in fluidic space? I mean, we ran into a lot of weird shit in there. Nevermind, I'm stalling. What's she up to now? Probably a whole lot of nothing, but let's go check anyway. Take us in!

No intro. Amber shows off all of the Trader Joe's food that she didn't eat, and goes "ooh, I got this recently... kinda want to try that!" She's friggin getting herself EXCITED while showing off her disgusting processed food hoard to her audience.

Different Day: Amber pretends it's a deep-cleaning day. Amber answers the questions in her Kiwi thread about her litter box: she buys new boxes every other month (just like during the Destiny era), except that Amber pretends to clean it daily and deep clean it weekly. Amber pretends that she took Twonk outside for a walk (and not just out the front door for a wee). Ceiling-shot weigh-in of 490.8lbs.

Different Day: Amber films herself standing on the scale: 4:92.6lbs clothed and in slippers. Amber does a nekkid ceiling-shot weigh in to prove that she's acktully a few lbs lighter (489lbs) without her clothes (as if the 0.6% difference matters). There's NO WAY she could have faked that! (Her words). Take that, HAYDURZ! Amber talks about how she went off track but then picked herself back up - which is a total lie, as nothing short of a TRACTOR BEAM could pick Amber up (okay, okay, no more low-blow fat jokes - just the facts). Her mentulz have drastically improved.

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(Note: pic 2 is not a zoom of pic 1: these are two separate frames in her vlog)

JUMPCUT!! In the closet. Amber claims that she went to Torrid, then corrects herself that she actually ORDERED from there (don't worry; we know). Amber half-assedly shows off her clothing, which is "sooper-kuh-you-tuh" and "frumpy" (has Amber learned a new word from her mom's word-a-day calendar?). OOOH, Amber bought a new sheer, see-though Blueberry shirt! Amber bought a (likely 6X) fugly bumblebee mumu/dress thingy that even she knows is ugly, so she's going to give it to Kristine and expects her mom to appreciate Amber's oversized and fugly cast-offs. It's been a few months, so Amber has decided that it's time to do another clothing declutter. New underwear haul (don't worry; there's no try-on). So EXPENSIVE!! Amber declares this haul as not a 'hit', but rather a 'miss'.

JUMPCUT!! BATMAN LEGO UPDATE! ARE YOU EXCITED? NEITHER AM I; LET'S GOOO!!!! And ...
Eggspurt Layyygoez.png

WOW, SO not worth 400 Burger Bucks. Amber says it's not finished yet, but I still don't think that it'll be worth $400 when completed, either. If you're gonna blow that kinda money on a LEGO model, the LEGO DeathStar would be more impressive. Or even a LEGO STARSHIP VOYAGER! Hmm... maybe I can get Seven to replicate one for me for my birthday-

OOP, NEVERMIND!! This was all just a clumsy way to segue into talking about VALENTINE (AKA: Amber's virtual gorlfriend).

SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!!: The mysterious person that she started talking to in September and has supposedly been dating since Valentine's day just asked Amber to be her Valentine!... back on Valentine's Day.

Wait a second, you said that YOU ASKED VALENTINE! Nevermind, don't ask questions, Boolean - this is just Amber trying to build a backstory that she TOTALLY got a gorlfriend before Becky did ... Even though she already technically had a gorlfriend first because she dated Wipey for 2 years. SORRY! Sorry, I'm using logic again. Shut up, Boolean! Nevermind! Amber's totes desirable and for SURE has a gorlfriend... that she's been texting for 8 months and has never met. Amber is very happy with her virtual relationship and totally didn't feel the need to share this (until Destiny shared that she got married). No more SINGLE-LYNN! SO WILD!! (It certainly is...)

JUMPCUT!! In the bathroom opening her Amazon package of a new hairbrush. Hair brushing action and comparison is interrupted by Amber loving the wavy look of her greasy hair. Amber says she just washed it; I want to ask if she used shampoo. Amber acts as if this new hairbrush is EVERYTHEEEN. OKAY, comparison over - POOP-BUN REACTIVATED!!

JUMPCUT!! Time for bed. Byee!!

TL;DR: Amber shows off her hoard of processed food to prove to the haydurz that she didn't eat all of the Trader Joe's junk (and starts getting excited about the stuff she finds in there). Weigh ins (ceiling-shot and filming herself getting on the scale): still just losing and gaining the same 10-20lbs of water and poop weight. Torrid haul (no try on). Panty haul (no try on). LEGO update to segue into talking about how virtual girlfriend has OFFICIALLY been her virtual girlfriend since February 14th. Take THAT DUSTY and REENECKUH! Amazing new hairbrush!

(Edited to fix boneheaded spelling error. As funny as it would be, Amber was not on a SEGWAY)
 
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There's no feet in those slippers. BET.

And lol @ never removing the sticker from the display
 
Yay! Amber has a new gf that she can have performative off camera conversations with, that sound like awkward coworkers in the break room. And I’m sure she loves them so so so much! Crossing fingers that we at least get a livestream in the next couple months where she shits all over Jade and slips up and says something racist
 
She looks dirty.

What self-respecting made up penpal "girlfriend" would want to be associated with someone who goes around looking like that?
 
Yeah, you have a gorlfriend yet look like a homeless person. This is just phantom weight numbers but this time a person. Then she will make a vlog saying "Why does no one believe me!" It's because you are the equivalent of a 10-year-old adhd kid in class chatting bullshit.

As for her cancer reveal DLC being funny. The idea of this dumpy woman running inside gulping to try and cry and scream to the internet announcing she has cancer. It's just surreal but then she talked shit about Mendi and Norma, she leaked that she had cancer because of a cancer-themed shopping trip that was cross-referenced to family Facebook accounts. Is it fucked up admittedly yes but honestly for her I just am apathetic because she had 7 years of people warning her. With Amber, as of now, I am just watching how desperate and boring she gets because the vlogs ain't it sis.
 
Amber: Yes I have a girlfriend. You wouldn’t know her, she goes to a different school, erm, lives in CANADA.

Farmers and Karina Kaboom: 😒
 
Is she really LIVINGGGG for her hair right now in that video? It's GREASY AS FUCK. Am I the only one who sees' it? I understand for women mainly you shouldn't wash your hair everyday but her hair just looks always so fucking dirty, and when it doesn't- it looks brittle, broken, and dry.
 
Muddy Fupa Balls said:
Is she really LIVINGGGG for her hair right now in that video? It's GREASY AS FUCK. Am I the only one who sees' it? I understand for women mainly you shouldn't wash your hair everyday but her hair just looks always so fucking dirty, and when it doesn't- it looks brittle, broken, and dry.
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We're almost to 2019 levels of grease only this time she's really proud of it. She wants us to talk about how dirty she is. It's all she has left to get views.
 
I was reading Sabine's comments while watching her video, and caught this in her comments section:

Rolling dice like knives on a platter,
Screaming out that Fat Lives Matter.
Free like a pigeon, or maggots on a train,
Weight-loss journey, here we go again!

(written by YouTube commenter @christopherneale823 - welcome to being dragged to the farms!)

Dunno why I bothered to look, but if you're curious about how the scale functions, here's the MASSIVE (sarcasm - it's only 1 page) manual:

Long story short: no tare function. It only has a button to change from kilos to "el-beez", and a switch for talking/no talking. Now, she COULD easily screw up how it reads her by putting a handtowel/facecloth under the scale. She had to bend down to place the scale in the centre of the floor, so she could have done that.

I'm not saying necessarily that she DID do that, but she could have. Remember during the Destiny era (I think) how she kept insisting that she was losing weight and the scale said so. When her audience refused to accept it, she then confessed that one of the cats (Rarity?) batted a pen under the scale. She said it was messing up how the scale was reading her and admitted that after clearing out the pen and weighing herself again, she was heavier. Just putting that out there because Amber LOVES to use the Red Herring of "everyone accuses me of using the tare when I don't know how to do that". In reality when she would manipulate the scales, she NEVER would tare them to do so.

But hey, it IS possible that she's losing weight. She's supposedly been trying to seal the deal with a new potential girlfriend for SEVERAL MONTHS now. This has been the longest that she's ever had to be on good behaviour to trap someone. Combining that with no Thumb Butler to do 3am McDonalds runs and not enough income for daily UberEats, that would be enough to drop her out of the 500s. (Edit: it worked in early 2020 when Becky was too zombified to do midnight food runs and they lived in an area with no DoorDash/UberEats). It's just confusing to me because it doesn't look like she's LOSING it, but rather it's sliding down her body and collecting in her legs.
 
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At this point the only hope for her channel (at least for me) is watching her decline visually and sadly, due to filters, we ain't gonna see all of it's glory.

I amazed she hasn't resorted to live streaming like so many other cows out there have; I guess between the money she makes and the fact she is too stupid to explore the world and develop other vices than eating means her meager income is enough for her.

Which sucks milk wise. We need more self-destructive actions (Gunt and random men/drugs, Cobra and duster/his trolls, Blade and jagger, etc.)

That's why I hoping a serious health scare will prompt our girl to start ebegging via livestream and thus she becomes the angry disgusting cunt we know she is.
 
Boolean Bitch said:
Amber answers the questions in her Kiwi thread about her litter box: she buys new boxes every other month (just like during the Destiny era), except that Amber pretends to clean it daily and deep clean it weekly.
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It looked like she had a Breeze catbox in Lexington. If she couldn’t keep up with that, she’s definitely just tossing the boxes when they get full.
 
Atrax_Morgue_Dat_Pussy said:
I amazed she hasn't resorted to live streaming like so many other cows out there have; I guess between the money she makes and the fact she is too stupid to explore the world and develop other vices than eating means her meager income is enough for her.
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its always intrigued me that Amber never at least became a Disney park land whale. Shes scared of everything but that place is equipped for biggies, and the FOOD that she would be super nervous to try! She really does seem content on spending her savings on delivery food and makeup
 
Mekahineyho said:
its always intrigued me that Amber never at least became a Disney park land whale.
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She’d have to be able to get there, and she’s not flying because that would make her dainty queen persona a spectacle. If she was okay with flying, she would have flown to Oklahoma rather than be stuck in Jade’s car for hours on end.
 
Mekahineyho said:
its always intrigued me that Amber never at least became a Disney park land whale. Shes scared of everything but that place is equipped for biggies, and the FOOD that she would be super nervous to try! She really does seem content on spending her savings on delivery food and makeup
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Going to Disneyland? Where thousands of people can see her and film her like that dude at the laundromat? No way.
 
She supposedly has a new girlfriend "Valentine", but she's still using Bambi as her IG name. How would a new GF feel about that? Very telling Amber.
 
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