"Hello hello". -5 points for the bullshit fake intro coming back. Today is not Amber's day at all and she's "over it". Translation: Mam's busy and isn't going to roll her bouncing baby blimp around town right now, so Ambo has to entertain herself for a while.
Amber blames her bad day on her lymphedema/lipedema - which she does absolutely nothing to manage or treat.
SWOLE-LYNN!! (yeah right she'll never be 'swole'). Amber complains that on swollen days it's harder for her to breathe. This is like someone repeatedly poking themselves in the eye with a pencil, then complaining "My eye hurts/it's hard to see and I'm just, like, totally OVER IT today!"
Chikara Transformations estimated Amber to be about 510 as of Amber's last video... and I think that Ilona's "scale-eyes" need a visit to the Optometrist; Amber looks to be pushing her 'highest-recorded' weight. I mean, Amber wearing the same 5 shirts - the same 5 shirts that she wore in 2019 - is a dead giveaway. Well, that and Amber talking about having problems with breathing due to 'swelleeeng'. Amber's skin starting to sag along with the availability of filters has managed to trick a few people, but "bishhuge" if you know what I mean.
Amber admits that she still hasn't weighed herself since the first day in the new apartment. Amber looks in the mirror and tells her audience that she has without a doubt gained weight.... surprising absolutely NO ONE. We have eyes, Amber. Even friggin' STEVIE WONDER would be able to see it.
Amber says that she needs to get on track tomorrow. Here we go, another "weight loss molment" just in time for Vlogmas.
Bullshit filler babble. Something about her washing dishes while her mom was there. Blair Witch footage as she hurples to the kitchen to look for her gaudy gachapon rings.
JUMPCUT!! "Outfit of the Day in my dirty mirror". Amber goes on and on about how she cleans things that don't even need cleaning, yet her mirror looks like it has a layer of VASELINE on it (not to mention the unmade bed being reflected in said mirror). Oh yeah, outfit of the day: overstretched yoga pants as laygeeens, and a gray dress that she's wearing as a shirt. Moving on.
JUMPCUT!! La Salsa Grille. Hey, Amber found a replacement for her Casa Grande (or whatever the name of that restaurant in Monticello was)! I wonder if they'll make her favourite dish, Papa Mexicana! (For those new, it's like a bastardization of poutine; fries with fried onion, peppers, and fried chicken all smothered in cheese - you know, AUTHENTIC Mexican cuisine).
JUMPCUT!! Amber's riding shotgun while Methmam takes her to Dave & Busters.
JUMPCUT!! They're in the arcade and BOLTH have player cards for the machines. This place is DESERTED!! Amber shows some games while Methmam blabs off camera. All we need now is a disembodied hand.
FREEZE FRAME!!
Well, we have a disembodied GUNT. Does that count? Oh, it's Amber's. Doesn't count; nevermind.
Amber shows a Mario Kart game, then a giant Connect 4 game. Wow that's lame. I mean, Dave & Busters was never *GOOD*, but I don't remembmer it ever being THAT BAD. Amber boasts about getting first and second place on the leaderboard of a lame game that likely no one has ever played.
FREEZE FRAME!!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION FOR IMMOBILE DEATHFATS!!
Connect 4? Ring toss? The immobile deathfat game? Does this arcade just have all of the machines rejected from REAL arcades? Is Amber going to spin her camera around and inadvertantly show a glimpse of a POLYBIUS cabinet next or something?!
FREEZE FRAME!!
LOL, Amber mashes the buttons 87 times and tops the leaderboard. Seriously, no one plays these games.
Despite Amber's leaderboard-tier skills, Methmam still won more tickets. Amber cashed her tickets in for some lumpy stuffie whose face expresses the pure sadness of the sweatshop child labourer who assembled it.
[PLACARD: several hours later]
JUMPCUT!! Back at home with ANOTHER grocery haul. It's just your usual bullshit: lunchmeat, cheesestrings, garlic salt, canned meat, porkchops for Drew (the air-fryer) to burn, and Dr Pepper (which I'm SURE is for someone else as Amber has insisted that she doesn't even LIKE Dr Pepper)!
JUMPCUT!! Pretending to walk Twinkie (likely along that same 10m of sidewalk just outside of her door. Twinkie!! 1 of 3 pets accounted for.
FREEZE FRAME!!
Walking 'proof'. HOLY SHIT WATCH FOR THE DIVOT!!!
JUMPCUT!! Sitting in bed eating some cheesy-poofs (which WEREN'T mentioned in the grocery haul). Amber wants to get on a good track tomorrow... and apparently that starts by eating an entire canister of deep fried and artifically flavoured cornmeal slurry! It's just science, okay? Don't question it. Amber's totally gonna get her shit together tomorrow. SHE CAN QUIT ANYTIME SHE WANTS TO, YOU GUIZE!
Face stuffing on camera for feeder-degeneracy clicks. Amber tries to impress her audience by showing her skills at throwing food and catching it in her mouth... meanwhile, anyone who understands the science of how gravity warps space will simply see this as 'cause and effect'.
"ASMR" gluttonous open-mouthed chewing. NOPE! [SKIP]
JUMPCUT!! Back in the kitchen. AMAZON HAUL!! Umbrella for the walks she never takes, and a reusable lint roller to clean her apartment with (instead of using a VACUUM).
JUMPCUT!! In the closet. Vlogmas talk time. Vlogmas is Amber's FAVOURITE time of the year (because Adsense is at it's MAX)! Amber is PUMPED FOR VLOGMAS- I MEAN, CHRISTMAS!! Despite this, hearing Christmas music at the store brought her PAIN because it reminded her of her ex. Amber's not even going to decorate this year!
...and here comes the (attempt at) tears. Okay, life lesson for you, Amber: NO ONE CARES when you intentionally try to make/keep yourself sad for attention. Especially over nonsense like "some rando I was texting for a month stopped texting me... 4 MONTHS AGO". Pin that tail back to your ass and move the fuck on, Eeyore!
Amber claims that she's not going to do Vlogmas this year. Amber also isn't going to decorate. Let's be real here: is this REALLY because of "depression", or is this "too fucking fat to set up the Christmas tree"? Amber also isn't going to do ANY Christmas festivities... unless her family wants to do something with her. And then she's going to 'whole-heartedly' enjoy their festivities with them. Translation: Yep, too fucking fat to trim the tree AND this whole "heartbreak" era is bullshit done ONLY for the camera.
FREEZE FRAME!!
Can't you just SEE the BPD I mean, the SADNESS?!
"A lot of people just don't understand it"... yeah, because it's absolutely BATSHIT CRAZY.
Amber again tries to milk her BPD, thinking BPD means that she has a free pass to emotionally manipulate and abuse people, when personality disorders really mean "you taught yourself a lot of bad habits and really REALLY shitty ways to treat other people and you need to cut that shit out".
"I am able to be so aware... I'm so friggin aware". Well, hey now, maybe she does-
"I've got a great future ahead of me". Oop. Nevermind. I should have just let her finish.
Amber talks about how she has a 'mental illness'. AGAIN, Amber, you DON'T have a mental illness. You have a PERSONALITY DISORDER.
Amber apologizes for the bad news of no Vlogmas. Frankly, I see this as GOOD NEWS! I'm gonna have some free time this December! WOOT!!! Meh, for what it's worth, I still think she's going to decide last minute to do vlogmas - or at the very least she'll upload a bunch of crap for a LOT of the days in December (you know, when the non-existent people in her DMs *beg* her to).
BYEE!!!