🍗 Deathfat Amberlynn Reid - 600 pound pathological liar and U-Haul lesbian moving in with her next live-in maid/nurse/girlfriend.

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Xenomorph said:
As many as it takes to lie to her that she is losing weight. What gets me is the scale only goes up to 550 and shes hovering at 530..
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And the rest. I gather she didn’t actually weighin, because I suspect by now she’s gained even more and the scale will error out. If the scale talks, I’d love to hear it tell her to “get the fuck off hamplanet”.
 
Smooshed chest fat wasn't getting Fat Amber the attention she wanted, gotta be naked in the thumbnail now.
Naked to get on a scale, NOT to get in the shower, btw. Still gross and unwashed.
Toward the end of the video she tries to tell us she has stamina. No one believes that, but not too many people want to date someone bedbound, so flip that hair and tell those lies I guess.

FailureLynn Reid wastes a moment of our time. Don't bother watching.
 
Plot Summary with commentary. Let's GO!!!!!

HOLY SHIT she looks even bigger than last time. I was right with what I said in a previous reeecap: when you wonder where Amber's gone, check by the fridge.

Seeing a new psychologist for "something else". Bitch changes pychologists more frequently than she changes her laygeeens or washes her hair. Nice try being mysterious - NO ONE CARES about what bullshit you're faking this time.

Bought a new scale - but it's the one that she had 7 years ago. A talking scale that only goes to 550lbs - what a great investment. Her scale finally OFFICIALLY BROKE (lol, is she talking about BREAKING THE CAR PARTS SCALE?!?)

Amber contemplates upgrading her phone because she has the iPhone 12, "and we're on 14 now", but decides against it (temporarily, at least).

Another appointment cancelled at the last minute AGAIN! And I bet it mysteriously got "cancelled" right after you convinced wipey to come over to drive you.

FOOD TALK! Amber cooks a bowl of "cauliflower wings" (cauliflowers don't have wings....) and heats up a quart of tomato sauce to go with them.

Amber claims she's "not doing good"... making this day exactly the same as every other day she's vlogged since at least 2014. She's just realized that she needs to 'completely check out' when it comes to this heartbreak - whatever that means.

FOOD TALK!

"TASTE TEST"!

JUMP CUT!!! It's been a "few days". Amber filled yet another journal full of useless drivel. Time to choose another journal! Amber goes through her retarded process of pitting several fugly journals head-to-head, before selecting a fugly journal champion. Amber's realized that *SOME* of her fugly journals are fugly, so she's going to get rid of them (in order to create an excuse to buy more fugly journals).

POPSICLE STICK TIME! Amber pulled more bullshit questions (this time not weightloss related) out of her ass and onto the paper to replace the questions she's already answered. All of the answered popsicle sticks have been added back to the original glass. Welcome to hell.

Amber's been gone for a week. First it was technical difficulties, and then she didn't feel like filming... which Amber refers to as "Depression". Yesterday's video was likely filmed on the 3rd... so then, today is the 10th?

Amber claims that she and Jade are "slowly figuring out our new dynamic with each other". TRANSLATION Jade is avoiding Amber like the plague/told Ambo to fuck off, and Amber's slowing figuring it out.

Amber says that everyday she feels a little better - despite telling us every vlog for the last month that everyday she feels a little worse....

"TURN AROUND
Every now and then I cry that I'm totes lonely
but you're never coming 'round.
TURN AROUND
Every now and then I get a little bit tired
of you refusing to hear the sound of my tears.
TURN AROUND
Every now and then I lose my shit over the fact
that the best of all the gorls have gone by-"

Sorry, I was drifting there for a second, but I'm back now.

OH NO, back to the popsicle sticks! Actually, it was more fun singing along with Bonnie Tyler. Maybe Amber would prefer a different song...

"Crapping from the thunder,
but never sweating from the heat
It's gonna take friggin' SUPERMAN to
heave her to her feet!!! YEAHHHHHHH!!!! -"

Okay, I swear I'm back for real this time. *Ahem* popsicle stick bullshit, let's go!

Question: What is your biggest fear of losing weight? Answer: looking deformed. TOO LATE!!! Holy fuck she really sees herself as this clever, cute, and slightly chubby sassy gorl, doesn't she?

Question: Is weight loss surgery completely off the table? Answer: "FOR NOW, yes it is". Of course: she'll bring this arc back when she needs content and the adsense is better. Amber saves her best storylines for those times.

Question: How old were you when you went to Disney Land? Answer: 16 and 17. Wait.... didn't she say that she went 3 times? Didn't she say that she was in the group home when she went? Remember, the lady from the group home had to trade footwear with Amber, because she 'wore the wrong shoes'. Didn't she say that before she aged out, she was with this super sweet family of a homemaker mom and cop dad and not the group home? You know, the ones that paid for her to go to WW both while she was in the program AND out? The ones who paid all of her smartphone bills during the Casey era? The ones who paid for her extra plane ticket at the beginning of the Krystle era? The ones who paid for her U-Haul during the Destiny era? And was this before or after the dudes at her highschool (which she never went to because she was skipping school to shoplift and smoke pot) were lining up in pairs at the cinema for double-handies from her?

This timeline is BEYOND FUCKED.

Question: How have you improved your stamina? Answer: Right now, her stamina isn't the best, but she can stand up to vlog, so that's a good thing (I'm not being an asshole this time; she actually said that). That wasn't true at all in 2019 - despite her constantly insisting in 2019 that she had vastly improved her stamina during that time.

If she's still alive in 2027, do you think she'll confess to how horrible her health actually was during this time?

Amber gives advice for how her fellow butter-golems can improve their stamina - while leaning on her bathroom countertop to film this (and the audacity of this bitch just made me spit coffee all over my monitor).

Question: Would you ever go vegan again? NO, Absolutely not. She would consider vegetarian though, because meat creeps her out.

Amber's back to vlogging, but with no schedule. Amber hopes that she blabbed enough nontent into existence for this to qualify as a vlog. BYEE!!!!

TL;DR: Filler, nontent, and absent-minded blabbery. Timelord-lynn says it's about "one week" from her last vlog. As the last vlog showed evidence that it was filmed on the 3rd, that would make this around the 10th (Impossible to know for sure). Amber implies that she finally broke the car parts scale - then bought a talking scale that only goes to 550lbs. Amber blames her absence on "Depression". Amber has put all of the popsicle sticks back into the glass, and has added more questions to the list. Amber gives her audience advice on how to improve their stamina.

Edited to fix spoiler (it didn't work when I posted, then I got kicked before I could fix it).
 
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Boolean Bitch said:
Question: Would you ever go vegan again? NO, Absolutely not. She would consider vegetarian though, because meat creeps her out.
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Yeah, I'm out for a while. This bitch went straight to hamburgers when the breakup happened, and goes straight to 20 piece McNuggets to break her diet(s). Most Uber-Eatable places have a veggie patty sub in. There are several decent chicken nugget subs, and cauliflower wings are not it.

I'll check back when the heart failure sets in.
 
Bibbity Bobbity said:
Yeah, I'm out for a while. This bitch went straight to hamburgers when the breakup happened, and goes straight to 20 piece McNuggets to break her diet(s). Most Uber-Eatable places have a veggie patty sub in. There are several decent chicken nugget subs, and cauliflower wings are not it.

I'll check back when the heart failure sets in.
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Remember when she claimed she doesn't properly eat nuggets, just chews around the edges and throws away the middle? Because you get so fat if she does shit like that, right.

Honestly, I am so over Amber pretending she is extremely picky and has these weird, restricted eating habits. She thinks this is cutesy? OR what?? Nobody buys it. She eats her "concoctions" and feels so good about it, but suddenly meat creeps her out? I am sure.
 
The Potatomatic 2000 said:
Remember when she claimed she doesn't properly eat nuggets, just chews around the edges and throws away the middle? Because you get so fat if she does shit like that, right.

Honestly, I am so over Amber pretending she is extremely picky and has these weird, restricted eating habits. She thinks this is cutesy? OR what?? Nobody buys it. She eats her "concoctions" and feels so good about it, but suddenly meat creeps her out? I am sure.
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Amber's not 'picky', nor does she have 'restrictive eating' issues. She merely PRIORITIZES highly caloric foods over foods that are nothing more than "empty vitamins" (Simpsons reference) for weight gain efficiency.
 
The Potatomatic 2000 said:
Remember when she claimed she doesn't properly eat nuggets, just chews around the edges and throws away the middle? Because you get so fat if she does shit like that, right.

Honestly, I am so over Amber pretending she is extremely picky and has these weird, restricted eating habits. She thinks this is cutesy? OR what?? Nobody buys it. She eats her "concoctions" and feels so good about it, but suddenly meat creeps her out? I am sure.
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Amber is picky. She likes only very salty or spicy concoctions, very bland food like white rice, or fried food like McNuggets. She has also an issue with texture, especially uncooked food. She does not touch raw meat and even do not touch onions when she cuts them. Her groceries always seem to be the same, mostly snacks and very little to make decent meals. In fairness, Amber always said that she hated cooking, and she cannot follow recipes. So, we know that most of her meals are takeaways, or cooked by Jade when she lives there. Therefore, we have to take with a grain of salt when she tells us that she is done with takeaways and will cook at home. Relying on fast food to meet your diet goals is bound to failure.
 
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wtf an amber soyjack
 
I was thinking about what will happen when Amber dies, and I feel like I've said this before but I wonder who is going to choose the funeral home, and tell the hospital where to send the body, and go through the details like a date for the service, type of casket and liner, flowers, will it be a graveside service, one at the funeral home or both, writing the obituary, choosing a cemetery and buying a plot, choosing and buying a headstone... probably more little details that I'm forgetting.
Does she want to be cremated instead? I've never arranged one of those so I don't know what goes into it.
I wonder if she has a will, and who will have to do all this stuff? Does she even know who her next of kin is, and is that person aware of her wishes?

If Amber wants a nice send-off, she'd better start planning it herself or at least making sure she has life insurance and a will that names an executor if she doesn't want lawyers and accountants handling all her business at the end.
 
FatalTater said:
If Amber wants a nice send-off, she'd better start planning it herself or at least making sure she has life insurance and a will that names an executor if she doesn't want lawyers and accountants handling all her business at the end.
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Surprised she hasn’t tried to bank on that theme since it’s very likely that she will die a dirty lump.
AlR Vlog - What happens when you die, choosing a funeral home, come coffin shopping with me ⚰️! ; 16 minutes of her eating while justifying her poor life choices and reminding her audience that it’s totally fine to need an XXXL coffin, with 4 minutes of her actually looking at funeral plans before crying and saying that’s it’s so hard to be her.

Surely this breakup could be her “revenge body” bitch mode, but nope.
 
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