"Hello Hello, you guize, welcome to a new vlog. Is today already day 14? One more day and no more daily uploads!" Really? You promise?
Amber is going to change up the uploading schedule, and keep switching it up to different schedules every time she gets bored, because Amber has no concept of the idea that YouTube creators are supposed to get paid for ENTERTAINING OTHERS as opposed to themselves.
Amber complains about calorie counting being too overwhelming, so she's going to do a 10 day challenge... that she'll keep off her channel (so it won't actually happen).
Today is August 1st. Amber usually loves a new month and fresh start, but it's bittersweet because this will be one of the last months that Jade will still be there. Good, we'll soon be done with Amber pretending that Jade is still there. Actually, probably not, as she didn't say WHEN she was going to stop pretending. "One of the last MONTHS" could mean that Amber continues with this Polkaroo bullshit all the way until VLOGMAS. "Hey GUIZE.. FLEEN and I were playing Mario Kart right before I started filming, and you missed her AGAIN!"
Blah blah blah. Word vomit to pad out the video. Worst breakup ever because it's the most she's ever been hurt. More blah blah blah. Just tell us how much you cried so we can all move to the next bullshit topic.
"FLEE is the most passionate relationship I've ever been in". Yes, and you already inadvertantly gave away what that means - it was two years of fights and arguments and you throwing narc tantrums. I'm sure the nonsense from your drunken livestream was a regular occurance at Chez Hedor.
Amber feels bad for her audience, because she's going to CONTINUE subjecting them to her bad Twilight (New Moon) impression of Bella crying over Edward for MONTHS. "This is SO WEIRD, I know..." "Weird" isn't the word that comes to mind. Cringey, pathetic, repulsive, obnoxious... but not "weird".
Amber knows when "they're" moving (but doesn't tell us). "It's coming up".
JUMPCUT!! MORE FOOTAGE of Amber editing on her phone (over 2 1/2 minutes). Amber says that her audience thinks that all she does is throw a video into iMovie and call it a day. The truth is that Amber throws a video into iMovie, tries to cut out as much laboured breathing and background timeline clues as she can, and THEN calls it a day! This is how LIFESTYLE VLOGGERS DO IT! (I wonder when she's actually going to vlog her lifestyle)?
JUMPCUT!! Amber shows her MASSIVE sticker collection. If you want to buy them, message her on IG. If not, they're going in the trash- Uh, I mean, being donated!
JUMPCUT!! Amber talking about protein bars. SO GOOD! Amber reminisces about some sort of proteing/candy bar she ate during the Krystle era. She tries to eat a frozen protein bar and acts like a retard.
JUMPCUT!! Amber fatdances in the kitchen with jumpcuts (to hide her gasping for breath), while saying "this is how I edit". This is her *proof* that she doesn't throw random clips together. BTFO'd, you haydurs who think she fucks with the timeline!!
FREEZE FRAME!
(Do you see what I seeeeeee? She gives 'pear shaped a whole new meaning...)
This guy does it better:
View attachment dancing pear.webp
Amber's protein bar is too frozen to eat, so she's clutching it in her big meaty claws to thaw it as quickly as possible. She seems desperate - I'm waiting for her to throw it into the AIR FRYER or something.
More reminiscing about some protein bar she ate during the Krystle era. Amazing, Amber has 'memory holes' for every shitty thing she's done to people, yet remembers every fucking CANDY BAR she's ever eaten.
JUMPCUT!! More protein bar talk. It's finally thawed out enough to eat. Amber's disappointed because it thawed out too much.
JUMPCUT!! Back to the fridge for more food!! Are we going to eat *this* shitty processed food, or *that* shitty processed food?
The Drew Barrymore air fryer has OFFICIALLY become the new Amberverse side character.
Kitchen hurpling with terrible singing and mindless rambling while waiting for food [SKIP]
More packing, and she cried. WOW, it took a whole 11 minutes to tell us that she cried.
Drew Barrymore has barfed out the mystery processed lumps - dry and overcooked, just like Amber likes them! Holy crap, the sound they made when they hit the serving bowl (that Amber's using as her plate). These ... things have the same consistency to them 'cooked' as they did 'frozen'.
The sauce packet that Amber tried to defrost in warm water is a little chunky. Amber can't use it because she's "a texture girlie". But eating the overcooked GOLFBALLS she just made is totes fine.
The truth appears to be that she doesn't WANT to use the packet, because then she can use the official fatgirl condiments of RANCH, SRIRATCHA, MUSTARD, and SOY SAUCE - likely all at once.
[Warning from 10-minutes in the future Boolean: this IS pretty much a 5 minute mukbang, just with all of the pauses between bites/chewing edited out]
"Back to my mook-bong era... just kidding". I don't think you're kidding. Amber takes a couple of bites, and acts surprised as if she's never eaten them before and they are the best thing she's ever tasted. Then she eats them while trying all of the different sauces she brought.
Fatdances on her shelf while stuffing her face.
In the background, you can see "Jade's" pillow on the couch. Noticed how it's perfectly fluffed - yet the blanket is always messy? It's almost as if it isn't used....
Okay, full disclosure: I'm honestly not sure what's going on here, as I've already placed my text editor window over her video so I can finish this summary without having to watch anymore of this.
"Although breaded isn't good for you, it's better than like... I'd love McDonalds right now". Oop, we know that the REAL meal is going to be once she turns off the camera.
Amber gets food fixations where she likes something so much that she eats it every day. Yeah, like cakepops, orange chicken, yasso bars, pizza (that you don't ACTUALLY like).... Also, I'm sure the entire nonsense about the protein bar and sauce packets were also Amber's 'subtle' hints about her 'food fixations' - but in reality it just shows that her life is so empty and meaningless that her brain has latched onto the only thing she can do - EAT - in order to keep itself occupied.
Word vomit about the 15 days almost being over.
Huh, she suddenly went silent.... [Placard: Thanks for watching]. Oh, it's over. I guess The Binge Monster(TM) took over and Ambo cut the feed.
to her "Conclusion".
