🍗 Deathfat Amberlynn Reid - 600 pound pathological liar and U-Haul lesbian moving in with her next live-in maid/nurse/girlfriend.

[Bam_Margeras_Ass_Licker]

we have a lot to talk about....​

February 18, 2023

Spoiler: Archive

 

[Bilibin]

So she read The Arrangement in 2 hours...

I pulled the first 5 pages from amazon, this includes the chapter header so we're being generous. 1405 words in the first 5 pages. Divided by 5 that's an average of 281 words per page. 228 pages in the book so that's roughly 64068 words. Dividing that by 120 minutes gives us 533.9 words a minute or wpm

Average reading speed is about 250 wpm and people who are high speed readers reach around 400. People who do "speed reading" say they sacrifice comprehension above around 500 wpm. Just for some perspective, those auctioneers who speak fast hover around 250 wpm. So imagine the words inside of Amber's head passing by well over twice as fast as those comedically fast auctioneers.

Considering that Amber is a little slow in the mind, has demonstrated her inability to comprehend basic texts and has an embarrassingly underdeveloped vocabulary, me thinks she's just skimming the pages and calls that reading. Not like you guys didn't already know that, but it's always fun to check the numbers.

 

[It Burns]

In this, Hamber says she was 290 at age 11,and then, at 13, 420 pounds.

So she's telling us that she gained 130 pounds in two years. How the fuck did anyone have enough money to feed this fat fucking behemoth?

For anyone curious, that weight gain breaks down to overeating by roughly 530 calories daily. Translated into this butter golem's favourite food, that's roughly 2.5 cups of plain, cooked rice. Using a 1500cal/day diet as a baseline for that age, she was eating about 34% more than she should have every single day for two years.

And the fat bitch went on to eat like that for almost the entirety of her life.

 

[w4vy_gr4vy]

Who the fuck are these retarded Ambabies wasting money on Loungefly stuff that will end up in a Goodwill bargain bin?? Fools and their money and all that.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Second time hearing this. @Xenomorph brought it up a few pages ago. At this point, it seems she was always wired like this. The literature suggests that at around 3-4, if the child doesn't begin learning how to care about others (learned empathy by nature or nurture), the prognosis goes to near zero of growing out of not caring without some extreme levels of intervention. Sharing toys and food is pretty much the first thing children do to show "care" and this waddling ball of vice is practically the textbook on how to not human. It takes some level of sociopathy to force 3-4 of your peers to go hungry until the end of the school day without feeling shame or guilt.

She can thank neglectful shitbag meth head parents for that. If no one shows empathy or care for a baby it will never learn to have empathy or care for others.

It’s a little strange only because Amber had siblings and they usually teach care and empathy when the shitty parents fail to do it.

 

[Boolean Bitch]

Plot summary with commentary. I'm guessing the title "we have a lot to talk about..." should really be titled "I'm going to spend half an hour guilt-tripping and gaslighting my captive audience". Though I suppose I'm not actually 'captive', as I can click off any time I want.... but let's be real; I'm not gonna do that. I've been sucked into this abyss, and I'm determined to see where it ends.

Regarding @Situation Type Deal Gorl's earlier warning about Amber's mass reaching the point where just the friction of her braincells rubbing together could create a blackhole: Given that a solar mass is approximately 2x10^30kg, and that the average blackhole is about 3-10 solar masses, we should still have SOME wiggle room here. Still, due to Starfleet regulations, we'll be taking the warp engines offline to avoid risking a spacial-tear in the Amberverse. Full impulse, Mr Paris!

Spoiler: we have a lot to talk about.....

"HEY GUISE!" Fuck me - my volume was on full and I didn't notice when I started. She starts off REALLY PERKY. Don't be dumb like me, and make sure your volume is at a safe level before starting.

It's been a 'hot minute', and it's super-late and when she'd normally be sleeping, but she HAD to make this video. So I'm guessing that the time is about 10 or 11 o'clock.... in the morning.

The gorl who LOVES YouTube and making videos has only has filmed one video in the last 8 days. Her dog ate the footage. No wait, she accidentally deleted it. Makes the excuse that it was because she didn't film on her phone, but then said it was because she needed a break from oversharing. She was giving too much, and people weren't kissing her shelf enough in return. She thanks the frogs for all of their positivity... yet didn't appreciate it enough to actually ACKNOWLEDGE THEM IN THE COMMENTS SECTION she now reads again. Her brain subconsciously kept focusing on the negative comments about WLS, and she won't let that continue to happen.

Amber pretends that she was hanging out with friends the last several days. Yeah, her good buddies Ben and Jerry.

WLS is a very scary situation (type deal) when you have to go under at her weight .... Just existing at over 500lbs should be a scary situation (type deal) to you, Amber. LOSE MORE THAN 2LBS PER WEEK!

LEGO UPDATE! Shows the completed LEGO flowers. Shows the completed LEGO suckalints. Shows a mess of bricks which will become the Starry Night LEGO set. Shows the completed LEGO Titanic set. The LEGO titanic set is her heart and dream. Good job, Hamtard: aim so low that you can't possibly miss.

Despite it being Amber's heart and dream, the LEGO Titanic monstrousity is currently clogging up the space in front of Jade's desk. Of course it is! You think Amber's going to let HER stuff get in HER way? Not a chance! It needs to be an eyesore for her gorlfriend, who uses her desk to work from home.

Pink roses for Amber for Valentine's Day - and Amber cried because she's dumb like that (her words, not mine). Apparently, no gift from Amber to Jade (at least Amber didn't mention getting Jade anything). I guess we just don't understand EMPATHY like Amber.

PO Box bullshit: Comically small Bambi backpack that's going to look like a keychain dangleeen across her Quasimoto hump. Matching Bambi wallet for a 6 year old. Gem Canvas Kit (it's like diamond painting). Another colouring book.

Diamond Painting Update: she stuck more plastic dots onto a sheet of paper that's coated in adhesive. OH!! And she also has a promo code for you if you want to buy this same kit from her "friend" who just so happens to sell these kits in her online store.

Careful, Amber: not properly disclosing affiliations and sponsorships will make the YouTube gods angry....

Amber shows off her newest diamond art painting. "She's so big, and I want to show her, and do her.... okay, that sounded wrong". It sounded exactly as you intended, GORL. You aren't a good actor.

-- Amber Reid --
P.O. Box 23937
Lexington ky 40523

Book update: lots of reading. Books is good for the brain. Y'all need to spend ridiculous amounts on books, and then stare at them while your brain is in neutral - I mean, you need to 'read' them.
"Big Girl": Amber didn't like how the protagonist was only 20lbs overweight.
"FOE": 4.5/5, which Amber has said could also mean 8/10.
"Wink Poppy Midnight": rated '3 stars'.... or possibly 'yellow'?
"Arrangement" - stared at it for two hours, and 5 out of 5. Exciting book! Amber was at the edge of her seat - like she always sits due to her massive shelf. Come on, Amber! Read, "HOUSE OF LEAVES", or "CAN'T HURT ME"!

Overall, I rate this segment 4/3(pi)r^3.

OMFG, we're still only half-way through this shitshow...

Info about Weekly Weigh Ins: Weight from last Sunday (where she DFE'd the video evidence) - 505.2lbs. "Today" (whenever that is/was), 503.0lbs. Weekly weigh ins for her audience don't help her, but she's going to show them anyway - just not on a schedule.

WLS update - Amber's stressed, because she thought they were going to schedule everything for her, and she's learned that she actually has to do the work (well, JADE has to do the work). Amber's not used to the type of life where she has to be on top of things. "Overstimulated". "Sounds like a child". "Phone Anxiety".

STUFF DONE SO FAR:
Online seminar
Intake packet
Intake day
Intake educational course
Physcial w/ Bariatric provider
Registered Dietician evaluation (one on one w/ dietician)
Dietician Bariatric course (online)
H. Pylori test
GI scan
Pre Surgical Questionnaire
Bariatric questionnaire
Psych evaluation
Lab work
Dr fax over lab results (which YOU didn't do, Amber)
Dr letter of support (which you also didn't do).
EKG
Chest X ray (and they didn't find a dangleeen lung!)
Start multi-vitamin and vit D (OK, now you're really reaching in trying to sound busy, Amber).
Start low impact exercise 2-3x/wk (walkeen in place just like her 2019 WLS Journey!)
Lose at least 1lb

Everything is now in the hands of "technology". (damn you, Skynet, if you don't let Amber get WLS!!) Amber needs to see the surgeon one on one when the clinic gets back in touch with her. Amber knows what she wants, but is keeping it a secret so no one can talk her out of it. Grow up, Amber. Besides, YOU don't decide. THE SURGEON decides what is best for you, and then you decide whether it's that or nothing.

AMBER'S CURRENT MINI-GOALS:
- Don't use straws (way to push yourself, gorl)
- No drinking 30min before or after eating and small sips (Camel-Lynn has got this one in the bag)
- Eat protein first, then veg, last carbs (of course Amber struggles with this one).
- Smaller bites and more chewing (Amber is also struggleeen with this)
- Getting steps in
- CALORIE COUNTING!! And counting proteinz!
(I notice she isn't even attempting the 'stop drinking soda' rule her specific WLS has)

Amber takes a break to talk about her nipples.

Amber's never had trouble with her teeth - except for sensitivity and all of the teeth that her body mysteriously 'rejected'. She blames her teeth 'situation' on over-brushing and not from neglecting her oral care for over a decade.

HARD WORK!!! STRESSFUL!! MENTAL AND PHYSICAL WORK!!! SHE'S SAVING HER LIFE!!! IT SUCKS THAT SHE HAS TO DO IT THIS WAY!! IT'S 'RILL-ISTIC'.

Amber feels shame that she couldn't lose the weight herself, instead of feeling shame for acting like a narcissistic glutton and enslaving her gorlfriends for over a decade to facilitate said gluttony.

Amber has a fatty liver (hulthy but big)! She wants to get as low in weight as possible to put her liver in the best condition it can be in for the surgery. She needs to focus on liver health. Two things:
1) A liquid diet will do that. Start one now.
2) YOU CUD AVE LOST FIDDY POUNDS DIS MUNT!!!

Amber realizes she may have been rambling. Mental Molment!! Anyway, Byee!!

TL;DR: Amber rambles for 30 minutes. Her weight "today" was 503.0lbs. She throws as much nonsense at her audience as she can, including: LEGO updates, diamond art updates, promo code, PO Box updates, and rehashing everything she's done so far for WLS. She also discusses her current goals, such as sipping water and counting steps (which are the same goals from every weight-loss cycle). WARNING: The following video contains discussions about Amber's nipples. Viewer descretion is advised.

 

[TheCakeIsALie]

Shes 25 lbs down she says, but losing 2 to 3 lbs a week? She should be able to lose 40 in a month at her size.

 

[Constellationzero]

So she read The Arrangement in 2 hours...

I pulled the first 5 pages from amazon, this includes the chapter header so we're being generous. 1405 words in the first 5 pages. Divided by 5 that's an average of 281 words per page. 228 pages in the book so that's roughly 64068 words. Dividing that by 120 minutes gives us 533.9 words a minute or wpm

Average reading speed is about 250 wpm and people who are high speed readers reach around 400. People who do "speed reading" say they sacrifice comprehension above around 500 wpm. Just for some perspective, those auctioneers who speak fast hover around 250 wpm. So imagine the words inside of Amber's head passing by well over twice as fast as those comedically fast auctioneers.

Considering that Amber is a little slow in the mind, has demonstrated her inability to comprehend basic texts and has an embarrassingly underdeveloped vocabulary, me thinks she's just skimming the pages and calls that reading. Not like you guys didn't already know that, but it's always fun to check the numbers.

Methinks she's just reading the truncated synopsis on the back or jacket cover insides. And barely, since, like many her age (who like Harry Potter), she cannot read at an appropriate age level and has zero reading comprehension skills.

Somehow... she's allowed to vote.

 

[maybe a pigeon]

I suspect it's that it's a lot of things.

1. Li'l baby bitch reaction "OhmyGod! Raw chicken is groossss."

2. Dainty gorls don't eat ANIMALS, ew. Especially large ones, like cows.

Corollary 1; Chickens and turkeys are small and, like. just natural human prey.

Corollary 2: Meat that resembles an actual animal part is not kyyuute. It should be ground up, shaped in a patty, nugget, tube or ball, like God intended.

Corollary 3: Rotissirie chicken excepted, cuz it's sooo gooood.

3. Flavor of the month singer/actor/ MAW is like, totes vegan and skinny.

4. Vague notion of hulthy food being maybe something without colestrol? Crolestol? Sachrated fat?

When we've all seen you eat thousands of turkey meatballs, McNuggets and sausage pizza, you a LAH.

Also, I bet Mama Meth never brought a single raw chicken home. KFC or bust.

So meat “creeps her out” unless it’s boned, skinned, cut into bite-sized pieces, breaded, deep fat fried, covered in a sugary sauce, and served with a side order of white rice. ftw! Man, I should have bought stock in The Cheesecake Factory before MGW showed up.

 

[Trees]

I'm trying to parse this out. Amberlynn is overstimulated... by scheduling appointments? Having appointments? Something about appointments is overstimulating her?

The symptom I think she's trying to LARP is executive dysfunction.

 

[TardiX]

So she read The Arrangement in 2 hours...

I pulled the first 5 pages from amazon, this includes the chapter header so we're being generous. 1405 words in the first 5 pages. Divided by 5 that's an average of 281 words per page. 228 pages in the book so that's roughly 64068 words. Dividing that by 120 minutes gives us 533.9 words a minute or wpm

Average reading speed is about 250 wpm and people who are high speed readers reach around 400. People who do "speed reading" say they sacrifice comprehension above around 500 wpm. Just for some perspective, those auctioneers who speak fast hover around 250 wpm. So imagine the words inside of Amber's head passing by well over twice as fast as those comedically fast auctioneers.

Considering that Amber is a little slow in the mind, has demonstrated her inability to comprehend basic texts and has an embarrassingly underdeveloped vocabulary, me thinks she's just skimming the pages and calls that reading. Not like you guys didn't already know that, but it's always fun to check the numbers.

That reminds me, during a video CrusaderActual pointed out her tracker for one of her books had "30 minutes left" written down. So she's still listening and not reading. Even still, The Arrangement book on tape is 10hrs and 50mins long.

 

[Constellationzero]

So meat “creeps her out” unless it’s boned, skinned, cut into bite-sized pieces, breaded, deep fat fried, covered in a sugary sauce, and served with a side order of white rice. ftw! Man, I should have bought stock in The Cheesecake Factory before MGW showed up.

AUTHENTICALLY. Not, liek...Panda Express, who does not do Urnge Chkin AUTHENTICALLY.

 

[dfranki723]

I don't think she realises nobody would tear apart her diet and her pretend issues with shit like meat if she didn't make such a huge fucking ''I'm so dainty and different guys'' deal out of it.

We know meat doesn't creep her out. This is one of her more ridiculous and pointless lies at least.

 

[I call shenanigans]

@Boolean Bitch, Of course Amber isn’t going to tell us which surgery she wants, because she’s unlikely to get it. She needs to pay more attention to her TLC shows. Amber has stated very clearly in the past that she wants Gastric Bypass, but all these TLC super fats are getting robotic Sleeve Gastrectomies…for good reason. Chris Combs and Tammy Slaton (not yet officially confirmed but widely rumoured it was Sleeve) were both Sleeve Gastrecomies, all Dr Now’s 600lb lifers have been getting robotic sleeve Gastrectomies recently. The only recent TLC surgeon gastric bypass that’s been televised in the last year that I can recall is Vanessa from 1000lb Best Friends, and she weighed significantly less (398lbs) than Amber at the time she was approved for surgery.

Maybe being prepared to pay more out of pocket might get Amber Gastric Bypass instead, but guaranteed she’s not going to consciously disclose which surgery she wants until her surgeon confirms he’ll perform it on her. I suspect Amber has had too few interactions with specialists and surgeons to realise yet that when they tell patients they have options/choices, it’s the surgeon that makes the ultimate decision, based on patient circumstance but also risk of complications that in the long run can damage both the surgeon’s reputation and increase their already very costly insurance premiums.

 

[w4vy_gr4vy]

I'm trying to parse this out. Amberlynn is overstimulated... by scheduling appointments? Having appointments? Something about appointments is overstimulating her?

The symptom I think she's trying to LARP is executive dysfunction.

I thought it was just her handicapped way of saying that she's making sure she's more strict with herself about booking appointments but I'm probably giving her too much credit.

 

[Constellationzero]

See, one thing that irritates me with Tammy Slaton (well, with all Slatons), is...Gee, can TLC make it even more obvious that they have no ethics? Doctor included.

Tammy is obviously (you don't need a license to see it) a SPED. A low functioning one at that. I've watched clips of her at the doctor's and with her tard wrangler and at rehab. Tammy CANNOT CONSENT to anything really. She's too low functioning. She'll never lose weight, or make progress because she just cannot function at that capacity. I thought the Duggers were the apotheosis of no ethics and tortious cruelty, but expecting standards out of Amy, Tammy, OR their brother, is just bullshit.

So Tammy actually received some kind of surgery? Jesus fucking Christ... That doctor (Procter?) ought to lose his damn license. Like I said. ZERO DOCTORS (the ones with ethics and professionalism) will approve of Hambutt getting surgery--or even WASTE TIME in an exam room with her. Hambutt is a different case than Tammy, but not by much if we're talking about ethics and professionalism. No doctor who cares about their patient outcomes or their very license, will so much as entertain Amber even speaking about WLS.

Goddamn she needs side characters. This bullshitass WLS arc is light years past stale and the people on Youtube talking about iNpAtIenT tReaTemenT and GaSTrIc SlEeVEs need to take a long elevator ride down with a sudden stop at the end.

 

[I call shenanigans]

So Tammy actually received some kind of surgery? Jesus fucking Christ... That doctor (Procter?) ought to lose his damn license. Like I said. ZERO DOCTORS (the ones with ethics and professionalism) will approve of Hambutt getting surgery--or even WASTE TIME in an exam room with her. Hambutt is a different case than Tammy, but not by much if we're talking about ethics and professionalism. No doctor who cares about their patient outcomes or their very license, will so much as entertain Amber even speaking about WLS.

Tammy has indeed had bariatric surgery. The surgeon was the same surgeon Amber is now seeing…Dr Eric Smith of Kentucky Bariatric Institute…not Proctor. I have no doubt that is why Amber chose him specifically given she had other options in Lexington. If he would perform surgery on Tammy and her brother, then Amber would expect she is even more likely to be approved than Tammy.

As for the ethics…sure it’s questionable. However, Tammy has already had at least three lucky escapes from death in the past 2-3 years. This surgery has the potential to save her life, whether it does or not doesn’t really matter, because she’s going to die anyway. I’m sure that both TLC and the surgeon would frame this surgery as giving her a chance to turn her life around when there is no other chance.

Amber on the other hand, doesn’t appear to be at that point yet…plus she’s not being filmed by TLC cameras (as far as we know). The surgeon’s expectations of Amber may be much higher as a result. We need to remember that Amber, by her own admission, has not even met with the surgeon one on one yet. Her only experience of him so far is through watching him on a contrived, heavily edited, and chronologically screwed up TLC show, and his brief chat to a group of potential patients at an information session. He is likely a very different beast in the presence of a 500lb plus tub of lard in the privacy of his consulting room.

 

[Salvador Dali]

Wipey love bombs Hamber every waking second on camera, her ambabies send her meaningful and customized presents and jewelry every week, and she has been flooded by support from the francophones….But yet she still decides to focus her mentulz on the haydurs. Never change sisyphuslynn

On another note, it’s refreshing to see hamber embracing her inner girl boss by doing these promotional pieces for these craft companies. I remember when she was trying so hard to grab the attention of the Coldest Water Bottle when they were sponsoring all the fatties expect for Hamber. Even Chantal had a sponsorship and good business relation with them until she decided to fuck it up

How much do you reckon she has spent on her new diamond painting obsession in the span of a month? She always goes all out on everything she does and the way Amberlynn handles her finances will always be one of life’s greatest mysteries. And she is expecting us to believe she's saving for her weight loss surgery?

 

[Mekahineyho]

Something tells me Amber ate all those chocolate gummy bears.

 

[Xenomorph]

Orca, already armed and ready with excuses to quit lmao
@Salvador Dali Hayders give her an excuse to use her drugs, people licking her gunt do nothing for her as she barely feels anything other than herself and needs and the oh so lovely feeling of her barely chewed food expanding her esophagus.