🍗 Deathfat Amberlynn Reid - 600 pound pathological liar and U-Haul lesbian moving in with her next live-in maid/nurse/girlfriend.

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Friend of Dorothy Parker said:
Is she using a grabber tool to get food out of the pantry? Because she can't close enough to reach with her hand?...
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I have no idea why she had that. Maybe it was to reach stuff when the camera was off, but during this scene she was using it as a pointer and lecturing about all the different shelves and what foodstuffs were on them. Either way, it was absurd to watch.

Situation Type Deal Gorl said:
Pop quiz time!

How many acres of kale would you have to plant to be able to dry enough to satisfy one (1) snacktime for Hamber?...
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Zero (0) acres. We all know Amber doesn't actually eat vegetables. If left to fill up on kale, the bitch would probably try to eat VapoRub instead (again).

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Today is Vlogmas Day 20, or December 19th in the Amberverse. Great, Amber is setting these to post later and later, despite finishing them the day before. I guess she has to piss off her audience show her audience just how much strain this is causing on her mentulz.

Let's see if the video follows the typical Vlogmas 2022 script:
1 Sitting on the couch.
2 Stupid complaints about her appearance/lighting.
3 Present.
4 Fawning over present.
5 Random stupidity: dumb behaviour or 'random quirkiness'.
6 FOOD.
7 Random bullshit chore.
8 Looking at the tree/decorations.
9 The pets.
10 The Advent Calendars.
11 complaining about her health/mentulz.
12 Shitting on her audience.
13 Comment of the day... "I don't know what that means".
14 BYEEE!!!

Well, fuck, let's do this.

Amber's right eye is red again.

She has a PO Box if you want to send her stuff - so she can ignore it and continue to moo on camera about how hated she is.

Amber finally got the necklace extenders! Amber laughs that Amazon used a large plastic envelope to send what looks like a dime bag of crack (that is pretty funny, tbh).

What's even funnier is that the necklace still JUST fits despite her using the largest extender.

Love notes on the blackboard again. - and both keep forgetting to add their weights.

Amber STILL hasn't put away her Torrid clothing. There is also fast food trash on the floor.

Jade's present is a pair of 'Teddy Fresh' shorts. Jade is a little 'obsessed'. We have to wait for Jade to try them on. FILLER

GAH SHE'S MELTING! WHO THREW WATER ON HER!?! Oh, false alarm, Amber's just making a stupid face.

All of the rejected (and opened) pantry food from yesterday's cleanup is still on the island, waiting to go to the homeless shelter.

A cleaning 'molment' is needed because the apartment is becoming a sty - no mopping for weeks.

Random question from a random "what would you do" question book. Amber ignores us to chat with Jade off camera. FILLER.

Grocery haul: broccoli, avocadoes (oh no, her sludgy gallbladder) soda, taco ingredients, snack olives, couscous, snack bars, snack bars, snack bars, onions, cheese, veggie patties, cheese, frozen dinner, frozen dinner, frozen dinner, bags of shredded lettuce, ground turkey, laundry detergent and scented stuff so her clothes don't smell like death.

Amber shows us her putting her snacky-poos in plastic trays for the pantry. Why yes, yes she did try to give away an open box of snack bars to a homeless shelter, only to come back from the grocery store with MORE snack bars. CUNTENT.

Amber is impressed with the colour of the wrappers on her snacky-poos, as THAT is what matters. That's a LOT of 'snackage molments'. CUNTENT.

Amber shows us her refilling her glass jar with the scent beads that (try to) keep her clothes from smelling like death.

JUST HAD AN ANXIETY ATTACK... yet her breathing is completely normal... well, normal for HER.

Amber can see what her audience searches for, and this is what they search:
"Amberlynn Reid mukbang compilation"
"Amberlynn Reid torrid"
"Amberlynn Reid eating"
"Amberlynn Reid cheesecake factory"
"Amberlynn Reid calorie count"
Amber complains that her audience insists they don't want this stuff, but these are the most popular searches!! If you don't want people making these searches, DON'T MAKE THIS CONTENT. I doubt ANYONE searches "Erik the Electric wacky knitting compilation", or "Jim Browning eats an entire rotisserie chicken"

Amber is now organizing a part of her closet. WTF? Did a subscriber send her their old Marie Kondo books? OH YEAH, Amber's trying to avoid leaving the house to look at Christmas lights. I forgot.

A second Torrid monster has started growing on a bookshelf overflowing with mint condition books that have no cracked spines - oh, and an empty toilet paper roll. What a pig. She declutters her comic books.

Advent Calendars. Rubbery catepillar toy - and more clutter/junk in frame on her floor. Star-shaped cutter. She makes a PlayDoh snake into giant heart with three stars inside with the initials R, W, and T. The stars represent her 3 pets, and the outer border represents her heart which has grown 3 sizes too big due to morbid obesity being filled with the Christmas spirit.

Comment of the Day: bowlofmilk says "and compiling evidence against vlogmas naysayers". Amber: I don't know what you're talking about. Byee!

HAHAHAHA! Right after this, I got recommended a video titled "You're doing home organization WRONG" with a thumbnail saying "This is why YOUR HOME IS A MESS". Even YouTube Skynet is aware of her shit.

TL;DR: Jade gets a pair of 'Teddy Fresh' shorts. Amber got the necklace extenders, and the necklace is still small. Amber refills her snack troughs. Amber reorganizes the corner of her closet and declutters a few comic books. They live like pigs. Vlogmas Script Score: 13/14 (no looking at the tree/decorations).

Amber just LOVES to organize and clean!
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Flourishing Pinecone ❧ said:
To Lizzo's credit she is very physically fit, she can do a whole concert dancing and play the flute without expiring which is more than most of us I would guess.
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Torching the candle at both ends is not fitness, it is the same exact sin of expedience that got her to levels of deathfat delusions in the first place. The constant abuse of her body with shit foods and pharmaceuticals in order to operate on stage will manifest soon enough. Tess Hollandaise is feeling it now, these super narcs don't just disappear because they're taking life slower, they were forced to because they're now immobile and the organ damage have become permanent.
 
Lizzo is fucking gigantic, having bursts of energy on stage when her adrenaline is running isn't surprising but that's not indicative of being ''physically fit''. That's what dipshit HAES morons preach and it just leads to gargantuan women thinking ''well if Lizzo is healthy being obsese, I can be too!''.

Then they die in their thirties.
 
Situation Type Deal Gorl said:
How many acres of kale would you have to plant to be able to dry enough to satisfy one (1) snacktime for Hamber?
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According to WebMD, kale has 33 calories for every 100 grams/ 1 cup. For Hamberlynn, I'm going to estimate snacktime to be 4500 Calories. So, for that has to be converted to little c calories which is 4,500,000 calories. That comes out to 136,363.63 (repeating, of course) and I'll round that to 136,364 cups of kale which comes out to 71,126 pounds. New England Vegetable Guide lists 12,000 pounds per acre as a good yield, and that comes out to 5.927166 (repeating, again) acres of kale.

In short, it would take 6 acres.
 
Mr. Confederate Man said:
According to WebMD, kale has 33 calories for every 100 grams/ 1 cup. For Hamberlynn, I'm going to estimate snacktime to be 4500 Calories. So, for that has to be converted to little c calories which is 4,500,000 calories. That comes out to 136,363.63 (repeating, of course) and I'll round that to 136,364 cups of kale which comes out to 71,126 pounds. New England Vegetable Guide lists 12,000 pounds per acre as a good yield, and that comes out to 5.927166 (repeating, again) acres of kale.

In short, it would take 6 acres.
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And this is why I love this board. I learn something new/useless (choose adjative of choice) everyday. Thank you.
 
I too, have a grabber. Everybody should have one. It's useful for when something falls into a space that's not easily reachable, like the space between the washer and dryer where my He-man hands can't reach it. Or when one of the cats knocks a toy under the couch.

Also useful when working on the car and you drop that fucking 10mm socket into some god-awful unreachable place. Have a magnetic extendable wand for that kind of stuff, too.

But no, I don't use it to organize the pantry. She's such a dipshit. But the real reason I suspect she has one is that she's too fucking fat to easily bend over and pick shit up off the floor. Not to mention she's what, like 5'2"? Her fat T-Rex arms can't reach shit.
 
LonesomeDud said:
The grabber is a good thing. Amber having more independence is a great thing, even if it looks goofy.
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Having to use a grabber at 32 because you've eaten yourself into deathfat and can no longer fit into the pantry to grab something is not independence. That's the exact opposite of independence. That's dependence on a tool that 99% of the rest of the world does not need to do the same job.
 
Being 5’2 and weighing the amount of 4 woman causes people to question your capabilities idiot. People ask you this shit because you parade around like being 550 lbs is a cake walk.No one believes you just casually hop in and out the shower daily without it being a painful grueling experience. 45667AE2-2383-4F82-B791-32ABEDC851D0.jpeg C7F94E2F-053A-4945-AB77-1630E091EAC3.jpeg EB3DBAA8-D3F7-472D-A5B7-C19283CADF08.jpeg
 
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The grabber could possibly be part of the nigger's degenerate feederism. Donna Simpson was using one, and if you've ever seen feeder Tumblr or Chance Carmichael, it's a thing for the feeder to be all: "OMFG--WHY ARE YOU MOVING AROUND??? I WILL GET THAT!!"
They want bedbound.
They want no calories burned.
They want total helplessness.
The money shot is DEATH.

 
Amber's necklace extender came in the mail so she can now wear her ghetto font "B" collar necklace. Which is happy day for me, I love this piece of trash

As a nerd my first thought when she got a "B" necklace I was immediately reminded of Anne Boleyn's famous "B" necklace. (A "B" with three pearls dangling from it, you've seen it in the movies). So, as a natural time waster, I spent a few minutes for days at work doodling the difference between the two iconic women
 

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Mekahineyho said:
Being 5’2 and weighing the amount of 4 woman causes people to question your capabilities idiot. People ask you this shit because you parade around like being 550 lbs is a cake walk.No one believes you just casually hop in and out the shower daily without it being a painful grueling experience.View attachment 4125111View attachment 4125114View attachment 4125117
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Annnnndd...no one would ask a non-amputee what running with a prosthetic leg feels like, either, Amberlynn. You're asked these questions because the way you are configured is atypical, it appears burdensome, and you invite invasive questions and lookie-loos in general, not because everyone or that person is afraid of your fat.

But really, someone 5'2" and 524-odd pounds should herself be fatphobic. Very, very fatphobic. Because it's going to kill you, AL.

Christ. At 5'2", she's 150 lbs heavier than the biggest man in the NFL, who is 6'9" and 380. And every article on him just goes on and on about how fucking huge he is.

Sorry, just wrapping my head around how absolutely big 5xx pounds is. (:_(
 
Mekahineyho said:
Being 5’2 and weighing the amount of 4 woman causes people to question your capabilities idiot. People ask you this shit because you parade around like being 550 lbs is a cake walk.No one believes you just casually hop in and out the shower daily without it being a painful grueling experience.View attachment 4125111View attachment 4125114View attachment 4125117
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Dear Santa, this Christmas can we PLEASE bring Amber a new gorlfriend to emulate because this iteration is the most insufferable, intolerable, belligerent and arrogant this smug bag of cooking oil has ever been.
 
The collar extender is here? OH MY GAH!
This is a real Christmas miracle, I was holding my breath for this moment, and I can't believe it is already here. I never thought I could be this happy again, but Hamber managed to make my dreams come true.
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The "pantry"... where are the staples? Where is the stockpile to feed her when SHTF? Or if the power goes out for a week? WHY DID SHE GIVE AWAY ALL THE PROTEINS? Good luck making that peanut butter cup last three weeks when the apocalypse comes, gorl.

ALSO
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Vlogmas Day 20.

There’s a lot of people recapping so I’m just gonna shorten mine for easy reading.

“Baby, I love these.”

“Baby, are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m obsessed.”

“But do you like it?”

“Yes, baby. I love it.”

“But are you sure, baby?”
 
Amber uses a grabber because she’s short—while the rest of us use a step stool or a step ladder. And now I can’t stop imagining Amber trying to change a lightbulb in a ceiling fixture and the whole thing collapsing under her into a pile of steel shards and blubber.

So I thought of a riddle!

Q. How many AmberLynns does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Jade.
 
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