🍗 Deathfat Amberlynn Reid - 600 pound pathological liar and U-Haul lesbian moving in with her next live-in maid/nurse/girlfriend.

[Thumb Butler]

View attachment 4006164

Stolen from Twitter but much needed to break up the powerlevelling and personal medical nightmares

I see Tammy Slaton.

 

[maybe a pigeon]

I’m going to say it here because otherwise the top of my head will blow off.

How the hell can this fat fuck—who is online 24/7—be incapable of researching weight loss surgery options, costs, and insurance coverage?

I realize that YouTube rewards mediocrity, and that millionaire YouTubers routinely downplay their income in order to appear relateable. In a similar vein, I’m sure some portion of the idiocy Amber displays is the result of her belief that her audience is younger and dumber than she is.

But doesn’t she realize the most effective way to get her views back and insure a solid income stream would be to research WLS, financially plan for it, prepare mentally and physically for it, and then follow through? I don’t even watch MSHPL, but I know lots of people would find this compelling.

I know, I know. Amber is a lolcow, and failing is her brand.

(I mean, HONESTLY: https://letmegooglethat.com/?q=weight+loss+surgery+Lexington+Kentucky)

 

[Turd Fergusson]

According to Hamber she doesn’t have a fupa nor the balls that come with it so in her ‘books is good for the brain’ thinking she’ll see that as $12,000 less. Thx for the breakdown btw

One thing we need to understand that Amber’s body is so deformed that the skin removal surgery will be far more extensive than she expects. One of her biggest fears is sagging skin.

I am not sure that Jade will help much about saving money for the surgery while Amber keeps overspending on food and rubbish.

 

[FatalTater]

I wonder if people are ever going to get tired of the "Amber has told a LIE! I must call her out!" cycle.
Amber lies all the damn time, and it's not because she's doing anything sneaky.
She does it to get attention, and boy howdy does it work!
People rush to her channel, click her videos, leave comments, and all it does is put money in Amber's pocket.
Some make videos about her, which gets her name out there and people go to her channel. Money goes to Amber yet again.

Folks can bitch about her all they want (lord knows I have) but she is playing every last one of you, and she is winning.

 

[dfranki723]

I feel the same way when I read comments about how disappointed they are in her and they can no longer fund her lifestyle by watching her content (dramatic paragraphs of holier than thou bollocks), only to stick around and give ''advice'' in the following videos.

I'd say it'd be more interesting to point out when she's told the truth. 90% of everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie.

 

[I call shenanigans]

Her psychologist told her she needs to eat whatever she's craving in moderation because otherwise she'll binge? Does she understand what the pre-WLS diet is going to be because she isn't going to get to eat a bunch of bullshit "because it's triggereen if she doesn't". All the crap she eats is a no-no. It's all lean meats and veggies like carrots, broccoli, etc., while cutting out fast food, starches like potatoes and corn, high fat meats, and sugary drinks. Then to the liquid diet both pre and post-op. The other thing with the "eat in moderation what you're craving" thing. Why the fuck would she this thing takes over buy that many snacks? Is it me? Am I being retarded?

Of course she doesn't understand the pre or post WLS diet. Honestly most dieticians, even ones working in bariatric practices, dont seem to understand that bariatric patients can't eat "everything in moderation" because these patients don't have a moderation button. It's also the reason why having an active eating disorder is an exclusion for getting WLS. Amber knows this already, she was told after her last attempt to get WLS that she'd need years of therapy to deal with her ED, even IF she is currently in therapy, she's not even close to getting her ED under control. It's the EDs that give these megafats such poor outcomes post surgery.

This WLS re-run is just Amber recycling old stories that got her views in the past. She's done so much research she doesn't even know the two surgeries on offer at different prices. It's most likely VSG (sleeve) and Gastric Bypass (either RNY, or Omega Loop aka Mini Bypass). In other words she's done no research in all the years she's run with this storyline. She's not saving for WLS, because she has no intention of having it. If it's not going to be offered to her for free as part of a TV deal where she doesn't have to put any effort into counselling etc, then she's not going to do anything beyond an initial consultation. It'll be the same as her three previous initial consults that never went any further. It'll be interesting to read what her excuses are this time for not moving forward, but I won't be suckered in again to watch her.

One thing we need to understand that Amber’s body is so deformed that the skin removal surgery will be far more extensive than she expects. One of her biggest fears is sagging skin.

She doesn't. Her entire body will be covered in loose sagging skin. Watching some of the heavyweights on MSHPL, the ones that successfully lose 400+ pounds often need multiple surgeries, and in the case of legs, it's often 2 or 3 surgeries on each leg. Tummy tucks need to happen multiple times as well. Tummy tucks are supposedly the least painful of the reconstructive plastic surgeries (and having had one myself quite recently) they are fucking painful and take up to a year to completely heal and get final results.

Your earlier list of plastic surgery costs is very low ball. While websites might quote surgery costs at the low end best case scenario, every surgery has expensive add on additional costs, like injectable in surgery pain relief, liposuction, surgical garments etc. Abdominoplasty (tummy tuck) for someone as large as Amber is going to start at around US$25k and that's just for a standard abdominoplasty, she'd need a 360 lift eventually because of that shelf arse of hers. Not that it matters, because she's not ever going to lose enough weight to have those surgeries.

 

[Smoovy Jay]

But doesn’t she realize the most effective way to get her views back and insure a solid income stream would be to research WLS, financially plan for it, prepare mentally and physically for it, and then follow through? I don’t even watch MSHPL, but I know lots of people would find this compelling.

People are falling over themselves congratulating Peetz for making chicken, people like to see people succeed. So despite Amber's insistence we just want to see her fail., if she tried, like actually tried, people would support her.

I wonder if people are ever going to get tired of the "Amber has told a LIE! I must call her out!" cycle.
Amber lies all the damn time, and it's not because she's doing anything sneaky.
She does it to get attention, and boy howdy does it work!
People rush to her channel, click her videos, leave comments, and all it does is put money in Amber's pocket.
Some make videos about her, which gets her name out there and people go to her channel. Money goes to Amber yet again.

Folks can bitch about her all they want (lord knows I have) but she is playing every last one of you, and she is winning.

Same thing happened when she first said "Falene." Of course she meant Jade but reaction channels and everyone else overreacting, repeatedly asking "who's Falene???" It's Jade, you dumbfucks, stop falling for it. Chantal also knows how to play that game.

Of course she doesn't understand the pre or post WLS diet. Honestly most dieticians, even ones working in bariatric practices, dont seem to understand that bariatric patients can't eat "everything in moderation" because these patients don't have a moderation button. It's also the reason why having an active eating disorder is an exclusion for getting WLS. Amber knows this already, she was told after her last attempt to get WLS that she'd need years of therapy to deal with her ED, even IF she is currently in therapy, she's not even close to getting her ED under control. It's the EDs that give these megafats such poor outcomes post surgery.

This WLS re-run is just Amber recycling old stories that got her views in the past. She's done so much research she doesn't even know the two surgeries on offer at different prices. It's most likely VSG (sleeve) and Gastric Bypass (either RNY, or Omega Loop aka Mini Bypass). In other words she's done no research in all the years she's run with this storyline. She's not saving for WLS, because she has no intention of having it. If it's not going to be offered to her for free as part of a TV deal where she doesn't have to put any effort into counselling etc, then she's not going to do anything beyond an initial consultation. It'll be the same as her three previous initial consults that never went any further. It'll be interesting to read what her excuses are this time for not moving forward, but I won't be suckered in again to watch her.

She doesn't. Her entire body will be covered in loose sagging skin. Watching some of the heavyweights on MSHPL, the ones that successfully lose 400+ pounds often need multiple surgeries, and in the case of legs, it's often 2 or 3 surgeries on each leg. Tummy tucks need to happen multiple times as well. Tummy tucks are supposedly the least painful of the reconstructive plastic surgeries (and having had one myself quite recently) they are fucking painful and take up to a year to completely heal and get final results.

Your earlier list of plastic surgery costs is very low ball. While websites might quote surgery costs at the low end best case scenario, every surgery has expensive add on additional costs, like injectable in surgery pain relief, liposuction, surgical garments etc. Abdominoplasty (tummy tuck) for someone as large as Amber is going to start at around US$25k and that's just for a standard abdominoplasty, she'd need a 360 lift eventually because of that shelf arse of hers. Not that it matters, because she's not ever going to lose enough weight to have those surgeries.

Amber has said in the past that she knows her body is deformed and will never be normal.

 

[Mr. Ghoul]

This really is Trollmass 2022. Literally everything she's doing and saying is just to get a negative reaction out of people. The cackles, oh god the cackles.

Get that money, fatty! We'll see how well you do in 2023! Looking forward to more bouts with cellulitis and you finally hitting that stretch goal of 600 elbees!

 

[w4vy_gr4vy]

Now granted I don't understand nutrition like Amber does, nor do I understand psychology like the made up imaginary shrinks she claims to go to, but unless she's going to fucking Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder for an assessment, surely any spastic could tell you that Amber *cannot* do eating in moderation, otherwise she wouldn't be 500 el bees... so I find it a bit difficult to believe that a) anyone is actually telling her that, and b) she keeps taking the same advice every fucking time despite never being able to stick to it. Not that ALR would ever lah, of course.

 

[I call shenanigans]

We got almost a full body shot of Jade as she sat on the couch. I’m more convinced than ever that she’s a tranny.

I think she's a tranny. That would certainly explain the no video of her neck or face, the massive hands, and the very masculine voice.

We got an extended crotch shot of Jade. Now I’m not sure about the tranny thing. No bludge at all, but could be micropenis.

Have you not heard of tucking? There's even the possibility she's post-op.

Now granted I don't understand nutrition like Amber does, nor do I understand psychology like the made up imaginary shrinks she claims to go to, but unless she's going to fucking Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder for an assessment, surely any spastic could tell you that Amber *cannot* do eating in moderation, otherwise she wouldn't be 500 el bees... so I find it a bit difficult to believe that a) anyone is actually telling her that, and b) she keeps taking the same advice every fucking time despite never being able to stick to it. Not that ALR would ever lah, of course.

Intuitive Eating dieticians really are a thing....and many dieticians are in on it currently ...even the skinny ones who tend to have EDs themselves. It's not just unqualified nutritionists pushing intuitive eating these days. Those that sign on the Intuitive Eating bandwagon and get the certification are obliged to take the no restriction or intentional weightloss oath...and I'm not joking!

 

[Slappy McGherkin]

Get that money, fatty!

Not from my clicks. I've watched maybe one YouTube of hers ever. Bless the archives and recappers here. I bow before you because you are the most critical and satirical bastards like myself.

The sheer lunacy of this fat fuck is the gift that keeps on giving.

 

[Vingle]

I think she's a tranny. That would certainly explain the no video of her neck or face, the massive hands, and the very masculine voice.

If we become 100% sure and has all proof that Feline is a troon one time. I'm never going call it a she, and I'm going to correct you all. As the troon delusion is the same shit as what Hamber has, just different outcome.

 

[Boolean Bitch]

I wonder if people are ever going to get tired of the "Amber has told a LIE! I must call her out!" cycle.
Amber lies all the damn time, and it's not because she's doing anything sneaky.
She does it to get attention, and boy howdy does it work!
People rush to her channel, click her videos, leave comments, and all it does is put money in Amber's pocket.
Some make videos about her, which gets her name out there and people go to her channel. Money goes to Amber yet again.

Folks can bitch about her all they want (lord knows I have) but she is playing every last one of you, and she is winning.

Amber's YouTube audience is even dumber than she is. My guess is that they THINK they are conditioning her - like training a dog. You scold bad behaviour and praise good behaviour and eventually the dog complies. For as much as they go on and on about being experts in identifying narc behaviour, they constantly get hoovered back by her bullshit pretending to want to do better. And then they all get triggered again and spaz out while she sits back and enjoys the frustration she causes. Though to be honest, I find the audience dynamic to be a large part of what makes this greasy meatball fascinating. If her audience caught on and fucked off, I think the magic would be gone. She'd just be a quarter ton version of *that* person we all know from work/school/extended family.

Now granted I don't understand nutrition like Amber does, nor do I understand psychology like the made up imaginary shrinks she claims to go to, but unless she's going to fucking Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder for an assessment, surely any spastic could tell you that Amber *cannot* do eating in moderation, otherwise she wouldn't be 500 el bees... so I find it a bit difficult to believe that a) anyone is actually telling her that, and b) she keeps taking the same advice every fucking time despite never being able to stick to it. Not that ALR would ever lah, of course.

Unpopular opinion, but I completely believe that Amber is seeing a 'therapist', and it's the therapist from the Health At Every Size Eating Disorder Outpatient Program. Someone here found a HAES Outpatient Program within a 5 or so minute drive from her home. That might not be the exact facility she goes to, but it shows that they exist. The fact they can't take insurance shows they are not following established practices on dealing with eating disorders (or they aren't licenced/certified). And despite Amber saying that she doesn't believe in HAES, she specifically chose this clinic, knowing they followed HAES principles. Honestly, this sounds like a PERFECT symbiotic working relationship for Amber. The clinic will tell Amber whatever she wants to hear to keep the $700+ per month rolling in, and the clinic allows Amber to create the illusion that she's getting help to appease the enablers in her life while doing what she wants to do. "No, baybuh. The PSYCHOLOGIST says that it would be DAMAGING for me to *NOT* have that KFC Famous Bowl. You want me to get better, right?"

 

[Bees]

Jade is not a MTF tranny, because if she were we’d see shotput national champion trophies everywhere. She’s a high test negress is all, or, at best, a FTM.

 

[billeverghostly]

If we become 100% sure and has all proof that Feline is a troon one time. I'm never going call it a she, and I'm going to correct you all. As the troon delusion is the same shit as what Hamber has, just different outcome.

Jade has told us what it is.

 

[ADHD]

then she's not going to do anything beyond an initial consultation. It'll be the same as her three previous initial consults that never went any further.

The best part is that she doesn't even need to have an actual consult to carry out this rerun. She can just use any previous consult as a base and build her story from there.

 

[I call shenanigans]

I do wonder if she went to this place;

Eating Disorder Counseling | Lexington KY | Anorexia, Bulimia, and Binge-Eating Disorder Therapy — Tivoli Gardens Counseling LLC

Eating disorders and disordered eating are best approached with counseling from a licensed counselor and nutritional guidance from a registered dietitian. Tivoli is a counselor who addresses anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, and orthorexia with a health at every size | HAES approach, in

www.tivoligardenscounseling.com

Tivoli Gardens Counseling LLC
711 Millpond Road Lexington, KY 40514
6 minutes by car from The Henry

It claims to be an holistic eating disorder clinic that advertises an Intuitive Eating book and a Healthy At Every Size book on it's homepage.

Services page suggests a base rate of $120 per 50 minute session. The 'specialties' page is a good laugh.

This one.

Unpopular opinion, but I completely believe that Amber is seeing a 'therapist', and it's the therapist from the Health At Every Size Eating Disorder Outpatient Program. Someone here found a HAES Outpatient Program within a 5 or so minute drive from her home. That might not be the exact facility she goes to, but it shows that they exist. The fact they can't take insurance shows they are not following established practices on dealing with eating disorders (or they aren't licenced/certified). And despite Amber saying that she doesn't believe in HAES, she specifically chose this clinic, knowing they followed HAES principles. Honestly, this sounds like a PERFECT symbiotic working relationship for Amber. The clinic will tell Amber whatever she wants to hear to keep the $700+ per month rolling in, and the clinic allows Amber to create the illusion that she's getting help to appease the enablers in her life while doing what she wants to do. "No, baybuh. The PSYCHOLOGIST says that it would be DAMAGING for me to *NOT* have that KFC Famous Bowl. You want me to get better, right?"

I don't think this is Amber's actual "girl" therapist because she doesn't appear to be a new mum and is still taking bookings. That said, there are plenty of HAES/IE pyschologists and nutritionist teams in Lexington.

 

[Boolean Bitch]

So, this is Vlogmas Day 5, or December 4th in the Amberverse. This video was an absolute rambling mess - and half of it is her complaining about her face. Amber jumps all over the place with topics and there is no cohesion. It's actually a little worse than her average incoherent vlog.

the best poke bowl, low self esteem, & body issues 🎄 vlogmas day 5

www.youtube.com

Spoiler: the best poke bowl, low self esteem, & body issues 🎄 vlogmas day 5

-- VLOGMAS 2022 --

Location: Sitting at her desk.
Amber is Rudolf the red nosed Reindeer (she has a zit). She won't be wearing makeup, and apologizes for you having to stare at it. It's a 'moment'. It probably has less to do with your makeup and more to do with the fact that you don't wash your face. Rambles about body and self-esteem issues because she hates filming without makeup on. The fact that you film yourself in all of your greasy, no makeup, unwashed glory more often than you don't kinda makes me believe that you actually feel pretty good about how you look.

Jump Cut!! Scratchers molment. She traded in an old winning $5 ticket from the summer, and used it to buy 5 $1 tickets: Loser, loser, loser, loser, $3.

Location: Standing in the kitchen.
Present time! Gimme gimme gimme! Jenga game. They debate over whether this is a board game or not.

Jump Cut: Amber is sitting on the couch while Jade stands in front of her to set up the game. Amber of course has to be a bitch and laugh/point out that Jade set it up 'upsidedown' because the Jenga stamps on the blocks are upsidedown. Jade warns Amber that she is the Jenga master. Amber yaps and cackles non-stop, while acting like a moron. Even Jade sounds annoyed with Amber's bullshit. Of course Amber 'accidentally' shoves it hard to knock it over, then acts like a 3 year old.

Jump Cut! Matching outfits. Kiss off camera. Jade wrote Amber a 'Roses are Red' type poem and it's #girlfriendgoals. Twinkie looks totally over all of this and is trying to lean away from Amber. Amber is watching ... something on YouTube. Sarah Ray? I don't care, do you care? Amber rambles about how she likes certain vloggers because they edit well and are snappy and not long-winded. Amber discusses this in her poorly edited vlog in a long-winded way. Blathers about a stain on the wall. BORING.

Jump Cut! Google Search "Is caffeine a drug". Who cares? I thought Amber avoided caffeine because of the sooper serious PAC paputations (palpitations) it causes her? In all seriousness, TMI, but my ticker throws a shit ton of uncomfortable but benign PACs (and they SUCK), so I avoid caffiene for the same reason... but it really is a non-issue. I guess this happens when stupid little things become your personality traits - or she's running out of content and needs more FILLER. Amber thinks caffeine being a drug is SO WEIRD and wonders if she's thinking too much about it. I don't know, but I'd personally never accuse Amber of 'thinking too much'.

Location: Sitting at her desk.
Ordered food! Poke Bowl. She's obsessed. Ginger, cucumber, Eddie's Mommy (never met her), wasabi peas, spicy crab, carrots, onion, wonton strips, spicy mayo (and of course WHITE RICE!!!) It stops her from binging because it's a filling MILL. And aaayg. She forgot to mention the aaayg. 12/10. Then why don't you cure your binging by learning how to make this and eat it for every meal - nevermind, we know why.

Jump cut! Jade is using the stupid TikTok hula hoop while listening to headphones.

Play-Doh Advent Calendar: Small tub or yellow-orange play-doh and a stamp for a scarf. Amber tried to make a melting snow man in a scarf.

Kitty Cat Advent Calendar: Rarity awaits with baited breath (not). Another ball with a bell in it. Rarity can't be arsed to get up, so Twinkie goes for it instead.

Twinkie is at a healthy weight, so Amber is fattening her up with treats again. She shows the dog treats from an earlier vlogmas video. Amber babbles because words are hard. Oh, she's complaining about her looks again. Amber says that rawhide is bad for dogs.

Jump Cut! LEGO update. Amber's on step 19 of the Titanic kit. She's trying to not build it so quickly.

Jump Cut! Amber's watching "Let's Make Chicken Stir-Fry" from the YouTube channel Peetz Of My Mind. Amber wants to send him a superchat - interrupts to talk about her looks for the 3rd time in this video. Amber implies the problem is that she's been taking the makeup off recently, which she never does (she scrubbed the shit out of her face with the wipe again). This is so rambly and disjointed that I'm now only hearing buzz words: SELF ESTEEM ISSUES. SELF-CONFIDENCE. SHALLOW. DISGUSTING. ANYWAYS.

She wants to give Peetz a superchat, but it will cause more harm than good because of Chantal. So over it. Fat shamed. Wrong. Not friends. Situation. Cooking now comes natural to Amber (Hahaha). Mental Illness, Hi. When she pops into people's chat, Amber gets hate. Was this what Amber was referring to when she was mentioning a Vlogmas collab? This isn't a collab, Amber. This is hell. Leave Chantal alone; she hates you.

SQUEEK!! RARITY!! Thank GOD, SAVE US with your cuteness. Ugh, Amber ignores Rarity and goes back to rambling. Here's an idea, if you REALLY want to send a superchat to support him, just use one of your many, many sock accounts to do it. Maybe it's time for 'Damon White' to become a fan of Peetz?

Location: Standing in her closet.
You've heard of spring cleaning, but Amber likes 'Fixing to be winter' cleaning. Deep cleaning, decluttering. Shows underwear - she's going to donate her unworn pairs to charity (so... all of them?). She shows us her sorting through her underwear drawer. You know... you're doing something really wrong in life if you find yourself spending pre-Christmas alone in your closet, deciding on which of your pairs of XXXXXXL underwear you're going to inflict on the poor - just sayin'. Though I will conceed the point that it's still better than being in the GoodWill in Kentucky shopping for said underwear.

Location: Sitting at her desk.
Weight Watchers candy bar taste test. Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie snack bar. 2 Points. 60 calories. Itty-bitty (it really is - it looks smaller than a funsize bar). 78 Daily points. 28 'freebie' points. 4 rollover points per day for the next day if she doesn't use all 78. She gets scared and thinks she has to eat them all (we know). She doesn't always eat them all (yes you do).

WAIT A SECOND... 30 points per calorie... 78 points plus 28 points... so, she gets to eat 3,180 calories per day? What starting weight did she put down?! What ACTIVITY LEVEL did she put down?! Is this a bulking diet? Are the 28 'Freebie' points extra daily points or weekly points? I don't care enough to look it up.

Back to taste test: "It tastes like what you would expect... A healthy....". Yeah, she hates it.

YouTube Random Comment Picker
Heatherboo says "I looove-ah ur vlogmas intro!!!!! Too cute"
Amber says OMG thank you Heather. Amber thought it was cringe, but also cute. She came up with it herself and the audio is authentic.
Not everyday is going to be super entertaining. She doesn't leave the house every day because muh lipedema and some days she needs to rest. Byee.

-- VLOGMAS 2022 --

TL;DR: Amber is having self-esteem issues because of a zit. Jenga game. Tries to start drama with Chantal again. Advent Calendars. Poke Bowl and WW snack bar. Disjointed babbling.

[Edited to add image of Twinkie from the vlog. She's trying to lean to move away from Amber. She SHADE...]

 

[My Cat Is Racist]

the best poke bowl, low self esteem, & body issues vlogmas day 5​

Spoiler: Archive

 

[Salvador Dali]

It's always fun seeing how financially irresponsible people waste their money on the most useless shit for instant gratification. Every single thing in Amber's life revolves around uncertainty and getting a rush of something new until she gets bored again. Wipey has picked up on this formula quite well.

Amberlynn will always be in her poverty mindset because of her fetish with childhood trauma. The gas station scratch-offs she does is probably reminiscent of her childhood which I don't doubt her parents probably used to score some extra bux for crack. The lottery truly is a tax on the poor and the dumb (Amberlynn is bolth).

They bought 30+ gifts for each other just for Christmas alone. The house is probably gonna look like some shit off of hoarders by January. Can't wait to see what they're gonna drop off at the curb of Goodwill! I am looking forward to her future Boxing Day haul where she will inevitably forget about all the useless shit they gifted each other weeks prior.

Even if she is making lots of money, the amount of shit she orders on daily basis (Amazon, Instacart, subscriptions, etc.) would make any financially-sane person realize how much credit card debt she probably is in. I don't doubt she has some savings, but she probably doesn't consider her credit card balance to be a debt because she loves to play semantic games with this type of shit. What happened with the $200+ foot pedal thing wipey got her which we never saw again? The overpriced plastic hula hoop she got will share the same fate Inshallah.

At this point, the most financially optimized thing Fatty can do is develop a meth addiction like her mom and pop so she can shed the pounds and have some focus in her life. Heal your inner child Amber! Eat more meth shards!

Also, I still don't understand why she includes Wipey's voice in her video. If she isn't gonna show her face at least tell the nigga to stfu so we don't have to hear the chimp screeching "baybeeh" every second.

Fun cozy winter fact: Amber weighs approximately ~2.5-3 Peetz... gross!

Boolean Bitch should be canonized into sainthood for their recaps. Documenting this whale is like watching paint dry.​