-- NOVEMBER 3 2022 --
So, we are still a week+ behind... or not. She could be messing with the timeline and splicing new and old content together to make reviewers wrong about her never leaving the house. A sort of 'You don't know what's going on in my life'. I do find it convienent that her content is always behind, yet seems to coincidently immediately respond to criticisms from 'Haydur Nation'. It's as if she's able to predict the future complaints from Haydurs BEFORE THEY HAPPEN. My official opinion on this topic: NO ONE CARES.
"Welcome... to this moment in time". Hmm.. Suspicion of the title cards not matching the actual date intensifies. Amber hasn't been feeling good. She's been getting sick, or super bad allergies. Amber is about to do a Covid test.
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!!! GRAPHIC IMAGRY WARNING: 1:01 - 1:28 !!!
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Amber does the nasal swab on camera. Look away if you're squeamish about such things. If you're mostly dead inside like I am, you'll enjoy the image of Amber staring cross-eyed at the swab stuck in her nose. It reminds me of that Harry Potter Philosopher's Stone scene - the troll is in the girl's toilets with Harry's wand stuck up it's nose, and it's just been hit in the head with a club. I have a feeling that this frame of Amber's video might become at least one Avatar for the farms.
You know, Amber claims to be copying what other lifestyle vloggers do, but I've never seen a lifestyle vlogger flap their arms and act like a dramatic moron WHILE SWABBING THEIR NOSE ON CAMERA. Ja'Phonie has to do all of the steps for processing the test, of course. Amber doesn't understand how the test works but still explains it to us, despite her being the only person on the planet who HASN'T had to do an at-home C19 test. Compares it to a pregnancy test. Throws in a pity comment of never having that experience herself. Test is negative.
Jump cut!! Amber claims to have just gotten out of the shower, but didn't wash her hair. She didn't wash her face, chest, or shoulders either, based on the shine. She's getting ready for the day now. She puts on her makeup, naming each product. I'm a moron when it comes to makeup, so I really have nothing of value to add to this section. This was right before she did that thirst-trap tiktok - so, this is after her crying into a tray of Chips Ahoy cookies?
Jump cut!! Feeling so much better a couple of hours later. Amber shows off a stack of presents that Ja'Phonie has already bought for her.
OUT OF THE HOUSE!!: Blair Witch type footage as Amber hurples into the mini golf/arcade building. I'm getting flashbacks to Amber's video where she does mini putt with Becky and the boys. Her size, her awkward shuffle, the ridiculous way she holds the club and flails, all of it. If we didn't hear Ja'Phonie and see random body parts, I would have insisted that this was recycled footage. Even Ja'Phonie sounds shocked at how bad Amber is at this.
SHOPPING!! At Walmart. Looking at 'Jewellry' (tacky plastic earrings). Real reason to be there: to buy bulk packs of 'Toy Mini Brands'.
TWINKIE!!! Jumping for joy at seeing Amber return. Hahaha! As soon as Amber opens their door, Twinkie ignores Amber and makes a beeline for Ja'Phonie!!
HAUL!!! Just a 'smidgle'. Iron, small ironing board, $40 of Toy Mini Brands (but it makes her happy), two Christmas themed pump soap dispensers, and ANOTHER copy of Healing Through Words by Rupi Kaur. Amber states she wants Ja'Phonie to do the prompts so Amber can get Ja'Phonie's 'tea'.
UNBOXING!!! One Toy Mini Brands bubble: miniature toys which lack the functionality of their standard-sized counterparts. They are the size of a quarter, which is "big enough for an ant".
Jump cut!! The end of the night. Shows the corpse of one of the Rebel ice creams. Amber's gallstones aren't happy because Amber just read the package and found the ice cream had 41g of saturated fat. Yeah, what did you think the pork rinds were composed of? So... gallstones only bother her when she reads the labels of the food?
RARITY!! Amber talks through the molment, ruining it.
100 Days of Weighing in. Not really weighing in though. She used the poster board meant for her IG Shrine to make her 100 days of weighing in tracker, and will be writing numbers on it. We won't actually SEE the weigh-ins - like every single other 100 days of weighing in she's ever done. 496.2lbs - well, I guess we've just discovered the fate of the mountain of pork rinds and 5 pints of ice cream. Goal is 456.2lb, which she thinks is aggressive, but necessary. Babbles on about this new plan. None of it matters, as she doesn't have a plan to stop eating, so nothing will be accomplished. Hints at a deeper reason to her gaining weight, which she'll get into later (more lies). She is back to claiming that daily weigh-ins help her (despite her saying they made her want to binge before).
