I volunteer as recap tribute. *best Bubsy voice* What could possibly go wrong?!
So this video is titled "something bad happened | I'm scared (not clickbait)." You'd assume that means that it's so dire that like the cancer reveal vid that Amber just has to tell the world she's lidurally dying soon, right?
Wrong! It starts with a grocery haul! Because that's what every medical scare video needs!
It's 6:50 pm according to the stove clock and Amber is showing stupid motherfuckers like me what Jade or an Instacarter brought home from Kroger.
The goods:
- A veggie dicer for onions, because she hates the smell of onions on her hands after she poorly dices them ("duh, wash your hands" she says like she actually washes her filthy inflated hooves)
- 4 Starkist light tuna pouches
PBDoo PB2 peanut butter powder because it's less calories and fat- A thing (box) of brown Minute Rice
- Honey Almond greek yogurt
- "Huge thing" (packet) of chicken tenderloins (I guess 2 pounds/kilo is big when you've never been to a Costco)
- 3 bags of frozen mango, banana, and strawberry blends
- 3 bags of frozen berry blends
- A thing (bag) of white onions
- Cauliflower
- A personal watermelon "moment" (biiitcchhh)
- Bag of baby carrots
- 2 avocados
- 1 yellow squash
- A zucchini
- Celery (surprisingly not cut into snack sized)
- 2 bags of spinach
- A bag of collard greens (this was 100% Jade)
After showing us this haul, she then shoves all the bags under the sink atop her trash bags. She thinks it's so quirky to have such a large amount of bags. Not like she's using the bags to line her trash cans or to pick up animal shit.
2 minutes in now. 16 more to go.
"So my animals have a lot of toys..."
Amber has Pillow Mountain. The animals have Toy Mountain. But not for much longer, as Amber claims she's going to go through the toys. What riveting content.
At least Rarity is cute. Just wish that Amber shut up so I can enjoy the cute without the taint of her voice.
Very rare Wasabi sighting. Of course Amber ruins that too with her squealing. It's not as bad as with other videos, but it's hard to enjoy the cats with Amber not shutting the fuck up.
She decided to keep all of these animal toys.
I really don't want to list all these dumb things. The grocery hauls are amusing to me, but I doubt anyone gives a big enough shit about what unused Bark Box and Marshall's toy Amber decided to keep.
I'm genuinely more curious what Amber or Jade got from Amazon. The box is a Rings of Power/the new LOTR series themed one, so it's very recent.
So I just said that Amber's squealing isn't as bad as it is with other kitty sightings. I take that back. Rarity decided to grab an octopus toy that Amber decided to keep and she's now doing her witch cackling. My poor ears.
Poor Rarity. She clearly wants attention from Amber. Maybe play with her toys.
3:15 "So I'm definitely keeping the ayyggs"
I guess she needs to keep some sort of rotten ayygs considering hers were yeeted back in 2020.
Wait... this is supposed to be a medical drama vid, right? Why are we talking about dog toys again?
Twinkie spotted along with a suspicious tub at 3:25
This is the best I've seen Twinkie in awhile. Still not great, but she's not as huge as she used to be. Guess Jade is walking her far more regularly. Once again, Amber is ruining the moment by squealing like an idiot.
Four minutes into this 18 minute video that's totally not clickbait and Amber is showing off her Halloween decorations.
Not a fan of Halloween decorations, but has a tub full of shit. Not listing or showing this Homegoods crap either. It's mostly pumpkins and skulls that she keeps calling skeletons, anyway. But she keeps calling everything a moment, which is genuinely spoopy.
We get this graphic at 5:15:
So I guess finally we're getting some medical info, right? That
is what we came for.
(Keep in mind that there was no graphic before the previous clips. It jumped right at the first screenshot I showed in this post.)
We get Amber walking around a building with a mask on, actually not talking for once. I'd assume it's the ER, but there's a FedEx box right outside the waiting area, which is weird for the ERs I've been in.
Oh, so she was at the doctor's office! Like an actual doctor's office at an actual medical park! Silly me! Why would I expect that considering how often Amber goes to the ER instead?
"I was supposed to come in [to the doctor's] tomorrow, but there was kind of an emergency moment," she explains. "An emergency" is literally the moment. "An emergency" perfectly sufficed, Writerlynn.
"[The news is] confusing, it's weird. But it feels so good outside. It makes me want to go to a park."
When was the last time Amber went to a park, anyway? Like an actual bonafide park? She barely goes outside as it is. Also weird statement considering what she's about to divulge.
Jump cut to Amber back at her apartment.
"So I've been crying since that last clip... I've been having other personal things going on in my life..."
I was about to rewind the clip to try to continue the transcript but HOLY FUCKING SHIT HER ARM
I know she gets scratches a lot, but usually I see her left arm. Her right arm, though, holy fuck. This is at 6:00 if you want to see for yourself.
Anyway~~
Admits that she keeps a lot of (medical) things from us at 6:22. Apparently the ankle was a big part of her life (I suppose it is, when you're 600 pounds and one bad fall away from being bedridden), is angry at us viewers for talking about the ankle and wanting her to shut up about the ankle. She then randomly jumps to how she looked good before crying because she noticed herself in the viewfinder. There was also a random parent mention at 7:00, which made me think that she wanted to talk about her dad and brother. But nah, she went on to talk about her medical issues.
So she's been having shoulder pain. The pain started spreading up her neck and down to her back (especially while breathing deep). This has been going on for the past couple weeks, mind you. Got an EKG, "no heart attack, no problems, nothing." The way she says this was as bitchy as she looked while saying it.
"So none of that, don't worry!" A half hearted chuckle.
She blamed her pain on her ankle, because she struggled to get up the bed after her ankle started hurting. Then she thought it was a muscle strain. She tried ibuprofen, heat pad, then ice, then claimed that the pain went away a couple days ago. Still claims that her ankle still hurts but is better than right after the fall.
She begins rambling about how she was watching torn ligament videos on YouTube. I started tuning it out. Luckily Rarity came to the rescue at 9:50
Almost 10 minutes in and we still haven't gotten to the real meat of the video.
"I was worried that the ankle would cause me to be bedbound again like 2019"
So a couple days ago she started having pain breathing, including her lung "thumping" when she breathed deeply. She is also minor dry coughing on and off the entire day, especially while walking.
Went to the ER. EKG, blood test, and x ray "all good."
11:20 "So I called my doctor. Love my doctor, phenomenal. Best doctor I ever had." Quite a testament, considering that she never spends more than two sessions with any actual doctor.
So she called the doctor and went to the ER. She is mad that we called her out on going to the ER. "If you had my symptoms you'd go too!" Guess she forgot all the other times she went to the ER for other non ER worthy shit. How's the bill payment going, boo boo? Got an EKG 'within two minutes" of being admitted. Told to follow up, actually followed up. Appointment was on a Tuesday.
12:23: Woke up on Monday, breathing was fucked. Very sharp pain when breathing, lungs still "thumping." Called the doctor again. Gets a phone call from the doctor while talking to us.
Spends a good minute talking about how she's sooo good at diagnosing her issues. "I thought I had gallstones. Was told I did not have gallstones, I had gallstones. Thought I had cancer, was told I did not have cancer, I had uterine cancer. And they just thought I had a UTI, since a UTI is 9/10 why you have blood in your pee!" Intuitivelynn knew something was wrong with her, demanded more tests.
14:00 "I need to be an advocate for myself! And 9/10 times as a fat person I get discriminated as a fat person in medical situations! Even Dr Now admits that fat people get discriminated!"
Doctor says that Amber possibly has a blood clot in her lungs. X Ray showed something but the ER "didn't tell her."
Starts sniffling again right before revealing her diagnosis.
"God, it's like it's neverending!" She cries. I suppose it does when you're 600 pounds. Nice cat scratches, by the way.
She finally states what was found at 15:15. X-ray revealed that the bottom of her lung is collapsed. Does not say which lung. Is mad at the ER for "not telling her."
Doctor says that if it gets worse, go back to the ER. But if doesn't get worse, it may be okay. Which sounds sketchy.
"I just don't know what to do with that information."
Doctor also wants her to schedule for a CT scan.
Amber is so angry. She also binged on tarot card Tik Toks recently and is mad that the ones promising good things for her/the viewer were lying to her. I want to believe that it's sarcastic but she appears genuinely angry and upset over fuckin' tarot card Tik Tok even more than she is at the ER and her viewers.
Keeps saying "what do I do with this information?" Not keep ranting about how viewers find her videos boring, for one. Most of the end of this video is both of these things. "Why me?" followed by more or less "fuck y'all for not enjoying my videos! This is my life!"
"All I want is to be happy and healthy." Then increase your Ozempic, get out of the house and actually walk, and eat less shit?
Ends the video with wanting us to keep her in her thoughts and prayers. Meanwhile, like when it got spoiled that she had a collapsed lung, I'm feeling nothing. I shouldn't be, but at this point I just
don't.
Well, this recap took longer than I expected. Gotta hit the sack now. Don't waste your time with this one unless you want to skip to Amber yelling at the viewer right after giving the news at 15:15. I already provided kitties and doggy caps. You're welcome.
). this kind of collapse is called atelectasis.
